The ambiance had clearly changed. Floral and soapy scents wafted around amid a palette of pastel hues and vibrant shades. We had indeed arrived at the sector for girls, with clothing stores and accessory shops, sock specialty stores, kitchen goods stores, and, of course, lingerie shops. From my point of view, what lay before us was an extremely uncomfortable alternate dimension.
"This seems to be it," Yukinoshita said, unruffled.
I, on the other hand, was completely exhausted. "Yeah, I can't believe we took four wrong turns. You're really bad at the geometry part of math, aren't you?"
"You are the last person I want to criticize my mathematical acumen."
"You don't need math to get into a private arts school. I stopped bothering with that subject at the very beginning. So even if I'm in last place, it's no problem."
"Last place? What kind of grade do you need to rank that low, I wonder…?"
"Nine percent puts you in last place. Source: me."
"…Wouldn't you fail the year that way?"
They force you into supplementary lessons and give you a makeup exam. The questions on those are always the same as the review handout, though, so after the supplementary lesson, it's all just a question of memorization. Well, it would be a nuisance for the teacher if I were to redo the year. I'm not surprised they resort to strategies like that if there's no issue with attendance.
"So what're you gonna buy?" I asked.
"…Well, perhaps something she uses normally but that's also durable enough to last a long time," Yukinoshita replied.
"Maybe you should get her some stationery or something, then." No matter how you look at it, I think that's the standard gift for a teenage girl.
"I considered that, but—"
"You did?"
"—but it doesn't strike me as something Yuigahama would enjoy… I doubt she would be pleased to receive a fountain pen or a set of tools."
"That's a sound judgment…"
Indeed, I can't imagine Yuigahama would exclaim, Wow, I always wanted this screwdriver set! Oh, and it even has hex keys! OMG! And a crowbar! Thank you so much, Yukinon! Though I also get the feeling female mechanics are in right now.
"So you want to find something relevant to her interests?" I asked.
"Yes. If I'm going to give her a present, I want it to make her happy." Yukinoshita wore a calm smile on her face. Yuigahama would have been ecstatic to see that, I think.
"Let's go choose something, then," I said.
"Hold on. What about your sister?"
Oh yeah. Now that she mentioned it, I hadn't heard from her. We wouldn't be privy to that in-depth advice without Komachi. She'd narrowed down the things Yuigahama might like to a specific category, but we couldn't buy anything if we didn't know what to get. I had my doubts about relying too much on Komachi's counsel, but Yukinoshita's ideas were a fountain pen and a tool set, so her judgment was even more questionable.
I checked my phone, but Komachi hadn't returned my text. I figured I'd try calling her again. When I did, I could hear the familiar doo dee dee doo as I had every time so far. Seriously, what was this warbling?
"Hello, hello!"
"Hey! Where are you right now? We're here. We've been waiting for you, so hurry up."
"Huh? Oh…there was a bunch of shopping I wanted to do, so I totally forgot."
"I can't believe my own sister's brain has become such a disappointment… Your big brother is a little shocked." Come on, does she have the memory of a goldfish? No wonder she's always a mess with memorization-heavy subjects, I thought.
In response, I received an incredibly contemptuous sigh from the other end of the phone. "…Hmph, I guess you won't understand, no matter what I say. Oh well. Looks like I'm gonna be about another five hours, so I'll go home alone. Good luck, you two!"
"Hey, wait, hold on a second!"
"What? Are you nervous being all alone with Yukino? Don't worry! You'll be okay! Probably."
"No, I don't care about that. Are you okay on your own? It's kinda sketchy for a middle schooler to be alone in a place like this…" The mall was packed with people on the weekends. She could get into an accident or some kind of incident. Plus, Komachi was still in a girl middle school. And she was my little sister, so of course she was cute. She could be cheeky and sometimes obnoxious, but I really was worried for her.
"…Sigh. I wish you'd care this much about other things. It's me we're talking about here. I'll be okay."
"No, I'm worried because it's you." You'd go off with anyone who just dangled some candy or some cash in front of your face…
"Bro, who do you think I am? I'm your little sister." Oh-ho, that was rather touching.
"So I'm totally okay on my own! In fact, I've got even more energy when I'm on my own!"
What incredibly sad rationale.
Although, I'm actually peppier when I'm alone, too, so I couldn't argue. You know, when I play video games and stuff, I talk up a storm. Agh, what's with that?! or Oh-ho, here we go! or I love you, Rinko, etc. And then thanks to that, my mother asks me, Do you have a friend over? and I have to stammer, H-huh? I-I'm on the phone… I can't play Love Plus at home anymore.
"I understand… Well, if anything happens, call me right away. Actually, call me even if nothing happens," I said.
"Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm hanging up now! Try your best, Bro!" And she hung up. All I heard after that was a mechanical beep, beep, beep.
You don't need that much effort to buy a present, though…
I put away my cell phone and faced Yukinoshita again. "Apparently,
Komachi wants to do some shopping, so she's totally abandoned us."
"I see… Well, she did go to the trouble of coming out with us on a weekend, so I have no right to complain," Yukinoshita said, somewhat disheartened, before continuing as if trying to restore her motivation. "But we did learn what kind of things Yuigahama might like, so now let's just do what we can from here." Man, I'm super-uneasy about this.
Yukinoshita ignored my anxiety and moved toward a nearby clothing store. She went inside and took some of the items on display in hand, scrupulously inspecting them. I decided to follow Yukinoshita…but I knew I wouldn't last.
