It was fortunate it was summer now.
If it were winter and the sun rose just a little later, my mental state would have been in danger.
Who would have thought that going to gather herbs and encountering such a terrifying demon on the way back. What are those six eyeballs? Every time our eyes met, I couldn't avoid a SAN check. The impact of the eyeballs was so tremendous I don't remember any other features.
While running through the bamboo grove, adrenaline surged so I didn't feel fatigue, but after it was over, I was exhausted from breathing too fast and using too many muscles to move. I overworked my entire body. I'm just an eight-year-old kid.
I wanted to collapse right there in the bamboo grove, but I couldn't. In this life, my skin hurts when touched by sunlight too, so I had to return quickly.
"Yukiji, I was worried!!"
The one who ran out to greet me at the entrance as I returned to the religious institution with staggering steps was the Leader.
"What were you doing until this morning, you look quite tired, were you chased by a night robber or something?"
"...Leader, is your stomach okay?"
Seeing the Leader unable to hide their worry and fidgeting around me, a feeling of relief washed over me anew, thinking 'Ah, I'm back.'
"That healed on its own. More importantly, you, Yukiji, looking at your face it seems you didn't sleep a wink. I'll have a futon laid out immediately──"
"Yes, that's good."
Oh no, tears welled up from the relief of feeling like I was home. Well, this actually is home. I've seen the Leader's face more than this life's parents' faces. The tension that had been tightly wound also loosened, and sleepiness swept over me so I couldn't stand any longer. My vision swayed.
"Yukiji!"
The Leader caught me as I fell. I'm sorry I couldn't stand, I'm too sleepy Leader. Consciousness is dragged away by the temptation of sleep. I don't think I can last until the futon. Sorry Leader, could you move me for a moment, really sorry.
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I, who developed the trauma of a SAN check every time I met those six eyeballs, was tormented by terrible nightmares after that day. I'll refrain from explaining the details as it would stimulate the trauma, but simply put, it's a six-eyed monster ravaging a bamboo grove to the Darth Vader theme song ~with destruction beams and eye beams on the side~.
How is it? Just hearing the plot sounds nightmarish, right?
Is it a new monster movie? Godzilla, Mechagodzilla, King Ghidorah? It's an Electrical Parade of Destruction.
As this nightmare caused me to wake up crying in the middle of the night, disturbing the sleep of the Leader who slept with me, I felt too sorry and now sleep alone in a separate room. The Leader was dissatisfied, but I shouldn't lower the quality of your sleep because of me. Counseling is surprisingly a battle of stamina too.
The Leader, misunderstanding 'You were treated so harshly by a robber that you have nightmares?!' tried not to let me go outside as much as possible. After that incident, when I made my now-uncountable "Thank you for everything, I'll become independent!" declaration, they tried to stop me with unprecedented vigor.
I must have seemed to carry considerable trauma to the Leader. They told me to confide anything difficult to them, but perhaps because the content was what it was, I couldn't say it.
Perhaps to keep me from going outside, the Leader also stopped asking for medicine. Before, they would mention even minor discomforts, but now they don't at all. As much as the Leader stopped saying it themselves, I paid maximum attention to observe that smiling face.
I was thinking I didn't want something like the high fever course from overexertion like before, but well, this is a flag, right.
In early autumn when the lingering heat hadn't subsided, the Leader started talking nonsense saying "It's a bit cool today," so when I pressed my forehead to check the fever, it was really incredibly hot. You could fry an egg on this. I wanted to argue 'Are you fixing your complexion along with your smile?'
The Leader appealed "I'm not sick I'm healthy look I'm fine, more importantly there's castella, want some?" but I'm not one to be swayed by that. I'll take the castella later though.
"It's okay, Yukiji. You don't have to make medicine. I'll call a proper doctor, so don't worry about it. Outside is scary, right?"
"I don't know the reason, but you don't want to call a doctor, right? It's okay, the sun is up now and demons… robbers can't come out in this brightness."
"But you get hurt by sunlight."
"If I just apply medicine, a short time is okay. Just in case, I'll wear extra clothes and borrow an umbrella. So Leader, please sleep. Lie down on that sofa-like chair that ruins your posture. If you get up and push yourself, you'll make me waste medicine."
Perhaps because they can't show an unbecoming figure to the believers, I hammered it into the Leader who constantly overexerts themself, then quickly went to the mountain, swiftly returned, and made medicine in no time. The Leader apparently didn't have the stamina to disobey my words from the start and was sleeping with their entire body slumped on the audience room chair as I said. Their decorative hat had fallen off their ash-white hair. Were they that tired?
"Here Leader, the medicine is done, please take it and rest quickly."
"Hmm~..."
