The Whole World Is Waiting for Me to Fail

11:58 PM. The street lamps in the old town, as if suffering from prostatitis, dripped dim yellow light intermittently onto the damp asphalt road. The air reeked of a forced-opened expired can—a sign that the logic of reality was developing tiny cracks from exhaustion. Chu Lin sat behind the cash register of the "Midnight 24/7" convenience store, with a notebook whose cover had faded white in front of him. He was staring blankly at a row of soy sauce bottles on the bottom shelf. They were discounted 70% bottles of "Old Chen's" light soy sauce. Inside the transparent plastic bottles, the soy sauce was unusually dark, even glowing with a dull red hue like dried blood under the fluorescent lights. What was even more bizarre was that if you stared at the bottles for more than three seconds, the liquid inside would sway slightly, as if it were not a condiment but a hunk of sleeping, living slime mold. Chu Lin sighed, fished out a nearly dry ballpoint pen from under the cash register, and doodled a twisted ouroboros pattern in the notebook at will. "Life is tough; logic sighs," he muttered. At that moment, the store's sensor door emitted a "ding-dong" sound. The noise was particularly harsh in the silent night, like someone slashing open the belly of silence with a scalpel. Along with the cold wind came a woman holding a bright red umbrella. The umbrella was so vividly red that it seemed almost dripping. Under the cool-toned lights, instead of reflecting light, it was like a miniature black hole, greedily devouring the surrounding brightness. Half of the woman's face was hidden in the umbrella's shadow, and her exposed chin was as white as freshly applied lime powder. On her feet were a pair of bright red high-heeled shoes. She walked slowly, each step making a heavy thud, as if she were wearing not high heels but two heavy lead blocks. The most terrifying thing was that even though it wasn't raining outside, the tip of her umbrella kept dripping water. When those drops fell on the clean tile floor, they emitted wispy black smoke and instantly corroded small black spots the size of sesame seeds on the floor. Chu Lin didn't look up; his fingers still twirled the broken pen unconsciously. "Welcome. Leave the umbrella at the door—the floor was just mopped," his voice was lazy, like a dead fish dried out in the sun. The red-umbrella woman ignored him and walked straight to the cash register. As she approached, the temperature in the air plummeted sharply. The automatic barcode scanner on the cash register began to emit distorted electric current sounds, and the numbers on the screen jumped wildly like garbled code, finally freezing on a strange sequence of characters: 死 死 死 死 死 死 (Death Death Death Death Death Death)."I... w-want... to... b-buy... s-something..."The woman's voice sounded like two rusty saw blades rubbing against each other, each word carrying a grating stress. She raised her hand—a hand completely devoid of skin, with only dark red muscle fibers squirming slightly. In it, she held a piece of paper that looked like hell money, yet also like a piece of rotting skin. Chu Lin finally looked up. He didn't glance at the terrifying hand or the blood-red umbrella; instead, he stared at the floor under the woman's feet. "I said, leave the umbrella at the door," Chu Lin repeated, a hint of impatience in his tone. "With all the water you've dripped along the way, how much toilet cleaner will I need to get rid of this fishy smell tomorrow morning? Do you know toilet cleaner has gone up in price?" The red-umbrella woman froze. As the most notorious supernatural anomaly in the neighborhood recently—the "Midnight Red Umbrella"—she hadn't heard such... down-to-earth words in a long time. Ordinarily, when ordinary people saw her, their logical chains would collapse instantly. Fear would turn into the highest-dimensional nourishment, allowing her to transform reality into the hell under her red umbrella. "R-Rules... u-unalterable," the woman's voice suddenly rose, turning into a shrill scream. "Those who see the red umbrella... must leave their hearts to stitch the umbrella fabric!" She suddenly opened the red umbrella wide. Under the umbrella fabric were densely stitched countless blinking eyes! Those eyes, filled with extreme pain and pleading, stared fixedly at Chu Lin. This was the forced overwriting of reality by high-dimensional logic. In that instant, the sense of space in the convenience store began to undergo bizarre distortion. The shelves stretched infinitely, the ceiling turned into a huge, rotting membrane of flesh, and the red umbrella became the center of the universe. Just as this terror descended, the convenience store's glass door was pushed open again. Supernatural Investigation Bureau on duty! Unauthorized personnel, evacuate immediately! "A cold, extremely oppressive voice exploded in the narrow storefront. Su Yaoguang, dressed in a tailored black tactical windbreaker and combat boots, strode in. Her right hand was wrapped in a faint layer of black ink, which seemed to have a life