It had been a week since the Dullahan had shown up.
I was feeling restless.
It had been a full three weeks since I had arrived in this world, yet the totality of my adventuring activities were conducted on the second and third days.
Don't get me wrong, I've learnt a great deal in these three weeks. I've learnt motherfucking magic, I've worked hard and improved my swordsmanship in the last couple of weeks, and studied a great deal to become more familiar with the monsters of this world.
But I didn't want more theoretical, I wanted practical; I wanted to fight.
"I want to take on a quest," I said, announcing my thoughts to the table.
"Yes!" Aqua was quick to voice her approval for the idea, having been working hard as a store clerk to make back the money she owed me.
Megumin and Darkness were less enthusiastic, but agreed to consider the idea.
"C'mon Aqua," I began, "Let's go look at the available quests,"
"Right," she said, standing and walking ahead of me towards the quest board.
The light, natural sway in her step making her barely covered ass move nicely.
My eyes tracked the movement, enjoying the view as we approached our destination, where I then stood beside her as she scanned the board.
I looked to the board like she was and began checking them myself.
'Manticore and Griffon' nope.
'Magic experiments' no thank you.
'sword training' no. I wasn't good enough, and Darkness sure as hell wasn't either.
"Kazuma," Aqua called, pointing at a quest, "What about this one?"
'Hunting Manticore and Griffon are fighting for territory. It is dangerous to leave them alone, please hunt both of them. Bounty is 500,000 Eris.'
Is she insane?
"Huh? We'd be dead in seconds if we tries to fight them!"
"Well I thought," that's not good, "that we could just let Megumin hit them when they're fighting. Take 'em both down in one shot!"
I'll admit; that's a damn good plan.
"That…" I began, "is a really smart plan," she smiled brightly, "but," the smile lessened, "it's too risky. If either of them is left alive, then we're all screwed. So good plan, but no,"
She tsk-ed her tongue, annoyed, but didn't argue.
"What about this one then? I could do it really easy!"
'– Lake purification–The lake which was one of the water sources for the town had been polluted. Brutal alligators had moved into the lake. Request for someone to purify the lake. The monsters in the lake will leave after purifying the lake, there is no need to fight the monsters *Requirement: Priest with purification magic. Reward is 300,000 Eris.'
So she planned to purify the entire lake while being attacked by vicious- sorry, 'Brutal' alligators?
"And how would you deal with the alligators?"
"Er… You guys could protect me?"
"and how long would it take to finish?"
"Umm… Half a day?"
That was way too long.
"Hmm. We don't know how many there'll be or how strong they are. Maybe-" I paused, idea forming, "Say, how deep in the water would you have to be to purify it?"
"I just need to be able to touch it," she answered.
"Then how about we rent a high strength cage. You could sit in it to purify the lake, and the alligators wouldn't even be able to touch you! And if any of them get a little too excited, we'll be there to take care of them,"
"That sound great!" she said happily.
We went back to our table to discuss it with our other party members and plans were made to do the quest the very next day.
We managed to hire a cage directly from the Guild; fortunately, it came with wheels, so we wouldn't have to carry the half-ton steel box all the way to the lake.
Once we arrive, I found a tree near the edge of the lake. We slowly wheeled the cage into the water so it flowed up onto the floor of the cage, lapping lightly at Aqua's thighs as she sat on the floor of it.
I tied the thick rope that came attached to the cage around the wide trunk of the tree, ensuring that the cage, with Aqua inside, wouldn't go anywhere.
"Alright Aqua!" I called to her from 15 or so meters back, "Let's get this done!"
"Right! 'Purification'! 'Purification'! 'Purifica-'"
The water of the lake began to stir, and out from it burst six alligators.
Well shit.
They immediately went for the cage, and Aqua let out a shriek.
"Kazuma-"
"Keep going!" I yelled, cutting her off as I jumped to my feet.
Finally, some combat.
They were all intently focused on Aqua, seemingly not happy with her magical purifying and began slamming against, biting and pulling at the bars.
"Come on Megumin!" I called to the still sitting young woman, "Let's go get them! And no 'Explosion'! Darkness, you stay back and keep over-watch!"
"Right!" they called simultaneously.
Together, Megumin and I ran towards the water. I pulled my short sword from my scabbard as Megumin stopped and brought up her staff.
They looked identical to Earth alligators, so I need to stay clear from the jaws whenever possible. I've gotta keep in mind though, massive closing force, but very little opening force. I'll be able to hold them shut with one hand, I just gotta be careful when I do it.
