It took me a while to finally accept it, but there is no use questioning reality anymore.
I have truly returned to my younger years.
Fifty years—that is a lot of time. I have come back fifty years into the past, when the Aditi Household was still being run by my father, and our Main Family still had all of its members.
So much is yet to happen.
The Randalorion Kingdom is yet to descend into chaos as a result of the Civil War, which will occur seven years from now. There is also the war with the nearby Sarvosia Kingdom, which would deplete the Kingdom's foundations, ultimately leading to the recession that sends the Kingdom down the steady slope of decline.
My brother died in the war against the Sarvosia Kingdom, and my sister was forced to marry someone not too long after.
None of those things has happened yet.
'And none of them are going to happen now that I am here!' My fists clench with determination as I feel electrifying energy rush through my body.
Despite my immense ignorance regarding my current predicament, my knowledge isn't little.
There is still plenty that I know about.
In the eyes of many, I am still the same Javier Aditi, but that is far from the case. I am someone who has lived for over sixty-five years. I led the Aditi Household for more than half that period, and I have seen many things that the people around me can not imagine.
Naturally, I still possess no talent for the sword, and there are many problematic elements I have to deal with. But I do not feel any sense of hesitation or fear regarding them.
From the moment I realized my situation, I had already made up my mind to change everything.
'This time, I will live my life as I please!'
"Leon, what is the time right now?" I ask aloud, unintentionally startling my poor aide, who still believes there's something wrong with my health.
"A-ah! It's a bit past noon, Young Master…" He stutters a little, but quickly regains his composure. His dark brown hair flutters mildly as he keeps his head low, preventing me from seeing his ordinary black irises.
I am tempted to speak on this, but I decide to ignore the matter for the time being.
'This isn't the same Leon I knew. He has only been acting as my personal aide for less than a month, and the reason for this is the coming-of-age ceremony that should be coming up soon.' I quickly analyze the situation and smile to myself.
The coming-of-age ceremony will take place when I turn sixteen, and it is also when I will be publicly recognized as the Heir to the Aditi Household. All the Minor Families will be in attendance, as well as the other Knight Households and Lesser Nobles we are allied with.
'If I remember correctly, a Representative from the High Noble Household we were affiliated with also attended back then. Which one was it again…?'
None of it matters anyway.
Back then, I looked forward to this event with every fiber of my being.
It was a significant moment that would mark a drastic change in my life and elevate my position in the Household. I would finally attend the Kingdom's Knight Academy, and afterwards, thanks to my father's connections, I would enter discipleship under a retired Royal Knight.
Even now, I remember how honored I was to have been accepted by Master as a disciple.
But all of that is in the past.
It isn't at all what I desire for myself this time around.
'Judging by how I am in bed despite it being past noon, my parents must have instructed me to avoid any form of training and rest. This is so my body will be free from bruises and my callouses have more time to heal in time for the ceremony.' My eyes furrow as I shudder at the realization that my coming-of-age ceremony is very close.
It will probably take place sometime this week.
"Leon… tell me when my coming-of-age ceremony is taking place again?"
"A-ah, it's happening in three days, Young Master."
'It's even closer than I guessed…' My eyes flicker with worry, but my expression remains as calm as it can possibly be.
This isn't the time to panic.
There is a lot I want to do, and I would have preferred it if I had more time to prepare. But there is no use wallowing in such thoughts now.
I cannot regret a matter in which I had no control from the start. The mere fact that I was able to return to the past is enough reason to celebrate, so I can't expect it to be a perfect situation.
No, this… even this is fine.
"Leon, I would like to see my parents. Stand outside while I prepare myself."
"U-understood, Young Master!" Judging from his hesitant gaze, it's clear he wishes to ask me how my body is doing, but he will soon get over his worry once he realizes that I am in good health.
I feel for Leon, but now is not the time to worry about someone else when I have my own predicament to think about.
Most likely, I will get into serious trouble for what I am about to do.
***********
I get dressed in a casual outfit, a typical wear for someone from a Knight Household in the Randalorion Kingdom. My gray shirt is tucked out, and my dark brown trousers flap a little loosely around my body. My preference lies in boots, but for such a short walk, sandals are most appropriate, so I put those on while walking out of my room.
Naturally, I place a longsword in the sheath strapped around my waist and begin walking down the hallway with my stiff aide.
He will warm up to me in time, so I can't judge him too much for his current behavior.
We walk in silence, and I take my time to admire the polished stone walls around me and how pristine the surroundings appear. Even my room, despite how small it is, looks well-furnished and elegant—even by Noble standards.
Perhaps it's my bias, considering how things are in the future, but I am very impressed.
Many things that I would have taken for granted in my past life now appear wondrous in my eyes. Is this the effect of regression?
The air feels fresher, and the world feels brighter.
Despite the silent dread I feel regarding the impending coming-of-age ceremony, as well as what I am about to discuss with my parents, for the first time in my life, I feel like heavy weights have been lifted off my shoulders.
