The higher we climbed, the less it felt like a mountain and the more it felt like the planet was trying to actively murder us.
The wind wasn't blowing; it was screaming. The snow wasn't falling; it was being fired horizontally like millions of tiny, frozen needles.
"THIS WEATHER IS FANTASTIC!" Dr. Bushy Brow roared, pumping his fists into the gale. "IT IS THE PERFECT RESISTANCE TRAINING FOR OUR PORES! MY EPIDERMIS IS TINGLING WITH THE PASSION OF SURVIVAL!"
Zabuza, who was now wrapped in four blankets and looking like a very angry caterpillar, trudged behind him. "I hate you," he muttered into his scarf. "I hate the Captain. I hate this mountain. I hate plants."
I brought up the rear, walking comfortably in my sandals. My internal furnace—fueled by Haki and a superhuman metabolism—kept me toasty.
"Almost there, boys!" I cheered, shielding my eyes to look up. "I sense a strong life force ahead. And... something else. Something sparkly."
"The Lotus!" The Doctor posed on a slippery rock, balancing on one leg. "It grows only where the sky touches the ice! It is the symbol of burning passion in a frozen world!"
"Great," Zabuza grumbled. "Can we grab the weed and go? My sword is freezing to my back."
The Summit
We crested the final ridge. The summit of the North Mountain was a flat, circular plateau of black obsidian, swept clean of snow by the ferocious winds.
In the dead center of the plateau stood a single, jagged spire of ice. And inside that spire, glowing with an unnatural blue bioluminescence, was a flower. It looked like a lily made of sapphire fire.
"The Frostfire Lotus!" The Doctor wept openly, his tears freezing instantly on his cheeks. "It is even more beautiful than the medical journals described! With this, I can create the Ultimate Panacea! No more common colds! No more muscle cramps! ETERNAL YOUTH!"
"Go get it then," I said, leaning against a rock. "I'll watch your back."
The Doctor sprinted forward, his green jumpsuit a blur against the black rock. "I AM COMING FOR YOU, MY PRECIOUS!"
He was ten feet away from the ice spire when the ground exploded.
ROAAAAAR!
A massive white paw, easily the size of a carriage, burst from the snowpack to the right. It swiped at the Doctor with the force of a freight train.
"Look out!" Zabuza shouted, his hand flying to his hilt.
But the Doctor didn't need saving.
"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"
Dr. Bushy Brow didn't dodge. He jumped into the attack. He twisted his body in mid-air, delivering a spinning heel kick directly to the giant paw.
BAM.
The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed like a cannon shot. The paw was knocked backward.
The creature revealed itself. It was a polar bear. But not a normal bear. This thing was fifty feet tall, with icicles growing out of its spine like a porcupine and eyes that glowed with red chakra.
"A Summoning Beast?" Zabuza analyzed, drawing his blade. "No... it's a natural mutation. A Chakra Beast. This keeps getting better."
The bear roared again, a sound wave that shook the loose snow off the nearby peaks. It raised both paws to crush the tiny green man.
"Captain!" Zabuza yelled. "Orders?"
"Let the Doc handle it," I grinned, crossing my arms. "This is his interview."
The Doctor landed in a crouch. He wasn't afraid. He was grinning. His teeth sparkled.
"A GUARDIAN!" he shouted. "HOW YOUTHFUL! YOU WISH TO TEST MY RESOLVE BEFORE I CLAIM THE PRIZE? VERY WELL, MR. BEAR! LET US DANCE THE DANCE OF MEDICINE!"
The bear lunged.
The Doctor moved. He didn't use hand signs. He didn't breathe fire. He just moved with terrifying speed and precision.
"ANATOMICAL CORRECTION KICK!"
He blurred under the bear's guard and kicked the beast in the knee joint. There was a loud crack. The bear howled and stumbled.
"SURGICAL PRECISION: SPLEEN RUPTURE PUNCH!"
The Doctor launched himself upward, driving a fist into the bear's massive side. The impact ripple visibly traveled through the bear's fat and muscle.
"He knows exactly where to hit," Zabuza observed, impressed despite himself. "He's targeting nerve clusters and pressure points."
"He's a doctor," I reminded him. "He knows how to take a body apart because he knows how to put it together."
The bear, enraged and in pain, gathered a massive ball of ice chakra in its mouth. It was preparing a breath attack—an Ice Beam.
"Uh oh," I said. "That looks chilly."
The Doctor saw it coming. He didn't retreat. He crouched low, his muscles bulging through the green spandex. A faint green aura began to emanate from his skin.
"GATE OF HEALING... OPEN!" he screamed (which made no sense, but sounded cool).
He vanished.
He reappeared above the bear's head.
"PRIMARY LOTUS: CHIROPRACTIC ADJUSTMENT!"
He grabbed the bear's fur, spun rapidly in the air to generate torque, and drove both heels into the back of the bear's skull just as it fired the ice beam.
CRASH.
The bear's head was slammed into the obsidian floor. The ice beam misfired, blasting a hole in the rock. The impact crater was massive.
The bear groaned, twitched once, and fell unconscious.
The Doctor backflipped off the beast and landed in a pose, one hand on his hip, the other giving a thumbs up.
"THE PATIENT HAS BEEN ANESTHETIZED!" he announced.
I clapped slowly. "Bravo, Doc. Bravo."
Zabuza sheathed his sword. "He took down a giant chakra beast with Taijutsu. He's insane."
"He's perfect," I corrected.
The Doctor trotted over to the ice spire. He pulled out a small specialized trowel and a glass container. With delicate, loving movements—a stark contrast to the violence he just committed—he extracted the Frostfire Lotus.
