And here I am, waking up another day.
Hello, my name is Emily, and I'm 16 years old.
Since I became conscious, one question has always lingered in my mind: What is the purpose of living? Is it happiness? We can see many people going to great lengths to attain things they believe will bring them happiness and allow them to experience it. But is that truly the purpose of life? Most likely, it's not as if I truly understand the meaning of happiness or comfort in the first place. These feelings have always been vague to me, as I am a miserable person with no worth and no friends. Yet, I still hope that a time will come when I find the answer to this question, when will I experience my own happiness? And what is it that will make me feel this strange addictive emotion?
Even my birth wasn't a happy event. I was born into a rich and large family with six older sisters. Everyone had hoped I would be born a boy. My father and sisters all wanted a son, and I wasn't what they expected. Worse yet, my mother died while giving birth to me. It became the reason everyone hated me.
My sisters lived happy lives while I was blamed for my mother's death. They pitied no one but themselves. Whenever I begged for food, they would sneer, "Disgusting. You should suffer more to understand what your mother went through when you killed her." I heard those words so many times they were burned into my mind.
They never sent me to an orphanage, knowing I might have a better life there. No, they wanted me to suffer. My father abused me constantly. He never showed me an ounce of love, only pure rage, as if he was taking revenge, he didn't see me as his daughter, but as a killer that didn't take the punishment deserved. And from a young age, probably around when I was 4, they will just leave me alone locked in a room for multiple days with no food or water, and they put in the room cameras just to observe me suffering in front of them, and after I completely lose hope in living cause of hunger, they would just take me out of the room and give me disgusting food, and each couple of days, they would just do the same thing, I can't describe these people anymore, the word "monsters" is not enough to describe them.
I tried to escape countless times but failed. Every time, I was punished in ways I can't even describe. But finally, after months of trying, I succeeded. I was 6 when I ran away from that hell. I had nowhere to belong, but I survived by doing whatever odd jobs.
Eventually, I managed to enroll in primary school as an orphan. But even there, I was bullied every day. It started small, but it grew worse as the years went by.
My grades? Average, at best. I graduated from middle school without much to show. Now, I'm in high school. But nothing has changed. My life remains the same torment after torment.
I'm currently attending a public high school.
Today began like every other day. I woke up at 7 am in my tiny, filthy room. I headed to school without eating anything, where I was greeted by the same group of people—not to say hello, but to make me clean their shoes after deliberately dirtying them for the sole reason of humiliating me and p. I have no strength to resist, so I do as they ask. I'm used to far worse and resisting them could lose me all the hope left for me, after all, they are not alone, but I am.
In class, even the teachers bully me. Strangely enough, it helped my grades. They mock me, but then they add a few points to my scores out of guilt, I assume. Humans are odd like that—they hurt you then feel bad, only to hurt you again, hypocrites.
After school, my classmates force me to accompany them home on all fours. Then I go to my evening jobs, working until late at night, before collapsing into bed. On holidays, I work 12-hour shifts. This has been my life for the last five years.
Sometimes I wonder why I still hold on to hope. I want to give up, but something deep inside tells me something good is coming. Yet that feeling has been with me for years, and nothing ever changes. Still, it keeps me from giving up entirely.
Today was no different. I woke up, worked, went to school, and endured the same humiliation-cleaning shoes, being spit on, and forced to eat chewed-up food. It's revolting, but even disgusting food is better than no food at all.
After school, Sarah, the worst of the bullies, ordered me to follow her to her house, crawling like a dog on my hands and knees. It wasn't rare for her to humiliate me like this, but this time, all the people who usually bullied me were with her. I knew something worse than usual was about to happen.
As we walked, Sarah turned down a secluded, one-way street where no one usually passed by. My stomach dropped, and I knew I was about to face something far more brutal than the torment endured at school. The moment we were out of sight, one of the bullies kicked me hard in the face, and Sarah immediately began recording it on her phone. Pain surged through me as I was beaten, kicked, and punched mercilessly.
After what felt like hours of abuse—physical, mental, and even sexual—they finally left, all except for Sarah. She stood over me, her eyes dark with cruelty, and said:
"You have hope, don't you? You think you can graduate high school, get a good job, and live happily ever after, right?" She laughed maniacally.
"Sorry, but I'm here to destroy that hope. I want to see the despair in your eyes," she continued, her voice dripping with malice.
Then she showed me a knife. I was too weak to move, too broken to even want to escape. All I wanted was for the pain and humiliation to end. Slowly, she came closer and began cutting one of my fingers—agonizingly slow. I screamed with all my might as she laughed, clearly enjoying my suffering. One by one, she cut off each of my fingers, savoring every moment.
"You still have hope, don't you?" she asked again, but I couldn't speak. I tried to answer her, but my voice failed me. It was as if I was trapped in my own body, unable to respond.
"Since you're not answering, I'll cut your tongue" she said, her voice filled with cold amusement, she wasn't someone who's bullying me to feel strong like everyone else with her, she just wanted me to suffer. So, she forced me to open my mouth and then sliced through my tongue, my mouth was filled with my own blood. Oddly, I didn't even feel the pain anymore.
"Now, I can finally say you've lost hope. You've given up" she said. And she was right. I gave up. I did what I should've done a long time ago. I felt the tears welling up, but even my body had stopped responding to my emotions. I was empty.
Sarah stood up, staring at me with that same twisted smile. "Well, I guess I'm done here. See you later—if you're still alive, that is," she said, her eyes glinting with dark satisfaction as she turned to walk away.
But then something caught my eye. A car was speeding down the street, heading straight for her. She didn't see it coming. In that moment, something inside me stirred. If I couldn't save myself, maybe I could save someone else, maybe I could be useful, even just once.
With every ounce of strength left in my broken body, I sprinted toward her. I pushed her, tried to move her out of the way, and I did it, I saved her, it made me really happy for some reason... No, I'm not happy about it, I don't know why I saved her and felt good when she was saved.
And just like that, I was dead.
I died before even getting the chance to be happy, I wish i felt happiness before dying. That was my only and last dream.
When the car hit me, everything went black. I felt like I was drifting into eternal sleep. But suddenly, I opened my eyes. I was crying, sobbing uncontrollably, though I didn't know why.
I stopped crying and looked around. A beautiful blonde woman in her twenties was holding me in her arms. She looked exhausted but happy. I think I had been reborn. The woman holding me is my mother. Beside her stood a man, looking worried yet overjoyed. He's my father.
This is my second chance and, I swear, from this moment on, to live a happy life, I will live for myself not for people, I won't repeat the mistakes I already made, and I won't trust any human, all humans are just selfish creatures that use any possible way to get to their goal.