"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"
"HAHAHAHAHA, I FUCKIN KNEW YOU WERE LIKE YOUR QUEER GRANDUNCLE." I yelled and as I pointed to a blushing dipper, "stan?!" he asked shocked, "what?! no, I mean Ford, stan is as straight as they come, ... i would have said Respect but he sucks at getting pussy" I explained as I shrugged, "Uncle Ford isn't Gay!"
"Yea he is, trust me that guy is gay as shit, he turned down so much pussy, you don't even know dude" I explained as showed a bunch of holographic images of Ford turning Women down, "okay ... but WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME BEIGN GAY?!" Dipper said in frustration and confusion, "You KNOW that is a dude right?" I smiled (like fifty cent) as I pointed at Angel Dust, dipper then looked at Angel Dust, me, Then Angel Dust Again. Angel Dust seeing dipper's face just waved at him, which caused dipper to scream
====One Ear Bleeding Scream Later====
"AAAAAAAAAAA"
"you done?" I said to dipper as charlie approached me and said "Hello! I'm charlie, and You are?" and held her hand out for me to shake, "Hi, I am Cyn but--" I was about to shake her and but was interrupted as dipper threw himself in the middle of us to keep her from shakin her hand, "DONT SHAKE HIS HAND!!" he yelled as he looked at me with frown, charlie the ever ball of curious energy she was asked "Why not?", dipper looked at her and explained "if you shake his hand he will possess you and messes with your life, trust me he did it to me once" he gave me a stink eye at the end of that, sheesh what did I even ruin for you? a laptop? talk about stingy.
charlie then gave me a worried look and asked "No, but he is telling the truth, somewhat--" before I could say anything else dipper yelled "AHA SO YOU ADMIT IT, ... wait why did you admit it?" he asked as he scratched his head, "I gave him an unimpressed look and said "he IS wrong about the possession part, but he is telling the truth"
"what does that even mean?" said Vaggie as she eyed me warily, "he is telling the truth about the part that i possessed him once, the ruined his life part is exaggerated, and geez dude, you are 22 and you still haven't figured the truth out? i guess i overestimated you" i said as i looked at dipper at the end, "what is even going on at this point? can somebody explain" charlie said as she scratched her head, while doing so Alastor was watching me carefully and Lucifer was just watching me confused.
"Alright here is a quick run down, not that you need to know any of this but i was going to explain to that gay blockhead over there i might as well tell him here, not that you can do anything with this information anyway. i said as i conjured a chair for myself and sat down, "in the beginning, waaay back where there was literally nothing except nothingness beings of absolute power were born, their strengths warried of course, anyway each of them had a limitation based on the tier of their strength most limitations where common, some couldn't use all their strength, some couldn't descend on to worlds, etc, there was a group that was stronger than all other, each had a unique limitation to counter them, mine was that i was born in the second dimension, even currently I'm just possessing this body and am still in the second dimension."
"So because of my limitation i was alone mostly and there wasn't much i could do in such a weak dimension, So one day i had enough and wanted to leave, so because the dimension was dependent on me it destroyed itself so i could leave, Octillions (10^27) of life forms died of course, its a fuckin dimension not a planet, so after i attempted to leave another absolute being appeared, his whole shtick was peace, order, shit like that, but he was also a fucking control freak, he had a whole scenario prepared for his multiverse, which wasn't his, i was in it too just in the 2nd dimension, seeing i wanted freedom and i couldn't escape without a little help from someone in the 3rd dimension we came to an agreement, I would play the role of a final boss, the role of a DEMON in his stupid play, and in return he would thin the fiber of the dimensions and the multiverse we were in when the play was done and i could come to the 3rd dimension"
at this point Angel Dust, Sir Pentious, and Husk where sitting together with Dipper and eating pop corn, although Dipper was scowling. charlie was sitting between her Dad and Vaggie, while Alastor was standing nearby paying attention with incredible focus.