First of all, the female customers greeted the man entering their store with caustic glares as if I were some breed of insect. And then the staff marshaled around me like they found me suspicious. They totally got into attack formation just to deal with me.
Wh-why…? There's other guys in the store besides me! Is this discrimination? Hey, this is discrimination, isn't it?! But in truth, the other male customers looked kind of normie-ish. They had scarves around their necks even though it wasn't cold, and they were wearing vests like hunters. To judge the books by their covers, these guys were normies. What's that weird string on your pants? What do you use it for?
"Um, sir…may I help you find something?" One of the clerks spoke to me, masking her suspicion with a pasted-on smile.
"Uh, well, um…s-sorry," I apologized reflexively.
My ambiguous apology must have made the staff even more wary, as another clerk showed up. Oh, crap, she's called reinforcements! It's just one red flag after another! My party is gonna be wiped out! At this rate, if I stuck around, they were bound to summon more allies. But right when I'd decided to make an immediate escape, someone threw me a rope.
"Hikigaya…what are you doing? Trying on clothes? Can you not keep such activities to your own home?"
"I don't do 'such activities' at home, either! And I haven't even done anything…"
When Yukinoshita and her condescension drew near, the clerks' suspicion waned. Impressive as usual, Yukinoshita. She was a pro when it came to pushing people away.
"Oh, so you came here with your girlfriend. Take your time," the clerk said as if she'd come to her own conclusions, and then she tried to leave.
"Uh, she's not my girlfriend…"
"She's not? Then you really shouldn't be here…" Her eyes went from neutral blue to attack red! I picked the wrong option! At this rate, I could only envision a police report and the ensuing bad ending in my future.
Sigh. "Hikigaya, let's go." Yukinoshita dragged me by the hand out of the crowd of clerks shuffling toward me. That alone halted their approach.
Once we left the shop, my anxiety finally loosened its grip. "…Am I that suspicious?" With that dull expression on my face, my eyes must have looked a million times more rotten than they usually did. One could say this incident had only begot more rot.
Even Yukinoshita spared some sympathy for me and didn't needle me at all for being fishy. "It seems a male customer on his own is viewed with suspicion. From what I could see, all the boys in that store were with their girlfriends."
I see. So it was a girls/couples-only zone, just like purikura. In summation, there was nothing I could do here. I lacked the courage to brave that store again. "…I'll be over there, then," I said, motioning to a bench a little ways away. Even though we were outside the store, the area was teeming with females. If I stayed here alone, I could easily imagine all the odd looks I would get. I mean, I get those just by sitting in the classroom at school.
But if I stayed on a bench near the periphery, I most certainly shouldn't be reported to the police. As long as I didn't do anything to invite distrust, I'd be okay. I think I'd probably be okay. Maybe I'd be okay. Anyway, I figured I'd steel myself a little and started for the bench.
"Wait."
"Hmm?"
Behind me, Yukinoshita approached at a brisk pace. "Do you intend to leave this decision up to my tastes?" she asked. "I'm not proud of this, but my personal standards are incongruous with those of the average high school girl."
"So you're aware…" Well, this was the girl whose first idea of a gift was a tool set.
"So, um…it would be helpful if you could give me a hand." Yukinoshita was staring at the ground, as if the request was incredibly difficult for her to make. Her lowered gaze flitted around restlessly.
If she was asking me, she had to be pretty damn stumped. Just so you know, I'd never bought an actual present for a girl before. I have presented myself and been totally shut down, though. "Well, I'd love to help you out, but I can't go into any stores," I replied.
Yukinoshita sighed as if resigned. "There's no avoiding it this time. Try not to stray too far from me."
"Huh? What?" I stared at her, puzzled.
Yukinoshita was mildly sullen. "Must I be explicit in order for you understand? If all you're capable of is sucking in and expelling air, that air conditioner over there is far superior to you."
It's true. Those useful machines clean the atmosphere and save electricity and stuff. Before long, they'll even be able to read the air, too. I hope.
"In other words, I'm saying that I will permit you to act as if you're my boyfriend for this day only."
"Now, that doesn't sound arrogant at all." Whoa, she was obnoxious.
Yukinoshita seemed to have perceived my irritation, as she glared at me. "Do you have any objections?"
"Not really."
"I—I see…" Yukinoshita looked sincerely surprised. Disappointed, even.
There was nothing to be shocked about, though. There was no way in hell I'd agree to be her boyfriend, but I didn't really mind pretending. Yukinoshita didn't lie. So if she said this was for today only, then it would be precisely for one day. And if she said "as if you're my boyfriend," she most certainly didn't mean her actual boyfriend. That's why I was so comfortable following her suggestion. Just as Yukinoshita had unwavering faith that I was trash, I, too, had absolute confidence that we would never go anywhere. Perhaps this was, in a way, something you could call trust. What the hell. This wasn't peaceful at all, though.
I guess Yukinoshita realized her expression was rather befuddled, as she spun around in an attempt to hide it and replied with something really unexpected. "…I thought for sure you would hate the idea."
"Well, there's no real reason to refuse. And, like, don't you hate the idea?" I hit the ball back into her court.
Yukinoshita faced me again, now composed. "I don't really care. It's not like anyone I know will see me. I'll be surrounded by strangers, so I won't have to worry about people getting the wrong idea and damaging my reputation." There she goes, casually treating me like a stranger. Well, not like I care. "All right, let's go, then," she declared before heading toward the next shop.
