I didn't want to get up. I was having too good a dream to want to. It's a shame I don't remember what it was about, but all I know is that it was something good, something that filled me with confidence.
I never would have woken up if it weren't for my alarm, which bothered me so much that I ended up snoozing for five more minutes. But that flew by, as I soon started hearing it again. Although it sounds a little odd, it's as if it's calling my name...
"Will you get up for the love of god?!"
An annoying voice very close to me was the one that woke me up completely, lifting the thin blanket I was covered with. I could also notice that I wasn't hugging my pillow, which was lying on the floor.
The last thing I noticed was how that same person grabbed my shoulders, then began to dig their nails into me like a savage.
"W-wait! Stop it, Amaya!"
At least, when I begged for mercy, my words were heard, and the beast stopped attacking my shoulders with its claws, bringing peace to my body … Or so I would say if she hadn't dug them into me for so long…
"I told you to stop doing that, you fucking idiot!"
"I'm so sorry Snow White doesn't want to wake up."
This behavior between us was nothing more than a habit, and everything we said was in jest; neither of us was really angry. Well, I was a little after that attack...
I'm still too sleepy to blame her for that, so I'll let it go for now...
"If I hadn't woken you up, you'd probably have stayed like a log here in bed."
"And is there any benefit to going to class anyway?"
"Well, yes, and that means you're going to accompany me part of the way. You should thank God that you can even walk beside me—"
"Yes, yes, let's see if you're as proud and confident in yourself once you're looking for a job…"
"But I haven't even finished college!"
After a somewhat pointless exchange of words, I got out of bed and headed to my closet, where I would take out my school uniform. The first thing I always do is put it on.
Aside from the uniform, I don't have much variety; it's all t-shirts, sweatshirts, and regular pants. It's not my fault I have such a bad sense of fashion, although it kind of is.
"Oh, and Dad said that if you don't eat breakfast, he'll take away your computer. You're always skipping it, even I'm worried, ¡but just a teeny tiny bit!. Well, if you do skip breakfast, you won't be watching porn anime..." said my sister, who was still in my room after such a violation of my rights.
"And why do you say that as if you don't do the same?"
"Good point…"
There's no need to be so honest; there are MANY things I don't want to know about you, my dear sister.
I decided to completely ignore the non-excuse she said afterward, and I completely ignored her in the process. Two birds in one stone.
As I walked past her face, I left my white uniform shirt and pants on the bed, wanting to get dressed. It was September, so the summer uniform was still mandatory. It also wasn't cold enough to be wearing the autumn one.
I had to get dressed, so while I turned my back on whatever was at my door, I began to take off my pants-.
What's Amaya doing that she won't leave?
"Are you going all northern now?"
"I was just thinking of another insult to throw at you, but I give up," Amaya replied disappointedly, as she turned around, about to leave the room.
Ah, but she doesn't leave without making an unnecessary comment, even smiling now. "It's not like it's worth it to see what a pitiful little bug you have down there."
He said it in a mocking tone, of course, before running out of the room and closing the door. Before she left, all I had time to do was sigh.
And let it be known that I already know that I have a small one.
So, yeah, this is the monster I've had to put up with every day since I was born, poor me. The worst part is that she was even worse when she was little. Amaya is the oldest by three years, so we're just about within the age range where it's not unusual for us to get together. People who know us should be weirded out for age anyway, we're brothers, after all, and we share quite a few tastes and sense of humor too. This girl is very strange.
She says I gave it to her, the strange thing, although she probably would have been the way she is now even if I weren't around, except she wouldn't be able to show it. I think she's given me more than I've given her.
I even feel so unkind, I couldn't like her more, and I couldn't ask for a better sister either. The only downside to her existence is that she physically abuses me, aside from the fact that my friends can mess with her or say that my sister will make us a family. And by my friends, I mean one guy in particular.
It's not like Amaya and the rest of them don't get along. Sometimes she even goes out with the group, even if forced, but she mostly hangs out in her room, and when she does go out with us,. I do pretty much the same thing, except I go out more than she, I think.
After being forced to eat breakfast by an insistent Amaya, we both left the house to go to class.
Luckily, all I have to do to get to school is hop on the subway and walk a bit, but she has to do somersaults to get to college, according to her, of course.
I was only a week into the second trimester, but I was already tired, my face spoke volumes.
Well, my face isn't a viable source, as I have a tired face and a calm/weak tone of voice almost naturally. Everyone who sees me for the first time asks me if I'm okay; my mother used to ask me that all the time when I was little.
I'm already in a bad mood just thinking about it…
After riding the train and saying goodbye to my sister, I headed to school. It wasn't far from the station, so I got there quickly, and I ran into three other weirdos at the school entrance.
"Bro, you owe me dinner for like a month! If you don't bring it tomorrow, I'm going to tax you!"
"It's you, lol. All three of us know I was the one who won that game."
"You don't even believe it yourself!"
Is =@º\' already telling &$%"! to give him his money back? The fact that they're still doing this is astonishing to me.
=@º\' looked to his side, to speak to the third boy who was there, "_¨*^?¿·, &$%"! is the one who owes me money, right?"
"Don't pay attention to him! He's scamming you, he's 100% scamming you!"
"And you shut up, you fucking liar!"
Both of them pressured the poor _¨*^?¿· to give an answer, who, after a while of thinking, and another while of being nervous...
"...=@º\', you were the one who said 'double or nothing!', and then lost in the worst possible way." _¨*^?¿· put a finger to his cheek while showing a nervous smile, a little shy of giving the answer.
"_¨*^?¿·, liar!"
"Nah, don't pay attention to this guy, he's a loser."
"I'll break your neck!"
Daiki started pointing at =@º\' with his thumb, almost as if he were a freak. The atmosphere calmed down, more or less, when I caught their attention, raising my hand a little to wave, while taking off the headphones I was wearing.
"Hey."
" Ah, hello hello !"
"Hello."
"H-hey."
I wish I could say that something happened the rest of the day, but unless I want to start talking about a montage of bad jokes and moments that aren't funny, but make me laugh anyway, well, I have little else to say...
...if it weren't for the fact that in 4 days we're going to an anime convention.
I'm not going to say much for now, and there's not much to say about a convention, either, but I'm really excited to go. This is my second time attending something like this, and I've been wanting to go since summer started, although only &$%"! is going; the rest didn't like it the last time we went.
Honestly, it would be ten times better if my sister came, but she says she doesn't want to, and no matter how many times I pestered her about going, she always ended up saying no. I stopped asking after the fourteenth try.
There are still 4 days of school left…
Classes are usually boring, no, sorry, they are boring.The only interesting thing about all this is a manga-like argument about a loser owing a kid dinner. What a familiar situation. It must be trendy to owe others money.