The Leader sluggishly sat up, dazed, with no trace of their usual iron-wall bright smile. They must have been enduring and pushing themself quite a bit.
The usual Leader is skilled at decorating themself, shall I say, too accustomed to acting perfect. They were especially adept at expressing emotions with just their expression.
They smile with a face that looks happy, cry with a face that looks sad. But they're not emotionally rich. They're just skilled at pretending to be rich. I realized that fact very recently.
The Leader's parents were martyred when they were young—I heard that from a believer. They've been leading this Eternal Paradise Cult ever since. How must it feel, as just a child, to have adults clinging to you asking for salvation just because you're the Leader?
The Leader, unfortunately possessing the ability to meet expectations, probably ended up meeting the unavoidable expectations of adults. They must have tried to save people even at the cost of whittling down their own childhood. It's excessive self-sacrifice. Because of that, this person is wearing away. Having grown up in a distorted environment, they couldn't grow properly.
The Leader was a child who whittled down their childhood to become an adult.
I sometimes think this. Is this person who is kind to everyone just skilled at pretending to be kind, but actually not kind? Are they just wearing an adult's mask because they were demanded to become an adult? Are they just acting the optimal good person acceptable to all, but actually empty of will and emotion? Wondering if the Leader, who only grants others' wishes, even has their own wishes, I sometimes become anxious.
Does this person have a reason to move beyond their mission?
Will there ever be a moment when this person, who only saves others, has their heart saved and becomes happy?
"Will you be able to eat dinner?"
"Probably."
"Then I'll make after-meal medicine too."
If it's after meals, stronger medicine should be okay. For reference, the medicine prescribed now is relatively mild to avoid stomach upset. Since half of it is gentleness, it's only comfort for this high fever.
"Cancel all audiences today and rest. If you say you're receiving an oracle, the believers will understand."
"...That's right, shall I listen to the voice of god for the first time in a while."
"Huh, is the fever so severe you're finally hearing voices, Leader?"
This is serious, normal medicine won't work. I'll have to make something incredibly strong. As I was lost in thought about using that ingredient or whether something was missing, when I tried to clear the empty teacup, that hand was grabbed by the Leader. Wondering what, I raised my head and met rainbow-colored eyes devoid of emotion.
"Yukiji."
"What is it?"
"...No, it's nothing."
The Leader abruptly let go of my hand. The usual smile had returned to their face. With an attitude so cheerful you couldn't think they were suffering from high fever, they joked "I don't like medicine that's too bitter~!" It was such a usual smile. So usual that I didn't press further.
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Yukiji only worries about me.
Even though they themselves, exhausted from being chased by a night robber, are the most pitiful, the first thing they asked upon returning was about my well-being. Even though they're the one suffering nightmares and crying, they sleep alone worrying about disturbing my sleep. Even though they must be afraid to go outside after experiencing such terrible things from terrible guys, they rush outside for my medicine. Even though they said they dislike the smell of sunlight blockers, even though they'd want to wear cool clothes in this heat, they didn't mind it.
──Why do you worry about me, Yukiji?
At that time, I actually wanted to ask that. But ultimately I couldn't open my mouth and kept it shut.
I don't know the reason. Only that, no matter what answer came back, I didn't think I could accept it.
Yukiji isn't my believer. They know there are no gods, buddhas, or paradise. They don't even need the salvation of paradise. Unlike other believers, they don't want to be saved, so why is Yukiji kind to me? I don't know. I don't know what it means.
By evening, my hazy consciousness had improved a bit, and I was sipping the medicine Yukiji brought. Perhaps taking seriously my playful comment about disliking bitter medicine, it's easier to drink than any medicine I've had until now.
Yukiji considers me even in such trivial details. Despite being a kid. Acting like an adult with no cuteness. By the way, today's medicine works well. I haven't even drunk half, but my chest already feels warm.
──How can I save Yukiji?
Since that morning when Yukiji returned battered, I've been thinking only that. I want to somehow save that child who says foolish things about becoming independent despite experiencing such scary things.
If they stay here, food, clothing, and shelter are guaranteed and they can live peacefully, so why does Yukiji try to walk toward hardship and suffering? They do strange things. Yukiji is wise, but sometimes incredibly foolish.
If I could just leave them alone saying 'do as you like' if they want to go outside so much, that would be good, but for some reason I can't do that with Yukiji. Is it because they're a pitiful child? Is that why I want to save them so much I can't bear it?
Helping pitiful people and making them happy is my mission, but this impulse toward Yukiji is too intense to call a mission, ah, what should I call this?
I don't know this, I don't know anything, so I felt slightly unpleasant.
