At the same time the Final Selections are happening
"Alert Alert… Nara prefecture… all available Hashira please respond!"
Booooom
The moonlight was the forest I had landed at in a silvery glow. The calm was interrupted by the sound of a clash not too far away. I moved quickly, stabilising any injured slayers I found while listening to any who could still speak.
They had been called in after a slayer had found a small gathering of demons. Once they arrived it had quickly gotten out of hand with more demons appearing. Fearing defeat and potential death, they had called for more help and Mitsuri had responded.
The Upper Moon appeared not too long after. Everything I had heard from the injured but lucid slayers screamed that this whole thing had been a trap. An ambush meant for a Hashira.
'That bitch Muzan… I really hope that Black Flash to the face shattered his teeth.'
Once I patched up a few more abled bodied slayers I had them take over the rescue while I went ahead and looked for Mitsuri. She had been fighting an Upper Moon by herself for a bit of time.
The sound of fighting grew more intense. I floated up with Limitless for a broader view. I eventually spotted flashes of Mitsuri's blade and some sort of wooden construct dukeing it out.
'A wooden dragon? Hashirama? This ain't Naruto… tf?'
I teleported over, when I landed I almost whistled.
The landscape was devastated, uprooted trees, torn up earth. Blood staining the undergrowth from where injured slayers had fallen.
There she was, Mitsuri Kanroji, my almost girlfriend, the Love Hashira. Her whip sword glinted pink-green light as it waved through the air. Despite her disheveled appearance she was still fast, flexible, and I found myself more attracted to her than ever before as she fought the strange wooden dragon.
Mitsuri finally caught sight of me, "Satoru-kun! Help… this meanie doesn't want to give up," she pouted mid dodge. "He also called me mean names!!"
I raised an eyebrow, just as I was about to reply the demon controlling the wooden dragon stopped and sneered down at Mitsuri.
"Shut your mouth, filthy tramp. Flaunting your obscene body… shameless whore!"
Mitsuri stared in open mouthed shock. I could feel my eye twitching behind my sunglasses. The demon looked pleased at the names it had called Mitsuri. I slowly took off my sunglasses. My eyes snapped open and I glared at the demon.
"Oi… what did you just call her?"
"Tch… another Hashira? No matter…" The demon scoffed.
"Hmm, you haven't seemed to notice your mistake… for that I'll have to hit you with my super special Satoru Punch."
"Silence yo-
"Alright… here it comes…" I grinned while comically running at the demon.
I didn't really know why it hadn't attacked yet, it just stood on top of its wooden dragon looking down at me and Mitsuri.
"I'm coming to murder you." I laughed softly as if I hadn't just threatened the demon.
Before the demon could even blink, I teleported on top of the dragon right in front of him. My smile still plastered on my face, my fist pulled back.
"Satoru… PUNCH!!!!"
I called out… right before kicking the demon as hard as I could right between the legs. To add insult to injury, I triggered a Black Flash the moment my foot met his balls.
"URK!!!!" The demons eyes bulged. A thundering crack shattered the night as the demon was almost obliterated from the force of my kick.
"Satoru! That wasn't a punch! That wasn't very elegant…" Mitsuri pouted.
I jumped down from the crumbling wood dragon and brushed her cheek. A gentler smile on my face.
"Sorry it took so long Mitsuri." I apologised.
"Mmm," she shook her head, "You're here, that's all that matters."
"Insolent pest…" something stirred behind us making me sigh.
"Satoru! I forgot… he can split his body!"
"Hah?"
Mitsuri went into a quick explanation as we turned to face the resurrected demon. Apparently there were multiple bodies, each one representing an emotion. Mitsuri had worked it out during her prolonged fight. She theorised that there was a main body that needed to be killed.
"Alright then," I drew my sword, "you go look for the real body, I'll keep these clowns entertained."
She looked at me with a bit of worry, I smiled and gently gave her a push.
"I'm the strongest, remember? There's no way that some loser demon that can't see how sweet and beautiful you are will beat me."
She reluctantly dashed off in search of Hantengu's real body. I turned to face the stirring wooden dragon, a grin on my face widening as three more demons emerged from the woods.
[Scene Break] (POV Shift)
Mitsuri's breath came in soft, steady bursts as she darted through the trees in her hunt for the demon's true body. The air behind her was alight with flashes of claws and Satoru's strange power.
The fight raged on like a storm and though her focus was fixed on finding the Upper Moon's body, she couldn't help but glance back at Satoru.
She saw him grin, sharp and merciless as he leaned into the fight against the Upper Moon's clones. That smile, so bright and dangerous carried the promise of violence. His words still lingered in her ears.
''I'm coming to murder you." Said with a laughing tone but she knew Satoru had been serious.
He had the strength to back it up, yet her heart still squeezed with worry. Because it was Satoru… and he mattered more than she had ever realised.
The clearing behind her fills with cries of pain. The sound of flesh being torn and bones being shattered filled the night. A demonic howl for mercy, furious roars, and louder than all of that was Satoru's laughter.