Anyone would think of having a typical day straight out of a comedy or romance manga or anime, but life isn't usually that entertaining. In my case, it's even harder to have something like that, since =@º\' usually plays basketball during recess, separating himself from the group most of the time. Although I also do my own thing, I always go to the library.
Literally, only one girl uses it, I think her name was Tsukiyomi. I've never spoken to her, and I never will. And neither of us uses the books there; we bring our own, in my case manga and light novels. We both know the other exists, but we never do anything about it.
My class routine is pretty much the same, aside from talking to them between classes. I'm not in any club, unlike =@º\', who would be impossible to guess which club she belongs to, so I don't have much to do here once classes are over.
I can handle three classes, then I read anything in the library. When the bell rings, I go back to class, and I can handle another three subjects. At least I laugh a little during the class breaks.
After another productive and entertaining day of classes, I said goodbye to my friends and took the train home.
For a long time now, I've had the habit of listening to music. I do it both on the way there and back, or anytime I'm out and alone. Their parents pick them up, and they don't need to take the train, since they live close by, so I don't have anyone to talk to.
I'm not exactly a big talker. I'm a somewhat reserved and shy person, but when I'm in the mood, I can't shut up. The only person I'm always like this with is Amaya.
...I'm surprised I'm the only person I can bring up conversation topics with.
Even with similar tastes, you run out of things to talk about after a while. Ahh, how beautiful the magic of brotherhood is! And how tiresome it is...
We mostly talk about video games, anime, and TV shows, and if we're not doing that, we're completely stupid. Sometimes we even do both at the same time.
Talking so much about my sister... I sound like a complete Siscon..
One can only sigh after hearing such a monologue in my head.
The rest of the day was even more productive. I ate, locked myself in my room, talked to my sister for a while, read, played a game, went downstairs to have dinner with Amaya, since dad was still at work, and went upstairs to read again.
Whenever I think about it, I have a pretty boring life from the outside. In the end, what's so interesting about reading about a kid jerking off and wasting his time? I don't see the point, but I can't say much about it either; there are much stranger things out there.
Amaya is surely one of them.
Back to the present, I was in my room, locked away, while peacefully reading. Of course, that peace didn't last long, as a bug swung the door wide open and stared at me.
I wonder where I left the insecticide...
"Am I uglier than usual, or less handsome than usual?"
" Probably both." It's both a shame she's right and a shame I can't say the same thing. I think it's worth it for me to sound like a snob or a slob to say my sister is objectively pretty. That genetics haven't really rubbed off on me...
"And are you here for something more than just looking at my face?"
I put a bookmark on the novel I was reading and left it on my lap.
"…N-no, I just wanted to see if you were okay…" she said with a slightly faint and shy voice, although she wasn't blushing or looking to the side.
"Uh? Is my sister worrying about me? Are you sick? Do you have a fever?"
After seeing Amaya acting so suspiciously and perhaps even nervously, I decided to take advantage of her. For some reason, she didn't react to my comment or my sarcastic tone.
" It's nonsense, really..."
" And what is that nonsense?"
"… Um."
" Yes ?"
" Can I sleep with you?"
" And where is the hidden camera?"
"Nowhere!" She said, slightly irritated, "It's just… I haven't been sleeping well for a while, and I've been trying things to sleep better, and…"
"No need to make excuses. Just say you're in love with me, and-"
"I knew I shouldn't have asked…" and that was the end of her embarrassment, now she just sounds irritated and disgusted. "It would really be nice if you could talk like a normal person once in a while."
"Okay, yeah, sorry."
"…"
"…"
" S-so what do you say?"
At first, I thought it was some kind of joke, to see if I'd say yes and then she'd laugh at me nonstop, but seeing how serious she was, I decided to answer with what my heart was telling me.
"Of course I'm NOT going to sleep with my sister... That's not even a question..."
"B-but we did it when we were little!"
"Fuck, of course, when we were kids, but now it's weird."
I don't know what's wrong with this girl...
"And why would you want to do that now anyways? Have you read some incest manga of something and wanna try your creepy ideas on your poor little brother?!"
"Of course not you dumb fuck! I... I was just asking to sleep like usual, with nothing weird!! We can be as far as we can on bed if you want to!"
"Im still not sleeping with you tho!"
I don't know how he doesn't see the difference between sleeping like a baby and sleeping now. No one's watching, but doing something like that would weigh so heavily on my conscience that I'd never be able to forget it.
"Ahhhh, of course, now that I have a nice pair of tits, you're embarrassed, aren't you?" Amaya tried to joke about it so as not to be so embarrassed. Poor girl, that's how I get to donate to the Down Syndrome Foundation...
"If it weren't made of plastic, I would agree with you."
"T-they're not made of plastic!"
At my response, Amaya covered her breasts with her arms, a little embarrassed. Let her start it…
"Yes, they are! Chinese plastic!"
"Okay… Well, I'm going to have to hit you with them," she said while cracking his knuckles.
Hey… it seems your fists aren't… well, your breasts…
My sister was approaching me menacingly, with onomatopoeia surrounding her and everything. The aura she gave off terrified me, her bloodlust flooding my room.
I had to put the novel down at the edge of the bed in the time it took for her to approach. Her face had a villainous grin on it, a vein popping out of her head.
"Sooo?" She was on edge, about to explode.
"…Your ass is also made of plaaAHG." I couldn't finish my sentence, as she lunged at me, and I mean that in the most literal sense possible.
Above me, Amaya held both of my arms, pinning them to the wall, while also fixing her gaze on my eyes.
"W-what is this? I'm not into bondage, you know!"
"Yes, I know."
"Then let me go!"
As I demanded that she released me, the strength holding my arms strangely increased.
"First, take back what you said~"
"But it's true…"
Even in a situation like this, I could still mess with her. At this rate, she's going to throw a few things in my face...
My response only made things worse, as she readied her fist to start giving me a rather cruel facial massage.
"Yessss? Is that trueeee?"
"…I'm not going to back down just because you're going to hit me…" I've gotten used to her doing it, even though I'm a wreck.
I closed my eyes, accepting my fate as the annoying one. But no matter how long I waited, the blow never came. In fact, when I closed my eyes, my arms were freed.
Freedom? Has she gotten over her anger?
Sometimes freedom can be horrendous when conditioned.
"Hey… No, please, hehe, no…" I begged as much as I could for my life, since I was now the victim of her hands.
There was my sister, sitting on my bed, on top of me, with her hands placed right under my armpits. A wicked smile spread across her face. Pure evil…
"You're going to find out!"
"N-no! Hahaha, no! S-stop, I'm dying, hahaha!"
I curled up into a ball as much as I could, lying down on the bed, and trying to get my sister to take her hands off my beautiful armpits by squeezing her hands as hard as I could.
"IT'S USELESS!"
"S-stop, hehe, really, please...Hahahaha! Ah, I'm dying, hahah, I'm dying, hahHAHA!"
