Chapter 1: Something's Really Off About This Sakura!
"First Hinata, then Sakura, then Ino, Tenten, Tsunade, Mei Terumi..."
"I don't have to collect them all, but I need to grind everyone's affection anyway... Wait, with my current age, going after Hinata right now—would that be a little too criminal?"
Konoha Village, Ichiraku Ramen.
A blond, blue-eyed boy lightly pinched the whisker marks on his cheek, eyes half-lidded, waiting for his huge bowl of char siu ramen while planning his grand "post-isekai empire" in his head.
Yep. Right now, Uzumaki Naruto's body was still Naruto's, but the soul inside had already been swapped out for some modern-day corporate wage slave.
In his previous life, he worked harder than a draft horse, got paid less than chicken feed. Every day he ran around fetching packages and takeout for his boss, and now and then had to cosplay as a professional suck-up—declaring loyalty while doing unpaid overtime.
If the job market the last few years hadn't been so brutally cursed, he'd probably have picked a nice day like a proper Gen-Z kid, dumped the iced Americano he'd already bought right onto his balding, beer-bellied middle-aged boss's shiny scalp, and let him experience what "workplace rectification" really means.
So yeah…
I've isekai'd into the Naruto world. And not just anywhere—straight into the Sixth Paths' favorite son, the shonen workhorse, the main character on easy mode!
Using my past-life knowledge to enjoy myself a bit isn't too much to ask, right?
Of course, my new life won't be only about fooling around. Training, boss fights, Nine-Tails cheat codes—none of that will be missing.
Because this time, I get to live for me.
No more bowing my head for survival. No more drowning in pointless, meaningless grunt work.
"Your big char siu bowl's here." Uncle Ichiraku slid the glossy, steaming bowl to Naruto, and even tossed in an extra slice of pork.
"Today's your first day as a ninja, right?" Teuchi smiled warmly. "Do your best~"
Naruto beamed back and immediately lowered his head to slurp noodles like his life depended on it.
See? Even "Otsutsuki Ichiraku" knows you stick with the protagonist. Otherwise how the hell did he reopen immediately after Pain nuked the village? How did he keep surviving all the way to the finale without getting touched?
Honestly, the ninja world isn't that different from Earth.
You've got a bloodline limit? You stroll sideways through life. No bloodline, no connections? Even delivering a letter could get you killed, and all you can do is smile bitterly and spam "GG" with both hands.
Even if you work yourself to the bone, you might still end up getting Edo-Tensei'd by Orochimaru and Kabuto to clock in as undead labor.
Look at the Hokages—every one of them was somebody's somebody.
Thank god, this time I'm a legit Ashura-lineage blue-blood.
With that thought, Naruto strode into the classroom, picked a corner seat, and started sizing everyone up with curiosity.
Sunlight poured through the Ninja Academy windows, falling on the energetic graduates.
"Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba and the rest look exactly like the original. Hinata keeps sneaking glances at me too—yep, her affection meter started maxed out."
"Sasuke really is the cool-guy king. The face card is insane. If some girl got isekai'd here she'd probably grab his face and start licking on the spot."
"But wait… where's Sakura?"
Naruto glanced around and finally spotted Sakura in another corner, sitting calmly and staring out the window.
A neat cheongsam-style outfit and a high ponytail, with those emerald eyes—her whole vibe felt cool and distant.
Naruto frowned. "What's with Sakura? Shouldn't she be fighting with Ino for a seat right now?"
A bad feeling crawled up his spine.
For an isekai'd guy, the biggest cheat is knowing the story and the characters. If I landed in a world different from canon, I'm screwed.
Who knows if some "never-existed-in-canon" person will jump out and delete my save file on the spot.
"Please no… I just want a jōnin post and a nice little harem on the side…"
His teeth ached with dread. His foot started tapping uncontrollably.
As if she noticed his stare, Sakura glanced over.
Naruto's scalp went numb. He snapped his head away.
Across the room, Sakura's thin brows slowly knitted together.
…
Before long, the instructors arrived one after another and called their students out. The classroom thinned out, the noise fading.
And given Kakashi's original personality, he absolutely wouldn't show up until the last possible second.
Naruto wasn't exactly sitting on needles, but he was sweating buckets.
"The Rookie Nine are normal. The jōnin teachers seem standard. Sasuke's on-model too. But this Sakura… something's definitely wrong!"
Naruto counted. Sakura had looked his way at least twenty-three times.
Twenty-three.
And every time she looked him up and down, there was this… evaluating edge to it.
Why is she evaluating me?
Do I look that weird?
Ah—right. The prank-loving canon Naruto should've already wedged a blackboard eraser over the door to mess with Kakashi.
I'm too calm. This isn't Naruto-behavior at all.
Canon Naruto can't sit still for five minutes!
With that in mind, Naruto stood up like nothing was wrong, jogged to the front, grabbed an eraser and a chair, and set the prank on the door with a goofy grin.
He exaggerated his voice like in the anime: "What the heck, our Team Seven sensei still isn't here? Guess we'll have to teach him a lesson!"
Sasuke shot him a disdainful look. "A boring trick like that could never fool a jōnin."
Naruto was delighted. Yes, yes, that's the exact Sasuke flavor!
Then he peeked at Sakura again.
Her expression was… how to put it…
Like she was watching a monkey.
Jesus, could you at least react like a normal teenage girl?!
Naruto was screaming inside, but kept his face cool as he put the eraser away. "Sasuke's right."
Fine. If I'm not playing canon right, I'll switch tactics and test you another way.
…
A while later, Kakashi finally strolled in. Then came the classic rooftop self-introductions.
"I'll go first!" Naruto raised his hand before anyone else could.
Kakashi nodded. Sasuke and Sakura looked over.
"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like Master Kong beef noodles—braised, spicy pickled-pepper, sour-cabbage, all flavors. My dream is to snag a jōnin post, lead a genin squad, and be ready to lie flat and slack off anytime."
Naruto turned to Sakura. "I'm done. Your turn."
His gaze sharpened.
Now what are you gonna say?
Sakura didn't flinch. She just said flatly:
"My name is Haruno Sakura. I don't really like anything. I hate show-off guys and cringe guys. I don't care if I ever get a 'post,' but I hope Konoha's top brass stops discriminating against women."
Naruto felt like a steel hammer smashed him in the chest.
She deliberately said "post." Her attitude toward Sasuke was totally different. Her wording was modern. The way she watched me was like watching a zoo exhibit…
A wild guess formed in Naruto's head.
This Sakura… is an isekai'd person too.
Time to confirm.
Naruto looked at her and suddenly asked, "...Odd changes, even unchanged?"
Sakura turned, squinting. "Look at the symbol, check the quadrant."
Bingo.
Naruto sucked in a cold breath. "May I ask where you're from, heroine? I'm a Fujian native."
"I'm from Sichuan-Chongqing."
"So a Sichuan girl. Respect." Naruto clasped his hands.
Not some cute sakura-girl—but a Sichuan girl who can flick an earwax so hard you reincarnate on the spot, the type rumored online to make husbands behave.
At the same time, Naruto realized a very serious problem…
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