This liberating feeling… I doubt I will ever be able to forget it.
Once we walk downstairs and travel outside the inner building, I cast a glance to my left and spot the garden a small distance away. The Central Building, where my parents, important guests, and the Heir reside, is to the right.
But my attention is drawn in the opposite direction at the moment.
"Let's take a detour. I'd like to see what my brother is up to."
I walk in calm, gentle strides, easily noticing the obvious worry that consumes Leon's visage.
'He hasn't been here that long, yet he's already heard a lot of rumors about me from the other workers, huh?' I close my eyes and nearly weep in silent shame. 'Just how hard was I on my siblings?'
It doesn't take long for us to reach the garden, but I could already hear melodious hums before I arrived. The voice is unmistakable, and just listening to it provokes a feeling in me which I wasn't sure I was capable of having anymore.
A sorrowful smile flashes on my face for a moment, but that doesn't last very long when I finally get to the garden and spot him lying on his back, his raised arms serving as a cushion for his slightly tilted head.
His long dark hair spills all over the lush grass as his fair skin is kissed by the sunlight. His eyes remain closed, but I know it's still the same warm jade color I remember.
Seeing him after so long, so relaxed and peaceful, causes many emotions to rise in my chest.
I feel a loud pounding.
My heart bleeds, but also skips in excitement.
'Craig… my foolish little brother…' My thoughts flow very softly as my gaze overflows with so much love, mostly born from guilt and shame.
I open my lips to speak up, but words fail me.
What am I to say?
What words can I utter? I'm afraid… actually very worried.
What if I speak and wake up to realize that all of this is only just a dream—an illusion conjured up in my last moments before I die?
I… I… I don't know what to…
"The Young Master has come to see you … Young Lord Craig." Leon's voice breaks the tense silence, suddenly causing Craig's eyes to pop wide open as his moment of solitude becomes disrupted.
He hurriedly sits upright in his position, dusting his back while laughing nervously.
He gives me a silly smile, as if hoping I would buy his comical attempt at hiding what he was doing right before I walked in.
"Big brother! What are you doing here?" He nervously rises to his feet, trying his hardest to make his very obvious act of dusting his buttocks inconspicuous.
Who does this boy think he is fooling?
Well, he is only eleven years old, so I can't really blame him for trying his hardest. Still, I remember how annoyed I used to get whenever he put up these obvious pretenses.
Right now, though, I can't help but find his actions oddly adorable.
My younger brother is really cute.
"I-I have actually been working all day, so I decided to take a moment to meditate in the garden due to how… erm… serene the atmosphere was," Craig continues to yammer on, feeding my aide and me with bullshit that we clearly didn't ask for.
"… So, erm… well… that's what happened."
After hearing him tell his story—all of which is undoubtedly full of lies—I feel mildly conflicted.
'Should I just ignore his actions? I don't want to be so strict and restrictive as I was in my past life…' The thought flashes in my mind, but I quickly dismiss it. 'No! That isn't good enough.'
What my brother needs right now isn't a brother who ignores him.
But one who believes in him.
"Craig…"
"I'm sorry, big brother!" The moment I say this, Craig rushes to his knees and pleads with me.
He is so afraid of me—of what I can do.
Even now, I can tell that he is insincere about his apology. He will definitely do this again and again, but he is only apologizing so I don't punish him, or worse yet, report his actions to my parents.
But he has no reason to worry about that any longer.
Why?
"… I am planning on telling mother and father that I no longer want to be a Knight."
"E-eh…?" Craig stares at me, dumbfounded.
He probably thinks he misheard.
"Y-young Master… y-you don't mean—!" Leon's worry skyrockets, but I raise a hand to stop him from saying any more.
I won't allow him to interrupt this special conversation with my brother.
"Being a Knight isn't what I want to do, and frankly… I have no talent for it. You already know that, don't you? I must have told you that many times, how you have a lot more talent than I, yet you waste it every day on childish activities like this."
"Big brother…" Craig mumbled, clearly filled with many thoughts, but unable to word them.
"I know." I rub his long hair and offer him an understanding smile. "I berated your interests in the past and tried to push you down the path of a Knight simply due to your talent."
I understand things better now.
Just because someone has talent in something doesn't mean they desire to walk down that path.
Likewise, a lack of talent should not stop a man from pursuing his dreams if that is truly what he wants to do. In the end, it is all about choice.
"Forget everything I told you before. None of that matters. If this is what you want to do, childish or not, you shouldn't let anyone stop you."
"Big brother, I… what will mother and father say?"
"No matter how grand a person's dreams are, one day he will perish. All men, regardless of how talented, wealthy, or powerful, will cease to exist at some point. And, beyond that… everyone will move on with their lives." I pause and stare into Craig's wide-open eyes, watching him keenly hang on to my every word.
"So why live for anyone? Do what you want. It is a painful thing to be disliked, but what is even more painful is to not be yourself."
I look at my stunned younger brother and give him a warm, gentle smile.
"So be yourself. I believe that is the true essence of living."