MICHAEL
¿Estamos perdiendo la cabeza?
A month had passed during which everything seemed to enrage her. Not having a clue about her father's killer was consuming her. Her anger flared at the smallest thing you did or said. Was she losing her mind? But when has she ever been... sane? She was desperate, although she showed it in a completely different way. That was what I felt, and at the same time she fought with herself not to get lost. That made her unstable.
Nefertary Ibagon was completely unstable.
—What did I tell you about Lucia? —she accused Aitor.
—But she's the one looking for me, your fucking little friend... —at that moment, Ibagon abruptly got up from her seat, took two steps toward Mendes, grabbed his hair and pointed her gun at his temple. That made Aida focus on the scene, as well as Mathias.
—That little fucking friend of mine is the daughter of one of the richest and most prestigious families in Switzerland. Do you, idiot, know the chaos her death could cause? —seeing Aitor's face turn paler than usual after hearing the click of the safety off, his sister stepped forward and I signaled her to stop.
—Nefertary, you should calm down... —the moment those absurd words left my mouth, I knew I had screwed up big time. In a second, she was mocking me. At least, she had released Aitor, who was now trying to breathe to calm his panic.
—Michael... —she dragged every letter of my name— Who do you think you are to suggest something to me? Do you think because I let your fucking cock be in my vagina for a few seconds I would listen to you? Do you think I would listen to you for that? —I could feel my face flushing with rage. I hadn't felt such anger in years, just for a fucking comment —Not even Cansu listened to you. Why should I?
—Shut up —I shouted, causing an echo throughout the room, startling Aida.
—Shut up?
—Nefertary, please... for...
—No, Aida. You hate not having control, that's why... —she paused while sizing me up— That's why you ended her that afternoon. You envied the attention your parents gave her... always wanting to be the favorite, and lucky for you, some thieves broke in that same afternoon.
—Shut up! —my hands were clenched into fists and my jaw so tense. Face to face, her eyes were provoking me to fall into her stupid game, knowing I just needed one more phrase to lose my sanity and want to destroy the whole world.
—And you blame the thieves who didn't even touch a hair on her head... what a fucking animal you are. —That was enough to break my sanity. I planted my fist in her face. She staggered a bit, spat blood on the floor, looked at me again with such a cynical smile that I got up with the intention of hitting her again. Just as I was about to deliver the second blow, Mathias stepped in holding my arm.
—Enough!
—Enough!? But the fun is just starting —I freed myself from Mathias's grip and took two steps back. He turned around to face Nefertary.
—Just because you don't have a fucking clue about who killed your father doesn't give you the right to take it out on others, especially if those people are your stupid allies. Deal with your fucking pain with those little toys, or better yet, as you call them: those "lab rats." —With that he left the office and I followed him without even looking back.
I didn't need to stay there. I knew if I did, I wouldn't leave. I wouldn't be responsible for what happened, and I know it wouldn't end well. I know the monster I am very well, the one I've always tried to keep calm.
When I left that mansion, Ludwig was standing in front of me, leaning on one of the Ibagon cars, staring at a cigarette he hadn't lit yet, as if he was having an internal struggle about whether to light it or not. I approached him and took it from his hands, which surprised him.
—You weren't going to smoke it. Lighter? —he pulled one out of his pocket and I brought the cigarette to the flame, then to my mouth and inhaled.
—Since when do you smoke?
—Since I was twelve. Though I don't do it as often as before. And you? —I fixed my gaze ahead as I took another drag.
—I've never done it.
—Then don't force yourself.
—Says the expert —that made me laugh a little.
—Exactly. Don't let this shitty world consume you, Mathias —he looked me in the eyes— Don't stop being who you were before. Don't be their puppet. It's not worth giving everything for someone like that.
—I have a very different perspective of her than you do.
—Care to share it? —I looked forward again.
—She's someone who pretends to be someone she's not because she simply doesn't know how to deal with her traumas, because she doesn't understand how our emotions and feelings work. That scares her...
