The North Mountain wasn't just a mountain. It was a vertical graveyard of ice and wind that hated everything with a pulse.
"If I die here," Zabuza yelled over the howling wind, "I want it noted in the ship's log that I hated you until the very end!"
"Noted!" I shouted back, grinning through a mouthful of snow. "But we don't have a ship's log yet! Or a ship! Just a rowboat!"
We were three hours into the climb. The path—if you could call it that—was a narrow ledge covered in slick ice, winding up a sheer cliff face. The wind was blowing at gale force, threatening to peel us off the rock and fling us into the abyss below.
I was having a great time.
Zabuza, however, was miserable. He was using his massive sword, Kubikiribōchō, as an oversized ice pick, slamming it into the ground to anchor himself against the gusts.
"Why..." Zabuza panted, hauling himself up a ledge. "Why does the doctor live here? Why not a nice valley? Or a beach?"
"Geniuses are eccentric!" I said, hopping lightly from one rock to another. My balance was impeccable; losing an arm really forces you to master your center of gravity. "Besides, the bartender said he's looking for a flower. The 'Frostfire Lotus' or something."
"I think the bartender was drunk," Zabuza grumbled.
We rounded a bend, and the wind suddenly died down, blocked by a massive outcropping of black rock. We found ourselves in a small, snowy clearing before the path continued upward toward a dark cave mouth about a hundred yards away.
I stopped. My smile faded.
"Hold up, Zabuza."
Zabuza stopped instantly, his hand gripping his sword hilt. He knew that tone. "What is it?"
I closed my eyes. The snow muted sound, but it couldn't mute intent.
"Guests," I said softly. "Seven of them. Up ahead, near the cave entrance."
"Samurai?"
"No," I shook my head. "Their 'voices' feel... wet. Damp. Like the bottom of a well. And they smell like blood."
Zabuza stiffened. The bandages on his face seemed to tighten. "Mist."
I opened my eyes. "Your old friends?"
"The Hunter-Nin Corps," Zabuza said, his voice dropping to a growl. "They don't stop. If they're here, they tracked me."
" actually," I tilted my head, focusing my Observation Haki. "They aren't looking at us. They're focused on the cave. They're trying to break in."
Zabuza frowned. "They're after the doctor?"
"Let's go ask," I grinned, adjusting my sash. "I've been meaning to work on my diplomacy."
We walked into the clearing. The snow was knee-deep here.
Ahead of us, seven figures stood in a semi-circle around the cave entrance. They wore the standard gray flak jackets of Kirigakure, striped arm warmers, and the distinctive porcelain masks of the Hunter-Nin.
They were currently blasting the cave entrance with Water Release jutsu, trying to flush out whoever was inside.
"Hey!" I Cupped my hand around my mouth. "Pizza delivery!"
The seven Hunter-Nin spun around in unison. It was creepy how synchronized they were.
"Civilians?" one of them asked, his voice muffled by his mask.
Then, the leader—a tall man with a mask painted with red markings—stepped forward. He stared past me and locked onto Zabuza.
"Target confirmed," the leader said cold. "Zabuza Momochi. The Demon. We didn't expect to find you here, but this kills two birds with one stone."
"Squad Leader Ao," Zabuza identified him, pulling his sword from the snow. "I didn't know you were reduced to errand boy duty."
"We are here for the traitor inside the cave," the leader, Ao, said. "He stole valuable medical secrets from the Mizukage. But taking your head will be a nice bonus."
"Traitor?" I interrupted, stepping between Zabuza and the squad. "Is this doctor a ninja?"
Ao looked at me. He analyzed me for a second—one arm, no chakra, civilian clothes. He dismissed me instantly.
"Kill the redhead," Ao ordered. "Secure Zabuza."
Two of the Hunter-Nin blurred. They were fast. They closed the distance in a second, drawing senbon needles aimed at my neck.
"Captain," Zabuza warned.
"I got it," I yawned.
As the first ninja thrust the needle, I didn't dodge. I just stepped inside his guard and placed my hand on his chest.
"Six Powers: Shigan," I whispered.
I didn't use a finger poke—that was too lethal for my current mood. I used a palm strike with the same percussive principle.
THUMP.
The ninja's eyes went wide as the impact shockwave traveled through his flak jacket and knocked the wind out of his lungs. He collapsed face-first into the snow.
The second ninja swung a katana.
I raised my right leg.
" Rankyaku."
I didn't fire a wind blade. I just kicked the sword.
CLANG.
The katana snapped in half. The ninja stared at his broken hilt, confused.
I spun and backhanded him with my single hand. He flew twenty feet and landed in a snowdrift, legs twitching.
"Two down," I announced, dusting off my hand. "Five to go."
The remaining five Hunter-Nin froze. They looked at their fallen comrades, then at me.
"He... he has no chakra," Ao muttered. "Taijutsu specialist?"
"Something like that," I smiled. "Now, about this doctor. I'm recruiting him. So, I'm afraid I can't let you take him."
"Arrogant fool," Ao growled. "Formation B! Water Release: Water Dragon Bullet!"
Three of the ninja rapidly wove hand signs. In this frozen environment, there was plenty of snow to melt. A massive dragon of water and slush rose from the ground, roaring silently.
"Zabuza!" I called out. "You're up! I handle the small fry; you handle the magic!"
