I dreamt about Lizmarie today, we were simply talking on Discord like we typically did. Did an alternative universe me get lucky enough to not lose Lizmarie as a friend? I was told that she would reach out to me in this universe in July by my tarot card advisor. I really hope that it's true. I also told her that I started smoking in my dream.
While running errands today which was getting a blood test done, my brain just kept thinking about smoking. I ended up smoking while walking my way back home. I crept up a smile while doing so, I suppose it's my own happy stick.
Another zoom meeting for a job interview I feel the need to do. I wonder if this is just a waste of time and energy getting my hopes up for a job that will just ghost me. Another group interview….so tiring. I decided to leave midway since I figured it was a waste of time and I doubt I would get hired anyways. The rest of the candidates were talking about how they have had a job before and I just didn't have one. I was also just zoning out and writing too. When would I become successful in something?
Looking at Omniscients Readers' Viewpoint always cheers me up.
I decided to order a white peach oolong milk tea.
Not showering nor brushing my teeth at night during one day is a habit I formed after getting out of the hospital. I would often not shower nor brush my teeth when I was hospitalized. I simply felt uncomfortable to do so. Sometimes my depression caused me to think that brushing my teeth and showering was too much and I used to force myself to do it.
My friend Anwen blocked me on June 25th of 2026 for some reason. I felt empty when finding out today on June 30th 2026. I guess my boyfriend and I scared her away by saying we would kill people. The amount of blocks I have now increased by one. I would take things that people take seriously as a joke. For I take my own life as a joke. When do I take things seriously these days? When my friends block me?
Should I consider myself grateful that I have a mother lecturing me? I feel like my mom is just trying to find excuses for me to keep up with social appearances while I don't have any interest in doing so.
Ah I wish to be dead. I'm tired of living in this nothingness. I can't get a job and I was lectured by my mother today.
I went to my boyfriend, Chris, hoping he would comfort me or provide me some validation in me being blocked. Only for him to somehow misunderstand me and think I should apologize to the person who blocked me. How could I even apologize to someone I can't communicate with?! My boyfriend was making me mad and I honestly wondered why I chose to date this hallucinating man.
I went to Ophelia Poet, a friend of mine, and told her about this. She was a lot more understanding and was confused on why I was blocked out of the blue. I was also confused and vented to her a little bit about my day. It was nice and comforting to talk to her.
Today, July 2nd, is the first day of the Anime Expo. It was also the only day where I would attend. I ended up smoking once before I came to the entrance. I wound up at Mahoko Gate where there was a line that would loop itself.
For some reason, a lot of people in Los Angeles would ask me for a cigarette. One person at artist alley recognized that I was cosplaying as Yoo Joonghyuk.
I found a spot near the panel where 'I Want to Love You Until Your Dying Days' to sit down. I settled down my Big Gulp Coco Cola, my pitch black coat, and my Anime Expo Day pass. I decided to take a break until the panel I was waiting for would take in people in the line. My plan was to leave after attending the 3:45 PM panel hosted by Infinite.
I got a free Kagurabachi bag and brought 3 Lord of the Mysteries stickers today from Artist Alley. Artist Alley was packed so I left early after looking at two rows. Unfortunately I couldn't attend the 'Kim Dokja Funeral' stamp rally since the artist I saw offering it didn't have any cards anymore.
The free Anime Expo swag bag had Blue Lock on it as one of the covers on one side. I brought 'I love Amy' volume 2, Omnisicient's Readers' Viewpoint Webtoon volume 11, and Omniscient's Readers' Viewpoint Novel volume 4. There were loads of cosplayers walking down these halls.
A Homelander cosplayer passed by me. I was surprised that someone would cosplay him. The back of his hair was pretty accurate.
I thought the panel I was going to would be inside but the line was actually outside. I had to ask a few staff around to search for where the line was. I was panting for air by the time the staff said our panel audience were up to go into the room. Once I sat down, I saw the same Renako and Aijisai cosplayers within the audience too. No surprise there since yuri cosplayers were interested in a yuri panel.
Is that a…. Nice cosplayer….from To Be Hero X….? Their hair looked really similar to his. That person was wearing all white too in which Nice would typically wear all white. Though they don't seem to be wearing his hero uniform.