I gasped between laughter and giggles as her hands desecrated the most sensitive part of my body. I tried to fight back, holding and moving her arms to stop her from tickling me.
A ridiculous struggle. I had no success attacking her arms, so I tried to push her away from me, but of course, with the little strength I had, that attempt was also useless.
As a last resort, I tried to tickle her back, but I was quickly stopped by a single arm from her. I was running out of options.
It was difficult to think with a cool head at such a critical moment, but I had to do it.
Phew, okay, what can I do…
I looked around me while I was laughing my head off to see what I had. The only thing at my disposal was my novel, which I wouldn't use to hit my sister in the face in a thousand years. I would never do that, it would be horrible. Damaging the novel that much isn't worth it.
I looked at Amaya, wondering what I could use against her…
…
Amidst the chaos, an idea, a brilliant idea, emerged. I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice. Unless she answered my prayers, there was nothing else in my power.
"Hahah… ah… If you keep going like this, hehe… I'll have to fight back somehow, hahah!"
"Come on, try it! You know you can't do anything to-!"
"…" I focused my sight on her plastic bags...
Yes… I'd better not do it… If I did, it would kill me twice as fast…
"O-okay, I give up, haha! Now, seriously, let me go already!"
" Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
Admitting defeat, I was able to calm the beast, whose claws now freed my armpits.
"Ah, ah…"
"…You're such a bother-"
"And now what have I done?! I'm the victim here!"
This was another violation of my rights, and perhaps of my body in general…
Amaya climbed off me, standing up as she left the bed. Afterward, she took the opportunity to stretch, a big smile on her face.
"Ahh~, that felt so good to me!"
I decided not to comment on it, for fear of risking my life again. I'm too young to die now. I decided to put the jokes aside and take it a little more seriously. I couldn't ignore such a strange question, one that came out of nowhere.
"…And I say to you, why did you ask me something like that?"
" Well, I did want to before, but now that I've seen your face and now that you've bothered me so much, you've taken away all my desire."
" If that's the case, you must have taken it all away by yourself…"
It was a somewhat awkward situation, one in which I didn't know how to continue talking for once in a long time. My best option was basically to tell her to fuck off.
"…Let this be all you do when you come here."
"You asked for it, I'm innocent here!"
" Ahhh, how lazy to argue with you…"
"Excuse me?"
She sounded offended, as if I'd said something wrong. You get tired of seeing that girl's face so much.
"Well, if you're not going to do anything else, I'd like to go to sleep. All that laughing has made me sleepy..."
Amaya sighed, "You're already kicking me out of the room… Okay, I'll take it," and then turned around, heading towards the bedroom door, to leave.
As she left, I picked up the novel I was reading and placed it on my desk, then lay down on my bed.
Before leaving, Amaya said one last thing.
"… Good night."
"Good night."
She closed the door the moment she stepped into the hallway, and I turned off the lamp on my nightstand.
Although I was slightly shaken after such an attack, it didn't take long for me to fall asleep.
1.
I couldn't take my eyes off what was in front of me. I had to call someone and ask for help.
I was afraid, I was desperate.
I was surrounded by darkness.
But in that darkness, a light approached me, a light in the shape of a hand caressed my face.
I could feel how warm it was.
Thanks to it, the darkness dissipated, and only I remained.
But before I could thank it…
My alarm was going off. As usual, at the same time and as part of my routine, I got out of bed and put on my school uniform.
Something that broke the routine was opening the door to my room, to see the hallway with no light on, the only light in it being the sun coming in through a window at the end.
Don't tell me that...
Amaya's bedroom door was closed. I could already smell what had happened.
I headed to her room and carelessly opened the door. And there was the princess, lying face up in her cape, her hair a mess, hugging her pillow, and without a shirt or bra.
I walked over to her, standing in front of her bed, and grabbed her shoulder.
" Amaya…"
I started shaking her until she woke up. The worst part was that it took me a while to wake her up.
"Mhhhh…" After a faint grunt, she yawned briefly, only to realize it was me waking her up.
"…Why are you waking me up?"
" Because you fell asleep, maybe?"
"Ah..."
Amaya reached for her nightstand to check the time on her phone.
"...Fuck, I'm not going to be able to shower anymore..."
I don't know what to believe.Her alarm didn't go off. Mine did, but she didn't wake up to it.
Amaya sat on the bed a little lazily, resting her hands behind her, then yawned, without even covering her mouth, and stretched her hands up as far as she could.
"…Put some clothes on, it's not so hot…" I said while looking to the side, trying not to get him angry as soon as he got up.
"Ah-" She looked down, realizing she wasn't wearing anything to cover her chest, covering it with her arm until she put on a t-shirt, one that was thrown on her chair.
"Sorry," he said, after putting on his shirt.
"Shouldn't I be the one begging for forgiveness and pleading for his life? And what were you doing shirtless, anyway?"
Amaya sighed, still half asleep.
"I shouldn't care that you accidentally saw me like this in the first place… But if you look at me with any strange intentions, I'll take your eyes out." His voice was too neutral, and it seemed like he was joking.
" How stupid, you know I'm not going to do anything like that. It's not like I'm a perverted sissy."
"Yessss, you're exactly that. Well, I have to get dressed, sir."
I see you weren't in the mood to fool around in the morning.
"Yes, yes, whatever you say." And so, I left her room without a word, then continued with my routine of eating breakfast, brushing my face and teeth, and waiting for Amaya to go out together.
The only times she goes out with people, or goes out in general, is to go to class, to run errands, or when we force her to go out.
I've always worried that Amaya doesn't have friends. I've been worried about it, and I'm always complaining about her not having anyone. She hasn't told me much about the people in her class, only that they're all very average, and that she's better off alone, although I don't know if I should believe her.
She's a shy person, but at the same time, she doesn't show much interest in trying to meet new people, just like me. I hope she's doing well with the whole studying thing, too.
I'd love to help her in any way I can, but in the end, I just cause her more problems. I always end up venting, and she's always the one who comforts me. That's why she knows me so well; I'm like an open book when I'm with her.
He's a better person than I'll ever be.
She doesn't deserve to be alone. I don't see it affecting her much, though, but she's also a little more withdrawn than usual.
Does she not trust me enough? Or is it because she doesn't want to hurt me or upset me?
It's probably the latter. And if shehasn't said anything to me, it's because she's fine. I trust her.
"..."
Without warning, someone put their arm around my shoulder.
"Hey."
"Oh, hi."
It's &$%"!, and behind him are =@º\' and _¨*^?¿·.
"What's wrong? Are you more besotted than _¨*^?¿·? Have you not slept, or are you still thinking about yesterday's question?" &$%"! said in a mocking tone.
"Oh, no, I was just besotted."
"Could you come up with something funnier…"
"Like what? Do you want me to say that I saw you hiding in the courtyard reading an ecchi manga the other day?"
