Bernd Leno
What did I just say?!
I was not in sense while shouting over him. I shouldn't have. Why all the time I made mistakes?!
My head was circling and kicking me after I laid down beside him. Instantly, without thinking further, I got off from the bed and sat near him. I heard some deep crying sound from under his veil. He was sitting back and outcoming the feedback. I don't know how he was taking it, disrespect? Anger? Heart-broken? All is suitable for my behavior. I do not have any sense what I have done with him. I can not say anything in that way.
I felt guilty instantly. That's not what a husband does on his first night. Maybe I don't deserve an apology, but I can give him company if he allows.
With that expectation, I move myself and sit face to face. He was still crying. I can't touch him without permission. So, I opened my mouth to speak, "I-I am sorry, I am so sorry, Modric. It just slipped out from my mouth. Ac-actually, I was so angry for my family. I could not control my words. I know how you are feeling. But can you forgive me? It was not intentional. Please, and don't cry, please. I didn't mean to hurt you." I don't know, at the time, I feel so much disappointed, so much low, so much guilty. It was not either a silly mistake I made. But why do I lose control off me?
He exhaled deeply. He was trying to stop his tears but wasn't helping. I got no option without lifting the veil for one more time. I did it. I lift it up for him and give him enough air to inhale. I moved it over from his head and looked at him. In the meantime, I did not recognize that it is the Luka Modric, we all watch playing for Croatia and Madrid! He was looking so beautiful and calm. How did I get the gut to make him cry? I was feeling so sad for him. I can clearly say he expected too much less from me. And I, I even could not give it.
I, with hesitations, extend my hand after saying, "May I?" And wiped his tears. I was in at my max hesitation level, my hands were shaking as he did not say 'Yes' or nod his head, but I went wiping it. Thank God he lets me.
He was still looking down with pain and suspicion. I touched his chin lightly and pulled it up to meet his eyes. He faintly looks at me, right to my eyes. I could not see his real eyes as the tears were making it unclear. The punishment is still going before me. All is one if you mix. "I am sorry." I again apologize. It wasn't maybe too late to apologize after what I did.
I noticed his congealed lips muttered, "It's okay. I didn't mind. I understood that you, you were angry over, over something." He said, controlling his emotion, what increased for me. I found no words after to say, as he moves back a little and rests his legs on the bed. He tried to put his jewelries off. I again spoke up, "Can I help you?" I asked cause he could not do it all by himself. He nods this time. As I went to help him to untie the safety-pins, loosen the necklaces, untwisted the bracelets, unfastened the ribbons, and unlace the dress. Then I got off from the bed and stood beside it, facing away. I gave him space to change his heavy dress on the bed, no need to run to the dressing room.
The nightdress was put on the corner of the bed, I said the maid to put. I do hope he has seen it.
I was standing there, looking away, against the bed. If he needs any help or a glass of water. I do not want to leave, I should but choose to stay there. Maybe he will feel uncomfortable but has no option. I was pouring a glass of water from the desk next to the bed. The curtains were away from the desk. I slightly moved the curtains while holding my face away, then covered the whole area with it from my behind. Wishing that he doesn't feel uncomfortable.