I watched the World Premiere in the panel of 'I Want to Love You Till Your Dying Days'. It was a story about a weak protagonist and having a legendary weapon, a young girl taking an interest in her. It was surprising how there were two kisses in the first episode. Oh? Infinite once worked on 'This Monster Wants to Eat Me' and 'Lull in the Sea'.
My fourth and final cigarette of the day tasted bad. I guess cigarettes taste bad when you run out of air. I didn't realize that I was smoking it quite fast considering I came to my bus stop a bit early.
Was there always a scenery where we were inside a tunnel with the typical bus I always used? I wondered if it was newly built considering I don't recall such a scene last year when I attended Anime Expo.
I read about Joonghyuk smoking magic tobacco in the sequel. He felt more relatable now that I knew that my favorite character also smoked. Ah it was mana tobacco that he was smoking. Even Hakhyun started to smoke one too.
The side effects of smoking were nauseating. I definitely experienced it with gagging and thought I would throw up but I didn't. Strangely enough, I felt more alive after gagging in the bus. Ah, this time I actually threw up the swirly potato chips that I ate earlier. I swallowed it back down though. I didn't want to cause a mess on the bus.
Discord User 'Nathaniel's Wife' "tears SweetLover728 limb by limb, blood flows out like crimson water. She digs her fingers into his flesh as she continues to tear off the meat with the strength of her jaw. Blood paints her skin, yet she continues this cannibalistic act" in the Discord Server: 'The Workshop'.
This occurred after I told her to eat him since I wanted her to do something about SweetLover728 acting wild. Ah it seemed like 'Nathaniel's Wife' was a writer who had been reading and writing since she was 6. No wonder her writing was so good.
'Nathaniel's Wife' showed a drawing of muscles to The Workshop server. Jessica thought it was boobs. Nat corrected her by mentioning that it was muscles. She also claimed that she could draw boobs better. "Boobs are easier to draw especially when u have them".
It seems like I only got 2-3 hours of sleep before my step dad's ridiculously loud snoring became the reason that I couldn't fall back asleep. I was tossing and turning but at least I was asleep for a bit. My step dad seemed to have a triple inhale every 20 seconds. There was no way I could sleep with that blaring noise.
Even with noise cancelling headphones on, I could hear him clearly. Surprisingly, I fell asleep all the way through. I wanted to smoke but I didn't bring my cigarettes on purpose. My family and I went to the hotel in Las Vegas where they allowed people to smoke in the gambling area. I saw things in a different perspective after I became a smoker.
I ended up swimming with my cousin and sister. It was nice and relaxing. I was reading 'Reunion' while eating dinner at a restaurant. I was really surprised to see the brown-haired man really fall for the main character. Despite the main character pretending to be a dead woman, the brown-haired man falls for him. He doesn't know his real name, age, nor where he lives. The handsome brunette has growing feelings for the black hair man disguised as a brown-haired woman.
The day ended with eating strawberry cake for my mom's birthday celebration in a hotel. The last thing I did was play 'Flee the Facility' with my cousins and sister before I headed to sleep. On Independence Day, I started my day by eating mochi donuts for breakfast. Then my family and I ate Pho for lunch. We walked to The Park and Area 15 as our tourist activities.
As usual, SweetLover728 was talking about some insane stuff on The Workshop server. I always found it weird how he would sometimes misgender me and think I was his girlfriend or wife when I was a man. I was accustomed to being misgendered in real life but I expected my very own boyfriend out of all people to at least get my gender correct. Especially when I am a transgender individual where we are more sensitive to being misgendered.
Bike of Hell from Roblox is one of my comfort games to play. It's quite relaxing to play when there's nothing much to do or when I need to wind down.
Hm, I wonder what would happen if you treat every writing that you read like an autobiography. Don't people do that with all the media they watch? Maybe I just want to blur the lines between reality and fiction again so my writing would be better. What makes an art piece good is rather subjective.
I read about a male protagonist who did the same things over and over again in his world to protect a single save file. He practically would restart each time like a video game just to repeat the same activities that he had already done. Sounds boring doesn't it? But what if it was your reality and had your friends in it? Wouldn't you do the same?
It's quite interesting how the story I'm reading has a decided ending already yet the story still progresses before the ending is finished. Apparently the ending is destined with destruction and it's only a matter of time before that ending occurs. How the main characters and its cast handle the storyline before the end comes is the fascinating part to read