The moment I said that, =@º\' started laughing, _¨*^?¿· just smiled a little.
"You know I don't have anything like that."
"So what's hidden in your dresser?"
&$%"! was silent for a moment, not embarrassed, but annoyed.
"Under your mattress, in the top corner.", &$%"! responded with an even bigger threat.
Now, even _¨*^?¿· was laughing, though, in my defense, only a little!
With a straight face, I extended my hand, offering &$%"! a handshake.
"Let's call this a draw."
He accepted it and responded with a serious tone as well.
"No, I win."
"Third drawer, under all the junk you have in there."
As I said that, I started to feel my hand being crushed. How rude of him.
Just because it was me, it already hurt twice as much as it should have. I don't like being weak, but I'm not going to try to change it. I don't have to.
"I think it's a good idea to call it a draw," he said in a calm, friendly voice.
"Okay, okay, sorry. But stop it!"
Even if it was verbal, I don't know why I get into these kinds of fights.
In the end, I always end up losing. With my crystal body, it's not right to physically abuse people!
Time flied by, and so we settled to eat all together on recess.
Normally, when the 4 of us get together, we go out to the patio, but today, neither &$%"! nor _¨*^?¿· had brought food.
_¨*^?¿· He doesn't normally eat at recess, but today he was hungrier than usual. Oh &$%"!, I had just forgotten about bringing lunch.
We all 4 decided to stay here, since it was hot outside.
"Hey, &$%"! Have you bought 'Super Smash Bros', or not yet?"
"No. Are you that eager to play it?"
"Yes!" I said enthusiastically, "I want to beat you all up, like in the last installment!"
"Of course, since you can't even handle _¨*^?¿· in person, you prefer to humiliate us by playing."
"Ehh, no, I think he could beat me in a fight, =@º\' "
Whenever we met, we did it at &$%"!'s house.
His parents are very nice, and he was the one who had all the multiplayer games.
Sometimes we just meet up there to hang out for a while. I'll never turn down a place to sit and be comfortable.
"I feel bad asking my parents for another game. They've already got about three this month."
"But we all paid for it! And besides, you took your share out of your savings."
"Well, if I feel like it, I'll ask them ag-"
Suddenly, someone slammed a table while shouting.
"I'm not fucking amused!"
The cafeteria looked like a funeral. Everyone was looking in the direction the shout was coming from.
The one who raised the voice was a student, more specifically, a punk. Probably one of those who've repeated once or twice a year, and he was with a friend of his.
At the table, sitting to his left was another kid, who looked like a nerd.
He had nothing on the table, and he looked like he was about to leave.
This smells like a mess to me. Ignore them, Riku.
"I-I already told you I don't have it."
"I told you yesterday to bring it! I've been telling you for two days!"
The older boy sounded angry, although he seemed to be exaggerating a bit. The nerd, on the other hand, was scared and nervous.
"That's it! You have to give us the money, you fucking brat!" One of the friends behind the punk added fuel to the fire.
"I'm not going to let this go!" With that, the boy grabbed the nerd by the arm, trying to drag him away.
Uh? What's this, Disney Channel? Since when am I in the 80s?
The oldest had just taken advantage of the moment when there were no teachers here.
The rest of the students had stopped watching the scene. I guess they didn't want to get into trouble, or they weren't interested in what was happening.
I'm surprised, since people like to poke their noses into everything.
Well, there was someone who wanted to poke their nose into the matter.
=@º\', believing himself to be a hero, stood up from his seat.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I rebuked him in a low voice.
"If you want to stay here, go ahead, but let me go."
I tried to stop him, but it was like talking to a wall.
"You don't have to get involved in things like this. You're not going to come out well!"
"Look, all I want to do is vent about the last game. It's not going to be that bad."
=@º\ headed toward the bully. After thinking twice, &$%"! Went after him.
"If I don't go with you, you're sure to cause trouble."
And now they both want to pick a fight?! They may be physically fit, especially =@º\, but it still seems silly to me.
It's not like we're kids, someone will get up and find a teacher...
Both _¨*^?¿· and I sat there. I didn't want to get involved, and even if _¨*^?¿· wanted to, I don't think his shy mind would let him.
Even though they're going, I'm not going with them just because they're my friends. I'm also a little embarrassed, and I'll only do more harm than good.
"We'll have to call a teacher..." _¨*^?¿· said. "...I suppose you want me to go get one."
" You can wait. Someone will come with a teacher, and if not, they'll know what they're doing. Besides, a teacher can't fix this by a long shot. It might stop it, but it'll probably happen again in the future." I made that very clear, for the record.
"Who do you think you are, besides a clown, to just wake up like that?" Seeing how =@º\ and &$%"! were approaching him, the bully started to focus on them.
"Someone who doesn't have two brain cells, unlike the rat in front of me."
"If what you want is to turn me on even more, then let's go to the fucking yard." Fuck, now he even sounds more pissed off. At least he has enough sense not to start hitting each other here.
Both &$%"! and the bully's friend stayed behind each other, although they weren't covered by their backs. It was as if they were the tank's support.
It didn't take long for them to leave the cafeteria, heading straight outside.
I could have supported them or tried to stop the situation, but I didn't want to go through that trouble, and I left them aside.
I'll apologize later. Or should I even apologize? Is it wrong not to want to fight with others?
And isn't it already too late to act? I mean, it's been six minutes since they left. But still, no one really did anything.
Even though I wasn't about to do anything, someone decided to get up.
"I'm going to find a teacher," he said to me before leaving the cafeteria.
Wow, I guess this is serious then. All the more reason not to get involved.
In the end, half the class was staring at the kid the bullies were messing with, and the other half was staring at me…
What are you looking at? Did I do something strange?
Although I wish you would stop doing that.
The eyes looking at me decreased, but there were still a few.
I think I'm going to go.
Although it didn't last that long, I did feel more guilt than I should have after that last bit. Besides, it had been 8 minutes since they left, and 2 since _¨*^?¿ left.
"…Ugh, fuck…" I whispered before getting up, too.
2.
The bully was already prepared to start the fight.
They were all in a secluded corner of the school.
It was the perfect place to be if you didn't want to get caught doing something you shouldn't.
Just before the older boy could do anything, =@º\' spoke up.
"Why were you asking that boy for money?"
"Ahh?! What do you care?"
"Tell me."
"Are you backing out now or what?!"
"I'm going to give you the money."
"...?"
The boy dropped his aggressive stance and relaxed his body. He and his friend were surprised by his response. He hadn't even expected it.
"But first, tell me, why did you ask him?"
"Well, you see. Two days ago, I nicely asked that kid for 1,600 yen, and he said he'd give it to me. But, as you know, I'm still waiting for it."
"And you're just talking to him like that because of that? He doesn't even owe you."
"But he promised me! A promise is a promise, right?"
=@º\' sighed. "Look, I'll give you those 1600 yen now, but leave that kid alone, okay?"