And do not, under any circumstances, let it get me into the water. Then I'll be completely fucked.
I charged towards the nearest alligator, who sat on the right of the cage, outside the water, sword held firmly in both hands, and swung at the creature's neck.
"'Purifi-"
It connected, but didn't pierce. The armour was too thick to slash, but the force still stunned the animal.
"-n'! 'Purifica-"
I took a step back to adjust my stance. I stepped forward, nearly on top of it now, and thrust downward at it, putting my body weight behind the strike.
"-ication'!"
The blade broke through the armour and carried on, carving through the weak underside and ploughing into the soft earth.
"-tion'! Purificati-"
The alligator struggled, but died in the second it took to free my blade.
"'Detonate'!"
A wave of hot air, accompanying a harsh bang, flowed over me from my right. I turned and saw a small crater, as well as two of the alligators; one of which upside down, that then quickly righted itself.
"-on'! 'Purifi-"
The monsters had moved around the other side of the cage to attack me, but had been knocked back by Megumin's spell.
A plan formed.
"Megumin!" I yelled, "Aim underneath them on one side! Get them upside down!"
"-fication'!"
"Got it!" She yelled back, already preparing her next spell.
I looked back to my right and saw that another two had shifted their attention to myself.
"-cation'!"
I feinted forward, and the closer monster clamped shut its maw on empty air.
"-on'! 'Purifi-"
I took advantage, taking a step forward and pushing my heel down on the top of its snout, locking it shut.
"'Detonate'!"
Its ally immediately charged at me, unhappy with the trapping of its brethren. It opened its mouth wide to attack as I spun, building momentum for my extended foot.
"'Purifi-"
My kick connected to the creature's lower jaw, that had lifted to aim for my torso, and the entire thing shifted, slamming headfirst into the cage.
"-n'! 'Puri-"
A 'crack' informed me that its jaw had broken completely, if the new diagonal position hadn't already done so.
"-ication'!"
The alligator under me had evidently had enough, as it rolled, nearly unbalancing me, but I coasted along on the remaining moment from my kick to right myself.
"'Detonate'!"
I dropped to a knee while it was still rolling and easily pushed my blade through the much softer skin that it had foolishly left exposed, straight into the thing's brain, killing it immediately. I jumped at the other alligator, now swordless, as it attempted to recover, delivering a brutal kick to the back of its neck.
"-urfica-"
I heard another 'crack' and it stopped trying to recover.
"-tion'!"
I quickly retrieved my sword and ran around the cage towards Megumin.
The three remaining alligators had moved in front of her, but seemed to be hesitant to attack; the burn marks and craters likely the reasoning behind it.
As I turned the corner around the cage, the closest one charged at me, before literally jumping at my head.
Yeah, a ~200 kilogram carnivorous reptile just jumped a metre and half into the air and was now sailing, mouth open, towards my head.
Fucking excellent.
I leant back as quickly and as far as I humanly could, until my torso was perpendicular to the floor.
And motherfucking 'Matrix' style, the giant scaly death machine sailed straight over me.
In the process of leaning back, my sword had unintentionally come up to bear, and dug into the soft flesh on the underside of the monster, carving a long, but shallow gash along its chest.
I managed to pull myself upright, and turned to a dumbfounded Megumin.
"Flip it!" I screamed, pointing my sword to the other alligators.
She blinked, then cast.
"'Detonate'!"
A flash of heat and light erupted from underneath the closer monsters back leg, it was violently launched into the air, crashing back down onto its top side.
I didn't waste the opportunity, and ran forward.
But I couldn't chance being stuck without my sword.
I grew a foot long ice spike from the palm of my hand as I jumped on top of my upside down enemy, quickly plunging it down into its midsection, before continuing my forward path.
I kicked off from the injured monster into the air towards my only uninjured enemy. I swivelled my hips and brought an axe kick down onto its snout, forcing its nose into the dirt.
I summoned another ice spike, dropped down, and forced it in through the unsuspecting alligator's eye, through the socket, and into its brain.
An incredible, agonising sensation spread from my left leg. The jumping alligator had attacked again, and had snapped its mouth closed around my lower leg.
It pulled my back and I fell, sword falling from a numb grip. The pain that I already thought beyond awful increased exponentially as it began rolling, twisting me along on its deadly ride.
I got my free leg around and started kicking at it, but it only tightened its grip.
