22.02.2025
I was hiding from uncle and wore a mask, so I could not sit in the window where we usually sat. I had to sit near the fire hydrant instead. I do not know if it was the twenty second or another day, but after I came back from the washroom, I saw him sitting there in the fire hydrant area. I asked why and he said uncle might come to the other place. Normally, I would clean the spot myself before sitting, but I was wearing white and knew it would get dirty, so I hesitated. Before I could do anything, he cleaned the spot for me. It was small and simple, but I found it very cute and I appreciated it more than I thought I would.
23.02.2025 — Our Last Meeting
It was inevitable, I knew it, but I still felt sad at the loss of a good friend. I thought we would be able to meet on Saturdays, that was the assumption I had been running on. I had no idea he would stop coming altogether. That bomb was dropped on me on a sunny winter morning. I was not ready for it.
He said he would no longer be coming to the library. He would start teaching from the twenty fourth, so this was his last day. His parents had told him that his time of peace was over and now it was time to work. To think it would be the end and that we would never see each other again was such a shock.
He even joked that if I could not find anyone else, we should just get married. To go from being utterly obsessed with someone, to that same person joking about marriage, it hooked me even more. And because it was my last day too, the feeling of longing doubled.
The thought of never seeing him again, wishing I had not lost him, imagining marriage, and facing my last day of peace—it was an emotional rollercoaster. And because of that series of events, I got hooked even worse.
The days that followed were a cycle. When we did not talk, I grew sad and obsessed. Just when I managed to get over him, he would text me and I would be caught again. What made it worse was the timing. He always texted right when I was overthinking about him. It felt like there was a link, a strange connection. My notifications were turned off, yet I could sense his message before checking. Whenever I obsessed over him, a few hours later, he would text. It became a ritual, and the dopamine rush made me sink deeper into obsession.
24.02.2025
Yesterday marked the end of my brief romance story. Today was my first day at my housejob. I sent him a picture with the caption about how I reached on time but my friends were late. He said good morning and we talked a little. That was enough to give me energy for the whole day. I found myself waiting for his texts, and it felt nice to have someone to greet in the morning and talk to daily.
Later, he randomly asked me to call. An hour before that I had been thinking of both my aunts, and I cried remembering all they had been through. Their stories had affected me more deeply than I wanted to admit. Mum had always said that I was like both of them. Maybe that's why seeing their sad presents made me so sad.
That day I also realised how much impact he had on me. I had never thought about meditation before, and yet here I was, not exactly meditating but sitting with myself, reflecting. And it was helping me so much more than I expected. In the beginning of the semester break, I could not sit alone with myself for long, let alone four hours, but now I had done it. And it felt peaceful and calm.
He texted about changing his routine. He even suggested we watch a spiritual series together. It felt nice.
25.02.2025
I've literally been giving him updates about everything that's happening in my life. I told him how I got free early, and kept ranting about my day even though he had not asked.