"Make it 3200!" said the bully's friend.
"No. I'm going to give you the 1600. Either you take that, or you're left with nothing."
"I think I like the offer my friend made. Either you give us the 3200, or there's no deal."
"Two thousand. That's the most I'll give you."
"You heard what I said. If you don't give us the money, or if you complain anymore, we're not going to put up with it anymore."
&$%"!, a little fed up with the situation, stepped forward and intervened.
"Isn't it better if we just give you two thousand?! You'll walk away with more money than before. Even if it's not much, it's something."
"Well…"
"And shit!"
Taking advantage of the fact that &$%"! Wasn't behind =@º\', the bully's friend approached him and punched him in the face.
&$%"! He didn't expect it, so he fell on his butt to the ground.
The blow caused his nose to bleed, which was surprising, considering how skinny the boy was.
=@º\', pissed off, tried to approach the brat, but the bully got in the way.
"I guess you're not going to give me anything, huh?"
"I'm going to give you what you wanted. Something to warm you up," said =@º\', as he got ready.
When I arrived, it was all over a long time ago.
I knew where they were going, because it was the most hidden place in the institute.
Just by looking at the scene for a few seconds, I could understand what was happening.
Only the bully and =@º\' got into it, although &$%"!'s nose was bleeding, so I don't know who started it first.
&$%"! is holding =@º\', who, like the other, wants to continue the fight.
Luckily, the retard's friend isn't that stupid and is also holding him back.
The two involved in the fight were a little unwell, although it was nothing to worry about.
"That's enough, Soeyu!"
" Haven't you had enough already?! And I'm fine! My nosebleed isn't that bad!"
Just as I tried to approach them, a voice was heard behind me. It was a teacher.
"What happened?"
He was coming with _¨*^?¿, and it seemed they were asking me.
I turned to look at him and answered. "No, I just got here, but…"
There, I turned around again, now looking at the problem.
As soon as the teacher saw them, he went straight to stop them.
The professor gave us all a good lecture. I know it wasn't directed at us, but he gave it to _¨*^?¿· and me too.
When he was done, he took the four troublemakers. I assume they went to the infirmary first, then to the principal's office.
The only thing that pisses me off about all this is what I heard as they walked past me.
Before they left, someone said something.
" Thanks for the help, Riku."
No one in the group was looking at me, but I knew it was directed at me. It was =@º\' who said it, with a clear sarcastic tone.
I understand that he's angry, but it bothers me that he's the one saying it, especially after saying that I could do nothing if he wanted to.
I didn't do anything wrong. They were the ones who wanted a fight, and they kept fighting for a while.
They only have the right to blame me for being a coward. The only one who's done anything right is _¨*^?¿·. That's all they have to complain about. They wanted to fight and got interrupted, after all.
I'm not going to take it seriously. It makes me feel bad that he sees me like that, but what can I do? You can't think straight when you're that angry.
Besides, we're friends, right?
For the rest of the day, =@º\' and &$%"! were in the director's office, along with the other 2.
At the end of the last hour, &$%"! Entered the classroom. As soon as he did, I went up to him.
_¨*^?¿ told me he had to leave early so he could keep an eye on his younger brother, so it was just the two of us in the group.
"What did they tell you in the end?"
"Well, they told the kid who was following Soeyu and me that they were going to talk to our parents, and we were going to stay for seventh period after school, me for 1 week and the other one for 2.
" =@º\' and Soeyu have been expelled for a week. They even called their parents in the middle of the conversation." &$%"! sounds clearly annoyed.
"I understand my punishment, but it pisses me off that =@º\' got expelled the same way as that retard."
"What did you expect to happen? You couldn't solve something like that by talking, much less with people like them."
"Anyway, nothing would have happened if _¨*^?¿ hadn't gone to a teacher."
"I know you're angry, but it's not like we can blame him."
"But I knew we were going to have everything in control. Besides, we're not retarded, if we see that we're going too far, we'll stop, whether the other one wants to continue or not."
"He didn't do it with bad intentions; he did it with your best interests in mind."
As we were talking, &$%"! Walked over to his desk to grab his backpack and put it on his left shoulder.
"I understand you wanted to help, but we could have solved everything ourselves. Didn't you see how we were trying to get them to stop fighting?"
We both started leaving class.
"And you wanted to leave there with your nose bleeding, and with those two people hurt in the face a couple of times?"
" The nurse would have kept quiet. I feel like she's sometimes too nice, but it's in everyone's best interest if she doesn't say anything."
"Even so, I don't think _¨*^?¿ did anything wrong."
"Do you want us to blame the director?"
"Well, no, but he shouldn't have punished you in any way, not even =@º\'"
"We've already told him the whole situation, but he told us it didn't matter, since we went with them to the corner, instead of looking for a teacher. He said it nicely, so...
" You could also say that I didn't do anything, but I followed =@º\', and we started picking a fight. Now that I'm hearing it a second time, it makes sense. Though it still bothers me.
"The only one that didn't do anything is you. _¨*^?¿ brought the teacher, though I'm surprised one didn't come sooner, and you haven't done anything."
That he emphasized that last point made me feel a little guilty that it had ended this way, even though it wasn't that bad.
"I don't think my parents will ground me from going out or going to the convention. They'll probably understand."
"Yes. I can't wait for Saturday."
"Right? I'm getting a little impatient from waiting so long."
After talking for so long, we quickly reached the entrance. We stopped for a moment to change our shoes.
"You don't have to stay today?"
"No, they told me starting tomorrow.
He paused for a moment before changing the topic.
"And, going back to the convention, were you going to dress up as that in the end ?"
"Mhh, I'm still not sure. I know I bought it, and it would be a waste not to wear the cosplay, but I'm really embarrassed."
After leaving our school shoes in the lockers and putting on our own, we left the entrance.
"I'd love to see you wearing that. Although it would be weird if you were wearing cosplay and I wasn't."
"I don't think so. Anyway, if I were wearing it, I'd be the weird one, not you."
"I hope so."
As we crossed the entrance to the high school, we stopped in front of it.
"Well, we'll talk more tomorrow."
"Yes. See you later."
"See you tomorrow."
We both said goodbye to each other and started walking home.
3.
"Ahhh…"
I sighed, tired of today, even though I haven't done anything. I haven't helped at all.
I've only made my presence known and a little else. I haven't helped at all.
I've even contributed only negative things. I feel bad, even though &$%"! Said I was right not to go.
I could have stopped _¨*^?¿ and let the conflict resolve itself, and at least then no one would have been punished.
But if they hadn't punished anyone, those two idiots would have won, right?
I want to believe I did the right thing, but I could have done better.
What I did wrong was not showing interest in the situation itself.
Eventually, someone would have sought out a teacher.
It doesn't matter that I got up first. Even if _¨*^?¿ hadn't gotten up, someone would have. At least, that's what I want to believe.
