It was a very beautiful day.
The sun was shining brightly, and it was also terribly hot because it was summer.
It was around 40 °C (about 104 °F).
Everyone was wearing shorts or dresses, but among thousands of people, one person, more precisely a man, stood out the most. He was wearing a full black suit that was... surprisingly very well designed.
But the most remarkable thing was probably that he was running for his life through groups of people and crowded streets.
He was bumping into people but didn't stop or say sorry.
That man was in his own little world.
That man was me.
Time for a flashback.
FLASHBACK: HALF AN HOUR AGO
Mike, do you really think I look good?
I asked and my voice was very doubtful. I didn't believe my best friend even a little bit.
Yeah, bro, you look like every woman's fucking dream!
Mike said it with such conviction that I believed him… a little bit.
I stress, a little bit.
I would never trust this guy in my life.
I sighed and looked at the mirror again. My reflection was staring back at me.
… maybe Mike isn't as delusional as I thought, I actually look pretty good.
I was about 185cm, that's roughly 6'0".
I wasn't exactly muscular but not skinny either, I was mid.
My messy black hair covered my forehead.
Overall, I was a solid 7/10 by my own judgment.
Mike looked like a better version of me.
We looked like brothers.
But he was more muscular and noticeably better looking.
But my appearance wasn't the reason I doubted Mike's words.
No.
That bastard dressed me in a horribly tight suit.
And it's black! And outside it's at least 40°C.
I just knew I was cooked 😭 🙏
But what wouldn't I sacrifice to make this date work.
Mike spoke.
Finally stopped admiring yourself in the mirror?
Didn't you say your date is at 3, bro?
It's already half past.
I looked at him like he slapped me.
Are you deadass, Mike?
Couldn't you tell me earlier, bro?
Mike looked at me like it wasn't his fault.
Is it my fault you admired yourself in the mirror for 15 minutes, Aaron?
I wanted to jump on him and say "that's not true"
But it was...
Ahhhhh, how the truth hurts 😭
I didn't have time to waste so I said goodbye to Mike and ran towards the restaurant where I invited my date.
Mike watched me run out the window and said,
Sigh, how the young ones grow up so fast
and dramatically a tear rolled down from one of his eyes.
Now it's time to go back to the present.
BACK TO THE PRESENT
I ran and ran.
My legs started to hurt, I was sweating like crazy.
And breathing heavily.
I sacrificed way too much for this date.
It has to work.
I even took lessons from Mike on how to pick up girls.
That already says how desperate I am for this to work.
I stopped at the crosswalk.
My goal was in front of me.
The restaurant looked very fancy from the outside.
I paid $1000 just for the reservation.
My wallet started crying when it remembered that.
I leaned against a lamp and waited for the red light to turn green.
And when it finally changed,
and I took the first step on the crosswalk,
a fucking truck rushed past me.
If I hadn't stepped back, I wouldn't be alive now.
I wanted to shout at that bastard but before I could even open my mouth,
the truck drifted and turned toward me.
All the truck's windows were completely dark so I couldn't see the maniac who tried to kill me.
The truck stopped in place and menacingly turned its lights on and off at me.
People around me ran away and I started running too.
But that fucking bastard started chasing me.
I ran as fast as my legs could carry me but the suit didn't help my escape much.
I saw an underpass in the distance.
But the truck was getting closer quickly.
Adrenaline kicked in and I sprinted like Usain Bolt.
But against a car, that's nothing.
And the truck was right on my ass.
I was a few meters from the underpass so I did the only logical thing I could think of.
I jumped.
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I flew over the railing and landed on the stairs.
My legs were definitely fucked.
I think i watched too much Spider-Man 😔
I felt a crunch.
My head hit the stairs when I lost balance and I painfully tumbled down the stairs.
And the truck?
That bastard broke through the railing and fell into the underpass too.
But the truck wasn't drivable anymore.
And in my condition, even though I really wanted to kill that bastard, I couldn't.
When I finally tumbled out of the stairs onto the ground,
I slowly got up.
My vision blurred.
Blood was running down my head onto my suit.
I slowly held onto the railing and limped toward the other exit.
I started slowly climbing those stairs.
Even though my bones cracked with every step.
And my vision blurred more and more.
But eventually, I made it out.
There I saw my date.
She was wearing a beautiful long green and white dress.
My vision was blurry and I was slowly losing consciousness so I couldn't see her face properly.
But before I could collapse, something honked at me.
And out of nowhere, five trucks surrounded me.
And finally, I understood.
The universe didn't want me to get a girlfriend.
So it sent a fucking army of truck-kuns to ruin it for me.
WHY THE FUCK ME
I'm cooked, I said out loud.
Those were my last words before the pile of truck-kuns raped me.
All the truck-kuns suddenly started and trapped me in the middle of them.
I'm sure all my ribs were completely destroyed, lungs probably too.
Because I couldn't breathe.
While I was trapped in the middle of them,
it was like they stepped on the gas.
And the force split my body in two.
My torso landed on the hood of one of the truck-kuns and my legs were still trapped in the middle of the gangbang.
Blood covered every truck-kun.
So that's how I died, people.
That's how the great Aaron Stein died.
I died because the universe didn't want me to get laid🙏 😺
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