Crack.
Oh god. It hurt so much I nearly lost consciousness.
With the pain came rage. A true, legitimate anger; something I'd never experienced.
This filthy motherfucker would not be killing me. And it was gonna hurt for ever daring to touch me.
With a scream, I gathered all my strength, pulled myself closer to it, and kicked as hard as I could at the base of its jaw. A crack sounded that was satisfying beyond belief sounded, and its hold immediately loosened.
I pulled my leg free and kicked again, aiming for the side opposite the break, causing the other bone to snap.
That wasn't enough. It was going to suffer.
I slipped the fingers of each hand in between the teeth of both jaws, the bottom one now slack, and pulled.
The jaws separated.
15 degrees, 30, 45, but I kept pulling.
60, 90, 150, and I kept pulling.
With a strength I didn't know I possessed, I pulled, and I pulled the alligator's bottom jaw straight off it.
The sound of ripping flesh was symphonic, the warm splattering of its blood held comfort like nothing else, and my trophy came free.
I wasn't done.
I dropped my prize, still holding the top jaw, and shoved my hand into its now gaping throat, and it burned.
I pushed as much magic I could into turning this stupid fucking creature into a motherfucking firework.
Watching it burn, hearing flesh sear, smelling meat cook; it was too much, and I laughed.
I fucking cackled as I killed this helpless monster in the most painful way that was physically possible.
I stood, broken leg crying in agony, blood pouring from the wound, dragging the corpse up with me.
I tossed the carcass away when I was upright, showing as much disrespect as I could, and looked around.
Darkness, Aqua, and Megumin all stared at me with wide eyes. Eyes full of awe and fear.
I stood, covered from head to toe in mud and gore, and spoke two words; "Fuck alligators,"
Laughs of fear and relief escaped from the watching three.
I sighed and leant against the cage.
It was looking to be another long day
Aqua quickly healed my leg before getting back to her purifying, and Megumin and I were easily able to deal with the stray alligators that appeared over the next few hours, Megumin flipping them over with her 'Detonate' spell, and myself quickly dispatching them.
After Aqua had completely restored the lake, we began our journey home, though Aqua refused to leave the cage, saying she was too tired to walk all the way back.
Once we arrived back in town, attention began gathering on us, specifically on Aqua, who lay on her front in the cage, lazily kicking her legs, humming a happy tune to herself.
"God- goddess-sama! Is that you goddess-sama? What are you doing in such a place?!"
Who the fuck was this guy?
The cry came from a male teen, slightly older than myself. He was taller than I was by a couple of inches, but had significantly broader shoulders, and a stronger looking physique.
Brown hair and eyes adorned a dopey looking face.
He looked like a stereotypical protagonist from a manga.
I already wanted to slap him.
He rushed up to the cage and grabbed a hold of the bars.
The steel beams which had easily restricted access from the alligators bent with ease as he pulled them apart.
The fuck?
He reached inside for a speechless Aqua, but stopped when Darkness spoke.
"Hey, don't act familiar with my companion and touch her. Who are you? If she knew you, why would Aqua not have any reaction?"
Unlike her envious eyes when she saw Aqua surrounded by brutal alligator, Darkness was now a shield protecting her comrades, a proud crusader.
It would be great if she acted this way slightly more often.
The man glanced at Darkness, sighed and shook his head.
His demeanour seemed to be saying he didn't want to create trouble but he had no choice.
The man's attitude clearly pissed off Darkness who doesn't normally show her emotion openly.
"Oi," I said to Aqua, catching her attention, "You know this guy?"
She shook her head at me from her seat on the floor of the cage.
He obviously knew her, so she's probably just forgotten.
"Ah! Goddess!" She exclaimed, "That's right, I am a goddess. And? What problems do you want this goddess to settle? You people really are helpless!"
She stepped out of the cage through the gap in the bars the random guy had made, and dropped to the floor.
After exiting the cage, Aqua tilted her head at the man.
"… Who are you?" She asked, confusion evident in her voice.
"Why are you saying this goddess-sama! It's me Mitsurugi Kyouya! I received the sword Gram from you!"
"…?"
Aqua still tilted her head, not sure how to respond.
Ah, he's like me; a Reincarnate.
Looks like he'd taken the smart approach and taken a weapon.
Lucky guy.
He was wearing armour that looked very expensive and glowed blue lightly. On his waist was a sword in a large black scabbard.