of its own, hissing dangerous aura between her fingers. Her left hand rested on the handle of a black long umbrella at her waist—a "Logic Severer" specially developed by the Investigation Bureau. As an S-Rank Investigator, Su Yaoguang immediately recognized the danger level of this anomaly. It was a Grade-A supernatural incident with a high degree of logical invasion. The surrounding space had already begun to conceptualize; if not dealt with quickly, the entire street would be dragged into the "Illogical Dimension" by this red umbrella."Hide under the cash register!" Su Yaoguang didn't look at Chu Lin; her gaze was locked on the red-umbrella ghost. In her eyes, this pale young man in a cheap clerk's uniform was clearly terrified stiff.Su Yaoguang's figure flickered, and the black ink streaked a sharp arc through the air. She believed in violent aesthetics—when dealing with such illogical anomalies, the best approach was to physically shatter them with more overbearing logic. However, just as Su Yaoguang was about to draw the black umbrella and forcibly sever the spatial node, a sudden crisp sound interrupted everyone's rhythm."Crack!"It was the sound of glass shattering. The energy field released by the red-umbrella ghost had been too intense. Something on the bottom shelf couldn't withstand the high-frequency vibration and burst open directly.Su Yaoguang froze for a moment, as she felt an extremely absurd stench, completely inconsistent with the combat atmosphere, quickly fill the store.It was... soy sauce?Chu Lin slowly stood up.His movements were so slow that Su Yaoguang even thought he had been scared stiff. But his lazy aura underwent a subtle change at this moment, like a pair of eyes belonging to a deep-sea behemoth suddenly lighting up beneath the surface of a calm lake."That bottle of Old Chen's light soy sauce..." Chu Lin lowered his head, his voice deep and terrifying. "It was the 70% off promotional item. The last one in the store—I was saving it to cook noodles tomorrow.""Are you still worrying about soy sauce at a time like this?" Su Yaoguang was exasperated. She waved her right hand, and the ink transformed into a barrier, shielding Chu Lin behind it. "Get out! This isn't a place for you!"The red-umbrella ghost let out wild laughter. She felt the pitifully weak "desire to survive" emanating from Chu Lin—this was the perfect sacrifice. She spun the umbrella, and countless blood-red silk threads hung down from the umbrella fabric. These threads represented the causal law of "certain death"; once touched, the target's life logic would be forcibly canceled."Die..."The blood-red silk threads shot toward Chu Lin like venomous snakes.Chu Lin moved.He didn't dodge, nor did he show any fear. He simply reached out, pulled a rusty utility knife used for opening packages from the pen holder on the cash register.Then, he gently sliced at the empty air."Amendment Article 404: On my premises, those who damage private property shall forfeit their immunity as 'fear entities'. Their behavioral logic shall be forcibly corrected to 'debtor' mode."His voice wasn't loud, yet it carried an unquestionable absolute authority. It cut through the shrill ghostly wails, penetrated Su Yaoguang's logical barrier, and echoed directly between every atom in the entire convenience store.In that instant, Su Yaoguang's pupils contracted sharply.In her field of vision, which possessed "logical observation" capabilities, the store space that had already collapsed and become blood-red and distorted was suddenly pressed down hard by an invisible hand and forcibly pulled back to its original state!Those blood-red silk threads representing "certain death" suddenly underwent a ridiculous mutation one centimeter before touching Chu Lin's nose—they turned into translucent strips of paper covered with the words "IOU".The red-umbrella ghost's scream abruptly stopped. She stared in horror as her incorporeal ghostly form suddenly became extremely solid. Moreover, in her hand was no longer that terrifying red umbrella, but a... long-handled mop.That bizarre red umbrella, covered with stitched eyes, was now huddled pitifully in the corner, transformed into a red plastic bucket printed with the words "Labor for Debt Repayment"."W-What... have you done?" For the first time, a "human" emotion appeared in the woman's hoarse voice—extreme collapse.Chu Lin stepped out from behind the cash register, ignored the dumbfounded Su Yaoguang, and walked straight to the red-umbrella ghost.Due to the "rule correction", the originally tall red-umbrella ghost now had to hunch over awkwardly, because Chu Lin had just added a temporary rule: Debtors shall not exceed 1.6 meters in height in the presence of creditors."That bottle of soy sauce was 12.8 yuan original price, 3.8 yuan after discount. Plus the cleaning fee for the floor corrosion, mental damages, and the repair cost for the barcode scanner you just broke..." Chu Lin quickly pressed the calculator in his notebook. "Total: 864 yuan. Since you don't have circulating currency, we'll calculate by hourly wage now—20 yuan per