Being the strongest man in the universe had one massive, unforeseen downside.
You couldn't skip meetings.
Saitama sat at the head of the immense S-Class conference table. He was wearing a shirt that said *OPPAI* (Fubuki had burned his old one, but he secretly bought a replacement on eBay). He spun his chair back and forth. *Squeak. Squeak. Squeak.*
The entire room of high-powered heroes and executives stared at him.
"Mr. Saitama," Sitch said, sweating through his suit. "Are you listening? We were discussing the quarterly merchandising rights."
Saitama stopped spinning. "Oh. Yeah. Rights. Sure." He looked at the paperwork. "Why is there a picture of me holding a toilet scrubber?"
"That is the *'Saitama Scrub-Brush,'*" an executive explained excitedly. "We are branding it: *'One Swipe Cleaning!'* Focus groups say it will outsell the Watchdog Man plushies."
Saitama frowned. "Am I getting paid for this?"
"We are depositing the royalties into the Fubuki Asset Management Trust."
"Okay," Saitama slumped. "Whatever. Is there lunch? I heard there was catering."
***
One Month Later.
The world had settled into a strange new normal. The reconstruction was finished. The Hero Association was stronger than ever, mostly because they now had a nuclear deterrent who accepted payment in coupons.
But the "Saitama Group" had a new problem.
Traffic.
"Sensei, we cannot exit the building," Genos reported. He was standing by the reinforced front door. "The paparazzi have deployed drones. They are camping in the airspace."
"I just need to buy shampoo," Saitama complained, rubbing his stubble-free chin. "I'm Rank 1! Do I have no freedom?"
"Freedom is the price of celebrity," Fubuki walked out of the bedroom, fully dressed in her hero outfit. "We have an interview with *Hero Monthly* at 2 PM. Then a photoshoot for the new PSA: 'Don't Eat Monster Cells.' Then dinner with the Mayor."
Saitama grabbed his head. "I miss being a nobody. Nobody asked me to wear makeup when I was C-Class."
"You need to maintain the image," Fubuki fixed his collar. She smiled, pecking him on the cheek. "It keeps the stocks high."
"Stocks?"
"Yes, honey. We're public now. The *Fortress Corp* stock is up 12%."
Saitama sighed. He looked at Genos.
"Genos."
"Yes, Sensei?"
"Tunnel."
Genos's eyes lit up. "Initiating excavation sequence!"
***
Five minutes later, Saitama and Genos burst out of the ground in a back alley three blocks away.
"Stealth successful," Genos noted, dusting dirt off his metallic shoulders.
"Good. Now to the supermarket," Saitama pulled his hood up.
But peace was never an option.
As they crossed the street, a siren blared.
**"ATTENTION CITIZENS. THREAT LEVEL: DRAGON. EVACUATE THE SECTOR."**
People screamed. Cars crashed.
Descending from the sky was a monster. It wasn't organic. It looked like a geometric shape made of neon light—a floating, angry tetrahedron.
**MONSTER: THE ALGORITHM.**
"I am the sum of all data!" The Algorithm boomed, its voice changing pitch constantly. "I have analyzed human culture! It is inefficient! I will optimize you all by deleting you!"
It fired a beam of pure data. A building vanished. It wasn't destroyed; it was just... deleted. Leaving a flat, grey texture behind like an unloaded video game asset.
"It glitched the building," Saitama said, staring.
Genos charged his cannons. "Sensei, I will engage."
"Wait!" A voice shouted from the rooftops.
Three figures landed between them and the monster. They wore shiny new power suits, color-coded Red, Blue, and Yellow.
"Do not fear!" Red Ranger shouted. "The **Tri-Force Unit** has arrived!"
Saitama blinked. "Who?"
"They are the new A-Class recruits," Genos explained, scanning them. "Former stuntmen recruited after the Neo Hero collapse. They focus on synchronized combat."
"Formation A!" Blue Ranger yelled.
The three heroes posed. Smoke exploded behind them. They lunged at The Algorithm.
"Burning Kick!"
