Chapter 18
Onions
"Wait, people are ALIVE?" Said a mysterious voice from a non-existent cave. "Who are you" asked Pneumono
"I AM THE ONE THAT WILL SAVE YOU ALL FROM all the Bnananananananananananananananananaannanananananananananananananannananananananananananananananananananananannananananananananannanananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananannan banananananananananananananannananananananananananananananananananananananananana, banana and, bannananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananaanannananananananananananananananannaananananananananananananananananananananananana. THE BANANA GODS ARE HERE! Banananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananannananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananannanananananananananananananananaananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananannananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananannananananaananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanaananananaanananananananansanananananananananaananananaanananananananananananaananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananannananananananananaananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaananananananananananananananananannanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananannanananaanananananananananananananananananananananaananaananananananan!" Then everyone started screaming, "banananananananananananananannananananananananananananananananananannanananananananananananananananananananaannananananannananananananananannananannananananananananananananananannananannananannanananananannananananananananananananaaanananananananananananananannanannannanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaanananananananananaananananaanananananananananaananananananananananananananananananannananananana,banananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananannananananananananananananananannaananananananananananananananananananananananana
"Whoever you are, you should definitely get some therapy." Bruce rudely commented.
"I am a non-existent cave! I do not want your stupid therapy!" The voice exclaimed angrily
"Where even are you?" Mr. chicken asked bluntly.
"How dumb can you be? I am a NON-EXSISTENT cave! That means that I don't
*bleep* exist!" The unknown voice yelled before fading away and never speaking again.
"That voice seemed dumb." Pneumono stated dryly.
"Tell me about it." Bruce replied.
"Yeah, I just did," Pneumono said confidently.
"No, that isn't the point. You weren't meant to-. Never mind." Bruce gave up.
"If you didn't want me to respond you could have just asked." Pneumono continued to whine like a five-year-old wombat.
The three survivors walked as close to the fat onion as the cover of the roof would allow. The onion king spoke, "I am the-" He dropped his bag of chips, "Sorry excuse me a moment." The onion king tried to pick up his chips but was unable to because of the mounds of oniony blubber in the way. "Everyone knows that hand soap is the best flavour of chips." Bruce commented. Mr. Chicken looked at him weirdly. The onion king fell off their throne with a loud thud. "Got them." The onion king exclaimed cheerfully as they picked up their small packet of cheese and onion chips. As the large onion climbed back up to the throne, they continued to speak and eat chips, "As I was saying, I am the Onion King! I have teamed up with the god of bananas to demolish the creatures of Earth. When I heard that a couple of idiots had killed him, I made it my duty to destroy those little twerps!"
"Did you just call us idiots?" Mr. Chicken asked but was ignored instantly. "You should know that I am many times more powerful than that banana idiot. You will have a lot more trouble trying to kill me than that puny god!" The fat onion ran out of chips and threw the bag behind them. "Hey! That is littering. We are going to kick your fat onion butt for ruining our litter less suburb!" Bruce yelled.
"You are angry because he littered? Why not be angry because he helped ruin the world!?" Pneumono exclaimed.
"Because some of the people were annoying, like that random Cucumber dude got killed and I and it was complaining" Bruce responded firmly.
"Cucumber Dude?" Pneumono questioned. Though now they have a problem. The onion dude is traumatising Mr Chicken and is eating KFC! "Hahaha! Get wrecked Mr. Chicken, I am eating your kind!" The onion king taunted.
"I am not a real chicken you know; I am still a human." Mr. Chicken responded. "And you do know that we will have to kill you too, you big fat onion!" Mr. Chicken exclaimed, enraged that the onion king had added to the many people who made fun of their name. "What did you call me?!" The Onion king shrieked emotionally. "You may have been able to kill the god of bananas, but you cannot kill me!"