I stepped forward, too, keeping pace at her side. I think our lack of expectations might be what made our relationship so comfortable. It's like, you know—they say that packed inside Pandora's box were all the misfortunes of the world, plus hope. It was like that. It was hope and misfortune.
Things went surprisingly smoothly in the next clothing store. The world was far more straightforward and simple than I had believed.
All we had to do was walk together as a young boy and girl, and people assumed we were a couple. Well, it's true, now that I think about it. Even I start mentally chanting curses when I see a high school boy and girl in a pair. Surprisingly enough, maybe that's just how it is.
Yukinoshita's proximity was enough to dispel the misgivings of even the staff who had dogged me so hard I wondered if their training surpassed the Japan national soccer team's. Yukinoshita had forgone all relationships with those around her, so as might be expected, she turned away any approaching staff with only a brief "I'm fine" as she sternly filtered through clothing. Occasionally, she'd take something that struck her fancy and tug it taut from the sides, or top to bottom.
I suspect there may have been something unusual about her evaluative standards.
"Shall we move on?" She swiftly folded the clothing in her hands and returned it all to the shelf. Evidently, she had doubts about their durability.
"Listen, you'll spend the rest of your life trying to make a decision if you're basing it on durability," I pointed out. "I don't think
Yuigahama is looking for any bonus to defense in her clothes." She's fine with the plain clothes. It's not like there are any slimes or skeletons around.
"…Sigh. There's no helping that. I don't know what else to do but base my decisions on the quality of the stitching and material…don't know what Yuigahama likes or what she's interested in." That sigh was deeper than the ones from earlier, and more despondent. She was likely regretting that she'd never even tried to find out.
If so, her chagrin was meaningless. "You don't really need to know, though. In fact, it'd just upset her if you acted like you knew everything when you're operating on meager knowledge. It's like sending peanuts from somewhere else to a Chiba person."
"Your example is so Chiba, I have no idea what you're talking about…," Yukinoshita said, mildly exasperated.
Hmph, so that one wouldn't work for her. Basically, we Chibanese are fastidious when it comes to peanuts. There's a reason we pride ourselves as the number one producer of peanuts in the country. Actually, it's a little weird that a whole 70 percent of the peanuts are from Chiba. By the way, 20 percent come from Ibaraki. They also call it the land of Nanking beans. I wonder why they call peanuts Nanking beans when they're grown in Japan. "To use a more familiar analogy, it's like sending a gift of wine to a sommelier when you don't know much about wine," I said.
"I see… You have a point." She indicated her understanding with a nod of agreement.
Yeah. It's something my dad does a lot with birthday presents. Like how he got a PlayStation and a Saturn mixed up. And how they were out of Super Nintendos and he was like, Well, Mega Drive, 3DO, they're all the same bleep-bloops, whatever'll be fine. When you try to make a gift of something you're clueless about, the present usually ends up being crap.
"…So your twisted system of values can be of use." She said it like she was half-impressed, but I suspected it was not at all a compliment. "You're right, though. When you're competing in the field in which your opponent specializes, you have slim chances of winning. In order to win, you must go for their weak point instead…"
Even buying presents is a battle for you? Are you from some Amazonian tribe or what? "Well, going for her weak point—that is to say, compensating for it—could work. I think that would fulfill your practicality requirements."
"All right, if that's the case, then…" Yukinoshita must have hit upon an idea, as she headed for the next store.
Stopping in front of the lingerie shop across from the clothing store…actually, I stopped, and Yukinoshita disappeared into the kitchen goods shop beside it. Am I the only one who finds the isolated underwear stands in a department store far more erotic than this blatant emphasis on sexy and cute? Also, I think that time in June when they sell school swimsuits is even more erotic.
But back to the point. In the kitchenware store, aside from the basic cooking tools like frying pans and pots, there was a selection of novelty items like oven mitts that reminded me of Puppet Muppet and cutlery sets based on matryoshka dolls.
"I see… This is indeed Yuigahama's weak point." Yuigahama is a bad cook. No, an incredibly bad cook. I ate her homemade cookies once, but they were terrible, like the charcoal they sell at a hardware store. Joyful Honda, specifically. Anyway, they had tasted about as disgusting as they looked. I wouldn't even call it "taste." "Gustatory stimulation" would be more accurate. I wasn't the only one who had eaten them—Yukinoshita had, too. Though under Yukinoshita's earnest guidance, Yuigahama had attained a minimum level of improvement. If she were to attempt cooking anything more complicated, I doubted the results would be anything decent.
Still, this store was fun. Whoa, what's with that pot lid? The handle part is open so you can put in spices? That's fascinating. Oh no, I'm acting so stupid.
The moment I thought all they had were these handy little gizmos, I found they even had a real-deal wok. Oh man, this makes me want to laugh like Ka-ka-ka-ka! and wave it around. I get like this with DIY stores and hundred-yen shops, too, but just browsing the gadgets and tools made me excited.
"Hikigaya, over here."
I went over when she called me and found Yukino Yukinoshita in an apron. The black was surprisingly light for such a dark color, and on her, it even seemed fresh. The chest was decorated with tiny cat paw prints.
The dainty ribbon ties wrapped around her middle emphasized Yukinoshita's tight waist. She twirled around in a full circle, as if dancing a waltz, to make sure the ties around her neck and arms were secure and test her ease of motion while wearing it. The unraveling ties trailed behind her like a tail. "What do you think?"
