When I was a kid, my parents used to tell me that if I worked hard, I would grow up to be a successful man. Now that I am grown, they never fail to remind me that if I had worked hard, I would have been a successful one.
What could have been and what is are two different realities, two different universes entirely.
My reality is that I am not the successful man my parents imagined. No... in fact, I am almost the opposite of everything they had planned for me.
They wanted me to choose a respectable career, such as a doctor, engineer, or accountant, anything that would promise financial stability. Something solid. Something impressive. Something they could proudly tell their friends about.
But I didn't do what they wanted.
No... I became an artist... a painter.
According to my father, I've wasted my entire life just to become nothing. And, in a way, I suppose he might be right.
I truly believed my love for art would take me somewhere. I thought passion alone might be enough to carve out a future. But it has been a year since I graduated from art school, and I still haven't done anything with my degree.
These days, I work as a waiter.
Every shift feels like another small step away from the dream I once had, the dream of seeing one of my paintings hanging on the walls of the Museum of Art. Though even that dream feels almost too ambitious, because people like me aren't supposed to dream about places like the Louvre Museum or the MET.
That kind of dream belongs to people much bigger than I am.
We never had a good relationship, my father and I. I never liked him, and he never liked me. But I suppose it didn't matter much to him. He has other children, successful children, to be proud of.
That's why I was lucky enough to be mostly ignored by him... and unfortunate enough to grow up without the love I always expected from a father.
Currently, I am at my parents' house. I had moved out of this place as soon as I possibly could, back when I was still in university. Now I only came back occasionally to visit, usually at the same time as my other two siblings, which somehow made the whole thing slightly more bearable.
At the moment, I was hiding out in the backyard because I couldn't stand another second in the same room as my father.
I tilted my head back and looked up at the dark sky. Night had already settled in, and I couldn't wait to leave first thing in the morning.
With a heavy sigh, I brought the cigarette to my lips and took a long drag. I hadn't smoked since arriving last night. My parents, both doctors, don't approve of smoking. Ironically, I seem to rely on it more than ever when I'm around them.
"So... is today finally the day you tell them?"
My sister Alexis's voice came from behind me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. For a moment, I thought it was my mom who had caught me smoking. If that had been the case, I would've only added another item to her ever-growing list of disappointments.
Alexis glanced at the cigarette between my fingers and chuckled, shaking her head.
She's my older sister, the middle child of the family. She was actually the first one who caught me smoking, back when I was fifteen. I still remember the way she tore into me for it. I'm pretty sure she nearly beat the habit out of me that day.
Alexis has always been protective of me. Luckily, she never told our parents. Instead, she made sure I never touched another cigarette again, and for the longest time, I didn't. Not until last year, when the pressure of my final year at university and the looming reality of unemployment started weighing on me. That's when I picked the habit back up.
Now I'm twenty-three. At this point, she's not going to lecture me about it again.
That's one of the reasons I like her. She isn't overbearing like our parents.
"Tell them about what?" I asked.
She sighed and gave me that look.
I knew immediately what she meant.
"Ah," I said with a small snicker. "Yeah... well, not now." I shrugged, flicking ash onto the grass. "Maybe not ever."
"Not ever?" she said with a dry chuckle. "You can't hide this from them forever, Jerry. Sooner or later, you're going to have to tell them."
I let out a bitter snort and shook my head. "Why?" I said. "They're not exactly interested in my life anyway." I shrugged and turned to face her. "And what do you think their reaction will be when they find out their already-disappointing youngest son is gay?"
I flicked the ash from my cigarette and let out a humorless laugh.
"They barely accept me for who I am as it is. Me being gay isn't going to improve things. If anything, it'll just make it worse." I exhaled slowly, watching the smoke disappear into the night air. "So, it's better if I just keep that part of my life to myself."
Alexis was quiet for a few seconds after I spoke. Then I heard her let out a slow, measured sigh.
"Well," she said finally, "That's your decision to make. Whatever you choose, I'm always here for you, Jerry."
She offered a small, reassuring smile and gently placed her hand over mine. I returned the smile and nodded, feeling the quiet weight of her support settle beside me.
"Anyway," Alexis said cheerfully, changing the subject thankfully, "are you all packed for tomorrow? Excited?"
I smiled and nodded. "I'm all packed. I'll be leaving first thing in the morning." I took a deep breath, letting the words come easier than before. "Of course I'm excited. I haven't seen them in four years. It'll feel so good to be around people who actually accept me for who I am."
Alexis frowned, feigning indignation. "Hey! I do accept you for who you are!" She smacked my arm playfully.
I chuckled. "Yeah... well, except you," I teased.
She rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm sure Theo would too, if you told him. I don't get why you feel the need to hide it from him. You know he's not like Mom and Dad. If anything, he's always been the one standing up to Dad for you."
A small, flattered smile crept across my face. She was right. Theo, our oldest brother, had always been a solid support for me... steadfast, unwavering.
"I know," I muttered, sighing. "If I'm honest... I don't really care what Mom and Dad would think if they found out I'm gay. It's Theo I'm worried about. I'm scared of disappointing him. His disappointment... It's not something I could bear. I can't see the hero of my life turning into a villain for me."
Alexis rolled her eyes. "Jerry, you're overthinking this. Theo wouldn't be disappointed in you. It's sad that you even think that way. He'll be sad when he finds out—not because you're gay, but because you didn't trust him with this important part of your life."
I stayed silent. There was nothing I could say. The thought of losing my brother over my sexuality was too terrifying. That was that.
When I didn't respond, she sighed. "Fine. Don't tell him now," she muttered, glancing around to make sure no one was nearby. Luckily, our parents were preoccupied with their oldest son inside. "But we'll all be together again at the end of July for Mom and Dad's thirtieth wedding anniversary. Maybe then you can tell Theo. I'm sure he'll understand," she suggested.
Oh, right. I had almost forgotten. In two months, we'd all reunite for the anniversary. I'd have to endure my parents' disappointment, their insults, and their mocking for a few days, but that was a worry for later.
Right now, I am focused on the excitement of what the next two months hold. I was finally going to spend time with people who never made me feel strange or out of place... my best friends from school. We had planned this trip back when we were still in school: once we all finished university, we'd spend the entire summer together. And now, the day had finally come.
For the next two months, we'd be in Malibu, staying at a beach house owned by Jared's uncle.
"Malibu, huh? You're all going to be at the beach house for two months?" Alexis asked, her curiosity piqued.
"Yeah, that's the plan," I replied with a chuckle. "It'll be our main spot, but I'm sure we'll explore a bit. Jared isn't the type to sit in one place for two months."
Alexis smiled and nodded. "That's nice. I didn't know Jared's family was rich enough to own a beach house in Malibu."
"They're not," I corrected her. "But his estranged uncle is."
Her eyebrow shot up. "Estranged?" she asked, clearly loving the gossip.
I shrugged. "Don't ask me for details, I have none. All I know is he's... a little unusual. According to Jared, he's a bit weird and doesn't like meeting family."
"Hmm, interesting," she muttered.
I rolled my eyes. She always had a deep fascination with people she didn't know. I didn't care about that. All I cared about was the fact that Jared's strange uncle was letting us use his beach house for the summer.
I had a feeling this summer was going to be unforgettable.