20.01.2025, Monday Evening — 4 Hour Talk
I had the best day with him. He was exactly like I imagined him to be. For a moment, when I came back home, I wondered if he was faking it, maybe just saying the right things because he knew about my interests. But no, that was not true. I knew it in my heart. We had talked for four hours straight. No one can fake that.
I asked him if he could bring the book. He said he would bring it tomorrow. I told him I had to go to college and added a crying emoji. He laughed and sent me a picture he had received of the meditation workshop. They had cropped him out, which I found hilarious.
My Brother Visiting and the Awkward Interaction
I do not remember if this happened before or after our long talk. One day, I was sitting with him for the second time, which made it our third meeting. My brother was supposed to come to the library that day, all because I had foolishly invited him myself. Later, I realised how awkward it might become if I ended up meeting my crush while my brother was around. He was handsome, and I knew my brother would misunderstand.
But what happened, happened.
That day, I had texted my crush that I would take the book from him, but my message was not seen. I assumed he was not coming. When I entered, I unexpectedly saw him. I do not remember if I went down those stairs on purpose to catch a glimpse of him, or if it was pure coincidence, but there he was.
After our first conversation, I thought we would act like friends, that things would be casual. I had taken the awkward step of approaching him first, so I expected him to continue things. Instead, he ignored me completely, holding his head low as I crossed him on the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, gathering courage. Finally, I asked, "Did you bring your book?"
He looked shocked, rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and replied.
I followed him inside until he sat down. I gave him my things to hold while I stepped out, but when I came back, he was no longer where I had left him. He was now sitting by another window, using his laptop. He had even forgotten his phone.
Later, a girl told me to be careful about him. My brother said the same thing.
21.01.2025
I walked for two hours in college, talking to my friend about him. I told her everything — what he had said, what he had taught me, and how it all made me feel.
22.01.2025
He brought the book, but other people surrounded me and kept talking, so I could not leave. Still, I managed to get the book from him.
I kept struggling to focus on his face. Even now, when I think back, I remember only the way he looked to me in those first days. I still cannot tell if that person is the same as the one sitting in front of me now.
31.01.2025
We had a deep chat today. I have to check my journal to remember the details of what we talked about, but I know it stayed with me.
01.02.2025
We spoke for two and a half hours. Later that evening, I had dinner at a villa with my ex's extended family, but all I could think about was our talk.
Little Things in Between
Sometimes, he would ask me questions, and I obviously did not know the answers. It became our thing. He would ask, and I would look at him as if to say, "You know I do not know this." He would smile, then tell me the answer. It was so cute, and I loved it.
I loved those small interactions: the way his nose crinkled when he laughed genuinely, the way he covered his face with his hand when he made a great point, or when he could tell from my expression that I understood. In those moments, he looked like a completely different person, and it was adorable.
But I still struggled to tell if he was the same person. His face kept looking different to me.
03.02.2025
We talked for one hour and forty-five minutes. Afterwards, I went to visit Nano. Now, I miss how we used to talk so much, how we had so many deep conversations. It was amazing. I did not value it enough back then.
04.02.2025
We talked for an hour and a half. I also got my result today — I became a doctor. I forgot to tell him, and honestly, I forgot to tell everyone else too.