Dark Lords POV:
"WAAAA! I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT TIME I TESTED A NEW DRUG ON YOU AND YOU ENDED UP GOING STREEKING AROUND TOWN! WAAA!"
*Hiccup*
"WHAT?! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!"
"WAAA! IT HAPPENED THE DAY AFTER I DANGLED YOU IN FRONT OF THAT COLOSSAL MOUNTAIN BEAR AND YOU PISSED YOUR PANTS! WAA!"
*hiccup*
"HEY! Don't say that out loud!"
"WAAA!!!"
*hiccup*
Before me, sat Noxy, crying and whaling like a child as she cradled my oddly dressed court mage Alex, and screaming out some rather humorous things she did to him in the past.
"HEY! BOSS, STOP SNICKERING AND HELP ME GET HER OFF OF ME!" My court mage screamed, as he tried to squirm out of my beloved's chokehold.
Then popping out of a spatial distortion came my brother-in-law, who had run away during Noxy's drunken stroll into the palace garden.
"Oh good! She found Alex! Crisis averted!"
"AVERTED, MY ASS! SHE DESTROYED THE DARK PALACE, AGAIN! NOW COME OVER HERE AND HELP ME!!!"
"Hehe! Nice try kiddo, but we both know if I come any closer, you'll just have me take your place!"
"COME ON! YOU OWE ME ONE, REMEMBER!"
"I owe you a chocolate bar, not a public shaming! Now be a good son and take care of your mommy Nox while your uncle grabs a beer with darky!"
"This great lord is confused! Why is my beloved crying, and who destroyed the palace?" I inquired.
I was certain the palace was under attack after the assault on this great lord's person, hence why I rushed back here, but from what they are saying, it sounds like the person who destroyed the palace was in fact, not the mystery intruder, but my beloved wife-to-be. After seeing just how destructive my beloved's tantrums can be, I spared no expense reinforcing the dark palace, just in case we got into another argument. Even I, the Dark Lord, the wealthiest man on the continent, could feel my purse strings tighten at the cost, but if what they say is true then all of it was for naught as in the ten minutes it took me to return, she had somehow managed to destroy it once again.
"Never mind that! Where is the enemy? Did they do something to Noxy? Is that why she is like this all of a sudden?"
Swallowing my complaints about the palace, I asked about the more pressing matters. Between punching me to the edge of the continent and putting my beloved in such a state, this opponent cannot be left unpunished.
"There is no enemy! This is just what happens when my big sis has one to many!" My brother-in-law answered.
"…? What?"
"I tried to warn you about it, but you wouldn't listen! My big sis is basically an unstoppable force of destruction when she blacks out!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I kind of forgot to mention it cause it almost never happens, but when she gets this wasted, one of two things is going to happen. Either she just sleeps through her buzz, and nothing happens, or her PTSD along with her years of repressed emotions will come back all at once in what I call 'the hiccup of doom', supercharging her aura. The only way to survive it is either wait it out, or throw a sacrificial family member at her, so she can whine about every embarrassing thing she put them through until she sobers up."
"Repressed emotions? And what is a PTSD?"
"Don't remember what it stands for, but I know what I wish it stood for, but enough about Pterodactyls Teaching Seals Deuteronomy. You know how aura can be powered up by strong emotions? Well, my big sis has been doing the opposite for, let me just check my clock! 9 years! And whenever she gets drunk or high to a point she can't think straight, it all comes back and turns her into a super soldier out for blood cause she's paranoid everyone is out to kill her!"
"No, that is impossible! Whoever did this also managed to injure this great lord's body! I was struck so hard I flew to the eastern edge of the continent with a broken jaw! Noxy, might be freakishly strong for a mortal, but she has never been capable of something like that, even when her mask fell off!"
"What about when she kicked you off the 1st continent?"
"That only occurred because she poisoned this lord first!"
"Sure, it was. Anyways, I think you may have misunderstood something. That state she enters when she loses the mask isn't her going all out, it is just her not being able to keep it all inside. Even when she loses the mask, she is actively trying to reign in her emotions, but the mental trauma causes her feelings to overflow and some of it leaks through. When she gets the hiccups of doom on the other hand, she loosens up enough for her true feelings to surface almost entirely, resulting in her true strength being unleashed. The way she is now, she could probably wrestle a mythical beast with her bare hands!"
"Why has she been suppressing her feelings for so long?" I inquired as I could feel my blood pressure rising from the thought that this might have something to do with why my advances have been failing.