It rang loudly, light and airy, almost cheerful. It made her skin tingle. A sound others might have found a little scary, crazy even. But to her it was oddly cute.
'That's just Satoru being Satoru…' she thought, cheek warming, 'he's punishing them for being meanies… they shouldn't have said such awful things about me.'
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him pin a clone to a tree with his sword and rip out its horns. Then he took the horns and stabbed them into another clone. One tried sneaking up behind him, Satoru turned with a manic grin on his face.
Mitsuri saw him mouth something that looked like 'wanna dance too?' Before the clone that had snuck up behind him was crushed into a ball of flesh and gore.
Her heart fluttered, '…amazing! He's protecting me, fighting for me… all because he cares.'
She forced her attention back to the task at hand, catching sight of a tiny hunched figure in some bushes. Mitsuri's eyes sharpened.
'Found it!' She shot forward, her whip blade flashing in the moonlight. The demon squealed, scrambling with surprising speed. Unfortunately for the demon Mitsuri was faster, every step brought her closer.
With a shout, she brought her blade down in a clean elegant arc. The strike landed true, her whip blade coiled around the retreating figure. She yanked her special blade back and shredded the demon.
Everything went still, the sounds of fighting had silenced behind her. The Upper Moon's true body was already crumbling to ashes. Mitsuri muttered a quick prayer and turned around to rush back to Satoru.
The smell of demonic blood hung heavy in the air of the clearing. Satoru was cleaning his blade on a scrap of cloth. He looked like he had just finished a moonlit walk rather than a fight. Not a scratch marred his skin, not even a wrinkle on his white shirt.
The second his eyes met hers, the faint traces of cruel amusement faded from them, replaced with warmth that made Mitsuri's heart speed up. He casually slipped on his circular sunglasses and smiled at her.
"Yo…"
She blushed, "We won…"
Satoru pulled a twig from her hair, Mitsuri glanced at his face. Her heart pounding hard, her thoughts swirling.
'I don't like the uncertainty between us… I need—
She remembered her mothers words, pursue him properly.
'I need to tell him… I— he needs to know how I feel.'
"S-Satoru-kun, I—" she started, trying not to fumble over her words. "I- I LIKE YOU."
"Oh?" He replied.
Her heart fell, 'On no… I misunderstood… he's going to—
"I like you too Mitsuri," he smiled, eyes filled with warmth and love, "I like you a lot."
She threw her arms around him, not caring if anyone saw as she pressed her lips to his. Unshed tears stung her eyes as she kissed him, clumsily but filled with joy.
His hands came to rest on her hips, gentle and warm. He returned her kiss, slow as if testing her responsiveness.
Mitsuri's heart soared, 'I- I did it… WAIT! WE SKIPPED STRAIGHT TO KISSING?!'
Just then, the cries of a kasugai crow brought them back down to reality. They pulled away from each other reluctantly. Mitsuri's cheeks flushed, her lips trembling.
"CAW! CAW! VICTORY!"
She heard Satoru mutter under his breath, "Damn right…"
She giggled as she grabbed onto his hand.
'It was a victory in more ways than one.'
———————————————————
Lads and Lasses… I present… the first non-canon omake of this story.
[Omake: Double Trouble]
One second I was stretching on the engawa, the next…
POP
My Limitless hiccupped and I was standing in the middle of what looked like a high school gymnasium.
"…Eh?"
Three brats froze mid-training exercise. Pink hair, spiky black hair, bob cut. My brain clicked instantly.
Yuji, Nobara, and Megumi.
"Ohhhh, so that's what you guys look like in HD." I adjusted my sunglasses.
"Sensei…?" Yuji blinked. "Wait… why are your clothes different, and is that a sword?"
Before I could answer, the air behind me shimmered. Another pop. And there he was. The OG. My face, but smugger… if that was even possible.
Gojo Satoru tilted his head, grinning ear to ear. "Well well well, looks like someone forgot to coordinate which outfit we were gonna wear."
"Nice blindfold," I said.
"Nice haori," he replied.
We both laughed. Same laugh. Same pitch. The kids paled instantly.
"There can't be TWO of them!" Nobara wailed.
"Shhh," Megumi muttered, already massaging his temples. "Maybe if we ignore them, they'll leave."
Gojo slung an arm over my shoulder. "So, new guy. Wanna go troll the principal?"
"Does Yaga still have the same haircut?" I asked.
"Like a Lego man."
"Say less."
Ten minutes later, Yaga was fuming while two Gojos debated loudly in his office about which of them was the real Gojo. They then started running around him as if they were frolicking through a field of flowers.
Meanwhile, Yuji was left to explain to Sukuna inside his soul what just happened.
"There's another Gojo now."
Sukuna blinked. Then hissed, "…Fuck."
By the time Kenjaku showed up, we were already in sync, tag team roasting him so badly he probably considered switching bodies out of shame.
Gojo snapped his fingers. "Hey, multiverse twin. Ever thought about fusion?"
I grinned. "I call top half."
"Deal."
Yuji screamed. Nobara screamed louder. Megumi just sighed and accepted death.
[End Omake]