Chapter 64 – A Conversation, a Pie
Charlie stepped through the grand doors of the heavenly meeting chamber, her footsteps echoing softly on the polished marble floor. The vast room was bathed in an ethereal golden light that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once. She hesitated for a moment, looking around the empty space.
— Hello? Is anyone there?
She made her way to the reception area, a simple white desk that looked almost comically out of place in such an opulent setting. She reached out and rang the small golden bell, the clear chime ringing out into the silence as she waited for someone anyone to appear.
A golden list materialized in front of her, floating gently in the air. She blinked in surprise, then carefully signed her name with the pen that appeared beside it. The moment her signature was complete, the list shimmered and vanished into thin air.
She stared at the spot where it had been and muttered:
— Well, that was very strange.
A door on the far wall slid open silently, revealing a softly lit corridor. Charlie hesitated only a second before stepping through.
— Hello? Is anyone there?
The lights in the room beyond suddenly flared to life, revealing a long conference table. At the far end sat Adam, lounging casually in a high-backed chair, one leg crossed over the other, smirking as if he'd been waiting for this exact moment.
— Hey there, Charlie.
Charlie jumped back with a startled yelp and fell backward, landing on her backside with a thud.
— Shit, what a scare!
She scrambled to her feet, brushing off her suit as she stared at Adam sitting calmly in the chair across from her.
She straightened up, trying to regain her composure, and said:
— Hi, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me to come here to talk to you.
Adam said with a lazy grin:
— Yeah, like, I know that.
Charlie said, forcing a polite smile:
— Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.
Adam said:
— Totally, the pleasure is all ours.
He extended his hand across the table in a casual greeting. Charlie reached out to shake it, but her fingers passed right through his hand like smoke. She jerked back in surprise.
— What is this?
Adam laughed:
— You fell right into it. You saw her face?
Charlie said, blinking rapidly:
— So wait a minute, you're not down here?
Adam said:
— No, you think I was going to come down there?
He laughed again, leaning back in his chair:
— This vibe is great. Seriously, your dream is cool, fucking awesome business, but damn annoying business. Everything down there is so... ah, there's only that filthy dragon's city that's a little better. The rest is so trash, ah, it just doesn't work, you know? Disgusting.
Charlie stood there, momentarily at a loss for words. She forced another smile and said:
— Okay, so I'm happy we managed to schedule this meeting. I'm working on a project and I really want to show you this idea of mine.
Adam said, waving his hand dismissively:
— Wait, wait, hit the brakes. We have time. Why don't we take the opportunity to get to know each other better? How about a snack? Are you hungry? Leave it to me.
Adam said, gesturing to an invisible plate:
— This one is my favorite. You're going to love it.
Charlie said:
— Thanks a lot.
She reached out to take it, but her hand passed straight through the holographic food. She froze in embarrassment.
Adam laughed loudly:
— Ahahahhah! Got you again, you sucker.
At that moment, a small dark portal silently opened right in front of Charlie. She glanced down and saw a familiar hand emerge, holding out a perfect slice of strawberry pie.
Charlie's face lit up with a genuine smile as she took the pie:
— Well, thank you, Razan.
The hand withdrew, and the portal snapped shut.
Charlie turned back to Adam with a bright smile and said:
— It's delicious. Do you want a piece of pie too, Adam?
Back at the hotel, Razan had just pulled his arm back through the portal. He noticed everyone staring at him in stunned silence. He looked around at their expressions and said:
— What is it? Why are you all staring at me?
Angel said:
— Nothing, it's just that you summoned your power out of nowhere and put a piece of pie in there.
Husk said:
— Yes, it was super weird seeing you do that out of nowhere.
Razan said simply:
— I delivered this to Charlie.
Vaggie asked curiously:
— You delivered this pie to Charlie because...?
Razan said:
— Well, you know how Adam hates me. So like I got worried he might do something to her. So I used my portal power to open a small hole in the meeting place to see how it's going, spying through it like a little opening in the door.