Behind him stood two young, beautiful women, also similar in age. They both clearly carried affection for the newly named 'Mitsurugi', but one look at his face told me he had no idea.
God, I hate people this unperceptive so fucking much. Just roll over and die already you stupid fuck.
"Ah! Yes! Right! Er… you… Sorry, I totally forgot about you. I sent a lot of people here, so it couldn't be helped that I forgot!"
I wonder how many she has sent.
"Eh, it's been a while, Aqua-sama," he began, a little uncertain, but confidence returning, "As your chosen hero, I had been working hard every day. My job is Sword master. I am already level 37… Oh right, why is Aqua-sama doing here? Or rather, why were you locked in the cage?"
'Chosen Hero'? Yikes. Aqua really should be more careful with her word choices.
He glanced at me, suspicion on his face. So in Mitsurugi's eyes, I was the one locking Aqua in the cage?
Fucking tard. It was pretty clear she wasn't against her position.
Even if I told him she was the one who didn't want to come out, this guy wouldn't believe me.
"She's in the cage 'cos she was too lazy to walk. Because sitting in a lake to purify it was so much work," I said, deadpan, rolling my eyes as the girl in question let out a guilty chuckle.
"and she's on this planet because she's the thing I chose to bring here," I said to him quietly, so the others wouldn't hear.
"Preposterous! This is too illogical! What were you thinking, bring goddess-sama to this world? And you locked her in a cage and threw her in the lake for this quest?"
Huh? Just how stupid is this dude?
He reached forward to grab my collar, but I intercepted him, and caught his wrists.
"Don't touch me," I said darkly, staring him down before dropping his arms.
"You- what are you doing? This is nothing, I am living every day happily, and am not angry about being brought to this world!" Aqua explained to him, "And I can go back after defeating the Demon King! Today's quest was a bit scary, but it was resolved smoothly. No one was hurt and the rewards is 300,000 Eris. 300,000! And everyone said they will let me take most of it!
She had done the metaphorical hard lifting, so we agreed that Aqua would get half.
"Aqua-sama, I don't how this man," he retorted, gesturing at me, "talked you into this, but you are being treated too poorly. After such a sacrifice, you only earned 300,000? You are a goddess! For a goddess to be treated this way…" He trailed off, before asking a question, "By the way, where do you stay at night?"
Does this dude not get that Aqua's divine status is meant to be kept incognito? Eh, guess I'll punch his head in as revenge.
"At the inn with Kazuma," Aqua she replied simply, "which is better than most adventurers get, they have to stay in the stables, all because Kazuma is so good at managing our money,"
"Guilty," I said as he looked at me, and I gave a small, sarcastic bow.
Mitsurugi broke eye contact quickly, and instead looked at the other two members of our party.
"A Crusader and an Arch wizard? And… They look rather good too. Seems that you had great luck in finding companions, but that doesn't make sense. Don't you feel ashamed in letting these two excellent members sleep in the stables? You mentioned your job is basically the weakest; 'Ranger' right?"
I glanced at Aqua and raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"I think," Aqua began in a whisper, "he was granted a powerful sword when he was transported to this world, and completed a bunch of high difficulty quest from the beginning. He probably had no worries about money… But that's the usual case for people with special abilities or equipment,"
Real lucky guy…
He spoke to the three women of my party, a sympathetic smile on his face.
"It must have been hard on you all so far," he began, "Please join me from now on. Of course, I won't let you all sleep in the stables, and I'll buy the full set of premium equipment for you. The balance of the team is great. I am a sword master, my warrior comrade and you as a crusader: along with my thief comrade, this arch wizard and Aqua-sama. What a perfect combination, it's a match made in heaven."
Oh my. It would seem I haven't been included.
How strange.
"It feels wrong. He is so bad that it made me cringe. And he was the one doing all the talking with his narcissistic tendencies, which frighten me," Aqua said quietly, mainly speaking with the other two to whom the offer had been extended.
"What should we do? For some reason I am unable to physically accept this man. I prefer active people over passive ones, but somehow that guy makes me want to beat him up," Darkness agreed.
Yeah, I know the feeling.
"Can I cast my magic? Can I throw an explosion spell into the face of the elitist putting up a front? A guy who's never had to go through any hardship before?" Megumin asked rhetorically.
That's quite the negative assessment of you Mitsurugi-san.