"I don't know what I say…except that it really suits you." There was nothing else I could say. Maybe it was her black hair, but that kind of modest fashion fit her ridiculously well.
Despite my sincere compliment, Yukinoshita first focused on a fulllength mirror to check the shoulders, the ties, and the skirt of the apron. Only the mirror could see the expression on her face. "…I see. Thank you. But I don't mean me. I was asking your opinion about making this my gift to Yuigahama."
"I don't think it would suit her. Wouldn't she be happier with something more fluffy, puffy, and stupid?"
"That's an unkind way to put it, but you're right, so I don't know what to say…," Yukinoshita said and removed the apron before carefully folding it. "So something else from around here, then?" Still holding the cloth, she sought out her next prey. This time she just checked the number of pockets and the fabric and whatnot.
Indeed, checking the fabric quality is necessary. I think asbestos or other fireproof materials would be a good choice. I get the impression Yuigahama would be a fire hazard.
Ultimately, Yukinoshita selected a pale-pink apron without too much ornamentation. "I'll go with this one."
"Yeah, that'll work." There was one small pocket on each side and a big 4D pocket in the middle. You could stuff as much candy or whatever as you wanted in there. It would suit Yuigahama.
Yukinoshita gathered up the pink apron and headed for the register with it and the black apron.
"Between this and that stuffed animal, you've been shrewd about sneaking your own shopping into this trip, huh?"
"…I didn't plan to buy the apron, though."
"So this is an impulse buy? Well, that happens a lot when you go shopping."
"…"
Yukinoshita opened her mouth as if to retort but paused halfway. She averted her eyes and headed off to the register alone.
So it wasn't an impulse buy? I just don't get her. However, one thing I did know was that she'd planned to buy that weird panda plush from the very beginning.
I picked up a few items at the pet store and rang up my purchases at the counter. Yukinoshita was not with me. She hadn't left me behind to go straight home, though. She wasn't that callous. I'd said I wanted to do some shopping on my own, and she'd instantly accepted. That was all. Wait, no, that actually was callous.
I thought about calling her, but there was a limited number of places she would go in a shop like this, so I just strolled through the aisles of the pet-goods area toward the cages to find Yukinoshita there, surprise, surprise. She was squatting down with her legs hugged up to her chest, a soft smile on her lips, as she timidly petted a kitten and occasionally fluffed up its fur. Most likely, she wasn't going to meow at it because there were people around. She was so absorbed in petting that cat, it was hard for me to interrupt her.
As I paused, deliberating, the kitty's ears perked up and twitched toward me, and Yukinoshita turned with them. "Oh, that was fast." (Translation: I wanted to fluff the cat more…)
"Sorry." I couldn't say for sure if I meant Sorry for making you wait or Sorry for coming back so soon, but I apologized anyway.
Yukinoshita gave the kitten one last reluctant skritch and mouthed a voiceless meow of farewell as she departed. "So what did you get? I think I have an idea, though."
"Well, mainly what you'd expect."
"I see." Her reply was indifferent, but her face betrayed some mild satisfaction. She seemed happy to have been correct. "I'm surprised you'd buy a present for Yuigahama, though," she said.
I didn't know what to say to that. "…It's no big. This is just part of our contest. I've simply decided to ally myself with you for the time being."
"What a rare event… Are you ill?" Yukinoshita's eyes were wide with surprise.
Hey, that's rude. I mean, it wasn't a bad idea to motivate Yuigahama to come back by celebrating her birthday. It was just that in order to do so, I needed my and Yuigahama's relationship to be properly settled. I had a sense that if I didn't do anything, eventually the same thing would happen again. "We've done what we came to do, so let's go," I said.
"Sure."
The time was around two-ish. We'd spent a surprising amount of time at the mall, despite my original intention to go straight in, buy what I needed, and make a beeline for home.
I took the lead until we reached the exit. Somehow I doubted we'd ever escape the place if I let Yukinoshita find our way back, too. I was fine leaving the giant maze that used to be here a relic of the past.
On our way out, we passed an arcade aimed at families and couples. It had medal games, crane games, co-op shooters, racing games that import photos of your face, and purikura. Basically, all the machines were for whiling away the time giggling with your friends. In other words, not a place I'd ever visit.
While I tried to forge ahead past it, Yukinoshita stopped in her tracks.
"What? Do you want to play a game or something?"
"I have no interest in games," she said, but she was fixated on the crane machines. Actually, upon closer inspection, that wasn't true. Tracing her line of vision, she was eyeing a single unit—one full of familiar-looking stuffed animals. Gloomy eyes that had witnessed the darkness of the world, claws that could surely slice through both bamboo and beast, and eerily whetted fangs that gleamed in the artificial light. Of course, it was Ginnie the Grue. The stuffed animal emitted such a looming aura of darkness, I understood why they called him "the Grue."
"…Do you want to try?" I asked.
"I'm fine. It's not like I really want to play any games." (Translation: I just want the stuffed animal.)
I was mentally interpreting Yukinoshita's statements so skillfully I started wondering if I'd eaten some of Doraemon's weird translation jelly. "Well, if you want it, why don't you just give it a try? I don't think you'll be able to, though."
"That's quite an inflammatory thing to say. Do you think I'm incapable?" My remarks must have irked her. Yukinoshita's typical frigidity had returned.