—I wish I could believe you, but she's a psychopath and you've developed Stockholm syndrome. Don't you see that?
—Don't you see she suffers in her own way? Don't you do the same? She's not... what you say. She may have other mental disorders, but a psychopath can't develop feelings for other people or even care about someone. That's not their nature.
—Whatever Nefertary suffers from, don't let it destroy you, Ludwig —he dropped the cigarette to the floor then crushed it, putting out the flame.
—You know... we're all the same. We just deal with our problems in different ways.
—We have philosophy class. We're not late —I said, ignoring his last words.
—Then get in.
Both of us got into the car to go to a fucking class at three in the afternoon since we couldn't take it in the morning. Here, you have to attend no matter what. The ride was silent, only the radio was heard, which was playing 90s music.
When we arrived, we went straight to the classroom. Everyone took their respective places. To be honest, I thought I'd get along with him, though I also came to the conclusion that our conflicts are due to only one person: 'Nefertary Ibagon'. I couldn't stand the idea of having her so close and that making me act totally different. I confirmed it today: if it had been me... we both would need someone to separate us, just like Mathias did today.
When I thought she wouldn't show up to class, she came in through that damn door, and the craziest thing was that instead of sitting next to Ludwig, she sat right next to me.
I watched her for a few moments until the teacher came in.
—Good afternoon, everyone. Apologies for changing the class schedule. I know some of you had plans at this time, but today we'll continue the previous class, the one where I asked you to write anything: what you feel, what you think, something you want to say.
—I still don't see what this has to do with philosophy —a classmate said.
—It has a lot to do, since philosophy is that set of reflections about the essence, properties, causes, and effects of natural things. Especially about man and the universe. That leads us to the art of philosophizing. We use it every day, even if you don't believe it. So... does anyone want to read what they wrote? —no one answered—. Since there are no volunteers, I will call on you. Young Willns, read what you wrote —he stood up from his seat.
—"Feelings are complicated and difficult to understand."
—Very good. A simple thought can raise many questions, making our brain reflect or search for answers. Next... young Mathias —he took his notes.
—Mine is longer than his.
—It doesn't matter. I said it could be a short thought, a summary, poetry, a poem… but it had to be something that made us philosophize, look for more answers. So go ahead —he paused, glancing at Nefertary.
—Okay...
"I must have lost my mind when I met you
I must be crazy to want your twisted love
What can I do?
You are perfectly imperfect for me
I fell in love with a monster
That drags me to hell with every step it takes
I want your twisted love
I want your kisses that burn like hell
Did I lose my mind?
I must be crazy to want your love
What did you do to me?
Why do I think irrationally?
A monster... that's what you are
A prey pretending to be a hunter... that, that's me
You manipulate me so easily... how pathetic I am!
I want your kisses, monster
I want your twisted love, monster
Are we both sane!?
We don't give a damn about our toxicity because we are perfectly imperfect together
Love me with your twisted love
Since I have lost my mind,
take me to hell while still alive
I like the way you love me
Is it better than something healthy...?
You are my favorite nightmare
You are my favorite monster
I've definitely lost my mind."
At the moment everyone applauded what Mathias had read, I looked at Ibagon, and I could see her expression… sadness was evident, fear... the one the strong girl who fears no one always hid. Now I understood that I wasn't completely crazy, only he could tear down those walls, only he could see her vulnerability, something I would never manage to get out of her, because Ludwig is the peace she needs… even if it destroys him at the same time.
—That's incredible —said the teacher—. Does it have a title?
—No... I hadn't thought about it.
—'Toxicity' —I said, catching everyone's attention— It should be called that, since it talks about a toxic and addictive relationship for both, in which neither wants to let go, even if one gets more hurt than the other.
—Good point, young Lorenz. As you can see, here there are not only words or questions, something was written based on our lives or our surroundings, which has made us reflect or ask more about it...
—she kept talking until her time was up.
I was heading to campus, I certainly needed to organize my thoughts and keep my composure before returning to the mansion.
—Mich —I looked at Aida.
—Not now.
—Now. This can't wait, Michael.
