11. "COMMITMENT ISSUES"
Every girl that I've met had the same shit to say about me, from all of their judgement, I'm toxic, I love women too much, I never communicate, I'm cold hearted and I've got commitment issues, that's what they say about me but there's more to the story.
I'm trying to unwind myself from a toxic energy, all I've done all these years is to fuck and keep my heart out of cupid's direction, whenever a relationship comes into a conversation, I lose interest because all I want is a good time. Love is a bag of baggage and it's the right girl that you choose to love, it'll feel like nothing other than a blessing but I've got trust issues, taught myself a long time to never believe anything a girl says.
Everytime a girl talks about love, I wave a red flag and step away quietly, a lot of people out here are using love in vain and they're throwing this word loosely as if it can't be more than just empty promises but nobody understands where I'm coming from.
They want me to open up, trust and constantly communicate and just because I always turn down their demands, they say I've got commitment issues.
12. "RELATIONSHIP GOALS"
It gets uncomfortable when she brings up love and a relationship and if I keep changing the subject, she's gonna realise my problem, I've been trying to break it down to her but this situation we're in is very unusual and it will lead to nothing but disaster.
She's got relationship goals surrounded around the idea of me and her being lovers but I've got so many issues in the front of my own heart, I can't even open up to the sweetest girls but how do I tell her that I can't be her boyfriend when we're already doing relationship things.
We broke it off a few weeks ago after spending time for 2 months together, I reached out to her when I needed a quick fix for my addiction and now we're back in this ugly predicament, yet gain.
I know that if I don't love her, I should let her go but I just don't wanna let her go, I don't need to love her for me to be good to her, she can be my girl but I can't be her man. I can't love her because I'm tryna protect my heart but I also don't want her to go, so I'll keep her with me, even though she can't have me as her man.
She might try to pull me to the relationship but love to me is like dancing next to the flames, I been burnt once and twice isn't gonna happen. There's just something about having her in my bubble, I can't love her but I also don't wanna set her free from me, so I'm gonna keep her here with me. She always finds a way to relieve the stress on my mind, she can take me out of my misery and put me in a place of ecstasy, I would be lying if I said I love her but that doesn't mean I don't wanna be with her
13. "GUIDANCE"
I know I'm a guy of conflicts and flaws, I know I've given you bad guy vibes but I'm genuinely tryna get to the bottom of this, put aside my past and horror stories, take me as I am now and understand where I'm coming from.
Do I owe you an pology for being more sexual than emotional, do you really blame me for our split or this is just another mismatch to you? I've tried to understand why you say I'm too much for you to handle, is it because I care less about emotions? I feel like I may have messed up a lot of good things, I know that I've given you proof that I don't give a fuck about whether you choose to love me or leave me but baby isn't that what we got in common?
So many questions going through my head right now, you said that you're falling un love with me, I couldn't understand how would that be possible because you told me that you would never fall in love, so do you blame me for not believing your words?
Sometimes I just need a bit of guidance..
14. "RUNNING AWAY FROM LOVE"
It's times like these that make me rethink my decision about relationships and love, it's always another girl coming back for a good time and it's never about staying longer, let alone keeping it real.
A few days ago, we were having a good time and she promised me some things in the moment but I guess it was just the euphoria talking because now she's focusing her attention on her relationship.
I can't complain because this is the life that I chose, there's been a lot of good girls in my phone, willing to love and treat me as best as I ever been but I just can't quit running away from love, some thing makes me feel like there's an instant loss when you open up to love.
Maybe I'm too much of a flaw, can't even attain something that could save me from the life I've been living, I know that having a lover in my corner is gonna settle the dust and clear distraction, I know that but I'm not ready for the other side of loving somebody because love comes with pain too.
This morning, I woke up to a text that reads, "Hey, I'll be that side tomorrow", from a girl that I haven't from for days, it's always somebody coming back for a good time but nobody ever comes to stay for a long time, I can't complain because this is the life that I chose when I started running away from love.