Do you have siblings Esmae?
As I've mentioned before, I have a young sister and brother. When I was much, much younger, the me of that time would tell you I hated my younger sister but looking back at it hate feels petty. I think hate is too strong of a word, maybe extreme dislike? Hate is a feeling strong enough that makes me consider committing murder and actually carrying it out.
We basically don't get along. I'm not sure how or why, all I know is I remember a time where I doted on her but one day we started getting into fights. Not just verbal but also physical fights. We or me at least, I'm not going to assume her feelings. Anyways I used to not be able to stand her presence, as if her mere existence annoyed me. We would not last being in close proximity to each other and during car rides whenever we were sat together, we couldn't last more than 1 minute before a fight breaks out.
Esmae let me tell you while writing this, I feel like I was a horrible older sibling.
As we matured we slowly stoped getting into fights. We started ignoring each other's existence, unless necessary we wouldn't talk to each other. It's as if we had a silent agreement that we wouldn't fight unless the other starts something. It has been a while since then and I would say I don't dislike her anymore, she has been reasonable. I would say her personality changed into someone who avoids conflict, It didn't matter what she really thinks, she would agree with whatever father wants because it saves her time from his nagging.
Our current relationship is comfortable but distant. Esmae I'll be honest, I want to get along with her but I don't know how. We have many things in common, for example reading. Still I find it hard to just sit beside her and talk, asking simple questions such as how was your day? Is awkward since we've just never had that kind of relationship.
If you have siblings, I wonder what your relationship with your siblings is like...
What would you do if you're in my shoes Esmae, what should I do to improve my relationship with her?