"Don't order me around!" Zabuza yelled, but he was already moving.
He wove his own signs.
"Water Release: Water Dragon Bullet!"
A second dragon rose up behind us.
The two watery beasts clashed in mid-air with a deafening crash, sending a shower of freezing rain over the clearing.
Zabuza charged through the falling water. He was in his element. The mist was rising from the melting snow.
"Hidden Mist Jutsu," Zabuza whispered.
The clearing vanished into a thick white fog.
I stood still, closing my eyes. Observation Haki.
I could see everything in my mind's eye. Zabuza was a predator. He moved silently, his giant sword swinging with lethal precision.
Clang. Slash. Thud.
Two more Hunter-Nin went down.
But Ao was good. He had a Byakugan—a stolen eye, I recalled from the anime. He could see through the mist.
"There!" Ao shouted, launching a blast of water at Zabuza's blind spot.
Zabuza barely blocked it with his sword, sliding back in the snow.
"He can see me," Zabuza growled. "He has the Hyuga eye."
"Cheater," I tutted.
I stepped forward.
"Hey, Ao!" I shouted into the mist.
Ao turned his head toward my voice. "I see you too, Redhair. Your muscle density is abnormal. But you can't fight what you can't reach."
Ao wove signs. "Water Release: Waterfall Basin!"
A massive torrent of water surged toward me, turning into ice spikes as it traveled through the freezing air. It was a wall of death.
I didn't move. I placed my hand on Gryphon's hilt.
"Armament."
The black sheen coated the scabbard.
I didn't draw the blade. I swung the scabbard upward in a violent uppercut motion.
The air pressure generated by the swing collided with the incoming ice flood.
BOOM.
The ice shattered. The water vaporized. The shockwave parted the mist like curtains, clearing the entire mountaintop in an instant.
Ao stood there, his jutsu destroyed by a wave of pure air pressure. His Byakugan eye was wide with disbelief.
"What... are you?" Ao whispered.
I walked toward him. The snow crunched under my sandals.
"I'm a pirate," I said. "And I'm really cold. So let's wrap this up."
I flared my Haki. Just a little. Just enough to let them taste the Emperor.
The air grew heavy. The remaining Hunter-Nin felt their knees buckle. It felt like gravity had doubled.
"Leave," I commanded.
Ao trembled. He looked at Zabuza, standing ready with his executioner's blade. He looked at me, the man who swatted jutsu aside with air.
He made the smart choice.
"Retreat!" Ao ordered, grabbing his unconscious comrades. "This isn't over, Zabuza!"
"It is for today," Zabuza spat.
The Mist ninja vanished, fleeing down the mountain path faster than they had come up.
I sighed, the Haki fading. "Finally. Peace and quiet."
"You let them go," Zabuza criticized, sheathing his sword. "They'll report this."
"Let them," I shrugged. "The more infamous we are, the better the crew we'll attract. Besides, killing is messy."
We turned our attention to the cave.
The entrance was blocked by a makeshift door made of ice and timber.
"Doctor!" I yelled, knocking on the ice. "We killed the bad guys! Are you in there? We have ham!"
Silence.
Then, a voice echoed from inside. It was deep, energetic, and surprisingly loud.
"HAM?! DID SOMEONE SAY THE HAM OF YOUTH?!"
Zabuza looked at me. "The Ham of Youth?"
"I like him already," I grinned.
The ice door shattered outward. A figure burst out, landing in a pose that was equal parts ridiculous and impressive.
He was a tall man with a bowl cut, thick eyebrows, and a green jumpsuit that looked woefully inadequate for the weather. He wore a white lab coat over the jumpsuit. He had bandages wrapped around his hands.
"I am Doctor Might Die!" the man shouted, giving a thumbs up. "Wait, no, that's my alias! I mean... I am the Handsome Devil of Medicine!"
I blinked.
Zabuza blinked.
"Guy?" I whispered. No, it wasn't Guy. The face was different. Slightly older. Rugged. But the eyebrows... the eyebrows were undeniable.
"Who are you strange energetic gentlemen?" the Doctor asked, posing again. "Are you here to steal the Secrets of the Body? Or are you here to challenge me to a contest of surgical precision?!"
"We're here to recruit you," I said, holding up the ham I'd been carrying in my sash. "I'm Shanks. This is Zabuza. We're pirates."
The Doctor looked at the ham. He looked at me.
"Pirates?" he mused. "Pirates sail the seas of passion! They ride the waves of destiny! That is... YOUTHFUL!"
He snatched the ham from my hand with speed that surprised even me.
"I accept!" he yelled, taking a bite of the raw, frozen ham. "But only if you help me find the Frostfire Lotus! It is the final ingredient for my 'Super Vitality Pill'!"
Zabuza put his face in his hand. "Captain... please tell me we aren't hiring this lunatic."
"He's perfect," I declared, laughing. "Welcome aboard, Doc! What's your real name?"
The Doctor swallowed the ham. He struck a pose, sunlight glinting off his teeth despite the overcast sky.
"My name is Lee!" he shouted. "Rock Lee? No... wait... that's my cousin... or son... time travel is confusing! Just call me... Dr. Bushy Brow!"
"Dr. Bushy Brow it is!" I cheered.
"I hate my life," Zabuza whispered to the wind.
"Onward!" I pointed to the peak. "To the flower! And then... to the sake!"