"Hey, Kazuma, let's hurry to the guild, okay? I might be the one who gave him the powerful sword, but I think it'd be better not to get too close with people like him,"
I nodded and turned to Mitsurugi, "That sounds like a pretty resounding 'no' to me, so we'll be off. You'd better pay us back for the cage you just destroyed, too. Let's not meet again, yeah?" I said dismissively, turning to leave.
Ah. He was blocking the path.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes as he began to speak once more.
"Excuse me, but Aqua-sama is the one who bestowed this sword to me, and seeing my benefactor who granted me power fall to such a state, I couldn't simply ignore it. You couldn't save the world, the one to defeat the Demon King would be me. It would be better for Aqua-sama to follow me… You said you chose Aqua as the item to be brought along to this world with you right?"
Oh piss off already, you self-righteous fuck-nugget.
"That is correct,"
Standard human behavioural conventions lead me to believe that he's gonna challenge me, likely a bet with Aqua as the winning item.
I wonder how I should beat him.
Maybe just 'steal' his sword and decapitate him? Nah, lethal approach isn't wise with the girls around. Don't want 'em catching on to real personality so soon.
I could just knock him out… But I think I'll go with the BM (Bad Manners) option, and humiliate him as much as possible.
"If that is the case, how about making a bet?"
Now who would've guessed that? "
You chose Aqua-sama as the 'thing' to be brought along with you right? If I win, you have to give Aqua-sama to me; If you win, I can promise you one thing; anything,"
"Since you challenged me, I get to decide how we fight yeah?"
He looked at me suspiciously, "So long as it is fighting, yes,"
"Then how about unarmed?" I said, smiling savagely, taking off my scabbard.
Megumin and Darkness looked concerned, but Aqua's eyes widened, before she too, began smiling smugly.
Mitsurugi looked surprised, but quickly agreed, taking off his own scabbard and settling into an incredibly amateurish fighting 'stance'.
I myself dropped into a basic kickboxing stance, a sport I had dabbled in, and gave him a 'come hither' finger wave.
He ran at me and threw a sloppy jab, one I easily dodged, before delivering a strong right hook to his kidney.
He staggered, but not as much as he should have, given the strength behind the blow.
Likely the 30 level difference between us.
He stepped back and tried for a roundhouse kick.
It was terrible, and I punished him for it, sweeping his left leg out from underneath him, knocking him down onto his back.
He looked surprised, stunned even, to be downed as quickly as he had been.
"Get up," I commanded.
He took half a second too long to start, so I put a hard kick into his side.
He winced, and curled to protect himself, but began standing.
He roared in anger and charged at me, fist back.
I let him come.
He threw his punch, and I let it sail past my head, before turning away from his punch, and grabbing his arm. He was heavy, but the running start he put behind his blow made it incredibly easy to execute my throw. I pulled him bodily over my shoulder, and threw him down flat on his back.
A perfectly executed Seoi nage.
Gasps from the audience ensued.
His breath escaped him, winded.
He started lifting his head.
I lowered myself to one knee and delivered a hard punch to his forehead. The force knocked his head back, only to bounce off the cobblestone street and into my fist once more.
Three solid punches later, I lowered my knee onto his throat, choking him.
After a few seconds of frantic struggling, I lent down and spoke to him.
"Try shit like this again," I said darkly as he struggled beneath me, "and you won't make it out alive. Got it?"
With hurried nodding, I lifted myself off his windpipe and stood upright.
He coughed and spluttered, taking precious oxygen into his lungs.
Now to make sure he didn't come for revenge.
I lent down once more and grabbed the collar of his armour and pulled him up, half a metre from the ground, before slamming him back down as hard as I could.
His head hit against the stone floor solidly, and he stayed there, unconscious.
"Y-you monster,"
One of his companions; the spear wielder.
"I am an advocate of true gender equality. If you think you can take me, then go right ahead. I'll do the same, and worse, without hesitation," they both flinched.
"I'm taking the sword," I said, taking, surprise, the sword.
"W-wait! You can't use it! It only works in the hands of Kyouya-sama!" the other woman spoke.
"It's true," Aqua confirmed, "It's very powerful, but only in his hands,"
"I'm taking it anyway. And remind him when he wakes that he'd better pay for the cage he broke. It wasn't cheap,"
Our party sat at the guild, and Aqua went to turn in our mission completion.
"Huh? I told you that it was that Mitsurugi prick that broke it, not me!" Aqua complained loudly.