The people. Was it because I didn't get up out of shame?
No, I just wanted to avoid the situation, as it was a nuisance. I didn't want to do something I didn't need to.
If it's okay not to act, why did =@º\' say that? Could it be that in the end it bothered him that I wasn't going to help him, or that I didn't stop _¨*^?¿ ?
I hope it's the latter, since you don't have to know me well enough to know I'm a fearful person. First of all, I don't know what we have in common other than some tastes and bad jokes.
I want to believe they're my friends, but the more I think about it, the less we have in common.
The only people I don't get that way with are &$%"! And Amaya. Is that all it takes for someone to be my friend?
What is it that led us to become friends?
I'm not saying this because I don't like them, but more than once I've thought about what would have become of me if I hadn't met them, or if we had suddenly stopped being friends.
Do I regret not having done anything? I don't feel like I did with Amaya. I don't feel bad, or burdened…
Maybe I could make up for today by doing something good…
" Mh…"
Yes, I've decided: Today I really want to help Amaya.
I'm not going to cry. Even if I'm a crybaby, I won't today. I'm not going to vent or tell her nonsense again.
She may act just as cheerful, but her tone of voice sounds more tired and weak.
I must be paranoid. It's probably because of my studies. Is that why she asked me yesterday?
Do studies take away so many hours of sleep from you?
Whatever it is, I want to do it. I just hope this spirit lasts until I get home.
Sometimes I'm surprised at how easily I get discouraged about things.
When I got home, my father wasn't there, and my sister hadn't arrived yet.
I guess I'll eat alone today. I'm not complaining; I like it better this way, to be honest.
After eating, I waited for Amaya to arrive, shower, and rest for a while.
I don't want to be a nuisance by trying to help her either. It's quite ironic of me to say that.
I tried to pass the time however I could, all the way up until 6 PM.
I think it's a good time to go bother her. I stopped playing and left my room, taking advantage of the fact that my father hadn't arrived yet.
In the end, I'm going to mess with her...
I was thinking about that as I went to her room. It was on the same floor as mine, the first floor, just at the end of the hallway.
I started to notice the atmosphere was a little off, and by off, I mean I couldn't hear Amaya talking to herself, or doing anything else.
I know I'm worrying too much. I end up hurting myself if I think like this.
When I got to the door, I opened it a little, making as little noise as possible so she wouldn't notice, and looked through the gap.
The only light came from the window, which was covered by a shabby curtain.
"Amaya? Are you awake?" I asked quietly.
"Yes. Tell me." She answered softly.
She was lying in her bed.
She had her back to me, her face toward the wall. She wasn't covered up, but she looked like she was going to sleep.
I never expected that the words 'Napping' and 'Amaya' would eventually be used.
"Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?"
"No, I'm just a little sleepy."
Seeing her like that, I decided to go in without turning on the light and sit on the bed.
If I wanted to, I could stroke her head. No, leave me alone, intrusive thoughts.
"Have you come for something?"
" I just wanted to know how you were doing."
"…"
" Is it so weird that I care about you?"
"What's weird is that you don't talk about yourself afterward…" he said in an annoyed tone…
I'm going to leave the period jokes aside, I don't want to screw up.
"… Sorry for…"
"You don't need to apologize, in the end you'll relieve me too."
What a contradictory phrase, considering your tone a few seconds ago...
"Oh... well, anyway.."
If I continue like this, I'm not going to get anywhere la-
"And, Riku."
"Yeah?"
" What do you think about me?"
"Huh? About how I see you or how I think you are?"
"Yeah, something like that."
There was a brief silence, during which I considered what to say. After shaking off my embarrassment and remembering what I'd said on the way home, I decided to speak.
"Well, if I tell you the truth, I often think I don't deserve you because you're so good. You're kind, and sometimes you know how to put yourself in someone else's shoes.
"You always do everything you're told to do, or what you're supposed to do, and you help Dad with various things around the house.
"You're also good at studying; you never neglect it. You have a good personality and respectable tastes and opinions. I really like that we have the same tastes, but even outside of my own interests, they're still very respectable.
"You have a good mentality, even if you can be a bit pessimistic at times. Deep down, you always care about others. You always want things to turn out well, even if you don't think they will.
"Overall, I think you're a nice person and worth getting to know. On the other hand, I—"
I ended up deliberately cutting myself off, so as not to fall into the same old hole. When the silence followed my monologue, Amaya asked me a question.
"Do you think I'm... uh... easy on the eyes?" Amaya said, embarrassed, her voice a little louder than expected.
"Do you think you're not? And you don't have to say 'easy on the eyes' either. Do you think you're pretty?"
"I-I'm asking you! God… So, am I pretty or not?!" The moment she asked it like that, Amaya's ears turned a slight red.
Even though she struck a chord, she's still that nice. She's cuter than... erm... yeah, she's very cute!!
"Yeah. It's not over the top, but you're above average. Although that's not the most important thing."
"You really think so?"
"Yeah."
I would have asked, "You don't think so?" but I stopped myself.
She'd tell me to fuck off if I said that.
"It's weird you should ask me that. You've told me a thousand times that you don't care what other people think of you, right?"
" ...Did you really come here alone for this? Aren't you going to cry for me and let me comfort you?"
It may be true, but it's not something you should say out loud. I already know that.
"I want to stop doing that…" I said with a regretful tone.
" I don't say this because it bothers me, but whenever you come here, it's either to be silly or to cry on me. Although I don't want you to stop…"
"Doesn't it bother you?"
"No. It doesn't really bother me. It may be in bad taste, but I forget most of the things you usually say to me after a few days, so it's not like I have a huge burden thanks to you."
"Well, what happened yesterday must have been a miracle…"
"The fact that?"
"See? A miracle!"
"Oh, I know what you're talking about!" Amaya had stopped speaking in that tone I'd heard her use lately, and especially now.
"J-just to be sure, it was something about your impression, wasn't it?"
"Ping pong! Correct answer!"
For my part, I was using a much softer and lower tone of voice than normal.
It's a shame I have to force myself to do this voice. Can't I just speak like that naturally?
"How silly." She let out a giggle along with that comment.
"Yes, I am."
After a few seconds, she continued speaking.
"It really feels good to be able to do something like this, and then have it work out. I always feel like I'm not doing anything, but when you walk out of my room, so calm and happy, I can't help but feel relieved and content.
" I can see how it hurts you to cry, but the rest of the time I just see that you need to relax, and that's your way of doing it."
"Relaxing while I cry? It doesn't make any sense."
"No, not at the time, but afterward. It happens to all of us. Don't you always notice that after crying, you feel better, like relieved?"
"Well, not really. If I feel better, it's because of you, at most."
"You're very mushy today, aren't you?!" My sister blushed again.
"Does it bother you?"
"...I'm ashamed."
"If you want, I can stop."
