In a room that is comfortable, you could even say it was cozy, sat a guy and his ugly cat. you could say calling a cat "ugly" is a bit cruel, but this orange maybe a bit silly cat wasn't ugly an hour ago. that is because this cat was brutally crushed by a recklessly driven ice cream truck and now is sitting in this room.
"if you are the one that got hit by the truck then why am I here?" the guy asked the cat. the cat with a sharp tooth just dangling from its mouth like a loose booger retorted. "does it really matter how it started? I am god. I thought you would be happy you look don't look like this?" the guy narrowed his eyes and quietly spoke "yes. I should be happy to see my best friend of 16 years brutally murdered by drug-dealing clown driving intoxicated on Halloween."
with a long sigh, the striped feline formerly known as "Prince" responded. "you don't know how things work up here. our Pantheon fully runs on blood sacrifices. your friend's soul was the most suitable energy source for your transport. and the location was convenient too." the guy scratched his 5 o'clock shadow then said "there was my neighbors rottweiler who chased my cat into the street. why didn't you use him?"
"sorry...All dogs go to heaven."
"what?! are you saying my cat went to hell!"
"no, it's just that Anubis refuses to allow any dogs in his territory."
"then what happened to Prince?"
"well like I said he was an energy source."
"......." after an uncomfortably long silence, the guy stood up walked slowly in a circle then stared at the bloody mess on the couch. "why am I here?"
the cat put the smile on his face while putting a few more teeth to the dangle party. "Congratulations! Remember that survey you filled out online when you were 13. well you were selected to get your fantasy realized by the greatest god ever!"
"Really? that was decades ago what took so long?"
"well you know the rules. Age of consent is a big deal. and we can't just transmigrate kids away from their parents."
the guy visibly bewildered said "that still doesn't explain it."
the cat with an ear missing now uncomfortably grimaced said "in the eyes of god, virgins are still considered children."
"........."
god in the body of Prince quickly snaps back to the smile then chirped "well, lets not dwell on the past. what's important is that you are here now and based on that survey we have assigned you a suitable position among us."
"are you saying I am now a god?" the dark and messy haired bachelor brightly chimed.
"Fuck! no! you still have 10,000 years for your next promotion as a half-angel."
"Half-Angel? why not a not a full Angel?"
"Angels are hermaphrodites and you lack a vagina. would you like me to add one?"
the man shivered like he saw a ghost then remembered that his childhood friend in elementary school who dressed a little too fabulous wouldn't mind that choice and he wouldn't judge him so he said in a firm tone "not everyone is born in the body they wanted, but I think I'll pass this time."
the being that now looked like it had no remaining brain cells skeptically squinted with its last fully intact eye "well no matter, you can change your body however you like in the future. Call it one of the benefits of being half. Most Angels are factory made and look exactly the same. Albeit they still are stunningly beautiful, the god who made them is a bit narcissistic and made them in his image so they lost a bit of their charm...." the cat could finish his thought cause the now not dangling teeth fell and clattered on the wooden floor.
he then continued. "Anyway. this is where you will be living for the foreseeable future. it's a space that is in your total control and you won't have a need for bodily functions. you can thank your angel half for that. you will be responsible for greeting anyone who walks into your home and trying to help them with their problems. we don't really have any expectation of you but if you manage to have sex with the guest we will consider on promoting you sooner."
the dude who no longer had the beginning of a bald spot now looks like a young Jason with his beautiful mane and a physique that could tame a dragon. Started to look around and finally decided to clean up the chunks of flesh and fur that scattered around the couch that he knew was too old but didn't have the heart to throw away. he then wistfully decided to say a prayer for his old friend and transformed god to look like the dog who he wished swapped souls with the now fragments of whatever is left over when souls are destroyed.
Finally, the now manly bombshell looked at the canine and said "it will be really weird for people to randomly walk into my house. how do they even get here and won't they be surprised to see me?"
"Bark..bark bark bark." the dog blinked and spasmed like it had the best orgasm of its life then said "Ahem.. the AI chose the wrong language. we don't exactly know yet, but we believe it something to with the world's will and whether Fortuna is at the casino. the front door is connected the multiverse and is connected to every door in existence. so whoever walks in will definitely be surprised so try to remain calm and hope they aren't carrying weapons."
"I control this space why would I need to worry?"
"while you control this space, you don't control foreigners and the objects they bring in so if you are unlucky you might end up destroyed and a demotion. it costs me a lot to repair this setup and I don't get many prayers these days." the formerly named Rocco looking ready to take a nap "well, it's time for me to go. I'll leave this good boy as a memento of our meeting. this will be a good story to tell Nubs at the next dinner party"
the man now frustrated he got some kind of beggar deity as a patron asked "what's your name?"
with a smirk and a wink the dog replied "Cardea." "Bark!"
"well Rocco lets give you some belly rubs. Eww.. what is this?"