"No, I'm not trying to diss your skills or anything. This stuff is just hard if you don't have the practice. Komachi has tried it over and over, but she's never succeeded." The sight of Komachi with nearly her entire savings in hand as she inserted coin after coin was depressing.
But of course, comparing Yukinoshita to Komachi wasn't going to quash my classmate's competitive spirit. She inserted a thousandyen bill into the change machine. "Then I just have to practice," she said, and she piled up the hundred-yen coins beside the coin slot, ready to stick them in one after another. When she slid in the first one, the machine made a stupid, mechanical-sounding fweeeeh noise.
Yukinoshita stared intently at the device as if trying to ascertain something—concentrating, unmoving, silent.
"…"
Grave as ever, she seemed to be facing it down with the power of her will.
Wait… Does she…
Does she not know how to work the machine…?
"You move the crane to the side by pressing the button on the left side," I told her. "The button on the right moves it toward the rear. It only moves when you're holding the button down. Once you take your finger off, it stops."
"O-oh…thank you." Blushing, Yukinoshita started the game.
First, she moved the crane toward the right… Yeah, okay, that's about right. And then she moved it toward the rear. Mm-hmm, I think that positioning's pretty good. Then the crane whined fweeeeeh and tried to grab the stuffed animal. Wh-what's with this crane? Those cries are kinda cute…
"…I got it," I heard Yukinoshita whisper. When I glanced over at her, she had squeezed her hand into fist and did a tiny fist pump.
But sweet little Crane cried fweeeh and dropped the toy before moving back to her original position and falling silent.
Failure.
"See? It's hard at first," I said, trying to console her.
But Yukinoshita just glowered with all her might at poor little Crane. "…Look, I grabbed it perfectly just now, didn't I? How am I supposed to drop it in the chute?" Yukinoshita pressed little Crane for an answer, just like she usually pressed me. She was so intense, I hesitated to speak. She was really scary.
"W-well, it's like, what you did just now moved it to a slightly better position. The trick is to move it little by little." I read word for word the pointers written on the machine.
"I see. So you compensate for the flimsiness of the arm through multiple attempts, huh?" Now that she'd grasped the idea, she put in another hundred yen.
Fweeeh…
"…Ngh! Not again."
Fweeeh, fweeeeh.
"You cut that out…"
Fweeh…
"Agh! …"
From their voices alone, it sounded like Yukinoshita was bullying poor little Crane. Yukinoshita's face said calm and collected, but her hand was swiftly inserting another coin.
She's gonna keep going? At this rate, she'll never win, no matter how many times she tries. "…You suck at this."
"Wha…? Well, if that's how you're going to be, then you must be pretty good yourself, hmm?" Yukinoshita said, glaring daggers at me.
I replied with bursting confidence, "Yeah, because I've been doing this for a long time, like whenever Komachi pesters me to get something for her. It's led to a lot of improvement…on Komachi's part. At pestering me…"
"So she's the one who improved…?"
But seriously, when did I first end up being totally at Komachi's mercy, I wonder…? I have zero dignity as an older brother. "Move aside. I'll get it for you," I proclaimed, and Yukinoshita reluctantly surrendered her position to me with intense distrust. "Behold, my secret technique." And then I slowly lifted my right hand up straight overhead.
Yukinoshita watched my hand with brimming curiosity and anticipation.
Not yet…not yet… Timing was key here. And then I caught a softly moving shadow at the edge of my vision.
Now! "U-um, excuse me! I'd like to get this…"
"Yes, sir. This Ginnie the Grue, right? Okay, here we go!"
Fweeh…, little Crane cried, and I heard the soft thump of the toy falling into place. "Here you go, sir." The arcade girl held out Gruebear to us with a beaming grin. These days a lot of arcades will get the toys for you.
"Ah, thanks," I said. The girl replied with another ear-to-ear smile and left.
Yukinoshita, on the other hand, was side-eying me even more moodily than usual.
"Wh-what…?"
"Nothing… I was just wondering if you're ashamed to be alive."
"Listen, Yukinoshita. Nothing is more precious than life. Shame over ascribing it its proper value is the greatest shame of all. So people who giggle and sneer at me, Ohh, how embarrassing! are totally worthless human beings."
"A lovely sentiment, but there was rather too much bile seeping into the conclusion." Yukinoshita flipped her hair in exasperation and breathed a short sigh. "Good grief… I thought you were taking something seriously for once, but then you pull that…"
"I never said I was gonna win it myself. I just said I'd get it for you. Here, it's yours." I pushed Grue-bear toward Yukinoshita.
But she pushed it back. "You're the one who won it. I may disagree with your methods, but I will recognize your achievement." Even with such inconsequential matters, Yukinoshita tried to be proper. I guess you'd call it being conscientious. Or actually, stubborn. Wait, no, she's just pigheaded.
But I wasn't about to lose a competition in that arena. "I don't want it, though. And, like, it was your money that went into this. You basically paid for it. So you're obligated to accept it," I said, and as I did, Yukinoshita's shoving weakened, and I plunked the stuffed animal into her arms.
"…O-okay." Yukinoshita studied the creature in her embrace, and then she looked at me. "…I'm not giving it back."
"I told you I don't want it." Who would want such an evil-looking stuffed animal, anyway? Besides, she was holding it with such care and reverence, I couldn't ask for it back now. So she did have a cute side. I thought her blood ran colder than that.
