( Lucas ★ )
After answering Maria's call and hearing what happened, I couldn't help but clutch my shirt as my heart sank to my stomach.
"No no no no!"
"I won't allow it!" I said gritting my teeth. The mere thought pained my very soul.
Without a second to waste, I rushed to my car, driving as fast as I could to her apartment. On my way, there was a traffic jam due to the snowstorm, which caused my blood to boil.
"Damn it! Come on!" I shouted as I banged on my steering wheel, my mind filled with rage. Not wanting to waste a moment more. I parked my car and ran to Maria's apartment. As I ran, my thoughts continued to plague me. I didn't care about the cold, the distance, or even Maria and how she was feeling or doing, I was only worried about the little boy. No kid should go through what happened to me... no kid should suffer in that way ever again. Not once I breathe.
After a few minutes of running up the stairs, I arrived at Maria's apartment.
"You ma..." before Maria could speak, I rushed past her and towards the little boy. As my eyes landed on him, my heart sank. The little boy reminded me a lot of myself.
"Hi, little one, you are Autumn, right? I'm Lucas," I said as I kneeled to him and gave him a warm smile as he looked into my eyes.
His tiny figure was visibly shaking, still scared as he pulled back a little. Seeing this, it hit hard... it was like looking in a mirror. As he stared into my eyes, he also began to smile. It felt as if a connection was made instantly, a shared understanding of pain as if we were two sides of the same coin.
After confirming he was okay, I looked at Maria, and I was astonished, her eyes showed something different... something that definitely wasn't care. Her eyes seemed to carry a hint of anger and bitterness. Not the kind of anger that sets things on fire, but more like that of a child who didn't get what they wanted at Christmas, after everyone else had received their gifts.
I lowered my arm and gently ruffled Autumn's hair. " Hey Autumn, we'll be back, okay?" I then took Maria by the wrist and led her to the next room.
Once in the room, I leaned towards Maria's ear and whispered," Are you okay, honey? You seem a bit off."
"Are you stressed by everything that is going on?" I asked in a serious tone.
"No, I'm okay! I'm fine!" Maria responded with a tense voice.
"Do you want me to take Autumn and take care of him properly?" I asked.
"Do you also think I'm irresponsible?"
"I never said that, honey," I said, trying to reassure her.
"Well, I'm not. I can take care of him myself!" She said in a sharp tone.
"What did I do wrong? Tell me."
"Nothing, Lucas, you're the perfect one, and I'm the screw up."
"I..."
"I don't want to hear it."
"Fine"
"Fine!" she said before storming off back to the living room where Autumn was.
I could only sigh, I couldn't understand the aggression in her voice. I looked at the two of them as my mind spiraled. I wanted to leave, to keep the peace, to satisfy my anger. But deep down, it felt wrong to leave. I knew it was right to stay. Especially since I too, once went through something similar to what Autumn is currently going through.
So I swallowed my pride and called Maria back to the room, and after going back and forth with whispering tones about who was going to take care of Autumn. He suddenly entered the room, his eyes filled with innocent curiosity.
"Miss? Mister? What are you talking about?" he asked softly, suspicion flickering in his gaze. Maria and I looked at each other, then smiled at him.
"It's nothing, Autumn."
"Would you like me to stay with you and Maria tonight?" I asked gently, my heart swelling at the thought of giving him comfort. Autumn nodded eagerly, a small spark of joy lighting his face.
Seeing this, I too felt happy. I felt like we were a little family...it's been so long since I felt the warmth of family... My heart began to race as I remembered, but I soon calmed it, for I didn't want such unpleasant memories to surface.
To distract myself, Autumn and I talked for a short while before I took him to Maria's guest bed for him to rest, but he didn't seem to want to, so I suggested we start a pillow fight for fun, but my true intention was to tire him out. As we played, Autumn's smile turned to laughter. He looked happy. I was happy as well.
As the two of us giggled and laughed, in the corner of my eye, I spotted Maria sitting on the fluffy couch in the living room, glaring at us, or to be exact, at me. That look made me certain that something was amiss.
A few minutes passed, and Maria's gaze didn't wane, but instead grew stronger like a flame being fanned. Unable to ignore those beautiful but dangerous eyes that seem to be able to set flame to hell itself.
"Hey Autumn, would you like to take a bath?"
"It's getting a bit late, and I think you should sleep soon, buddy."
Autumn nodded obediently at my words. "Okay, sir Lucas, I'll take a shower... umm," he trailed off.
"But...."
"But what, little buddy?" I asked. He took a deep breath and said, "But I don't have clothes to wear after..."
"Aww, why didn't you say that, buddy?"