"...You're good at leaving me in bad situations." She said with a slightly annoyed tone, although she was still blushing.
"I take that as a 'yes'?"
"...Yeah."
"…"
" A-Anyway, back to the topic." Amaya paused briefly before continuing. I suppose it was to calm herself.
"I think what you're looking for when you cry is that specific moment."
"Don't excuse my problem with controlling my emotions as a master plan to relax."
"I'm not saying that's the case, it's just what I think. Maybe you're just a baby, which isn't a bad thing if you know how to control yourself when it's time to do so. I think that last part is something you need to improve, little brother."
"Don't call me that!"
"Why? I can't call you that?"
"I don't like…"
"Hehe, now you 're turning red."
"And when did you turn around?!"
Amaya was looking at me with a goofy smile. She looked like she had a neurological deficiency. And yet she looked beautiful! Anyone who calls me a sissy is just ignorant!
"Well, anyway, I can stop doing it if you want. At least, I want to stop doing it."
"Doesn't it feel right to you?"
"...I wouldn't know how to explain it."
"Well, you're doing it now."
"Hey?"
"You're talking to me about yourself right now. You don't know why you don't want to vent to me, do you?"
"It's not that I don't know, it's that…" I just don't want to say it.
I already know what you're going to answer.
'I'm just causing you trouble.' 'I feel bad receiving but not giving.' She'll always answer, 'It's okay.'
"If you don't know how to explain it, you don't have to force yourself. I just want you to know that we can do it whenever you want, even now."
"But I don't have protection..."
She doesn't seem angry, especially because of the really bad joke I made in her face. She even seems satisfied. Only, she doesn't completely convince me.
"If you're in the mood to say that, and I'm calm enough to say that I'd rather be raped than do it with you, I don't think either of us is wrong."
"No, you're wrong. We're both very crazy."
I sighed, at the things we've become.
"Really, you have some great ideas."
"Same for you though..."
Quite the akward silence took over the room. She was the one to gracefully break it.
"If you don't mind, I wanted to watch a movie I had on, and I wanted some popcorn—"
"Oh, so when I walked into the room, I didn't catch you watching porn?"
"You've already lost the moment and the grace. No, that's just not funny. And why does it always have to be something dirty? What a pig."
"Sorry."
She gave a thumbs-up. "Apology accepted!"
"And no, I'm not going to bring you popcorn. You make it."
"But I don't want to go downstairs. I'm already lying down, comfortable in my bed."
"You're going to have to get up to put on the movie."
"Well, you put it on for me."
"Okay, but first, you have to let me pet your head."
"Die. I'll do it myself."
Amaya, faced with my completely innocent and not at all impulsive comment, got out of bed.
The moment she did, I brought my hand up to my face. It covered half of it.
Then I started laughing, like I was a villain. I also put on an exaggeratedly villainous voice.
"Haha! You fell for my trick card!"
"What?!" She played along, her voice equally forced and exaggerated.
"By giving you that condition, I wasn't looking for a reward, but the opposite!"
"...?!
"When I told you about that offer, I knew you were going to give up and stand up on your own!"
"Isn't that literally part of the deal?!"
"I see you're much more naive than I thought. Even if you had rejected me, I would have gone and made you some popcorn and put on the movie. But you went ahead and decided to get up on your own!! Now that you're up, you don't have the excuse of being comfortable in your bed!"
Amaya, seeing my argument, raised her index finger and began moving it from side to side, clicking her tongue in time with her finger. She was saying 'no,' but to what?
She raised her arm and pointed at me. "You're the only one who's deluded here!"
"As?!"
"Yes! Don't you realize the irrationality of your argument, Riku?"
"There's no way my argument has any holes! It's a lie, a feint!"
" Why do you assume I'm going to go make some popcorn?"
"Huh?"
"I may be going to turn on the computer, but at no point did I say I was going to go downstairs!!"
"It just can't be!!"
"Yes! Now, since you're the one leaving my room, you're doomed to bring me a big bag of popcorn!"
"No, I'm not going to do it." I stopped using the villainous voice the moment I said that.
"...At least I tried. I'll come down myself."
Amaya was about to get off. Before she left, I opened my hands in front of her.
"Are you okay? Is something wrong? Don't go and confess, no. I'll tell Dad"
"No. This is solely and exclusively as brothers."
Amaya smiled. She took a few steps toward me to hug me.
"Ahhh, you smell so good."
"Both you and your words stink..." She stopped hugging me after I said that. After that, we both left her room. I went to my room, and she went down to the kitchen.
I'm glad I went. I don't know if she was tired or depressed, but I hope she can feel this cheerful for at least a little while longer.
I ended up going to the kitchen too, but when she had already locked herself on her room. I was planning on making dinner as a surprise. Not that I know much dishes, only 3, and thanks to my grandma. I tried to do some curry, as a way to redeem myself for last time... Not talking about that. I did it quite sooner than I should've, I finished at 7 PM.
I was very worried about everything, and I was constantly going over the recipe to see if I had done something wrong.
The curry didn't turn out very well, but I'm grateful the rice didn't burn. I don't even know how I manage to make it.
My dad usually arrives at 8 PM, and since we had to wait for him for dinner, I had plenty of time to do other things, like take a shower or read a little.
I should have made dinner later...
I'm sure it'll be cold when we have dinner. I tried to prevent that from happening by keeping the rice and curry covered, to retain as much heat as possible, but it probably won't do any good.
My father arrived half an hour late. I was on my phone, waiting for him in the living room.
"Hello."
"Oh, hello, Riku."
We aren't very close, but we don't hate each other either, or at least I don't hate him.
He does his best, and even after everything he's had to put up with, he hasn't exploded at me or my sister.
When I was younger, he used to get very angry and had a hard time controlling himself.
He's improved a lot now. Or maybe he's just holding back.
Whatever he's doing, I think he's a lot more mature than before.
I don't have the right to say what being mature means if I'm not mature in the first place. I just think he's a good father, even though he works too hard. He should stay at home; it would be good for sis.
I hope what happened to my mom didn't affect him much, too.
"How were you at work?"
"Fine, but I got carried away more than I should have. It's my fault you're going to have a late dinner. Sorry."
"No, don't worry, I made dinner."
"Really?" You shouldn't sound so surprised either...
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind. And I hope I did it right, hehe…" I let out a nervous chuckle as I placed my hand on the back of my neck.
My dad came over to put his hand on my shoulder.
"Heh. No, you did me a big favor, thank you."
I couldn't tell if he was laughing because I'd gotten the wrong idea or because he thought I was worrying too much.
We started setting the table. Dinner, as I expected, was cold, so we had to use the microwave.
Our house is practically a Western house. The doors to the living room and the yard are still sliding, but the floor is a wooden platform.
"Riku, tell Ayama to come down for dinner."
"'Kay."
After I finished setting the table, I went upstairs to get my sister.