Following Yukiji's words to rest quickly, I went to bed early. The futon that became a bit chilly because Yukiji, saying "I'm sorry for waking the Leader," considerately stopped coming in felt a bit cold. It's summer, isn't that strange? In this heat, cool should be better. The coolness feels unpleasant. Have I become too accustomed to Yukiji's presence that I feel discomfort in its absence?
Yukiji isn't a believer so they don't need the salvation of paradise. I don't know how to save Yukiji who doesn't crave salvation. It felt like trying to catch the moon reflected in water. No matter what I do, it's futile.
Just guaranteeing daily life isn't enough. Just caring for them kindly like a parent isn't enough. It's insufficient, insufficient, insufficient, that's not enough. That way I can't save Yukiji. I can't be satisfied.
I need a more certain, bigger salvation that will make Yukiji not leave here.
That night, thanks to the fatigue from high fever and Yukiji's medicine, I could fall asleep quickly.
But in the middle of the night, I woke to someone's presence.
Something was standing by my pillow. Something that took the form of a human man, yet wasn't human. Two eyes of pale red plum blossom color, lighter than Yukiji's eyes, looked down at me from the darkness. With a voice as cold as a monster's, the man said.
"Is there a white-haired, red-eyed child here?"
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Kibutsuji Muzan was in despair.
He despaired at himself—that even though the friend he ate in the Heian period was reborn in the Warring States period, he couldn't remember until after the friend died, and though he thought that was a once-in-a-lifetime miracle, he didn't expect them to be reincarnated again in the Edo period.
Kibutsuji Muzan, who killed his friend through a chain reaction of insufficient research by turning his mother into a demon without knowing anything, spent the next 10 years crying. About six Lower Moons were completely replaced as he took out his anger physically, their heads flying off. Though they're demons so durability should be high, a replacement cycle worse than part-time work at a black company. There's no labor law in the Edo period. Since they're demons, they have no human rights either.
Having sufficiently mourned his friend's death, Kibutsuji Muzan pulled himself together and thought about future measures. What happens twice can happen thrice, but to accidentally kill his friend three times. They say even a Buddha's face only lasts three times, so no matter how easygoing that friend was, they might be getting extremely angry at Kibutsuji Muzan by now.
Since they belonged to the Demon Slayer Corps, they must have known about Kibutsuji Muzan's evil deeds, and if so, even that optimistic person must have realized that the one who turned their mother into a demon was Muzan-kun of the Kibutsuji family, and he felt depressed. Let's replace some Lower Moons to change mood. The Lower Moons being replaced like curtains with the feeling of changing room interior are allowed to cry.
The Heian period friend had the common appearance of black hair and black eyes. But through the Warring States and Edo periods, that guy's appearance changed to the unusual look of white hair and red eyes. If it were just once, maybe not, but since it was the same appearance twice, the third time was highly likely to be the same. What happens twice can happen thrice.
And so, the third chance. This time I'll bring my friend to my side without killing them. And if I make them a demon, they won't die easily. With no lifespan, we can be together forever. With that guy around, I could probably forget the depression of not being able to bask in sunlight to some extent.
Honestly, I think I deserve to be hit for accidentally turning their mother into a demon, so I'm prepared to tolerate about one hit. A demon's regenerative power is convenient at times like this.
For reference, Kibutsuji Muzan, whose demon heart is stronger at this point, has no such noble virtue as turning the other cheek. If the left cheek is hit, he'd just pierce the left heart. The friend's heart. No, a Lower Moon's heart. A demon's regenerative power is convenient at times like this.
The order given to demons first was to find and bring a white-haired, red-eyed child. Of course in a state with limbs intact. And he gave strict orders that if the target had family, not to kill them either and to resolve it with money if possible.
Muzan is a demon, but to blend into human society, he runs large businesses so he has plenty of money. Most humans are weak to golden sweets. If you slap them with coins, they'll generally accept anything. Money is power.
Capturing alive is quite a difficult order for demons whose daily life is eating and killing, but those who will obey will obey properly. Conversely, for those who don't obey, I can show them a spectacular blood fountain show as an example.
A demon who guessed that the white-haired, red-eyed child Kibutsuji Muzan sought had effects like rare blood and impulsively tasted them was purged by Muzan himself. The boss handles subordinates' mistakes directly. White and clean management that eliminates mistakes along with the subordinate is his pride. If swallowed whole, no blood traces remain, so it's environmentally friendly too.
But the unusual appearance of white hair and red eyes is rarely born, and even if born, they're hidden from the world so finding them is difficult. He needed a demon skilled at information gathering. He wanted to make a human engaged in a job interacting with various people into a demon.
But those involved in politics won't do. Making such guys into demons would expose demons' existence. If those who move the country and Ubuyashiki join hands by any chance, it would be troublesome.