hour. You have to work here for 43 hours and 12 minutes.""I am a fierce ghost! I am a high-dimensional virus!" The woman roared angrily, trying to open the umbrella again."Amendment Addendum: During the performance of duties, debtors are prohibited from making loud noises and using any high-dimensional illegal plugins." Chu Lin glanced at her coldly."Boom!"The red-umbrella ghost was hit by an invisible sledgehammer, and her knees slammed heavily onto the ground. The mop in her hand, which should have been a murder weapon, involuntarily rubbed frantically in the puddle of soy sauce on the floor."Clean it up. Don't leave a single spot," Chu Lin ordered condescendingly. "Also, stop the umbrella tip from dripping—otherwise, each drop will add one hour to your working time."The red-umbrella ghost trembled. She found that the "virus logic" in her body had been locked by a higher-level, more absurd force. She was no longer some urban legend; she was just an unlucky temporary worker who had to scrub the floor hard because she broke a bottle of soy sauce.Su Yaoguang stood at the store entrance, the black umbrella in her hand still trembling slightly. Her proud S-Rank combat intuition told her that everything in front of her was beyond the scope of "science" or "supernatural abilities."She watched as the thick, ink-like ghostly aura was forcibly diluted by Chu Lin's absurd logic into a substance called "cheap labor.""Who are you, exactly?" Su Yaoguang finally found her voice. She tightened her grip on the umbrella handle, staring warily at the man who was now squatting on the ground examining the shards of the soy sauce bottle.Chu Lin looked back at her.Due to the forced correction of reality just now, there were still faint TV snow-like disordered ripples in his pupils that hadn't dissipated. When those ripples entered Su Yaoguang's eyes, she felt a strong dizziness, as if one more glance would completely format her cognition that "the world is material."But this abnormal phenomenon disappeared in an instant, and Chu Lin soon returned to his sleepy, dead-fish-eyed look."Me? Just a clerk struggling at the poverty line," Chu Lin said, pointing to the red-umbrella ghost who was now mopping the floor vigorously. "Miss, if you're not buying anything, please don't stand at the door. The sensor door keeps opening, and the air conditioning bill is expensive."Su Yaoguang took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm the shock in her heart. She stepped into the store, her boots making crisp sounds on the tiles."I'm Su Yaoguang, S-Rank Investigator of the Supernatural Investigation Bureau," she walked up to Chu Lin, her gaze sharp as a knife. "The ability you used just now does not belong to any known supernatural ability sequence. You rewrote the underlying logic of the anomaly.""I don't understand what you're talking about," Chu Lin sat back behind the cash register and flipped through the notebook. "I'm just safeguarding a citizen's legitimate right to property safety. The soy sauce broke—she has to compensate. That's logic.""This kind of logic only works in normal society, not on them," Su Yaoguang said, pointing to the red-umbrella ghost who was now sweating profusely (or rather, oozing ghostly aura) from mopping. "Unless... you yourself have the authority to define rules."Chu Lin stopped his movements.The lights in the convenience store flickered. At that moment, the space seemed to undergo a subtle shift at the micro level. Su Yaoguang felt that Chu Lin's aura was expanding, so much so that it almost filled the entire universe—but the next second, that feeling disappeared, as if it were just an illusion."Define authority?" Chu Lin chuckled, fished out an unopened bottle of mineral water from under the counter, and pushed it over. "Two yuan. Drink some water to calm your nerves, Miss Su. You look like an elite who often works overtime until cognitive dissonance. For this condition, more rest is the cure."Su Yaoguang didn't take the water. She stared into Chu Lin's eyes, trying to find a flaw, but all she saw was extreme exhaustion and a world-weary laziness."I must take this anomaly with me," Su Yaoguang said solemnly. "It's an important sample of 'logical invasion'; leaving it in the private sector will trigger uncontrollable disasters.""You can take her," Chu Lin spread his hands. "First, settle the 864 yuan she owes me. Cash or transfer?"Su Yaoguang was stunned. She had executed countless missions—seen people kneeling and begging for their lives, seen people driven mad, and even seen cultists trying to make deals with anomalies.But she had never seen anyone ask the Investigation Bureau for "ghost ransom.""A-Are you extorting the Investigation Bureau?" Su Yaoguang was so angry that she laughed. Her cold heart, hardened by years of fighting, was unexpectedly stirred by this absurd request."This is called debt assignment," Chu Lin corrected. "She's your prisoner, but she's my debtor. If you want to take her, you have to fulfill her debt obligations on her behalf. This is common sense in a rule-of-law society, Miss Su. Does the Investigation