Yelling her name to get her to come down wasn't going to work, since her room is too far from the stairs. Adding to the fact that she's quite deaf, I always have to call her.
As I went up, I stood in front of his door.
Knock Knock
There was a brief silence before someone answered.
" What?"
"Dinner's ready."
"I'll be right there, just give me a moment."
"I don't want to wait, because I want you to try the food I've made with my sweat and tears!"
As I finished that sentence, I opened the door to find Amaya sitting on the bed, looking at her computer.
An anime was playing on the screen. There were two shirtless men hugging each other.
Very manly, if you ask me.
Although my opinion didn't make my sister feel sorry for me.
"I told you to wait!!"
She screamed, angry and blushing.
From that moment on, my life began to be in danger. Instinctively, I closed the door, just as the beast began to get out of bed.
"Yes, yes, take all the time you need!"
That was the last thing I said before she opened the door and, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt, forced her way into her room to do unspeakable things to me.
" Someone beat me up." That was the first thing I said, in a pained and exhausted voice, before sitting down at the table.
She only hit me lightly, although the only thing that bothered me was that she dug his nails into me until a little blood came out.
It was from that point on that I stopped taking it as a joke, and I noticed she was genuinely angry. I don't know why, but it put me in a bad mood.
The attacker stared at her plate, still embarrassed, although I'm not sure if it's because of one thing or another.
"What did you do to her?" My father, for his part, wasn't angry at anyone. He had a calm tone, which, consequently, calmed us both a little.
That's it, Dad. Defend your youngest son, who has been brutally abused.
And as soon as I came out of my delirium, I realized my father was asking me.
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
"I didn't do anyth-"
"He came into my room without permission," my sister said, interrupting me and incriminating me.
"Isn't that what I always do?"
"Well, yes, but this time I said not to come in."
My father sighed as he understood what had happened.
"And why did you have to hit him?"
"Because… I wanted to. He deserved it, at least a little. And I didn't hit him very hard either."
"You went too far with the nail thing. I don't mind if you hit me hard, but I don't want you to dig your nails into me like you always do."
"…" Amaya didn't answer.
It was Dad who answered for her.
"One of us didn't listen, and the other let herself get carried away. I'm not going to do anything to you, because it's something you both have to work out."
With that, my father didn't even look at either of us. We already knew what we had to do, but we didn't want to say it out of sheer embarrassment.
Not that we have any other choice.
"...Sorry I hit you."
"Sorry, I barged in."
"...Oh, I thought you were going to say something weird."
"What else am I going to say? I'm not going to suck up to you for something like that."
"No, forget it, it's better if you just ignore it…"
With that, I stared at her.
"What are you looking at me now?"
"It was yaoi, wasn't it?" A grin appeared on my face.
"I really want to hit you again!"
"Calm down, both of you. I know you guys get along, but start eating. It'll get cold again if you keep going like this."
"...Yeah," we both said simultaneously.
The rest of dinner was more normal. No one said much during dinner, and they didn't say anything about the food.
I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing. Maybe they'll keep quiet so as not to hurt me. I should ask.
"Is it good?"
"Yes," my father replied.
" Well, yeah, it is fine, fine. Why do you ask?"
"Riku made dinner today."
"Really?!" I'd appreciate it if you weren't so surprised.
"Y-yeah…"
I had no choice but to admit it. I didn't know making dinner was something I could be embarrassed about. Every day is a new experience.
"…That doesn't mean the dinner is now bad," Amaya said, more timidly.
I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but saying it that way, especially after saying it's good, makes it seem like everything I cook tastes bad.
It's not like I've had the opportunity to prove otherwise...
A dinner where no one talks would be abnormal, but it's not good to talk too much either. That doesn't mean I still prefer to eat alone.
After dinner, I started doing my homework. After a while, I stopped doing them and took a break, and thanks to my impeccable memory, while watching TV and reading, I ended up forgetting they existed.
I always imagine myself forgetting existence itself. What would it feel like to have a blank mind? I think that day would be the most boring, yet the happiest, day I'd ever have.
Not having to listen to myself has to be the most rewarding experience I could ever have. There's a reason I love sleep so much.
It's not like I hate myself, though. Whenever I've messed up, I've fixed it as best I could. That doesn't mean I consider myself a good person either.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I think of myself, because other people will see me in a completely different light. Usually a good one. My grandma was the one who saw me best as a kid, not because she said I was a bad boy, but I feel as if she was right with what she said.
Unfortunately, no one will ever be able to know me. Ever.
I was reading in bed. I'd managed to get hooked on a light novel, and when I feel like doing something, I usually end up reading it.
It doesn't hurt to distract myself. It makes the wait until Saturday more enjoyable.
If I continued like this, I'd end up disappointed. Having very high expectations is bad, as they're usually unreasonable or exaggerated. That's why I prefer to calm down.
In the background, a voice sounded behind my door.
"C-can I come in?"
She's my sister. She'll be here for me to sleep with again.
I like doing it, not because she's a woman or because she's my sister, but because it keeps me from getting depressed at night. I don't have the chance to do it if my head's busy.
" Yeah, go ahead. I'm not looking at anything on my computer," I replied in a mocking tone.
She opened the door and walked in before answering me.
"You make me regret ever saying sorry…" she said, looking to the side, a slight blush on her cheeks. Even if she was really ashamed of herself, she sat next to me while I was tucked in and lying down.
I put the book aside, as if I was going to continue reading. I'll probably go to sleep after this.
" So, do you want to talk about something else?"
"Well… erm… I wanted to ask you, what could I watch…
"…And I'm not going to watch Re:Zero again." I think my exaggerated smile and enthusiasm gave away that I was going to say this.
"Ugh…"
"I wanted something to watch now before I go to sleep."
"Do you mind if it's a movie?" I knew what she was going to say.
"Nah, go ahead."
"It's called 'I Want To Eat Your Pancreas', it's my favorite movie."
"Is it an anime? I've never heard of it."
"Yeah, it is."
She looked satisfied after answering her.
"Okay, I'm going to watch it right now."
Before leaving, Amaya approached me to give me a hug. I'm as embarrassed to ask for it as I am to give it, but simply receiving it makes me feel alive.
And not in a dirty way. Sometimes, for some reason, I feel like I'm becoming distant from her, so this is a way of reminding myself that's not the case. Just this once, I'm going to take the embarrassment out of it.
"Amaya."
"Yes?"
"I love you."
She smiled slightly, but didn't blush at all.
"I love you too."
In the end, we both ended up smiling at each other. I honestly don't know why I want to have a girlfriend if I appreciate a relationship like this 100 times more.
It's probably because I'm a slave to lust. I wish I didn't think about things like that so often.
I didn't do anything else that night; I went to sleep as usual, although it was quite difficult for me. If I had to guess, it took me two hours to fall asleep; I had a bad time.