"Umm, that may be, but unfortunately, that is a matter you must resolve yourself. The Guild can't take sides in anything between adventurers," Luna explained.
Aqua looked unhappy and annoyed, but accepted the quest reward with the repair costs cut out.
She walked back, and immediately began complaining.
"200,000 Eris! That ass cost me 200,000 Eris!" she exclaimed, before her face dropped.
"I'm sorry Kazuma, I still can't pay you back…"
I was about to reassure her when said ass appeared and made a bee-line for us.
"So that's where you are! I had a hard time finding you, Satou Kazuma!"
We were just talking about Mitsurugi when he showed up with his two female underlings at the entrance of the guild. Shouting my full name, which I never told him, Mitsurugi rushed to our table and slammed both hands down.
"Yes, I'm Kazuma,"
"Satou Kazuma! I asked a female thief about you and she told me everything immediately. She said you like to strip woman of their panties. Other than that, your interest is to cover girls in slime. Lots of people are talking about you, devilish Kazuma,"
"That evidence is circumstantial at best,"
"… Aqua-sama. I swear to you, after getting my sword back from that man, I will definitely defeat the Demon King. So please join me and form a party pu- ah…!"
I let out a low whistle.
That was a nice punch, he got some good distance there.
"Compensate me for the cage you destroyed! It's your fault that I had to pay for that cage you jerk! The cage was made through a special process and materials, so it cost 300,000 Eris!"
Oh my, how dishonest. I'm honestly proud.
"Three hundred and fifty thousand, remember?" I 'corrected' with a wink.
"Right!" She said, catching on immediately, "So you'd better pay up!"
After giving Aqua the money, he turned to me.
"It was still my loss. You won fair and square. Although it is shameless and selfish of me to say this after promising to do anything you wish… I beg of you! could you return the sword to me? That sword wouldn't be of much use to you, it is just sharper than normal swords if you wield it. That's the most you could get out of the sword… How about this? If you want a sword, I can buy the best sword in any shop and give it to you… Could you please return it to me?" he begged.
"Firstly, I wouldn't take your deal. You decided that my party member was an object to be had, and offer to buy me a decent sword essentially in exchange? Not a chance. Secondly, I don't have it," I replied, going back to my meal.
"Huh? Where is it?" he asked with building panic.
"Sold it,"
He let out a panicked scream and sprinted out of the room, his flunkies chasing after him.
"What is with that guy?" Darkness asked rhetorically, "Speaking of, he had been addressing Aqua as a goddess all this while, what is up with that?"
I worked to come up with an answer, but Aqua beat me to speaking.
"I had never told you this before, but I decided to say it now… I am Aqua. One of the patron goddess of the Axis cult, goddess of water… That's right, I am that goddess Aqua!"
"You had a dream like that?" Darkness asked.
I nearly choked on my food as I burst out laughing.
"Emergency broadcast! Emergency broadcast! Attention all adventurers, please prepare all your equipment and gather at the town's main gate ready for battle!"
Again?
Especially Satou Kazuma-san and his companions, please head to the scene as soon as possible!"
"Huh?"
What did the broadcast just say?
I rushed to the main gate.
My lightly armored self led the way, Aqua and Megumin reached shortly after. Only the heavily armored Darkness was still on the way.
Ah. It's the Dullahan again. What does he want this time?
Unlike last time, he brought a small army of monsters with him.
That would be a problem, but we've got Megumin with us, so should be fine.
After it saw Megumin and me, he roared.
"Why didn't you come to the castle? You are inhuman!"
"Why would we?" I retorted, "And what're you so pissed for? We stopped with the explosions!"
""Stopped casting explosion?" You say it stopped? Stop lying to me! That Crimson Demon clan girl with a screw loose had never stopped coming!"
"Huh?"
After hearing him, I looked at Megumin besides me.
Megumin averted her eyes immediately.
Are you kidding me?
She wouldn't have been able to get home by herself, so she must have had an accomplice.
I looked to Aqua. She suddenly found incredible interest in the floor in front of her.
Are you fucking kidding me?!
"You two are going to fucking get it after this,"
"I am not so furious because of the explosion magic! Don't you all have the will to save your comrade? I might be this way now, but before I was executed because of unjust reasons and morphed into a monster, I was a honourable knight. In my eyes, that crusader who was cursed while protecting her companions was the classic model of a knight, but you abandoned her…!"
He stopped at this point. Darkness who had just arrived in her clanking armour quietly made her way to myside.
