The morning of today is so pleasant, brushing my hair with the air, wow just a beautiful day. But wait—today the results are going to come out for last week's class test. No no, I didn't study well for that. I will definitely fail. I think I should skip school today, but if I skip today, then it will be two days of absence. I didn't go to school yesterday either, and Mama doesn't know yet. If she finds out now, no no, I can't take that risk. But what should I do? Think, Zhao Shiza, think something.
And then an idea clicks in my mind.
"Oo wow, you are so good, Shiza," I said to myself while patting my own back.
The door opened.
"Xiao Shiza, get ready fast, it's getting late for your school," Mama said.
But when she entered the room, she was shocked.
"Xiao Shiza, what happened to you? Why are you lying on the bed like you are not well?"
"Mama…" I replied in my tiniest baby voice, "I'm not feeling well. It's something dizzy… unconscious feeling…"
"Okay okay, I got it. Again your sugar level went down, right? Since how many days haven't you eaten sweets? Tell me?"
"Past 2 weeks…" I replied softly.
"Look, you know very well your sugar drops if you don't eat anything sweet. You always faint and need something sugary to wake up. Don't make Mama worry, Xiao Shiza. You know how we are overprotective for you."
I made a face and said,
"Yes, I know, I know. Stop being over dramatic, Mama."
"Look who is talking — the one who herself is a drama girl," Mama replied.
"Mama please, I don't want to go to school today. I want a holiday. Please, Mama."
"Stop requesting me. Are you mad? You don't need to request. Just take care of yourself properly. I am so worried about your future. Who will take care of my fragile daughter like we do? You make us so worried. You are so tiny, so innocent, so stubborn, so childish. I don't want this cruel world to take advantage of you…"
Her eyes filled with tears while saying this.
I hugged her right away.
"Stop worrying about me, Mama. I am fine."
But in my heart, I know I am lying.
I don't want to play with your emotions.
But what should I do?
This was my only escape.
Sorry Mama… so sorry… I said inside my heart.
The hug broke.
"I am bringing your favorite strawberry ice cream. Rest here, okay?" Mama said.
The door closed.
Now I am alone in this room.
I didn't feel good lying to her, but my phone buzzed with a notification. I ignored it.
I switched on the TV and watched the repeat telecast of his drama, making me fall deeper and deeper for him.
I know I'll never get you, but loving you can't be stopped.
I know you are not mine to see, not mine to hold, not mine to call mine — but still my Mr. Heart is stubborn like me. It just says:
"If it's not you, then I don't want it. Whether it is a garden full of roses or a universe full of roses — if you are the only single flower in an empty land, then still I want only you."
You have millions of fans all around the world.
I am just one ordinary fangirl. Nothing special.
I know we were never meant to be.
But still my Mr. Heart doesn't accept that.
You know, Cǎoméi xiānsheng… whenever people see a beautiful couple, they say "they are made in heaven."
But I want to say about us:
"We are the pair who wasn't made even in hell."
I know our differences.
I know everything.
I know you have your cǎo méi dā dàng(co strawberry)… your girlfriend.
Yes, I saw it.
How you posted her birthday wishes.
How you only post pictures with her.
I am not stupid.
It hurts.
It hurts so much.
That's why I haven't touched my phone since morning.
Because I can't handle it.
You are a satellite, and I am the darkest night.
Nothing more, nothing less.
But I wiped my tears with both my hands and said,
"It's okay. If you have a girlfriend, it's okay.
If we're not meant, it's okay.
But still, still, no one can stop me from worshipping you.
Your existence makes me happy.
Because of you, I experienced something in my heart.
I know Xu Yuan will never be Zhao Shiza's…
But I promise — Zhao Shiza will always remain yours till her last breath."
Then my confession broke by a phone call.
It was Ruoxi.
"Zhao Shiza! I was messaging you since morning! Why didn't you reply? I even brought my phone to school hiding it. I need to tell you something important! Listen! Mr. Li Wenhao called your mother and told her that you FAILED your maths test. Like, completely failed. Not even a single mark. He tried calling your father but he didn't pick up, so he called your Mama. If you had seen my message earlier, you could've stopped her from picking that call. NOW manage it! Someone is coming, Okay bye!"
The call disconnected.
I froze.
Mama is going to come to my room any moment now.
"Oo no… what did I do? I am not smart. I am just stupid… stupid… so stupid!" I scratched my head in panic.
Now…
the real problem begins.