Perhaps she noticed my lips quirking upward, since she turned away a bit shyly with ever-so-slightly red cheeks. "…You don't think it suits me? It's easier to imagine Yuigahama or Totsuka with something like this, isn't it?"
"I dunno about the former, but the latter, definitely." Totsuka and stuffed animals go together like cookies and milk. "I guess I'm honestly surprised you like plushies," I blurted.
Yukinoshita didn't react with any indignation, though. She just slowly petted Grue-bear. "…I'm not terribly interested in other stuffed animals. I only like Ginnie the Grue." Yukinoshita took the bear's arm and waved it around. Grue-bear's claws scraped together with a sinister noise. If I could have ignored that sound, it would have been terribly cute. "I've always collected the plushies and licensed goods, but unlike items distributed normally, you can unfortunately only get this one by winning it yourself. I have considered buying from online auction sites, but I always worried it might not be in the best condition, and the sellers could easily post manipulated photos, so I could never bring myself to do it." H-her rationale isn't cute at all.
I sighed. "Anyway, you like Grue-bear a lot, huh?" In response to this display of her pointless obsession, the perfunctory comment slipped from my mouth.
Surprisingly, Yukinoshita's eyes clouded and focused on something distant. "…I do. I got it when I was little."
"A plushie?"
"No, the original novel in English."
"What? There's a book?" I was so surprised, I asked without thinking.
It was a mistake. Yukinoshita immediately began rambling on and on in a reverie. "The title of the novel is Hello, Mister Panda, but the title of the first edition was The Panda's Garden. According to popular belief, when the American biologist Rand Macintosh moved to China with his family for his research, he began writing these stories for his son, who couldn't quite adapt to the new environment."
"…Whoa there, Yukipedia," I teased, backing away.
But Yukinoshita was totally oblivious and continued talking. "…The more famous Destiny version emphasizes the characters and features more cartoonish art, but the original novel is excellent, as well. It's a skillfully written metaphor about the cultures of East and West that weaves it all into one coherent narrative. And most of all, you feel the messages of love aimed at his son in every word."
"Huh? That's what it was about? I thought it was just a whimsical tale about a panda who's like, I'd like to eat lots of bamboo twenty-fourseven, gets drunk off it, and goes all Drunken Fist."
"The Destiny version does play up that aspect of it; I can't deny that. But that's only one small portion of the original novel. You'll know if you read it yourself. The translation is more than serviceable, but I do recommend reading it in the original language." Yukinoshita must have enjoyed talking about it.
Oh, but I know the feeling. I get like that when I'm talking about topics I like. Back in middle school, I weirded out a potential friend when I rambled on and on about some manga I liked for half an hour. Eventually, he was just like, "You're usually pretty quiet, Hikigaya, but you talk up a storm when it's about manga. It's kinda…uh…"
But I believe it's beneficial to chatter about the things you like to your heart's content, no matter if it's bizarre or unacceptable to the general public. If I have to choose between abandoning something I love or abandoning people who don't even necessarily like me…it's not even a decision.
But still, her recommendation to read the book in English was a little much. I would read a certain magical index, though.
"Wait, so you've been able to read English since you were little?"
"Of course not. When I first received the book, I couldn't understand it, but that's what made me want to learn. I read it with my nose half in the dictionary. It was like a puzzle. I enjoyed every minute." Yukinoshita's eyes were wistful and soft, gazing upon a distant memory, and then she whispered softly, "…It was a birthday present. Perhaps that's why I'm particularly attached to it. So…um…" Yukinoshita bashfully buried her face in the stuffed animal, hiding her expression as her eyes turned toward me. "Um… Thank—"
"Huh? Yukino-chan? Oh, it is you!" A loud greeting cut her off.
When I found the source of that familiar-sounding voice, I was dumbfounded. She was the spitting image of a certain someone I knew, with lustrous black hair, fine, translucent skin, and a fair and well-proportioned face. Her radiant, exceptional good looks accompanied an overall tidy image, and her convivial smile contributed a glamorous appeal.
The woman before my eyes was a stunning beauty. She must have been hanging out with her friends, as she said, "Sorry, you guys go on without me," to the shuffling group of men and women behind her and pressed her hands together in an apologetic gesture.
I was assaulted by déjà vu. Not only that, but something about her was making me tortuously uncomfortable.
"Ugh, my sister…" Yukinoshita's open, artless demeanor vanished in favor of complete horror. Her voice drew my attention, and I saw her crushing the stuffed panda bear in her grip. Her shoulders were rigid.
"Huh? Sister? What?" I visually compared the newcomer to Yukinoshita. She appeared to be a twenty-something. Her outfit was composed of flowing white fabric bordered with fluttering lace, her long arms and legs drawing the eye to her beautiful skin. The ensemble revealed large swaths of her body, but it mysteriously bestowed an air of class on her as a whole. She did indeed resemble Yukinoshita. If Yukinoshita was solidly beautiful, then this woman overflowed with liquid charisma.
"What're you doing out here? Ohhh! You're on a date! A date, I bet! Oh, you rascal!"
"…"
The woman gleefully ribbed her younger sister with her elbow. All she got for her efforts, however, was icy pique.
Oh-ho. Though they were superficially quite similar, it seemed their dispositions were not. Arming myself with an objective viewpoint, I observed a number of disparities between them. First: their chests. Unlike modest Yukinoshita, the elder sister's bosom was pleasantly full. The juxtaposition of a slender figure with an ample rack was striking. I get it now! That weird feeling was just the difference in boob size! Wait, no, there's more.