"Tsunami Punch!"
"Thunder Chop!"
They struck the monster simultaneously.
*NO EFFECT.*
The Algorithm didn't even flinch. "Inefficient movement. Low probability of success."
The monster expanded. It consumed the heroes. They vanished inside its neon geometry.
**"BUFFERING,"** the monster mocked.
It turned its attention to the civilians cowering in the subway entrance.
"Deleting files..." it charged its erasure beam.
Saitama sighed. He handed his grocery bag to Genos.
"Hold the eggs."
He stepped out of the alley.
"Hey! Triangle Guy!"
The Algorithm rotated. "Identification: Saitama. Rank 1. Data suggests absolute threat. Recalculating..."
"You deleted my favorite udon shop," Saitama pointed at the grey patch where the building used to be. "The owner gave me free extra noodles."
The monster pulsed. "Food is irrelevant. Data is eternal."
"Yeah?" Saitama walked forward. "You talk like a spam email."
The Algorithm fired. **ABSOLUTE DELETE.**
The beam hit Saitama.
For a normal person, their atoms would be scattered. Their information removed from the universe.
Saitama just walked through it.
He waved his hand, dispelling the beam like smoke.
"Delete this," Saitama muttered.
He reached the monster. He didn't punch it. He grabbed the top and bottom corners of the pyramid.
"Serious Series..."
The monster shrieked. "ILLOGICAL! DURABILITY INFINITE!"
"...Serious Stretch."
Saitama pulled.
He warped the geometry of the monster. He pulled the triangle into a straight line, stretching the neon energy until it snapped.
*SNAP.*
The monster shattered into millions of pixels that rained down like confetti.
The three A-Class heroes fell out of the sky, dazed but unharmed. The "deleted" building popped back into existence (mostly, though the sign was upside down now).
Saitama caught the falling Tri-Force heroes before they hit the pavement.
"You guys okay?" he asked.
The Red Ranger looked up at him, awe-struck. "You... you beat a Concept Type monster by stretching it?"
"It was just geometry," Saitama shrugged. "Geometry is weak to physics."
***
Saitama retrieved his eggs from Genos. "Let's go. Fubuki will kill me if I miss the PSA shoot."
As they walked away, a drone hovered silently above them.
Watching the feed from a secure bunker was **Sweet Mask**.
His face was cracking. Veins bulged on his neck.
"He's too popular," Sweet Mask whispered. "He's disgusting. Bald. Poor fashion. No elegance. And yet..."
He looked at the approval ratings scrolling on his screen. Saitama: 99%.
"He is the definition of a hero."
Sweet Mask touched his own face. The monster underneath his human skin was itching. It wanted out.
"If I cannot be more beautiful than him..." Sweet Mask grabbed a mirror and crushed it. "Then I must destroy beauty itself."
***
That evening, Saitama arrived at the photoshoot. Fubuki was waiting, tapping her foot.
"You're late."
"I fought a triangle," Saitama defended, getting into the makeup chair.
"Did you win?"
"Of course."
Fubuki softened. She leaned over the chair, checking his face for dust. Finding none (of course), she rested her hand on his shoulder.
"Good job. Now, sit still. They need to powder your head. It's reflecting too much light."
Saitama groaned.
Suddenly, the studio doors blew open.
King walked in. He looked frantic. He held a controller in one hand and a phone in the other.
"Saitama! Emergency!"
The room froze. Was it God? A dragon?
"What?" Saitama asked, alert.
"They announced a DLC for *Animal Friends*!" King shouted, breathless. "It drops at midnight! But my internet is down!"
Saitama stood up, sending the makeup artist flying.
"Genos!" Saitama commanded. "We need a localized hotspot! Threat Level: Critical!"
Fubuki put her head in her hands.
"I'm dating a child," she muttered.
But she smiled. Because outside the windows, the sun was setting on a peaceful world. And her "child" just happened to be the unbreakable shield keeping it that way.
**"Pizza?"** Saitama asked her.
**"Pizza,"** Fubuki agreed.