Bureau not have to abide by the law?"Su Yaoguang stared at Chu Lin for a full three minutes.There was no trace of energy fluctuation on this man; he looked like an ordinary, subhealthy urban youth. But the red-cloaked fierce ghost who was diligently mopping the floor was a living reminder of how terrifying this man was.She could feel that if she forcibly took the red-umbrella ghost now, she would most likely trigger some kind of "correction logic" set by Chu Lin. At that point, even she might be forcibly corrected into an absurd role like "convenience store part-time promoter.""Fine," Su Yaoguang gritted her teeth, pulled a stack of cash from her windbreaker pocket, and slammed it on the cash register. "Here's 900 yuan—keep the change. Now, can I take her?"Chu Lin took the money, counted it carefully twice to confirm there were no counterfeit bills or hell money, and then showed the first sincere smile of the night."Of course. The customer is God. Since you've settled her bill, she's free now."Chu Lin snapped his fingers.The red-umbrella ghost, who was kneeling and mopping the floor, suddenly felt her body lighten—the rule constraints that had been crushing her were gone. She jumped up suddenly; her first reaction was not to attack, but to glance at Chu Lin in terror, then turned into a blur of shadows, trying to drill into Su Yaoguang's black umbrella for shelter.She would rather be dissected and studied in the Investigation Bureau's containment facility than stay in this convenience store mopping the floor! The way that clerk looked at her was not like looking at a terrifying supernatural anomaly, but like looking at a piece of self-walking rag!Su Yaoguang put away the black umbrella, absorbing the shrunken red shadow into it.She glanced deeply at Chu Lin: "Chu Lin, right? I'll be watching you.""Welcome anytime. But next time, remember to change your clothes," Chu Lin sat back on his swivel chair and yawned. "The material of your windbreaker produces unnecessary reflections under fluorescent lights, interfering with my scanning. That's also a rule."Su Yaoguang snorted coldly, turned around, and pushed the door open to leave.As the sensor door closed again, the convenience store returned to silence.Chu Lin neatly put the 900 yuan into the drawer, then walked to the bottom shelf and stared at the broken soy sauce bottle emitting an unusual odor.His eyes gradually turned cold."Old Chen's soy sauce... bottle batch number 0714," he muttered softly, reaching out to gently touch the remaining soy sauce liquid.The moment the liquid touched his fingertips, it suddenly began to jump wildly, forming a small, spinning vortex. In the center of the vortex, a tiny human face faintly appeared, letting out a silent wail at Chu Lin."The purity of this 'virus' is getting higher and higher," Chu Lin turned off the store's fluorescent lights, leaving only the faint glow from the cash register.He returned to his chair, opened the endless notebook, and wrote another line under the ouroboros pattern he had drawn earlier:"Reality Correction Record: Red Umbrella Incident. Correction Cost: 1 bottle of soy sauce. Gains: 900 yuan, and a troublesome observer."After writing, he closed the notebook and sank into the dark shadows.At that moment, the phone he had placed on the counter vibrated.The screen lit up—it was a text message from an unknown number. The content of the message was only a few short words, yet it plunged the convenience store, which had just calmed down from the supernatural invasion, into an even deeper silence:"Chu Lin, the red umbrella that woman (Su Yaoguang) brought is actually part of herself. What you just... corrected was her soul. Congratulations—you're one step closer to 'complete awakening'."Chu Lin stared at the phone screen, his face expressionless.The red rain outside the window seemed to really start falling. What had originally been just a metaphorical "red rain" was now turning into a tangible liquid, tapping patter against the convenience store's glass windows.And Chu Lin's shadow, stretched by the faint light of the cash register, was writhing strangely on the wall. The shape of the shadow was no longer that of a man sitting on a chair, but an endless... huge hole holding an umbrella.He casually turned off the phone."Soul correction? What a hassle."Chu Lin closed his eyes, as if none of this had anything to do with him."I just want... to pay this month's rent."The convenience store's sign flickered twice in the rain, then went out completely. At the end of the dark street, Su Yaoguang stopped, glancing doubtfully at her black umbrella. On the black umbrella fabric, at some point, there was an indistinct, indelible... soy sauce stain. At the same time, in a dimension invisible to Su Yaoguang, her right arm, composed of black ink, was suddenly redefined by some force. Amidst the surging ink, a layer of fine red lines emitting the smell of old soy sauce suddenly appeared. These lines intertwined to form a strange name: Chu Lin. The hook had already been planted. At this moment, the cracks in logic truly began to expand.