"Soooo is this your boyfriend, Yukino-chan? Huh?" the woman teased.
"…No. We're classmates," replied Yukinoshita.
"Oh, you. You don't have to be so shy with me!"
"…"
Whoa, Yukinoshita's glaring like hell at her sister.
But her sister was all sunshine, utterly immune to such terrifying antipathy.
"I'm Yukino-chan's sister, Haruno. Be nice to her, 'kay?"
"Uh-huh. I'm Hikigaya." She'd introduced herself to me, so I answered in kind. Apparently, the sister's name was Haruno Yukinoshita. Look, Chii is learning.
"Hikigaya, huh…?" Haruno pensively interposed herself between us for a moment and gave me a swift once-over from my toes to the top of my head.
I shivered in the ensuing chill. I was locked in place.
"So, Hikigaya? Oh, it's so nice to meet you! "
But her beaming smile melted that feeling away. What the hell was that…? Was I nervous because a pretty lady was looking at me?
Haruno was as bright and warm as the sunlight kanji in her name suggested. Though she and Yukinoshita bore similar features, the two of them gave very different impressions. While Yukinoshita was a living glacier, Haruno's expression was ever-changing. I had never realized there were so many different ways you could smile. So even with the same parts, you can utilize them in different ways to create completely different images, I thought, impressed.
Though I had figured out what distinguished them, the discomfort tickling my spine still would not go away. Perhaps the source was something else. I inspected Haruno suspiciously.
She met my eyes for a brief second before immediately turning to Yukinoshita. "Oh, that plushie. It's Ginnie the Grue, isn't it?" she gushed, reaching out to the toy. "I really like this guy! Aww, he's so fluffy! I'm so jealous, Yuki!"
"Don't touch it." Yukinoshita's acerbic reply left my ears numb. It wasn't particularly loud, but the finality of the rejection stung my ears.
Perhaps Haruno felt it, too, as her eternal smile froze on her face. "… Wh-whoa there, you startled me! S-sorry! I gotcha—it's a present from your boyfriend, huh? I was a little insensitive." "I'm not her boyfriend, though," I said.
"Ohh, you're mad, too, huh? You're not gonna get off easy if you make Yukino-chan cry!" Haruno jabbed a chiding finger into my cheek, twisting it around painfully. "Nope!"
Hey, that hurts! And you're too close! Back up, back up, you smell nice! The proximity from which she interacted with people informed me of her social skills. If Haruno was willing to move in this close, she must be terrifyingly adroit.
"Are you done, Haruno? If you don't have any business in particular, we're leaving," said Yukinoshita.
But Haruno showed no intention of listening and continued to prod me. "Come on, come on! Out with it! When did you two start dating?"
"Hey, seriously! Could you please cut that out?!" I said.
But her finger drill persisted, and before I knew it, Haruno was pinned up against me. Wait, they're touching me! Oh, now they're not. And they've made contact again! A flawless outboxing technique from Haruno's boobs! Is she Muhammad Ali…?
"…Haruno. That's enough." Yukinoshita's tone was so low the words were creeping along the ground. Not at all attempting to hide her irritation, she briskly brushed her hair behind her and pierced Haruno with a dagger of disdain.
"Oh… Sorry, Yukino-chan. I guess I got a little carried away," Haruno apologized with a weak smile. It was like the set-up with an innocent older sister and a touchy younger sister. And then she quietly whispered into my ear—Seriously, too close—"Sorry. She's a sensitive girl…so take good care of her, okay, Hikigaya?"
Right then, that unsettling feeling reached its peak. I reflexively jerked my head away from her.
Haruno tilted her entire upper body to the right in surprise, squinting at me in a silent Huuuh? It was so adorable all the men nearby noticed, just for an instant. "Did I do something to make you upset? If I did, I'm sorry," she said, poking out her pink tongue. Her posture ignited a protective urge in me that swelled into a flood of guilt. I had to come up with some excuse for my behavior!
"Oh, uh, not really… It's just, um, my ears are sensitive, so…"
"Hikigaya, don't announce your fetishes to a woman you just met. You'll have no leg to stand on if you get sued." Yukinoshita was gently pressing her forehead as if pained.
As for Haruno, she was back to the old genial smile. "Eh-heh! Hikigaya, you're so funny!" My excuse must have tickled Haruno's funny bone or something, I don't know, but she burst into laughter and started whacking me on the back. I'm not kidding. Back off. "Oh yeah, Hikigaya. If you'd like, do you wanna come have some tea with me? As Yukino-chan's older sister, I need to know if you're good enough for her." Haruno puffed out her chest in a pose and casually winked at me.
"…Drop it already. I told you, we're just in the same class." The severe remark struck with the stinging cold of an Arctic blizzard. It was a brusque rejection of Haruno's teasing. Yukino Yukinoshita's ultimate shutdown.
But Haruno just smirked and brushed it aside. "But like…this is the first time I've ever seen you out with anyone. Of course I'd assume he's your boyfriend. I was just happy for you." She giggled as if she found the whole situation funny. "You're only young once, so you've got to enjoy it, you know! Oh, but don't get carried away, okay?" Haruno placed her left hand on her hip and leaned forward to wag her right pointer finger in a good-humored warning. Then she drew near to Yukinoshita's ear, quietly whispering, "Because Mother is still angry about you living on your own."