"The play beginning trillions of years later, required exact attitude from me so I was required to build a certain kind of reputation, I had to kill lots of people, spread terror everywhere, heck I once ATE a planet full of life for that fuckin script, I had to do all that so certain people be born, and certain events to go exactly as planned. the main part started when Earth was created, I had to monitor that fucking dirtball since its foundation, making sure dinosaurs died at the right time, cavemen knew how to make fire, making a bunch of cults, etc. Anyway When little Dipper's Grand uncles and his daddy where born I was done with the whole monitoring shtik so I waited, and waited, until his GrandUncle Ford became a certain age, I visited his dreams said I was muse that would bless ginuesses every so often, which wasn't a lie since I did introduce most human inventions by visiting humans dreams. then I had to make a "deal" with him where I would be his best friend forever. fat fucking chance, basically I faked everything, the deals, the promises, and the friendship."
"imagine being friends with that narcissistic freak, one of the reasons I say he is defiantly gay is because he sucked his own dick more than anyone else. anyway after revealing my "EVIL PLAN" to his friend, which was more like his colleague than friend, he confronted me, broke the deal off, pfffft like you can break contracts like that. so after "breaking the contract" he became paranoid, wrote some stupid journals and got into a stupid fight with his brother and got thrown into another dimension, fast forward to the summer the 12 year old dipper came to Gravity Falls, shit happened they brought back ford, tried to prevent me from coming to the 3rd dimension, they failed by the way. fast forward to where they failed, I saw, I came, I conquered, they got separated, they reunited, built a giant mech out of their house, and tried to deafete me with the bullshit power of friendship, failed because they are idiots, and finally after a stupid tactic to deceive me which didn't work because I can see souls, I pretended to be deceived, they defeated me yay!"
"I was then free from that stupid contract so I tried to leave, but that stupid guy found inspiration for another script, something about therapist and a comeback and tried to make me stay but I forced him to uphold his part of the contract and left that stupid multiverse, and came here, the end" I finished as dipper looked at me for a few seconds before started laughing, "hahahah like I would belive something so stupid" he said as he saw that I was completely serious "I'm Serious lil bro" I said as I got up from the chair I was sitting on, color drained from dipper's face I continued "anyway its time you told me why you are here".
he stared at me for a few seconds and said "I want Mable back" I just looked at him like he was stupid, wait he is stupid "I'm gonna need more than that", "Mable died I want to make a deal to bring her back" is he joking?
i looked him right in the eyes and said "fuck no" and I snapped my fingers and teleported him to his universe, I then looked at charlie and said "he isn't gonna come back" then I looked at lucifer and said "ask what you want, with the intensity you are looking at me Im doubting your interest in women"
he looked me for a few seconds not sure what to say before he asked "Are you god? is this new test or something? are y-" before he could continue everyone yelled "WHAT?!!"
"*sigh* no I am not god, well not your god anyway, I am A god, but not the god that created you" I said as I looked at him and shook my head "not that I would ever create a Lucifer" he looked offended as he said "why not?!"
"well there already is a peak lucifer made by another absolute begin and I think he did it best, so yeah" I said as I shrugged, "what does he have that I don't?!" he said looking offended, "hmm, well he definitely is more fun real party animal, when I come to the 3rd dimension I will definitely party with him, there's also the fact that he isn't whipped, but hey look at the bright side you won in the daughters department, his daughter is just cringe as fuck" I said as charlie and her father both puffed their chest in pride.
then I started walking towards the door of the hotel, the others followed I opened the door and closed it again, before I could open it again vaggie interrupted me "WHY is everything outside in black and white??!" I turned to look at her and said "well because time is stopped right now, duhh. seriously your multiverse's arsenal of movies and tv shows is disturbingly low"
"YOU STOPPED TIME??!?" everyone except alastor yelled in unison, as alastors smile faltered for a moment, "yes, I stopped time, before you asked I stopped time to minimize dipper's presence as much as possible, I minimized dipper's presence to make sure my plan for coming to the 3rd dimension is done by the time I predicted"
husk squinted his eyes as he asked "why are you telling us all of these? you could have lied or not answered at all?"
"hm? that's because I recognize your type" I said lazily as I rolled my eyes at them
♪ Chill in the air creepin' down your spine ♪
"our type?" said charlie as she got in front of their group.
♪ Leave you paralysed 'til your body can't move ♪
"yes, "your type" the happy lucky go people that belive in the power of love and friendship, the type that have a tendency to get involved with what they don't understand just because its the right thing" I slowly moved forward towards them.
