Back on earth I wasn't a good person.
I constantly tried to appear better than I really was.
I made it seem like everybody else's issue when I indeed made the wrong.
Because of it I was bullied.
But never to the extent that I couldn't sigh and say, "I deserved that..."
I did.
I was a narcissist as well.
Happy to help myself to anything I wanted. I was real good at it too.
But I never meant to do anyone harm. I lived by the philosophy, 'Do others no harm,' And you may be prompted to think, 'Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.' But that Bible bullcrap is what got me into this in the first place.
...You wonder why?
There is a reason why witchcraft and sorcery is prohibited. Even on Earth. Science we can guage the consequences of. Atoms can create nuclear bombs. Energy can create explosions. But we have no idea what lies within the unknown.
People have tried to 'ascend' or become 'enlightened' Many have tried magic, I have had a couple of books in my room like that.
But let's say you get home after a long day of school, and you wish for a world better than this one, were, let's say that in this world, "I am a hero," and "I can be a strong person who stand's up for himself no matter what."
Let's say you have a solid image in your head, something in between the cool light novel characters you spent far too much reading, or the crappy copy-paste novels you got addicted to.
Some shadowy dark figure, an assassin of some sort. Someone really cool who makes everyone a bit frightened. In the moment I really thought of it, thought I understood it.
Then out of humor, you try your best to say it in latin, Alea Jacta Est, something not different from that. All the while hymning something Catholic and creepy you heard on TV.
What would happen then?
You have no idea. It happens or it doesn't. Who's to say every wish doesn't come true for everyone who ever wished it other than you. You just live here in a wishless world. Alone.
Who would grant my wish?
The wish I did not know about. The wish that came from a spur of the moment. I can try to justify myself for hours on end. But I am here and not there.
"Be careful what you wish for."
I heard it so many times that I might have thought the opposite.
"Is there such a thing as free-will?"
For some reason as I found myself thinking about it in a glaringly dark void, that felt just as humid as it did warm.
No; I don't think there is.
Every choice in this world is decided from the get-go.
If not your actions then your thoughts.
If not your thoughts then your desires.
If not your desires than the desires of someone else.
Fate is cunning.
No.
Fate is a bastard.
'Am I in hell?'
My hands were covered in blood. The blood of innocents.
I was taken to a world that wasn't my own. Given my wish.
But it wasn't the way I wanted it to be... It wasn't right...
'There's something wrong in this world,' I thought as I slit the throat of a civilian.
My head numbed, my stomach ached, I wanted to scream, but couldn't announce my presence to the rest.
I took my class to this hell. They don't even know that it was me.
His terrified eyes... Holding a blade in self-defence... His body slowly losing vigor...
That mind numbing phrase still echoed from day to night in my brain:
"Rest assured, " said the King with a smile. "You are a hero."
...after all of this...?
I am not a hero.