The Dullahan locked eyes with Darkness, who was blushing from the praise she had received.
"He-hello…"
I could feel the 'What the fuck?' coming from him.
"It had been a week since Darkness was cursed but she is still alive, that shocked you, right?" Aqua asked rhetorically, dissolving into giggles, "The Dullahan definitely thought we would head to the castle to break the curse and was waiting for us in vain huh? He had no clue I broke the curse straight after he left, right? This is too funny!"
She couldn't contain herself and began laughing aloud.
"Hey, you there. If I get serious, I could kill all the adventurers in town and massacre the townsfolk. Don't think I'll keep letting you off! I am of the undead, and will never know fatigue. You bunch of rookies won't be able to stop me!" The Dullahan spoke, patients nearing its limit.
"I'm the one who has no reason to let you off! I won't let you escape this time! Acting so flashy for a mere undead, how arrogant! Disappear, 'Turn Undead'!"
A pale light stretched from Aqua's hand to the Dullahan.
"You think a general of the Demon King army wouldn't be prepared to fight Priests? Too bad. Including me, all the undead knights in this band had received the protection of the Demon King. We have very high resistance against holy spells-AHHHHH!" he cut off his monologue with a pained scream.
Black smoke rose from the parts of his armour hit by the spell, but he rose to his feet.
"Kazuma, Kazuma!" Aqua cried in a panic.
"Yes, I'm Kazuma,"
"This is strange; it's not working on him!"
"What do you mean? That looks like it hurt him a lot. He went 'AH' and everything," I retorted with my best imitation of the Dullahan's scream.
"Wait for me to finish!" he screeched "I am Beldia, one of the generals of the demon king army, Dullahan Beldia! With this armour that was enchanted by the demon king and my own powers, 'Turn Undead' from a normal priest won't work on me!" he said, finishing quietly with "It shouldn't work at all…"
He tilted the helmeted head he held under his arm.
Is that… like, a confused head-tilt?
I'm not sure it works so good when your head isn't connected to the rest of your body…
"Never mind. Because our diviner was raging on about a strong light descending near this town, I came here to investigate…"
Fuck, the Demon King noticed our arrival. We really needed to be careful.
"In the beginning, I thought it was too much of a hassle and considered destroying the entire town… but now?" he trailed off.
He made a stereotypical pouty 'hmmph' before saying, "You are not worthy enough for me to do it personally… Go, my brothers! Let them know what hell taste like!"
"Ah! That guy was definitely scared because Aqua's spell was unexpectedly effective! He is planning to use his minions to attack us while he escapes by himself to somewhere safe!" an adventurer shouted from behind us.
"Th-that's not it!" the Dullahan stammered, "This was my plan from the very beginning! The generals of the demon king army are not weaklings who escape on their own! You wouldn't fight the boss at the very start, of course you would need to defeat the underlings first, that's the tradition since ancient times," he said, making weak excuses.
"Wait a sec!" I called, and he paused, "Do you know Alchemy? Like, the proper Alchemy?"
He shook his head at my query, answering, "I'm not the general who knows Alchemy, no,"
"Hit him again,"
"'Sacred Turn Undead'!"
He screamed again.
"Wha- what should we do Kazuma! This is strange! My spell is not effective on him!"
"Don't worry; he just needs to be hurting,"
The Dullahan turned to his undead army.
"All the people in this town… Kill them all!" he screamed with pure malice.
They charged, but not randomly. It was with a purpose, a target.
Aqua.
They were running straight for her.
I grabbed her shoulder and pulled on her as I began running, screaming to her, "Go Aqua! Go! Fucking run!"
They immediately curved to follow us as we ran perpendicular to the city walls.
Aqua began properly running as she saw them beeline for us.
They weren't as fast as us fortunately, so we could keep ahead of them.
And I could use the age-old tactic.
Training.
I directed our path in a large loop around the Dullahan, his undead knight army following us diligently, until we were on the opposite side from the Dullahan, before I turned us 90 degrees and sprinted full speed straight towards the other adventurers.
"Megumin!" I screamed, when we made it past the Dullahan, skirting by him by 15 or so metres, "Big boom!"
"Right!"
"I am Megumin!" she exclaimed, "The elite wizard of the Crimson Magic clan, user of Explosion Magic! Demon King general Beldia! Watch my power closely! 'Explosion'!"
I quickly shielded Aqua, pulling her body in front of my own, as a cacophonous boom and pillar of fire erupted from near the Dullahan's position, right in the centre of the swarm of undead knights.