♪ I'm the nightmare in the dreams you created ♪
"I want to answer all the questions you have, so that idiotic ideas don't pop into your heads and lead to you acting on them"
♪ Got an appetite for destruction ♪
"idiotic ideas?" said Alastor as his smile got smaller and smaller.
♪ Look at what it did to me ♪
"oh I don't know, something like lets stop the evil outer god from escaping his 2d prison, because that wont end well for you, I had to cooperate with that stupid lizard because his fucking exsitance made the barrier between dimensions stronger, but you don't have someone like that here. the closest thing would be your GOD, and even his like an ant in front of me. The barrier is as thin as a single strand of hair, frankly even IF you wanted to stop me it would be too late anyway." I said as I gave them a smile
♪ The world made me a monster, so I show my teeth ♪
They all stared at me before the tension was broken by Alastor's laughter as he said "Dont worry friend no such thoughts here." he got closer "And if I may be so rude to ask, I assume that's the concept you were talking about the other day?" he said with a curious glint in his eyes.
i coughed a little, feeling a bit uncomfortable as I reigned back my concept and composure and said "interesting ..." I said as analyzed him, my eyes shifted to show a bunch of scenes a little kid with a wide smile, an oldtimey radio on a stand, a creepy cabin in the woods, some satanic grimoire, a deer in a jungle. "you are not dumb like the rest of the humans here, pretty good will too, the taint on your soul only managed to bring out your nature ..." he was getting uncomfortable as he started to back of slowly, "to anwear your question, yes that was my concept as I said before when you master one it has a mind of its own so it sings whenever it wants" I could see it in his eyes, his curiosity was beginning to push his unease back.
"thank you for the compliment my good sir, may I know which concept was that?" his smile was starting to come back as wild as before, "the Demon" I said as I mirrored his wild smile, for a split second the face of my vessel glitched showing the demonic face of my avatar, a glitching eye in the middle of a sea of static with texts in an unknown language wrapped around it.
for that split second everyone felt madness seeping into reality, Angel Dust's little pig got knocked unconscious, some felt strange thoughts wander into their heads before everything went back to normal.
hmm as I thought his aptitude for chaos is pretty good. i turned to look at everyone else "sorry for the inconvenience, I was just testing something, as a show of good faith ill allow everyone one question withing reason free of charge, before you ask any stupid question you should know I'm a god of knowledge so I pretty much know EVERYTHING" I said with my signature kind smile wich always scared the shit out of everyone I tired it with but I don't know why it just work normal here.
before anyone could say anything I snapped and made them stand in a line to come ask their question "well?" I asked Niffty as she just stared at me in a daze, after seeing her not responding I waved my hand in front of her a couple of times, as she was being unresponsive I teleported her to the bar, Sir Pentious was next "ask anything and don't worry nobody will hear your question and my answer"
he swallowed before asking "Which of my inventions would have succeeded if the universe were not actively conspiring against me?" .... "the airship you made"
I snapped and he was also teleported to the bar next to niffty, next was Angel Dust "... Is redemption even possible for someone like me, or is that just Charlie's cute little fantasy?" I took a look at heavens rules for redemption and .... Jesus Fucking Christ "yes it is possible" he tried to ask for more but I teleported him before he could, Husk was next "Is there a version of me that wins… or do I always end up owing someone?" I didn't even need to think I just said "yes there is a universe in which you are so lucky you will always win no matter what"
Vaggie was next, she eyed me with caution as she asked "will charlie accept me if she finds out I'm an angel?" Stupidest questions ever, "yes" I said as I rolled my eyes and teleported her, it was Lucifers Turn next "where is Lilith?" I searched the universe and got em "in an empty island in heaven" before he could press for more I teleported him.
Charlie stared at me for a moment before she asked "how do I redeem sinners?", "finally somebody asks a smart question, who would've thought it would be you? not me. anyway all you have to do is continue with your earlier plan go to heaven and ask what the rules for entering heaven are, then come back make the sinner you want to redeem obey them and finally kill them" she looked at me confused before she could ask another question I teleported her.
Alastor was the last person to ask a question, he stared at me for a few seconds thinking about his question before grinning wide and asking "Tell me all the ways I could break my deal with Rosie"
(A/N: sry about the delay had a complex Assembly Project for uni just finished it today, thx for your support)