I did not count the days .
I did not question my humanity or my life .
As I was stuck inside the nursery room with my mother .
I would try to run by myself and then I would remember that my mother would be left all alone there .
She could not leave .
And I could not leave without her .
After my father had beaten her , she would not let even me to touch her .
Everytime I tried to approach her , she would scream ," PAIN ! PAIN ! IT HURTS !"
I suffered from terrible fever and headache for who knew how long . At night I would open my eyes to find my mother beside the cradle , whisphering to the dolls ," Don't worry , Julia . Mother will always protect you ."
Tears would soak my face .
' How can you protect me when you are broken like that ?'
' How can I protect you when I am broken like this ?'
In the evening, my father would come back for the family time and ask me about Jasper .
" I do not know ," I always answered that and get dragged to the bathroom with a towel on my face .
In the dread of the night , I would question my existence and the reality sometimes. But in the morning, I was determined to not let my dad find about Jasper .
I could see that father was getting more and more desparate . The bathroom sessions which started for half an hour ,started stretching until a whole evening would pass .
It seemed like it had been a week since I was back home when I could no longer stand . I was losing my appetite. Even when father shoved the food down my throat ,I was throwing all up .
My father finally decided that I would need to go to the hospital.
It was a morning that reminded me that the sun still existed when I was taken out on a wheelchair .
My mother needed regular checkup. So father had decided to send me at the same time to patch me up.
It was Rubel General Hospital, used to be owned solely by Dane family. But after the bankruptcy, the hospital was co-manager by Sunshine and Danes although the property rights are now in the hands of Andersons , Dane holded the honorary respect.
One thing Andersons would never know was how much bribe the chairman here received from my father . Each time my mother or my brother was taken here , ginsengs, wines and sometimes golden toads were sent to maintain good relationship Rubel Hospital.
Rubel had a section for general public , but we have always stopped at the VIPs.
I sat outside with the security men hired by Dane family and my mother before she was called inside .
Here they would mostly drug her so she would stop bothering us and sleep like a baby for a few days .
The nurse was handing out chocolates to every psychiatric patients , my mother being one of them gulped some down like hungry child .
" I want those ," I told one of my father's men ," Get me some chocolate."
They thought for a while and shrugged .
I was then taken to another ward to get my own treatment.
The doctor advised me to stay at the hospital to get tested . I thought that father would decline since he might miss me when the evening came.
But the guards agreed.
" Can I get same room as my mother ?," I asked .
It was not something they could not manage . It was not like there was anything I could do ina situation like this.I could scream and cry there , but they could also drag me to the psychiatric ward and dose me with antidepressants.
I passed out in the room after taking some medicine. When I woke up I was lying on the bed with IV attached to one of my arms.
My mother was trying to pick at my pocket .
" The chocolate, you want them , right ?," my voice felt weak but the pain was bearable then .
She looked at me with eyes that said , yes , she understood the word ' chocolate '.
" Then you have to listen to whatever I say , I will give you these chocolates."
She noded.
" So when I say chocolate, you start copying whatever I do , okay ?," I tried to find some intelligence in those childlike eyes ," Do you understand what I am saying ?"
She noded happily again.
God , I doubted that she understood anything in our conversation just the chocolate.
Just then the door opened and a nurse walked in. I sat up on the bed ," Can I have a phone , perhaps ? I lost mine before coming here ."
She ignored my voice like I did not exist at all . They were probably paid to treat me like that .
She put a tray at the side of my bed. I saw there were syringes filled up with medicine - probably things to make me more sleepy .
" Can I have then a few seconds late ? I just ate ."
She ignored me , picking up the needle . She was not going to listen to me , right . I shoved at her, making the syringe fall on the ground .
" Now that is contaminated," I said .
She rolled her eyes , sighing bend to pick it up.
Panick closed my throat . I threw the tray at her .
Startled she got up .
" Stop crawling on the floor like a bug ," I smirked .
I could see the anger in her red face ," But - ," she started .
" Shh , get me new syringe for the meds ," I said .
She could not complain here . Since I was the VIP . She would probably go out and complain how arrogant the rich people are . But that was okay with me .
I wanted to create some problem .
" A cleaner will come in ten minutes to retrieve the syringe and clean the floor ," she bowed," I will be back with a new needle in a minute ."
As she walked out , I shouted after her ," THANK YOU SO MUCH !"
She scowled and left .
A minute later , one of the guards walked in .
He had questions in his eyes .
" Oh , she is just one of my fans , I thanked herfor supporting my career ," I lied , hiding my hands under the cover so that he would not see them trembling.
He was then talking on his phone ," Get the nurse ! See if she has anything with her. "
" She has nothing ! I am not lying ," I grabbed his sleeve , acting desparate.
" Your father will be so disappointed," said the guard .
I slapped him and shouted ," Chocolate !"
My mother sat up straight at the other corner of the room , dropping the doll ,that she was playing with . Her eyes were on me .
I tore the channel from my hand , holding it up .
Blood poured on my gown like fountain but that did not matter .
I holded up the needle .
Please Please Please Please
I begged to the God one ever existed .
My mother started looking around for anything similar to what I had in my hand and finally picked up the injection syringe filled with the painkiller.
" What are you doing ?," the man asked .
I holded the needle to my throat .
He laughed out ," This will not kill you ."
" Is that so ?," I said as attacked him on his chest . The soft mouth of the channel did no damage just stained his shirt red .
He easily grabbed my hand ," This is beyond stupid ."He smirked .
My heart was pounding louder than his voice . I needed all of his attention. So I screamed ,"YOU JERK !"
That was when my mother attacked -with the syringe in her hand with painkiller medicines .
The man screamed .
I started screaming as well and helped my mother to keep the syringe in place as I pushed the medicine into his flesh .
His knees buckled and he fell on the ground .
I holded up my hand to my mother and ordered ," Chocolate !"
She mimicked me and grabbed my fingers ," Chocolate!"
Then we ran .