NEFERTARY
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Although it was already spring, we still had rainy days. The last rains made their presence felt, accompanying me as they always have, being my most loyal friend. Just like loneliness, they had never disappointed me.
—You don't deserve me being here —I took a deep breath to keep my sanity— I don't understand your reason for not telling me… for not saying I had, better said, I have one. —I simply can't, my mouth can't form that word— Do you know what I hate the most? What I abhor the most about all this, father? —This is stupid, it's pathetic to talk to a tombstone.
—You made me doubt myself, when she's a thousand times worse than me, questioning everything I did —I hate feeling like this, I never cry, it's a sign of weakness, of vulnerability —In the end, you turned out to be the same and worse than Vanessa, now I understand why you forgave her… if you had done the same —This revenge is no longer for you, now it's about me, every time… every time, father, I find another one of your secrets on the way, I swear on my life I won't show any mercy, I won't think twice this time, and surely one of your daughters will come to visit you soon.
I turn around and leave the place.
Since when did my life become a lie full of secrets? Since when did a sword pierce my chest? I never wanted perfection because I know I'm perfectly imperfect, but I don't think I deserved to be betrayed like this, not from behind my back.
I've learned that loyalty, honesty, and respect are just lies because in the end we always live in a damn nest of vipers that at the first chance start devouring you, ignoring their own words, being more hypocritical than our dear Lucifer.
So the question comes: Why do we live?
—Miss, we're running late.
—In five minutes, I'm coming, wait for me in the car, Steven.
He leaves the place, leaving me alone. I look around a little and take a deep breath to try to hold back the tears that want to come out...
—You'll never tell me why, I'll never know, father.
I leave the place with a hurricane of feelings inside me… trying not to let them take over. I don't need to be an ordinary girl with her stupid existential crises right now.
Upon arriving at the car, I order Steven to play some NF. For me, he's one of the best singers, although some of his songs are rough, they always express what he has lived or felt, he's honest in them, and that makes him unique. I still remember the first time I heard "Paralyzed."
"Cheboksary, Russia
December 2016
I had run away from my father to find my little place of peace in this city, maybe he'll realize in a couple of hours or just minutes. Even so, he never looks for me, he just waits for me to arrive and describe the place. On the other hand, my mother… she will definitely give me a sermon. Luckily, I know he can control her a bit… the perfect time to breathe.
I'm right at Cheboksarskiy Zaliv, I climbed over a wall that wasn't too high separating the river sidewalks. Although the snow and ice gave it a different touch than autumn, it still felt relaxing, especially as dusk was about to fall, a beautiful way to die if I slipped and fell on the fragile river ice.
—Hey, what are you doing? You could fall.
—I don't understand what you're saying and I don't care —I answer without looking at the person, replying to that male voice.
—You're very rude for your age, ehh. —I didn't answer, I only heard his steps getting closer until he sat next to me— You could fall and freeze to death.
I stop looking ahead and look at him, a black-haired boy, eyes as dark as the night. He could be my age with not so developed but attractive features… too many moles on his face that fit perfectly on it. Apparently, I wasn't the only one stealing glances.
—Your eyes seem to have an internal war.
—What exactly do you mean?
—That the blue in your eyes tries to dominate but the gray is resistant and doesn't give up.
—Ah, that… I'm sorry to say I don't feel the same —he finds the comment funny while I look ahead again.
—Now can I know why you're here?
—It's none of your business, you should leave. My psychiatrist says I'm not good company for people.
—Neither is mine, as long as I don't stop taking my meds —that piqued my curiosity and I looked at him again, this time noticing the phone with earbuds tangled around it.
—What were you listening to?
—I think the right song for a place like this since it deserves good company —he put one earbud in my left ear. Listening to it, it really fit perfectly: the melody, the lyrics, and the voice were perfect… so deep and sincere —NF - Paralyzed"
—Miss, we've arrived.
I was really lost in my thoughts, that day in Russia I never thought I needed him, but where is he now when I need him the most by my side?
Now he's in the cabin, my world, my escape from reality. Maybe it's not the best, maybe it's the most twisted, but everyone escapes reality in their own way. 'I'll never get tired of this place.'
We were heading straight to room "W," one of my partners asked me to deal with a friend he wants in the other world. 'Betrayal is something not taken lightly when it comes to mafiosos.'
—Data, omit his name.
—Ex-special forces US military, kicked out for treason at 25. Escaped prison a year later and arrived in Switzerland the same year, working for top criminals worldwide —I laugh at the last part, and the world would know what I do would take first place. The most dangerous are those who know how to do things right and don't appear on international blacklists —He's not a trustworthy person since he always betrayed his allies. Lastly, he's currently 36 years old.
—There's a reason he's here, Steven.
When we arrive at the room, one of the guards offers me the mask.
—Since it's tradition —After putting it on, the door opens, let the show begin —Hey hey, my dear soldier —he just looks at me pissed off —How have they treated you? —I ask kindly seeing him chained like an animal going to slaughter.
—Fuck you —that voice full of hatred and hidden fear will always be one of my favorites.
—Is that how you treat a lady? You must be a bad suitor —Seeing no answer, I continue —A very close friend asked me for your head, and well… I couldn't say no.
—What are you waiting for? Kill me already.
—No, not so fast —I take off the mask —Your capture cost some of my men and my dear Lucifer —I fake sadness —So I must give you a slow and satisfying death.
—You're just a kid who doesn't know where she stands —I love it.
—Ouch, that really hurt, Mr. Soldier… I mean ex-soldier. Look at betraying your nation, the worst part is you were so hypocritical swearing loyalty and respect to it —I sigh and take a few steps pretending to think —What does it feel like to have no home? What does it feel like to be alone in life and on the edge of death? —That makes him laugh, but what do we have here?
—"On the edge of death," I've lost count of the people who've told me that and look at me —I give the guy the same twisted smile.
—You must be used to basic torture like gas, stabbing specific points, beatings… that's the most common. I'm taking you to the Middle Ages… with a little touch of today. You'll see, we're going to have fun and believe me, I won't leave you half dead. Do you see those pulleys up there making a perfect team with the chains and those levers? —I point them out —I can manipulate them at will, have you heard of Judas' cradle? —Just then two of my men enter. One approaches him, the other the levers, lowering one that immobilizes his chains.
—Your plan is to make my arms and legs detach from my body —I laugh at that while they start undressing him.
—It's clear you don't know anything about the Middle Ages, although the rack isn't bad, but let's not get sidetracked. Judas' cradle is an instrument also used to extract confessions, it consisted or rather consists of a pointed wooden pyramid, now iron… a 21st-century touch, on which the victim was raised and then dropped so the tip would hit the genital or anal area, causing tears. If the condemned relaxed or fell asleep, they also fell on the tip causing their own death —seeing the pyramid I was talking about, his face turned to horror.
—I can offer you triple what he offered you —panic invaded his voice.
—Don't come with nonsense, you're just an ex-soldier who even working for my friend wouldn't pay half —Before they fully lifted him, I grabbed one of the daggers on the table and scratched some deep cuts in specific spots where he'll slowly lose blood without dying too fast. He only groaned or made faces of pain.
—Let the game begin!