"Please excuse my friend Mr. Chicken. We do not want to fight right now. We have just lost a dear friend; my legs are broken, and we are all very tired." Pneumono quickly reacted to prevent a fight that they couldn't win. "What are you doing, we need to kill this idiot as well." Mr. Chicken whispered angrily. "I know, but we are in terrible condition right now. Let's go and rest before we come back." Pneumono responded. "Okay, fine." Mr. Chicken finally agreed.
When Mr. Chicken and Pneumono turned to tell Bruce that they were going to find rest, they saw him run over to the teleporter and pick up Pneumono's metal umbrella that they had rested on the wall of the alleyway before they went to heaven. Bruce pulled it over to himself using a stick, so he didn't get hit with a falling onion. Once Bruce had picked it up, he used it to hit the packet of chips out of the onion king's hands. The chips slid over to Bruce's feet where he jumped on the bag with a loud crunch. The onion king bellowed with pain and started to try and get out of their large golden throne to kill the three survivors. The amount of fat and blubber encompassing the onion kings body made it almost impossible for the onion king to get out of his seat of power, so he just sat up again and commanded the many onions on the floor to attack Bruce, Pneumono and Mr. Chicken. Mr. Chicken grabbed Bruce by the arm and pulled him over to help Pneumono hobble away. "We have to go faster!" Bruce exclaimed as the thousands of small onions with legs and faces scurried after them. "I am going as fast as my broken legs will let me!" Pneumono reacted frustratedly.
The onions were only small, so the three survivors managed to outrun them and hide in a house, two kilometres from the onion king. "Did we really have to run so far?" Bruce complained in between his puffing. "And why did so many bananas just appear? Like, since when did this power make any sense?" Bruce said to his fellow followers. No one understood that madness that had erupted, even the onion king didn't understand. The group of followers slowly got closer to the onion king, 10 km away from him. Everyone was so surprised; in fact, they were in utter shock! Not many people knew where the onion king lives but some people did. The group of followers knew exactly where the onion king lives even though that is extremely suspicious. But now one cares since there was no one alive. This was possibly because no one was alive to care.
Bruce, Pneumono and Mr. Chicken all got prepared for another big fight. Everyone helped to wrap a cast around Pneumono's leg, prepare weapons and armor and get some rest.
Everyone woke up to the loud banging sound at the door. "What is that annoying noise." Bruce woke up grumpily.
"I don't know. Make it stop." Mr. Chicken complained, "Pneumono, I vote you to get the door."
"What? Why me?" Pneumono whined. The three survivors' argument ended when a small group of onions broke the door down. The onions made high pitch chittering noises as they saw the survivors. "I think they are scouts sent to look for us." Pneumono confirmed.
"Then kill them before they tell the onion king where we are." Bruce commanded.
"But won't it seem suspicious when every group of onions come back to the onion king, and this group doesn't?" Mr. Chicken reasoned.
"It is better than them going back and telling old' chubsy there." Bruce replied.
Pneumono used the weapon that they had designed before to kill the onion king, a halberd made from pieces of metal lying around, to kill five of the onions. Bruce used the rapier that he was making just before they went to sleep to kill one of the onions, and Mr. Chicken used their morning star made from the pieces of metal from people's deserted houses to kill the remaining five onions.
"They didn't give much of a fight." Bruce said.
"That's because they are just onions." Pneumono responded.
"You also only killed one of them while me and Pneumono killed five." Mr. Chicken intervened with a smirk.
"Well… Be quiet." Bruce countered.
Meanwhile, the onion king was receiving information from his scouts. "Group G, you did a very good job… IF YOU WERE MEANT TO BE FINDING NOTHING!" the onion king exclaimed angrily at the 7th group to find nothing. "Where is group H?" The onion king asked his onion minions. The onions chittered nervously in reply. "Make yourselves useful and find group H, they were searching the Eastern side of the city." The onion king demanded of all the onions because they couldn't find the survivors. All the onions chittered away towards where the onion king pointed as fast as they could.
Once all the onions had left to look for Bruce, Pneumono and Mr. Chicken, the onion king opened another packet of chips. "Those survivors will make a very good flavor of chips." The onion king said to himself.