"Success!" He held the glowing blue flower aloft. "The extraction is complete!"
I walked over to the unconscious bear. It was breathing shallowly.
"Poor guy," I said. "Just doing his job."
I placed my hand on the bear's nose. I let out a tiny pulse of Conqueror's Haki—not to hurt it, but to imprint a command.
Sleep. When you wake up, go find a warmer place to live.
The bear let out a deep sigh and relaxed into a deeper slumber.
"Alright, crew!" I turned to them. "We got the loot. We got the doctor. Now, let's get off this popsicle stand before my toes fall off."
"You're wearing sandals," Zabuza pointed out. "That is entirely your fault."
The Escape
The descent was much faster, mostly because I suggested we slide down. Zabuza refused, so he walked. The Doctor and I slid down on the Doctor's massive medical shield (which he apparently carried on his back under the lab coat). We beat Zabuza by an hour.
Back at the port, the situation had gotten... tense.
The Samurai we had beaten up in the tavern had apparently woken up, gathered his friends, and was now waiting for us by our pathetic rowboat. There were about twenty of them, fully armored.
"There they are!" the tavern Samurai shouted, pointing a bandaged finger at us. "The Pirate, the Traitor, and the... Weirdo!"
"Weirdo?" The Doctor looked hurt. "I am a man of science!"
I sighed, adjusting my sash. "Can't we just leave quietly?"
"They are blocking our boat," Zabuza said, reaching for his sword. "Shall I clear a path?"
"Wait," I said. I looked at the rowboat. It was small. Leaky. Smelled like dead fish.
Then I looked to the right. Docked at the adjacent pier was a medium-sized merchant sloop. It wasn't a warship, but it had two masts, a sturdy hull, and a cabin. It looked fast.
"Zabuza," I said. "Forget the rowboat."
"What?"
"We're upgrading." I pointed to the sloop.
"That's stealing," Zabuza said flatly.
"It's... aggressive negotiating," I corrected.
I walked toward the Samurai blockade.
"Gentlemen!" I called out. "I'm in a bit of a rush. I need a ship. How much for that one?" I pointed to the sloop.
"We aren't selling you anything!" the leader shouted. "We are arresting you for assault and public disturbance!"
They charged.
"Doc," I said. "Protect the medical supplies."
"UNDERSTOOD!" The Doctor grabbed his bag of herbs and the Lotus and leaped onto a lamppost.
"Zabuza," I grinned. "Clear the deck."
Zabuza didn't need to be told twice. He launched himself at the group, the flat of his blade knocking Samurai aside like bowling pins. He wasn't killing them—I'd asked him not to make too much of a mess—but he was definitely breaking ribs.
I walked through the chaos casually. A Samurai tried to stab me; I sidestepped. Another tried to grab me; I tripped him.
I reached the gangplank of the merchant sloop. The owner, a terrified merchant, was cowering on the deck.
"Hi," I waved. "Nice ship. I'm buying it."
I reached into my sash and pulled out the bag of Gato's gold. I tossed it to him.
"That's... that's way more than it's worth!" the merchant stammered, catching the heavy bag.
"Keep the change," I said. "Consider it a rush fee. Now, get off."
The merchant scrambled down the gangplank faster than a rat.
"Zabuza! Doc! All aboard!" I yelled.
Zabuza kicked the last Samurai into the frigid water and leaped onto the deck. The Doctor somersaulted from the lamppost and landed on the rigging.
"Cast off!" I ordered.
Zabuza slashed the mooring ropes with one swing. I grabbed the wheel.
"Wind," I muttered. "We need wind."
I looked at the sails. They were furled.
"Doc! Drop the sails!"
"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" The Doctor scampered up the mast like a monkey and released the canvas.
The wind caught the sails immediately. The ship lurched forward, smashing through the thin layer of ice forming on the water.
The Samurai on the dock ran to the edge, shaking their fists. Some threw spears, but they fell short.
"STOP!" they screamed. "COME BACK HERE!"
I stood at the stern, laughing.
"Sorry!" I yelled back. "The sea is calling! Thanks for the hospitality! The sake was great!"
Zabuza stood next to me, watching the Land of Iron shrink into the distance.
"We stole a ship," Zabuza said.
"We bought a ship," I corrected. "We have a receipt. Technically. The merchant has the money."
Zabuza sighed, leaning on the railing. "So. We have a ship. We have a doctor. We have a captain. Where to now?"
I looked at the vast, gray ocean opening up before us. To the South lay the Land of Fire. To the East, the open waters leading to the Land of Lightning.
But I felt a pull towards the Southeast. Towards the smaller islands. The lawless zones.
"We need a flag," I said first. "Doc! Can you sew?"
"SEWING IS ONE OF MY PASSIONS!" the Doctor yelled from the crow's nest. "I CAN STITCH WOUNDS AND FABRIC WITH EQUAL VIGOR!"
"Good. Make us a flag. Skull and crossbones. Red stripes on the left eye."
I turned to Zabuza.
"As for where we're going... let's head toward the Land of Lightning. I hear they have giant squids there. And I want to see if the Raikage is as fast as they say."
Zabuza stared at me. "You want to provoke another Kage?"
"I want to say hello," I grinned, the sea breeze whipping my hair. "And maybe challenge him to an arm-wrestling match."
"You only have one arm."
"Exactly! It'll be fair!"
The Red Hair Pirates—now a crew of three—cut through the waves, leaving the frozen north behind. The ship creaked, the sails snapped, and for the first time in this new world, I felt truly, completely free.
"Let's go," I whispered to the horizon. "Show me what this world has got."