"Because she might hurt someone by accident!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Can't you tell by just looking at her?" My brother-in-law said as he pointed at Noxy.
"WAAA! I'M SORRY I EMBARRESED YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS! WAA!"
*hiccup*
"THEN STOP APOLOGIZING, YOU'RE JUST MAKING IT WORSE!"
"WAAA!!!"
"I don't see your point? What does Noxy's drunken shaming of my court mage have to do with anything?"
"Darky, if you are serious about getting down to clown with my big sis, then you need to learn to read what's beneath the mask, because underneath all the humor and violence, there is a sad little girl crying her eyes out because of all the blood on her hands."
"Hm?"
"Despite the act she puts on, she isn't nearly as cold-blooded as you, me, and my nephew over there!"
"Wha-?"
"HELP ME YOU BASTARDS!!!" My loud court mage screamed, interrupting my words.
"WAAA!!!"
"My big sis doesn't actually like hurting people, in fact, she hates it, but she knows it's necessary at times! However, that doesn't make her feel any less terrible about what she has done, and the sad part is, she can't even cry about it! The reason she suppresses her emotions is because her unrestrained aura is too strong! Every kill is a new regret, and every regret breeds more guilt, and she has killed enough people to pop regular folk like water balloons simply by standing too close! If she is not careful, she could kill us all by accident! The fear of killing everything that she loves with her own hands is why she is keeping her own feelings on lockdown. Understand?"
"Hm? Okay then!" I spoke as I approached her.
If her emotions had truly been sealed away, then that would explain how she has been able to resist my advances in the past, but now, if those emotions have been set free, then surely, she will throw herself into my embrace once she sees my handsome figure. If I play my cards right, we might not even need to pretend on our date.
"Hm? BOSS! NO! WAIT!"
*BANG*
*SMASH*
"*cough* Ugh! What happened?!" I muttered in confusion as I coughed out a mouthful of blood.
There was a pulsing pain on my back, and I am certain some of my ribs are broken. Looking at my surroundings, it would seem as though I had been knocked underground, exactly how far I am not entirely certain, but there seems to be magma leaking into my crevasse. When I flew back up, I heard Noxy say.
"STAY AWAY FROM ALEX YOU MEANY! *hiccup*"
"So, it really was her who flung me across the continent!" I muttered in a mix of disbelief and relief.
I had been a bit skeptical of my brother-in-law's words about my Noxy's true capabilities, but she seems to have somehow injured me, and I couldn't even detect her attack, much like the one that sent me flying earlier. While it did put my worries to rest regarding the possibility of a powerful immortal invading my palace, I now have a different problem.
"Why did she attack me though? Should she not be infatuated with me, merely from gazing at my handsome face?"
"Pft! HAHAHAHA! Is that what you thought would happen? HAHAHA!"
"Hmph! Let's see if you can still laugh after this?" I spoke as I grabbed him.
"HAHAHA-! Huh? WAIT! NO! BOSS, LETS TALK ABOUT THIS!" The jester started begging for mercy as I threw him at my Noxy.
The moment she noticed him heading her way, she loosened her grip on Alex, allowing him to escape as she grabbed on to him instead. The moment he entered her arms, his visage turned from a humanoid child to that of a gremlin's with sharp teeth and claws.
"WAAA! *Hiccup* I'M SORRY I THREW YOU INTO THAT DRAGONS BUTTHOLE! WAA!"
"NO! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY! SAVE ME!" He shouted, desperation written all over his ugly face.
"Phew! Thanks Boss! I swear I will never forget this favor!" My court mage spoke as the mask he wore a moment ago suddenly burst into green flames, evaporating in an instant.
I stood there for a little while, feeling a sense of satisfaction as I chuckled at the embarrassing tales of my brother-in-law's magic core being forced to go up various magical beasts' behinds as a way to kill them.
"WAA! AND! *Hiccup* AND I'M SORRY ABOUT ALL THE TIMES I FLUSHED YOU DOWN THE TOILET! WAA!"
"AH! STOP IT! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FORGET THOSE SEWERS FOR YEARS! BOSS, PLEASE! I PROMISE I'LL GIVE YOU A BIGGER CUT NEXT TIME WE RAID ALEX'S SECRET STASH OF CANDY! JUST SAVE ME!!!"
"Wait?! YOU WERE IN ON THAT?!" My court mage shouted at this great lord.
"Hmph? The jester speaks only lies! Though, I suppose this may be enough for tonight!" I spoke, recalling the taste of that absurdly delicious high-quality candy my court mage possesses.
