Hey, Jacob Deatrix here. Long time warrior of small fame across like, I don't know, 12 dimensions at least. I've solved a lot of adventures, but well… I'm infamous cause I keep killing them. I ain't nice, too anime to keep them alive. We got big blades, magic fireballs the size of a car, and just shut the fuck up, you'll be lucky anyone lives through me if they fight too hard.
I am essentially the Ultimate Warrior of the Universe of Dimensions to myself, and I prove it every day by getting a paycheck as a Bounty Hunter or Hitman, whatever it turns out to be this time. They lie and groom you sometimes, I just take the check and open fire.
It's a shame when it turns out I was an evil terrorist and not working for a normal cop group, but these things happen sometimes. That's why I'm a war criminal in some places. Anyway, life goes on.
Today is just an ordinary day, just enjoying some shopping while preparing for a job. There is technically nothing that's supposed to be useful for this job here. But well… my friend August is a very good chemist. And she has an eccentric list of items I'm supposed to buy. And she also claims the music shop has a black market in the back behind a black steel door that has guns, ammo, and maybe some useful advanced swords. I always dream of a Gunblade like from RWBY or Final Fantasy 8, but it hasn't showed up yet.
I stole one before, but the inventor activated the self destruct on me in the midst of my fight against him. Fucking douche.
This next mission I'm taking on has a bit of tension, but I don't live in that dimension, so aborting should be easy. It's a intense political mission though. Kingslayer moment, I'm killing some King in a medieval, but insanely magically advanced dimension. Basically everyone is at least an Arch Mage. At least at that castle. Even the King's son, a 9 year old, is a damn prodigy to me. I honestly hate the idea of dealing with him now, let alone as an adult.
Fucking little shit has invented a magic he calls some stupid "Prince of Toyland" shit. It's stupid to me, he has like, 12 different elements to me, And they're stupid and childish, but still useful. Master of Plastic, he can do soap too, water, fire, ice, dark, sound, and some other shit. He's such a prodigy in variety alone, as a tactician, the child is the most annoying enemy to deal with. But thankfully, he's still like, a child. So his damage potential isn't too high. But I've seen him melt through a stone wall with passive fire during a temper tantrum he had. Like, he just emanated flames and melted the stone walls around him while ranting at his father about some betrothal he hates.
And that's just the prodigal son. Let alone as I said, everyone at the castle qualifies as an Arch Mage. And well, let's be honest. I'm a fucking Warlord to these fucks, this is gonna be fun anyway. I have done shit like this before, but I'll admit it's an S tier challenge to me.
I reach the music shop, and well… it seems they tense up as I approach. Let's see if it's my infamy or a trap.
I should mention my kit and the looks now, huh? First, I'm rocking the reinforced black trench covered with green magical runes for protection, while between two layers of enchanted leather is plates of iron for armor. My trench coat weighs a hundred pounds alone.
And it's a weapon if I get bored or needy enough. I wrap it into a ball, use a sleeve as a handle, and now I've got a ball and chain.
The rest of my clothes are regular to an extent. Green graphic shirt showing a wolf howling to the silver moon on the side of a mountain. Black pants with too many pockets and buckles. I have steel kneepads on. Black combat boots with steel toes.
Now the real kit. I carry my OG black katana, Katayana, from my ol' dojo kid days with King Gligamesh. Two pistols with advanced technology from another dimension know as Autoreloaders. Blah blah blah, it recycles ammo casings for more bullets and I never need to reload as long as I keep these weird battery like things on the sides of my pistols. They are like, purple and glows like a battery. It has a lame nerf gun like pattern I hate, but it keeps coming back no matter what I do.
It's ultimate benefit is it can change the ammo of my pistols to such ridiculous bullshit, it is absurd lead wizard shit. As in I can just change it to a shotgun shell, grenade, missile, these autoreloaders make these pistols such bullshit.
And I'm a Swordmage naturally. I'm a Master of Air Magic especially, but I've learned fire, ice, lightning, and a handful of spells for a few other elements. I've got a trick for every situation mechanically at least. It's what life is like when you're the Ultimate Swordmage. I've got utilities galore, let's not get into the deetz. Let's just say every puzzle should be solved with magic or brute strength.
