I had become so obsessed that I started taking note of when he came and when he left. I knew exactly when he went to pray, so I would slip out into the lawn and wait there, hoping to see him on his way back.
It was embarrassing, especially because sometimes it took him forever to return. Still, I stood there anyway, just for the chance of catching a glimpse. It was not like I talked to him or even thought deeply about him. I just liked the idea of knowing he was in the same place as me.
There were days when I went to the library only because I wanted to see him. That was it. No other reason.
~
The other day I saw him walking in the park while I was standing by the window. I wanted to keep standing there, watching, but I was scared he would notice me if I stayed too long.
Later I realized something that made me laugh. From where he was, it was impossible to see anyone standing inside that window. I had been hiding for no reason at all.
~
One time I saw him get up to leave for the masjid. Something in me told me to go outside and wait, but I did not. I had to study.
Then, while I was still sitting there, I suddenly felt this strong urge to get up, take a break, and see if he was back. So I went toward the window. And right at that exact moment, he was coming back.
I caught the perfect glimpse of him walking by, heading toward the entrance, and then disappearing inside. The timing was so eerie. I had just gotten a feeling, and there he was.
~
Another day I was sitting and studying when I saw him leave. He was wearing a red sweater. I did not even see his face, just his outfit and the back of his head.
With how far away he was, I would not have been able to see his face even if he had turned toward me. But that is the way of the obsessed person. I knew it was him just from the silhouette.
That was also the day I realized he sat on the lower floor, which explained why I sometimes could not find him. I did not go there though. I reminded myself I had to study. I told myself I would do it later.
~
One day I came straight from college. I had my first viva that day, and I thought if I came to the library, I would have enough time to prepare for the next one before going home. I even picked up some sweets from the grocery store on the way.
I was not expecting what I saw when I arrived.
There he was, sitting in the sunlight, looking so calm it almost felt unreal. How could anyone look that calm?
I dragged my time getting out of the car, secretly hoping he would notice me. Then I ran inside. I did not even need my coat, but I carried it inside anyway, only to walk back out again just to put it in the car, hoping he would see me.
~
Another day, purely on the hope that he might be there, I went straight to the library. I had noticed he was often in the garden around noon. So I timed it carefully, trying to come around the same time.
That day our timing almost matched. As I arrived, he was leaving, but at least I got to see him.
I took my time getting out of the car because I was too shy to walk past him directly. I sat in the car, talking about my coat as an excuse to linger.
The weirdest thing happened that day, though, it felt like he was waiting for me to come out, because only when i came out, his car drove away.