Three thousand years.
That was how long Lucifer Morningstar had ruled Hell again.
In Hell, time didn't mean much. A thousand years could pass like a lazy afternoon.
But to Lucifer… it had started to feel painfully slow.
Across the endless black plains of Hell, rivers of molten fire flowed like glowing veins through the land. The sky above was permanently crimson, flickering with distant lightning. Massive stone towers rose from the burning ground, each holding chambers where souls relived their guilt again and again.
Somewhere in the distance, a demon shouted.
"Stop screaming! You chose this loop!"
Another voice answered.
"I KNOW, BUT IT STILL HURTS!"
Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose.
Another productive day in Hell.
Just an hour ago he had been in one of the punishment chambers, sitting casually in a chair while a soul cried in front of him.
"So," Lucifer had said patiently, "let's try this again. Why do you feel guilty?"
The man sobbed.
"I stole my brother's inheritance."
"And?"
"I lied to my mother."
Lucifer leaned forward slightly.
"And?"
"…I blamed the dog."
Lucifer blinked.
"The dog?"
The man nodded miserably.
"It was a very convincing dog."
Lucifer sighed.
Three thousand years of this.
At first, helping souls confront their guilt had been interesting. Almost entertaining. Watching humans slowly understand themselves had a certain… charm.
But lately?
Every session felt exactly the same.
The same guilt.
The same denial.
The same crying.
Lucifer sat now on his throne, turning a photograph slowly between his fingers.
Amenadiel had given it to him three years ago.
In the picture, Rory stood proudly with her wings slightly spread. Beside her stood Chloe, holding her daughter and smiling that calm, knowing smile.
Lucifer stared at the photo quietly.
"Three years…"
Was Chloe still solving crimes?
Did she ever finally get promoted?
Did she ever take a vacation?
And Rory…
She must be about two now.
Was she already flying?
Was she already driving Chloe insane?
A long sigh escaped him.
"My king… your face is distorted."
Lucifer looked up.
Standing in front of the throne was a young demon named Ozzy, staring at him with deep concern.
"Distorted?" Lucifer repeated.
"Yes," Ozzy said seriously. "I see many faces every day. Mostly screaming ones. But yours looks very strange."
Lucifer raised an eyebrow.
"What exactly does it look like?"
Ozzy leaned closer, studying him like a scientist examining a new species.
"It looks like… when humans make that noise."
"What noise?"
"Sighhhhh."
Lucifer stared at him.
SMACK.
A second demon slapped Ozzy behind the head.
"Idiot," Demascas muttered. "It's called emotion."
Ozzy rubbed his head.
"Oh right. That thing."
Demascas sighed.
"I told you to read the manual before starting work."
"There was a manual?" Ozzy asked.
"Yes!"
"I thought that was punishment literature."
Lucifer chuckled quietly.
Demascas pointed at Lucifer's face.
"That expression is called sadness."
Ozzy looked horrified.
"The King of Hell is sad?"
Lucifer leaned back lazily.
"I wouldn't say sad."
Demascas crossed his arms.
"You've been staring at that photo for two hours."
Ozzy leaned forward.
"Oh! That human woman!"
"Chloe," Demascas said.
"And the tiny winged human," Ozzy added.
"That's Rory," Demascas sighed.
Ozzy looked confused.
"But if our king misses them, why not visit?"
Demascas shook his head.
"Our king made a promise."
Ozzy frowned.
"Humans are very strange. Why make promises you don't want to keep?"
Lucifer muttered dryly, "Because sometimes keeping the promise is the only way to protect someone."
Ozzy nodded thoughtfully.
Then he brightened.
"Oh! But there are many realities! Why not just go to another reality where she exists and—"
Hellfire exploded across the throne room.
Ozzy disappeared in a burst of flame.
All that remained was a small pile of ashes.
Demascas stared down at it.
"…You lasted longer than I expected."
He grabbed a broom leaning against the wall.
"Now I have to clean this."
He started sweeping while muttering.
"This is the third time this week…"
Then he looked up at Lucifer.
"My king… I know I shouldn't say this…"
Lucifer raised an eyebrow.
"…but perhaps you should take a vacation."
Lucifer leaned forward slowly.
"You?"
He smiled dangerously.
"The same demon who led a riot the last time I left Hell?"
Demascas coughed awkwardly.
"Well… circumstances have changed."
"Oh?"
"Lord Amenadiel has improved management," Damascus said proudly.
Lucifer blinked.
"Management?"
"Yes. We had workshops."
Lucifer looked horrified.
"You had workshops in Hell?"
"They were very educational."
"And a retreat last month!" Demascas added.
Lucifer stared.
"A retreat."
"Yes. Team bonding."
Lucifer rubbed his temple.
"So that's where everyone disappeared to."
"You didn't see the posters?"
"I thought those were new punishment scenarios."
Demascas gave up.
"My point is… vacations improve productivity."
Lucifer chuckled.
"You sound like Linda."
He looked down at the photograph again.
"…But I don't want to run into Chloe."
Demascas shrugged.
"Then don't go to Los Angeles."
Lucifer considered that.
Then slowly…
A smile appeared.
"Fine."
Demascas immediately regretted speaking.
"This time… I'll visit Paris."
"Paris?" Demascas repeated nervously.
"Yes."
Lucifer stood.
"Let's go."
Demascas blinked.
"Let's?"
"You're coming with me," Lucifer said casually.
"I'm not leaving you here unsupervised again."
From the ashes behind them, a tiny voice spoke.
"I want to go too!"
Both Lucifer and Demascus turned.
Ozzy's lips had regenerated.
"I've never been to the human world!"
Demascas groaned.
Lucifer looked thoughtful.
Then his smile grew wider.
"Very well."
Demascas felt a sudden sense of doom.
"You two will prepare," Lucifer said calmly.
"We leave next month."
Ozzy cheered.
"But first," Lucifer added, "you will attend human behavior classes with the HR instructor in room 76942."
Ozzy nodded enthusiastically.
"And avoid the priest in room 633995," Lucifer continued. "He keeps trying to start cults."
Then Lucifer turned and walked away.
Demascas watched him go.
And for a brief moment…
He saw a mischievous smile on the Devil's face.
Damascus swallowed.
What disaster did I just unleash on Earth…?
Behind him, Ozzy's nose finally regenerated.
"Do humans really sigh that much?" Ozzy asked.
Demascas sighed.
"Yes."