—Fine, but on campus you explain everything to me.
—No training?
—No, it's been canceled. That way there won't be many people.
We kept moving until we reached the bleachers. Both she and I took a look, making sure no one was around.
—Now you're going to explain to me how she found out? Because I doubt Aitor told her —there was some resentment in my voice.
—You know I wouldn't, but... —her face was worried.
—But...?
—Aitor... he messed up —she lowered her voice.
—What exactly do you mean, Aida?
—Gil... that girl had been missing for two days. He wasn't himself. It was one of his sudden attacks... you know very well, Michael, that he knows how to control himself and is extremely cautious.
—Did she blackmail you with that? —I already knew the answer.
—Not only that... you know very well how my parents work —that was another point: Aida and Aitor's parents are scammers, for years they've done money laundering and always gotten away with it—. She has all the fucking proof to sink us. I... I... —a tear began to slide down her cheek. The last time I saw her cry was when Cansu died, when she felt so scared she almost lost control. I pulled her close to my chest to calm her down—. I swear I don't know what to do anymore.
—I'll help you, I swear —all this was my fault. I brought them here. I fell into that man's trap, who only wanted one more toy beside her—. I promise you, Aida.
After calming down a bit, she told me more about what Aitor had done to Shanty. Apparently, they ran into each other at one of those underground parties outside the city. Aitor offered to take her to the residence and she accepted, although obviously he was drunk and wanted more. He wanted her in his fucking game and offered to take her to one of the cabins where he does his sadistic things. The girl refused, as she wasn't sexually attracted to him; besides, she was a lesbian. And being a total asshole, he didn't accept 'no' as an answer: he kidnapped her, on top of that abused her and then ended her life, ignoring his own rule that is 'I would never kill someone who doesn't want to be fucked by me'. 'Idiot. A couple of drinks to ignore his own words.'
I called Steven, her driver or whatever connection that guy has with her, so he could take me to her fucking nest. But before that, I had to go to my father's mansion to change clothes and have dinner with them. Everything went well... boring talks. I have to admit I barely paid attention to what they said, I was technically preparing myself mentally not to do something crazy when I was in front of her. A fucking amateur who likes to have control over everyone, to know every detail of your miserable life to use it to her advantage whenever she wants. A controlling bitch, that's what she was.
The trip there was long, silent, and dark, since even though we're "allies," we don't know for sure where the cabin is. Once there, one of her men took off my hood and we went inside the house until we reached the elevator that led to the basement.
—You miss me so much that you wasted no time coming to apologize —what a shitty opinion I hear upon arriving.
—Don't jump to stupid conclusions. I'll only say this once: leave Aida alone.
—Ahh, so that's it. You know, I thought you had a stronger character... it was a complete disappointment.
—Disappointment!? You're the one who looks for everyone's weak points and blackmails them. Tell me, was it so hard for you to wait until I told you? —she laughs.
—You, tell me? When? In a year, maybe five? Ten? Or better yet, a hundred? You never showed the slightest intention of doing it, Michael.
—Answer me one thing, Nefertary: do you go around telling every person you cross paths with that you're a fucking psycho bitch? —she stands up from her seat, showing indignation. 'She couldn't be more fake.'
—So that's what I am to you? Just another person who crossed your path? —she fakes sadness.
—I mean...
—I know exactly what you mean —she cuts me off—. Whether it's my own ally or my fucking enemy, I'll always know every move, every thought, every damn torment... everything —that makes me laugh.
—I'm just warning you: leave the Mendes alone.
—And if I don't? What will you do?
—We all have a weak point, Nefertary.
—I'm afraid I don't have one.
—I wouldn't be so sure about that, especially about your favorite trophy... your dear... —I pretend to think— Yes, yes, I remember now: Mathias —she takes a few steps until she's right in front of me.
—Just touch him and I'll finish off your miserable family line... including the Mendes —her words, especially the tone she used, so cold and icy, sent a chill through my whole body.
—You're completely crazy.
—And when have I ever been sane, Lorenz?