19.01.2025
I had posted casually about some volunteer work I did, and he reacted. That was how our conversation started. Later, he posted on his story about being at an event on animal rights. I replied and asked him what it was. I asked if he was interested, and he said he was there only because a friend had invited him.
I was asking questions about the summit when he suddenly video called me. I was completely shocked. That was the last thing I had expected. I was sitting with my family at the time, caught in a heated discussion about one of my proposals, so I cut the call quickly and told him I was leaving for the park. That part was true, I really did have plans to go.
He apologised afterwards and even sent me a video of the talk. I felt bad that he went out of his way to do that, so I told him not to worry and just give me a summary later. I also asked him to check if they had any volunteer opportunities available. He said he had already spoken to someone and would let me know when I visited the library the next day.
We talked for a while. I joked about him being sheltered and teased him. At home, my mother was making me clean and organise my room after exams, so I complained about it and joked that I was being treated like Cinderella.
The conversation shifted toward nature, and then to how waking up early is important. I told him how I was working on that too. We kept chatting, and before I knew it, it was 3 a.m.
20.01.2025 — Meditation (3:12 a.m.)
This was our second time talking. The conversation started casually, but then turned deep. I told him about how restless I had felt during the meditation session at the workshop. He replied with something that struck me like lightning. It felt like he had opened my mind, seen the part of me I could not put into words, and then said it out loud.
His words were:
"You can't stay still because you can't sit with yourself. And that's because you don't want to feel what's inside you. Maybe the emptiness, the shallowness, something you don't like about yourself."
It was like he had pulled the words straight from my chest.
I asked him, "How can one not think? How did you turn that part off? Because the more someone tells me to sit in silence, the louder my thoughts about the stuff I want to forget become. And I just end up feeling worse."
He replied:
"Maybe something is troubling you, something you would rather not talk about. That's okay, we all carry our scars. But remember, we are here simply to experience and observe life, nothing more. The ambitions we chase are often just ways to escape from ourselves, distractions we create to stay occupied. In doing so, we lose sight of the beauty of this life we are meant for. Pursue your goals, but stay in touch with yourself, and make sure they come from a place of love, not fear, nor escape."
Even now, weeks later, these words are my favourite. I even told Daudi about them, and he said, "This defines you."
Those words bore into my soul. It was a strange and different experience.
He mentioned that while we were talking, his mum had come and asked if he was alright. He said yes, but she noticed he was not. She suggested he offer prayer.
That made me realise that I should pray too. It had been so long since i hadn't. The mental block I'd been carrying for ages, but suddenly it lifted.
I thanked him, asked if there was anything specific he wanted me to pray for, and then said goodbye. After that, I prayed.
That prayer felt like a release. I cried so much, the kind of crying that leaves you feeling lighter afterwards. I prayed for myself and for him too, because in some way, God had used him to remind me of what I was missing and what I needed.
After tahajjud, I offered fajr and then finally went to sleep.
Do you want me to also refine the quotes and texts between you two so they read like diary-recorded dialogues (for example, using italics or quotation marks to highlight his words), or should I keep them exactly as you wrote them here?