A place that interacts with various people, yet unrelated to politics.
After much thought, the place Kibutsuji Muzan turned his attention to was a new religious organization. He looked for a religious organization of appropriate scale and history—not so large as to attract national attention, yet not too small, and not so old that everyone knows it.
He judged that a leader who starts a suspicious religion generally only thinks about money, women, or life, so if he offered eternal life as a demon, they would obediently follow.
Of course, he doesn't neglect preliminary investigation before making them a demon. After thoroughly investigating whether there's a white-haired, red-eyed child around them, he makes them a demon. It would be troublesome if they were accidentally eaten.
Kibutsuji Muzan is correct. Nothing is wrong.
Let's not talk about past stories. I've just overcome them.
And finally Kibutsuji Muzan turned his attention to a religion called the Eternal Paradise Cult. Rumor has it that its leader is a man skilled at captivating people's hearts with considerable popularity. Moreover, he's even handsome. He was convinced. People will surely gather. He'll be able to obtain information easily.
Good things should be hurried. Muzan waited for night and immediately charged to that religious institution.
The line thrown the moment he opened his mouth upon reaching the sleeping leader was.
"Is there a white-haired, red-eyed child here?"
The man who sat up from the futon blinked his rainbow-colored eyes and looked at Muzan. Then straightening his posture, he smiled amiably and tilted his head.
"There is no such person. However, if you mean ash-white hair and rainbow-colored eyes, then here."
Answering what wasn't asked, one of his eyebrows rose involuntarily. The man's playful smile, neither afraid nor angry at Muzan's intrusion, grated on his nerves.
"But who might you be? Are you perhaps a heavenly messenger come to give me an oracle?"
Kibutsuji Muzan didn't answer. What he wanted to ask was already asked. Further dialogue is useless. No time to deal with nonsense one by one. Grabbing the head of the man whose rainbow eyes sparkled as if excited, he split the skull like a sugar candy with his fingernails. The ash-white hair soaked sluggishly with blood. Into that wound, Muzan let his own blood flow.
"From now you become a demon. Eat humans and gain power, become my subordinate and pledge loyalty to me."
Muzan's fingers pierced the skull and reached the brain. Yet the man kept his smiling face with eyes wide open. The rainbow-colored eyes stared intently at Kibutsuji Muzan. It was creepy.
"Find the white-haired, red-eyed child, and the blue spider lily. Bring these two to me."
Muzan's blood and cells injected into the man changed him into a demon. That should involve tremendous pain, yet the man didn't make a single pained moan, not even moving a finger. Even a snake shedding its skin makes more sound than this.
This was the first such case. Only then did Kibutsuji Muzan, who had felt nothing but disgust for this man, feel interest for the first time. Drawn by interest, he peered into the man's consciousness. And regretted it.
Tasted blandness.
Heard silence.
Smelled odorlessness.
Swayed by windlessness.
Agitated by emotionlessness.
Saw an abyss that could never be ignored.
Empty, flat, gloomy, vast, with nothing readable. What Kibutsuji Muzan peered into out of interest was──a mind darker than the bottom of the underworld. An indescribable something that blasphemes human emotions.
Having peered into an abyss that didn't seem like a living being, his heart dyed with horror, Kibutsuji Muzan unknowingly released the man's head from his hands as if it were something dirty. The man's head that should have crumbled to the floor, however, contrary to expectations, touched its forehead to the floor with graceful motion.
With blood covering his ash-white crown, the man showed obedience to Kibutsuji Muzan.
"──I shall do as commanded."
Had this guy really become a demon? A reconstructed body first craves human flesh. If wounded, it craves blood even more. Yet the man maintained rationality too perfectly without becoming ferocious like a beast.
No, Kibutsuji Muzan denies it. This man doesn't even have the concept of rationality.
Unmoving, unfeeling, mineral.
In fact, even if told this man was an insect in human form, Kibutsuji Muzan would have believed it.
That such a thing was human, that he made such a thing into a demon, Kibutsuji Muzan didn't want to believe.
"From now I am your faithful servant. I shall break bones and grind bodies to powder, serving you with all my heart and devotion!"
The man's gentle smile as he raised his face was creepy. The colorful rainbow eyes reflected no emotional color whatsoever. To not feel this man's inner thoughts even a little, Kibutsuji Muzan carefully severed the connection with meticulous attention. The discomfort of having read it was greater than the inconvenience of not being able to read. He didn't want to taste again the creepiness like splitting open a beetle's abdomen.
Kibutsuji Muzan left the spot without farewell, as if averting his eyes from something horrific.
Without ever noticing the single drop stain that fell deep into the man's empty heart.
Without knowing the meaning of the faintly spreading white color within what should have been emotionless rainbows.