Vaggie said worriedly:
— So how's it going there?
Razan said:
— Well, normal. Just Adam being the usual asshole. And the reason I sent the pie is because he was messing with Charlie by offering food even though he's just a hologram to mock her face. So I didn't want to leave her wanting
Vaggie smiled warmly and said:
— Well, thank you. You really help us a lot always.
Angel, who was standing next to Loona, leaned in and whispered:
— You didn't notice that they—like Charlie and Vaggie—they seem very close?
Loona said smiling and whispered back:
— Well, what can we do? We've all known each other for years, so this is normal.
Angel said:
— Normal, right? You guys seem more like a couple. The care he has for Vaggie and Charlie doesn't seem normal to me.
Loona said:
— Well, let's see what this leads to. After all, our situation is very complicated.
Vaggie, who had been talking with Razan, turned to the group and said:
— Well, now that we know Charlie is safe, we need another commercial that represents her vision and what we do here. We need a camera.
Vaggie said:
— Alastor.
Alastor snapped his fingers with a theatrical flourish, and a vintage-style camera materialized in Vaggie's hand.
— Alright, let's go.
Razan said:
— And Vaggie, just one doubt: do I have to go too to make this commercial?
Vaggie said:
— No. You're going to keep an eye on Charlie and Adam to protect Charlie in case Adam tries something. I can handle the commercial. You just need to take care of her.
Razan said:
— Alright then, you know best.
Razan then started eating his own slice of pie while keeping one eye on the small portal to monitor how Charlie was doing.
Vaggie said:
— So let's start.
She turned the camera toward Angel and Husk and said:
— Action.
Husk began reading his lines in a bored monotone:
— Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. How can I help you?
Angel said with exaggerated flair:
— I'm a very naughty boy and I need a big strong man to give me a way to achieve redemption.
Husk said flatly:
— Good, come on in.
Angel shouted excitedly:
— Ooh, me!
Husk said angrily:
— In our hotel.
Vaggie sighed and said:
— Cut. Angel, I need less horniness, if possible. And Husk, can you do the scenes without the script in your face, please?
Husk said:
— Do I look like an actor? I can't memorize this shit.
Angel said:
— I can help you with the lines. I'll hit you for it.
Husk pushed Angel to the ground and said:
— What a shame, it was unintentional.
Vaggie sighed again and said:
— Husk, come on? Collaborate with me.
Back in the meeting room, Charlie was happily eating her pie while Adam continued talking without pause.
Adam looked at her and said:
— So I was doing a show around and for some reason the little girl wouldn't stop talking to the drummer. I was like: are you serious? I'm Adam, the primordial dick. Everything dick came from me. You're into his drumstick? Come on? I'm the king of cassava. Well, but that's it. We fucked and it was great.
Charlie, who had finished her pie, looked at Adam and thought:
How can he, Adam, be a man like Razan and be so different? It even seems like when creating him Heaven was saving money and when creating Razan Hell invested all its money. What a huge difference. Well, now I can understand why my mother didn't want him.
Adam looked at her and asked:
— What did you do on Saturday?
Charlie looked at him and said:
— So, Mr. Adam...
Adam said:
— Call me Dick Master.
Charlie ignored him and said:
— So you seem to be a very confident guy. I know you're the leader of the angels, besides being a great revolutionary mind, a genius.
Adam said:
— Your call, you're the one saying it, babe.
Charlie said:
— I think you'd love to leave your mark on something.
Adam said:
— Fuck, I love leaving my mark on something. And fuck.
Charlie said excitedly:
— And you could be the solution to our biggest problem.
Adam said:
— Is it herpes? And it's already a pain in the ass.
Charlie said:
— No, our other biggest problem.
Adam said:
— Ah, ugly people, leprosy, global warming? No, that's already with Earth.
Charlie said:
— No, our problem is overpopulation in Hell.