After a moment, the smoke and ash cleared enough to show that the 'minions' had all been wiped off the face of the planet.
The Dullahan, however, remained standing, seemingly untouched.
Well, fuck.
The Dullahan stood calming, cackling as he eyed Megumin.
"Interesting! That's interesting! To think my minions would be wiped out in a novice town like this! Alright, I will keep my promise!" he said, tone darkening, "I will take care of you all personally!"
And with that, he charged.
Adventurers around us bravely (read 'stupidly') charged to meet him.
"Hmm, if you all could defeat me through a stroke of luck, you would get a hefty sum of bounty… Come, novice adventurers dreaming of getting rich instantly. All of you come at me at together!" the Dullahan declared, unafraid.
"Hey, no matter how strong it is, it doesn't have eyes on its back! Surround it and attack!" cried an experienced looking adventurer.
Yikes, talk about obvious flags.
"Just buy more time! After hearing the emergency broadcast, the ace of this town will definitely rush over! If that Mitsurugi guy is here,"
Double yikes.
"the boss of the demon king army would be done for! Hey brothers, let's go together! Aim for its blind spot! All at the same time!"
Facing the man who shouted this as he attacked, Beldia tossed his head high into the air with one hand.
Wait, why did he do that? Ah, can he control his body separately?
I looked to the adventurers that had surrounded the Dullahan.
Well they're fucked I guess.
Beldia dodged all the attack with ease; he gripped its great sword in both hands, and in a blink of an eye, Beldia slashed at all the adventurers who attacked it, killing them all immediately.
A moment later, his head landed safely into his palm.
"Who's next?" he asked casually.
Aqua rushed forward to the bodies, likely trying to revive them.
I decided that the adventurers could use some help, so I called to them all with a basic plan.
"He's watching every move with his head in the air! We've got to get it off him!"
Looks of realisation spread across the adventurers, and more charged in to battle him, Darkness among them, now expressly aiming for his head.
He tossed it into the air once more, and immediately, the adventurers backed away.
The adventurers kept backing off, leaving only Darkness ready to fight.
I rushed forward as his head fell.
He couldn't fight me immediately, too concentrated on catching his head, and I managed a few swings at his sword arm.
"Darkness!" I commanded as he began his own swing, one that would undoubtedly spate my legs and torso.
Darkness appeared and stopped the blow with her own blade, and I aimed a thrust at his head.
He jumped back, dodging my thrust, and resetting his swords position.
We continued sparring back and forth, myself as offence, landing small blows occasionally while Darkness stopped his retaliations. We never could make any significant damage, his armour too strong, and he was quick enough to dodge any damage to his head.
The head not being attached made that easier for him.
I had an idea.
"'Steal'," I cast quietly, with no success.
We continued our three-man dance, though now I was spamming 'Steal' as often as I could.
The Dullahan paused as he jumped back once more.
"'Steal'?" He asked, incredulous, before letting out a bark of laughter, "A low level spell like that doesn't stand a chance against me!"
C'mon Lady Eris, I really need this right now.
If I pull this off, I swear I'll love you forever.
"'Steal'!"
A flash of light had me close my eyes for a moment, a weight settling in my hand.
I'd fucking done.
Fuck yes! Luck is the shit!
You are the best Eris-sama!
The Dullahan's helmeted head sat on my palm.
"Huh?"
I quickly dropped my sword, and using water and earth magic in my palm, I wiped mud over his eyes.
"Ahh!"
He screamed in pain?
Why?
Is it…
Water?
I sprayed some more water at the Dullahan's face, and he screamed again.
"Stop! Stop! Stop!" he screamed from my hand, his body convulsing, "Stop with the water already!"
I smiled viciously as another plan came to my mind.
"Aqua!" I screamed at the girl.
She looked at me in confusion, still tending to the bodies of dead adventurers.
I hurled the Dullahan's head at her.
"Soak him!" I screamed.
His screams of protest as he flew seemed to be the only other motivation for Aqua to do as I asked.
She caught his helmet with both hands and immediately began blasting him with torrents of water sprouting from her hands.
The general of the Demon King army named Beldia screamed beautifully as he died.
"Kazuma! Kazuma!" The adventurers cheered.
I picked up the sword I had dropped and raised it in triumph.
They roared in approval.
Hear that world?
Don't fuck with me.
Or suffer the consequences.