"If you can't save yourself, what makes you think you can save others?"
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"Never lose hope Ray. Even if everything seems to go wrong, never give up."
"Officers, these were the last words my mother told me before she... left." Ray, a boy that couldn't have been more than 10 said this.
There were dark patches under his eyes that could only be caused from multiple days of no sleep.
The officers from earlier left the room, most likely to organize their "notes."
"Hah, what could they obtain from these observations?"
My mom died, simple as that. It's not as if I care and yet once the memory came back, tears started streaming down my face.
"What gives you the right to tell me to continue mom? Even after you went ahead and left me."
Was life truly worth living? What was the point of it all at this point. And yet... there was a part of me that didn't want to die.
"Ah! Ray what happened why are you crying again?" A blue haired lady started to gently tap my face with a tissue taking away the tears.
"Let's get you out of this room and breath some fresh air. Good lord why would they put a child in a interrogation room?"
Slowly we made our way down the hallway. What was her name again? Right, Renee.
Renee made sure to walk slowly with me, holding my hand while making small talk but I didn't listen to any of it right now. I didn't want to listen to anything right now.
"It's so much better being outside right? God, you poor thing I can't imagine what your going through right now."
"Oh! Before I forget, you'll be staying with me for a bit. Until we can find a family for you." There was a slight hint of sadness I could hear in her voice. Why was that? Oh well.
"Ms officer, when can I go home and leave?" I wanted to get out of this place. The whole place disgusted me. They only come when everything is gone.
"Just call me Renee! I suppose you are quite tired from what's happened these past few days. Come with me, but I need to get a few things from my office first if that's alright."
We made our way through the police station and Renee told me to stay outside while she grabbed her things.
There were police officers talking to each other farther down the hallway.
"Poor kid isn't he? I mean none of the foster homes want to take him in."
"Yeah, they say that they won't want a murderer near them but it was clearly a suicide."
I clenched my fists and felt my head getting hot. Hah, what do they know? Do they know what we had to go through? Did they think I wanted to be like this?
Before I knew it, tears started falling again and yet I couldn't find myself to cry out. To let out everything that was in me.
"Ray, I'm done lets go-" Renee came out and saw me crying on the floor beside the door with my hands on my knees.
"Oh my gosh, what happened? It's alright, I'll protect you Ray." She took some tissues from her pocket and wiped my face.
"Come on, let's get out of here and go home okay?"
"So, how do you like it? It's not big but I'm sure it'll be large enough for the both of us."
Her apartment was organized and clean with a few furniture pieces scattered around. I didn't necessarily dislike it.
"It's good.."
"Really! Oh, I'm glad I cleaned this place up a few days ago." Taking off our shoes, she gave me a small tour showing me around.
"And this is going to be your bedroom. I hope you like it although I didn't have much time to do anything more." My room had a small desk tucked away in a corner paired along with a twin sized bed.
"Thank you." She flashed me a smile and left the room.
"Oh! Also take a shower and I left your clothes on the chair." Finally the door closed and I was left alone in the room.
I sat down on my bed and just let my mind drift off. She was really weird. Why would someone just be so kind to me even though she doesn't even know me.
That being said, I didn't hate this place. Renee was nice to me, I didn't have to see those stares strangers gave me, and I had a bed to sleep on.
"Is that what you meant by not giving up? Mom?" Maybe you just meant for me to live even if you couldn't.
I got up from the bed, took a shower and put on my fresh clothes. They were a little large for me but it felt good being in new clothes.
"Good night." For the first time in a long time, I had a good sleep.
"Ray! Time to wake up, breakfast is ready." I heard Renee call me from the kitchen. A soft aroma of pancakes hit my nose and I felt my stomach grumble.
I put on my clothes and freshened up in the washroom. It felt nice to be clean.
"Ray it's going to get cold if you don't come!"
"Yes.." I sat down and took a bite of my pancake. It was good, really good.
"You silly! First put some syrup on it and then you eat it. That way it tastes better." She helped pour some brown sticky liquid onto my pancakes and then told me to try it.
"This is.. really good." Her smile brightened up hearing this, as if it encompassed the whole room.
"Renee, I won't have to leave this place right?" Her face darkened upon hearing this.
"Of course not! You can stay here for as long as you want." She put on a smile, it looked genuine. Maybe a part of it was truly real.
Liar. I saw that look all the time. The hesitation and then they would put on a smile and consolidate you. As if everything was fine.
The next few days were like this. Renee would cook, occasionally tell me stories, and then I would go to sleep.
Gradually I started to look forward to being with Renee. Her existence started to become important. I... I wanted to stay with her, not leave with some other family.
It was late in the afternoon when a someone came to our door.
Knock, Knock!
"I'll go answer the door, hold on Ray." She opened it up and I saw two people dressed in police uniforms.
Renee's face paled once she saw them but she put on a smile and asked what she could do.
"Hello officers, what can I do for you?"
"Ah, that child behind you. Is he Ray Saiji?"
"Yes, he's been staying with me for a while."
The police officer got his partner to hand him something and then showed us a pair of documents.
"A foster family has decided to take him in so we're going to take the child and bring him to his new family."
No, no, no, no, no. I've come to realize that throughout my stay with Renee I was happy. Those small stories she told me, the food she made, her presence gave me comfort.
I didn't want to leave her. Please, don't let me leave her.
Suddenly I realized I started crying. I didn't know when it happened but I started crying.
"Please... Please don't let me leave Renee. She's my new family, I'm happy with her."
These tears just wouldn't stop. But if I stopped talking now, I wasn't sure if I would be able to talk again.
"Don't do this, I need Renee. Why can't she adopt me? It's just like she's my mom."
The two police officers looked confused and weren't sure what to do. One of them whispered to the other and then it seemed they came to a decision.
"I suppose this could be arranged. Of course if Ms Renee agrees to this." The police officer smiled at me and gave me a wink.
"Of course! Hah, Ray is basically like my son now. I will definitely adopt him." She smiled at me and then suddenly pulled me into a embrace.
"Thank you. For trusting me and letting me become your new mom. I swear I'll protect you." These words finally broke me. I cried and cried in her embrace, letting everything out. All my pent up emotions and what I went through.
"Alright, I'll let you two be for now." You'll have to come to the station later to sign the paperwork and all that.
With that, he closed the door and both of them left.
After this, Renee left to sign whatever documents that were needed while I stayed back at home.
"Tsk. Do you really think you deserve this happiness?"