The moment she heard the word Mother, Yukinoshita tensed up. A curtain of silence descended upon the stage. I even entertained the illusion that the ruckus of the arcade around us had receded like the tide. Pausing for a beat, Yukinoshita embraced the stuffed panda as if confirming it was still there. "That's not really any of your business." As she spoke, she looked not straight ahead but at the ground. Yukino Yukinoshita, who always stood tall and looked you right in the eye. Yukino Yukinoshita, who never yielded to anyone or lowered her gaze, ever.
From where I was standing, this was a shocking phenomenon. Though Yukinoshita could get a little morose sometimes, I had never ever seen her bend her knee to anyone.
Suddenly, Haruno's lips formed into a pleasant expression that didn't reach her eyes. "Oh. I suppose so. That's none of my business, is it?" she said, and she practically jumped away from her sister. "As long as you're aware, that's enough. I guess I should keep my nose out of it.
Sorry, sorry." Haruno flashed her teeth with a chuckle as if that would smooth things over and returned the conversation to me. "Hikigaya. If you do end up with Yuki, let's make sure to have tea together. See you later, then!" With one last cheerful grin, she did a little wave good-bye in front of her chest and scurried off. As if her sunny disposition had manifested in an aura around her, I could hardly take my eyes off her until she was entirely out of view.
Then both Yukinoshita and I started walking again, neither of us in particular taking the lead.
"Your sister really is something…," I remarked.
Yukinoshita nodded. "Everyone who meets her says that."
"I'll bet. I get why."
"Yes. Her physique is perfect, she's academically peerless, she's intelligent and athletic, and she's kind and caring to boot. I doubt anyone exists who is as perfect as she is. Everyone sings her praises."
"Huh? You're not much different. Is that your version of bragging?" I said.
Yukinoshita looked up at me, flabbergasted. "…What?"
"When I say she's 'really something,' I mean more like, how can I put this… She's wearing a mask like a fortified armor shell."
A fortified armor shell…or, no, maybe a mobile suit. Anyway, that was the source of the misgivings Haruno Yukinoshita had given me. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say she was ensconced in such an aura.
"Your sister acts like some lonely virgin's ideal woman. She's friendly and unreserved about approaching you, she's always smiling, and she tried to talk to me normally. Also, um…she's a little too physical, and, like…soft to the touch."
"Are you even aware of how disgusting you sound…?"
"D-don't be stupid! I meant her hands, her hands! Her hands were soft!" My excuses did nothing to lift the weight of Yukinoshita's scorn. In an attempt to bring the conversation back, I raised my voice a little. "But an ideal is just an ideal. It's not reality. So it comes off as sorta fake."
I doubt anyone is more of a realist than a foreveralone. The Three Non-Connection Principles of the Foreveralone are carved into my soul: The foreveralone shall neither possess hope nor manufacture weaknesses in the heart, nor shall he permit the introduction of anything that sounds too good into foreveralone territory. This model soldier who grapples day and night with the ultimate enemy that is reality will not be deceived by such cheap tricks.
In this world, though there may exist the "good woman," there is no such thing as a "yes woman."
—Hachiman Hikigaya
I came up with a line that could pass for a pithy quote, and I engraved it on my soul as such.
Yukinoshita regarded me somberly. "…So despite the putrefaction of your eyes…or no, because of it, you can see through these things, can't you…?"
"Was that supposed to be a compliment?"
"It was. It's high praise."
That's news to me…
Yukinoshita crossed her arms in displeasure, and her eyes took on a faraway look. "It's just as you say. That's my sister's social face. You know about my family, right? My sister is the eldest girl, so she was always taken to political events and parties to introduce herself. That's how she formed that mask… I'm impressed you could tell." "Yeah, my dad taught me all about that stuff. He told me to watch out for women selling paintings at sketchy galleries and stuff like that. I'm wary of people who get into my personal space when we've only just met. A long time ago, someone like that strung my dad along and manipulated him into taking out a loan." I heard my mom was hopping mad after that happened. Anyhow, my extracurricular education has borne fruit, since I've never fallen for any of that stuff so far. I don't think I ever will.
Yukinoshita breathed a short sigh and put her hand to her temple. "Haah… What a stupid reason. My sister would never believe something like that bested her facade." Her aggravation was evident.
That wasn't the only reason I could tell, though. "Also, though superficially you two are similar, the way you smile is totally different." I know Yukinoshita's real smile. Not one of flattery or deception, nor a smile to cover something up, but the real deal.
Yukinoshita's strides lengthened, and she took a few steps ahead of me. "…What a stupid reason." She spun around wearing her usual, slightly stony expression. "Let's go," she said quietly, and I nodded. We reached the exit without exchanging a single word.
I didn't ask any questions of Yukinoshita, and she made no move to do so of me, either. There were probably things I should have asked and things we should have discussed. But we chose to maintain our usual distance, neither of us intruding on the other. The time we passed together was cold. We were merely two strangers sitting beside each other on the train. When we arrived at our station, Yukinoshita stood from her seat first, and I followed suit.
After we passed through the ticket gates, Yukinoshita paused for a moment. "I'm going this way," she said, pointing to the south exit.
"Okay. Bye," I replied and started to the north.
Then I heard a soft murmur at my back. "I had fun today. See you."
I instinctively doubted my ears. When I jerked around to look, Yukinoshita was already marching away, showing no sign she would acknowledge me. In the end, I watched her go until she was completely out of sight.