"But you did so much for me, I just didn't wanna to trouble you,"
My heart melted at these few simple words. They were simple, but at the same time, it hurt to see a child trying his best not to trouble an adult who should be caring for him unconditionally. The fact that merely sheltering him was enough to make him feel grateful.
Thinking of the store beside Maria's apartment, I decided I would buy him new clothes.
"Okay then! Let's make a deal,"
"You'll go take a shower, and Maria will make you some dinner while I get you some clothes, okay? Deal?"
"Yes! Deal! Thank you, sir!" said Autumn as he nodded.
"No problem, buddy, the shower is just down the hall, okay, I'll be there in a sec."
"Okay, Sir!" said Autumn in a cheerful tone as he ran off.
As Autumn happily ran to the shower, Maria's gaze melted as well. And a smile graced her face, but her eyes seemed to carry a sense of sadness. After setting the shower for Autumn and making sure he got everything he needed, I finally had a chance to ask Maria what was wrong while we were alone. As I set foot back into the living room
"Honey, what's wrong?"
"Did I do something to upset you?"
"No."
"So why are you so dry?"
"Dry? I don't know what you're talking about."
"You aren't usually like this. Tell me what's going on."
"Nothing is going on, so drop it."
"And stop acting like you care!"
"I do care, so please... tell me what's wrong," I said, holding her hand while looking into her beautiful hazel eyes.
I didn't understand why, but something in her shifted. Her whole attitude changed, and her face tightened, almost crumbling. She crossed her arms, and I could tell her mind was racing with everything she wanted to say. Then she looked me straight in the eyes, her voice suddenly serious and sharp.
"If you cared you wou.... You know what, never mind, forget I ever said anything."
"Honey, tell me what's going on."
"If it has to do with Autu...Whatever, surely, I can fi...."
"There he is, Mister Fix-it Lucas!" Maria said, clapping as she cut me off from what I was saying.
"Gezze, stop acting like you're Mr. Perfect."
"You're acting like you're trying to protect Autumn from a monster."
"I'm not a monster!"
"But I thin..."
"My goodness, drop the hero act."
"What act! Maria, honey, I don't think....."
"I'm not heartless, okay! You make it seem like I plan to hurt him," she interrupted, the intensity in her voice rising.
"I'm not, alright!"
"You keep saying you'll take care of him as if he's too much for me, and making him seem like a burden to me."
"So let me tell you this right now, you're not taking him with you."
"I found him in my trunk, and he's in my apartment in my shower. You're only here because I called. After all, I didn't want to call the police."
"He's my responsibility, and I can take care of him on my own."
"Hey, I'm not trying to act like his savior or anything. I just...."
"I don't want him to go through what I went through," I said as I repressed those hateful memories.
"What he's going through is not something you would understand."
She looked at me with a disgusted look on her face and said, "Oh, and you would?"
"You speak as if your childhood was hell on Earth, but I can assure you mine was hell every waking moment, so don't even start," she said with a snarl.
And there it was. Maria and I always had small arguments, and each time it hurt more than the last. And each time I decide to forgive her because she is my girlfriend after all. I knew everything about her past, but she never seemed to be interested in mine ... it felt, at least to me, and in my mind, that she didn't care about me and only saw herself. It almost felt like she was only with me to...use me. But my heart couldn't accept that, so I quietly and quickly buried those thoughts.
"So I don't need you anymore, so you can leave after you get the clothes for Autumn."
"Oh, since you got this all under control, why don't you go yourself huh?" I said, trying my best to contain the anger building inside of me.
"I would've done it myself, but I'm not feeling that good. I feel a bit weak." Maria said through a dry cough, and my first thought was 'Was she in the snow earlier?', but before I could ask her, she continued.
"Plus, it's dark out now and you wouldn't let little old me go there alone...in the dark, right, honey?" As she was speaking, I could hear her tone visibly shift. As she began twirling her hair and stepping closer to me. Each of her movements made my heart race. As her steps halted in front of me, she leaned and whispered something into my ear.
"After all, you're a big, strong man."
"And I'm just a helpless, weak little princess." She rested her hand on my chest, her eyes sparkling with love. Seeing she was trying to avoid talking about what she said earlier, I grabbed my phone, gave her a light kiss on the forehead, and tried my best to hide how much her words wounded me.
As I walked toward the door, each step I took seemed heavier, and as I opened the door. I was torn between wanting to shout my true feelings and the desperate need for composure. For a moment, I just stood there, staring blankly at the door.
Taking a deep breath, I finally turned back to her. "Off to buy Autumn clothes. Goodbye, I love you, honey," I said, with as much kindness in my voice as I could muster. With that, I stepped outside, and the weight of my own words pressed into my next steps. The " I love you" came more as a command than affection.