"YOU DID, YOU BASTARD! YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TIME IT TAKES ME TO MAKE THOSE?!" He screamed, with all the gratitude from before now gone.
"HEY, NOXY?! Why not drop that jester and come play with this great lord instead?"
"GO AWAY! I DON'T LIKE YOU!"
"Pft!"
I could feel the rage building as I saw the jester struggling not to laugh from inside my fiancée's arms. I can't wait until this is over. I have been holding off on harming him due to my power being too great to do so without killing him, but listening to Noxy's cries has given me some ideas that I cannot wait to try out.
"Hm? Oh! Big sis, Darky is sowwy, so why don't you forgive him and give him a hug?" The jester spoke, suddenly treating Noxy like a child.
"I DON'T WANT TO! *Hiccup* HE'S MEAN AND GROSS! *Hiccup*"
"He says he's weally sowwy, and he won't do it again! Won't you pwease forgive him, if he pwomise to take a bath?!" My brother-in-law said while making puppy eyes at Noxy.
"*Hiccup* NO! HE BULLIED ALEX, ATTACKED KENJI, AND WANTS TO KILL ME!!! *Hiccup*"
"Hm? Wait, what?! When have I ever tried to kill you?"
"Boss, hush!"
"YOU PUT A BOUNTY ON MY HEAD! *Hiccup* ASSHOLE! I GOT STUCK IN PRISON BECAUSE OF YOU!"
"Bounty? What bounty?"
"I think she is talking about the bounty we placed on her forever ago after she raided the palace?"
"WHAT?! I NEVER APPROVED OF THAT! WHO DARED GO BEHIND MY BACK AND THREATEN MY WOMAN!!!"
"Hm? Wait, it wasn't you?"
"WHY DID I NOT HEAR A WORD OF THIS?!"
"We just thought you were pulling another yandere again and ignored it!" The jester spoke.
"What is a yandere? Forget it! I will have to look into this later! Noxy, I'll have the bounty taken down right away!"
*hiccup*
"See, he weally is sowwy! Now go give him a hugsy while I go get some soap to wash away the gross!" My brother-in-law chimed in.
"Hmph! APOLOGIZE TO ALEX, FOR BEING A MEANY!" She replied.
"Pft! You heard her, Boss!" My smug court magician spoke as he seemed to be getting some sort of satisfaction out of this.
"Uh … I'm *mumbling*!" I mumbled.
"Sorry, what was that? I couldn't quite hear that!"
"I said, I'm sor-sorry! Ugh!"
"Sorry for what exactly?!"
"Don't push it or I'll-!"
"DON'T BULLY ALEX!!!" Nox screamed as she cut me off mid-threat.
This is possibly the first time I, the great dark lord, have ever been made to apologize to another. It would have been one thing if she told me to apologize for the bounty one of my subordinates must have placed, but apologizing over such a small slight, feels humiliating.
"I'm sorry I took your confectionaries!" I muttered out through gritted teeth as I felt like I was about to explode when I saw that smug grin on his face.
"If you're really sorry than you won't mind giving me a raise, would you? If you don't, I might not be able to accept your apology!"
"Fine! Whatever!" I spoke, struggling not to lash out in front of Nox.
"*hiccup* Okey! I forgive you!" She said as I watched a miracle happen.
For the first time since our meeting, Noxy, has willingly hugged me of her own volition. I feel so excited I can feel my heart beating out of my chest as I find it hard to breathe. Though I do, wonder, what is that snapping sound, also is it just me or did it suddenly get darker.
*thud*
"Huh? *hiccup* Why is Taio sleepy?" Those were the last words I recall from that night.
The day after, I woke up inside the royal hospital. Apparently, that snapping sound I heard was the sound of this great lord's ribs breaking under the power of my Noxy's affectionate hug.
At this moment, my body is absurdly durable, to a point where only immortals or mythical beasts stand any chance of dealing any damage. If she is strong enough to shatter my ribs so easily, then that is one worry off my mind. The very place we are going for our date will be full of immortals after all, and not too many will be happy about me taking a spouse at this point in time.
"Where is my woman now?" I inquired, as I stepped out of bed.
After clarifying who my woman was, the physicians directed me towards the wreckage that used to be my palace, where they seemed to be holding an execution.
"Wait? Is that Noxy?"
With my heightened senses, I could easily see who was being executed from this distance. They had tied her up to a pole, as they were carving out pieces of their flesh. I could feel my anger reach new heights as I witnessed this scene.