Adam said:
— Ah, but that's fine. Everything's under control even with your dragon friend messing up our work.
He then looked at Lute and asked:
— Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?
Lute said:
— 275, sir.
Adam said:
— 275, fuck too much. It was a great job.
He looked at Charlie and said:
— See? We're already solving overpopulation. So if you want to help, tell your little dragon friend to stop interfering in Paradise's exterminations so overpopulation will be controlled more easily.
Charlie said:
— No, that's too much. They are my people, you know that, right?
Adam said:
— Must be hell.
He then laughed:
— Hahahahah.
Charlie said:
— But they are souls. Souls of humans exactly the same as the ones you have in Paradise.
Razan, who was listening to everything through the portal while lying on the hotel couch, thought silently:
They're nothing alike, Charlie. How do you think the soul of an old lady who went to church and helped the poorest is the same as a soul from Hell that killed others for fun while laughing? They're not alike at all. I don't deny that many still have hope, but most are all trash without solution.
Lute looked at Charlie and said:
— They're nothing alike. Your people had a chance and deserved to go to Hell.
Charlie said:
— You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, of course, but everyone makes mistakes.
Lute said:
— Angels don't make mistakes.
Charlie said:
— Do you really think that?
Lute said:
— Yes, I think that with all certainty.
Adam said:
— And in my whole life I never stepped on the ball.
Lute said:
— The only reason you're here is because your father gave you and your infernals the forgiveness of an exorcist's blade. How do you feel knowing you have no importance?
Adam said:
— Well, time is running out and we'd better get started.
Charlie said:
— Damn it, I have a lot to say and I feel like you weren't really listening.
[Charlie]
Okay, I have a lot to say and not much time.
And I feel like you weren't even listening before, so let's go.
Hell is already suffering from overpopulation.
It's a big problem and calls for action.
With precise timing and redemption.
The hotel is functional.
Calm down, I have to be punctual.
Okay, extermination!
Once a year you come here.
It must be annoying, I can feel it.
With my people in heaven, you don't need to come anymore.
Imagine how great that would be.
And the dream can be real.
[Adam]
You're talking too much, let me just cut you off.
Do you really think you can escape?
And wait, I wish they would open the gates?
May your people bear the consequences of their own actions
Hell is eternal
Whether you like it or not
They've already had their chance
They burn in the cauldron
Because the rule is very clear
You're already preparing
We let them suffer
To kill them once and for all
[Charlie]
Okay, but
[Adam]
Calm down, you can forget it now
Did you really think they wouldn't die?
Winners, sinners, it's all the same to me
Those who erred cannot have peace, yeah
Against all evil (all evil)
The journey is deadly (ah)
It doesn't matter if the people are suffering
Extermination is fun
Tandandandandan
Feel the beat, baby, oh, yeah
Parapapara, bruu, pew!
Hell is eternal
Whether you like it or not
They've already had their chance
They burn in the cauldron
Because the rule is very clear
You're already preparing yourself
We let them suffer
To kill them once and for all
Hell is eternal
That will never change
Just give up on that idea
Because it won't help
This isn't a game
You should be scared
But I'll only tell you one secret
The extermination will come sooner
[Charlie]
What?
[Adam]
A year is too much
That's why I come more often
I know you couldn't feel it
We'll be back in six months
He then pushed her out of the room and closed the door.
Charlie said:
— Wait!
But the door then closed. She shouted:
— Shit!
Back at the hotel, Razan who saw this sighed and thought:
She knows I can protect the people who are still worth it in this shitty place, but the problem is she wants protection for everyone and that's something I can't do. That's why she stays like this even knowing my power, because she knows I won't fight Adam to save the other sinners. It's complicated. Besides, I forgot an important piece of information. After all, it's been a long time since I live here that I forgot who the spy is that an Overlord placed in Charlie's hotel and which Overlord it is. It's been a long time since I forgot about that and with my power I don't need to worry about Overlords to get desperate to remember. They can't do anything too much, right?