Aboard a steam train, I moved forward, drifting close to memories that tormented me.
"How long has it been?"
I murmured questions about things I definitely don't remember. It had been so long since I returned to my hometown that I had forgotten… or perhaps I simply didn't think Saint Petersburg meant anything to my heart anymore.
"Maybe I should start drinking."
At that moment, I reached into my bag and pulled out a bottle of vodka. On a train with almost no passengers, it shouldn't be a problem.
I poured the vodka down my throat, hoping to get drunk immediately, but sobriety lingered. I searched for another bottle and repeated the process, only to reach the same result. Frustrated, I grabbed every bottle I had in an attempt to become completely drunk.
A man looked at me from afar, perhaps thinking I was an idiot begging to be robbed on this very train. All I could say is that we were both idiots, because no matter how much I drank, my mind remained sober.
"I think I've had enough."
Looking out the window, the sky was completely distorted and impossibly bright, something that resembled a work of art.
"Starry Night…"
The night Van Gogh once painted belonged only to me at that moment, something I deserved, for the pain this sky caused me was exactly what I needed to feel alive.
My admiration couldn't last any longer. The me from one second ago no longer matched the me who was now desperate to sleep. Slowly closing my eyes and surrendering to rest, my night came to an end.
Unaware of what awaited me as I was embraced by my deepest nightmares, yet this world that awaited me was far more punishing than any conventional dream.