Let's clarify I've got a fresh stock of ammo on 9mm pistols, shotgun shells, sniper rounds, and like, 20 grenades. I need updated on explosives especially. And unique ammo types, but that's honestly just boredom. Only dragon fire matters to me, tranquilizers are a myth at my tier. Like literally, you'd need a God of Sleep here to tranq me, otherwise this shit is meaningless to everyone at my power level.
With that said, I enter the store and approach the cashier. It's a fine modern techno store with a neo tokyo twist. Blue walls with neon lights covering the area with anime posters on the walls. I also see that there's some japanese music as well, and cringe worthy to an extent is anime soundtracks as well. Tempted to buy some though, but well. Let's see how the Cashier handles the talk.
I hate trying to trigger a criminal store. It can go well or poorly immediately. Let's just try to be casual with it.
"Hey, I'm looking for some unique beats from Japan. You got anything unmarked in the back?" I ask with forced calm.
The Cashier is a man my height, I'm 5'8, pale skin, a brown mullet tied into a ponytail with a goatee. He wears a black leather coat zipped up, and blue jeans from what I can see from here without being weird.
"We don't let people in the back unless they're legit." Cashier says tensely.
I roll my eyes. It's already almost a bust. Let's play a money card and be blunt, I really need this. I whip out a hundred from my wallet and hold it out.
"I need to make a exotic purchase for my erm… music arsenal, if you catch my drift.," I say nicely.
They point at the door while glaring angrily. I shrug and start to leave.
BUT HE SHOOTS ME IN THE BACK!
It doesn't hurt, I'm too epic. It doesn't even pierce my trenchcoat probably. I turn around casually, and see he used a shotgun. And now there's like, every customer in the store opening fire.
I snap my fingers and fucking teleport like a douche. Ultimate Anime Asshole teleports behind the Cashier, and snaps his neck with ease thanks to being a god of brute strength. Then like, I don't know, his traumatized girlfriend charges wailing with miserable rage with an assault rifle two feet to my left.
A casual backhand uninvents her so hard, it's hysterical. She gets sent flying through a wall twenty feet behind me. I just chuckle and casually fire back at these f@gs with one hang. It's boring, I'm too good like always. They're basically Amish F@gs to me who are just meant to be forgotten.
Headshot, heartshot, blah blah blah. Everyone was dead within like, two minutes of gun fights. I wasted mana doing that teleport, they were losers.
I step outside, and there's a security bot. That is ten feet tall, five feet wide, three feet thick of gray steel. It is on tank treads, with a tower on it that holds a stack of big barrels for guns. All just pointing at me as I step out the store.
"What did I do to offend you?" I ask, annoyed.
"You keep working for August Caeser, that whore that keeps grooming everyone!" Security Bot's Owner yells through a speaker inside the tank thing.
I shrug and chuckle.
"Well, she's a smart lady that knows what she's doing. Probably, I dunno. She's a liberal, is that why you're mad?" I say, amused and nonchalant.
"Amongst other things, yes." Bot Owner says, quick and angry.
He opens fire, I actually take minor effort this time. I dash to the left, then charge forward. I test it with a strong haymaker into its side. It goes sliding a few feet, but the dent I leave is shallow. My hand hurts a bit too, but the dent isn't big enough to be satisfying.
I'm gonna need to use something other than a sword. But I didn't quite prepare for that normally. But well, it's the Universe of Dimensions here. And we've got Capitalism and Advanced Tech when all else fails.
I use this illegal bullshit to them that is such an impulse credit card. Literally, the Black Credit Card lets me see and buy shit based on impulse. I keep it on quick draw, it's so useful when it's time to spend money to solve a problem.
This time I pull it out my chest pocket, and just pray to it to give me a big fucking hammer with a jet propulsion thing on it. It quickly begins growing and transforming into my desire after telling me I've spent 10,000,000 credits. Which is a lot, but well…
I have been doing this shit for so long, I am so fucking rich. And it helps so much I abuse ebay and other dimensions for property from special dimensions being so valuable.
One time I robbed the Marvel Comics dimension of stupid shit and sold it for billions of credits. Like I stole a destroyed Spider-Man webshooter, sold it for a billion right there.
It's actually ridiculously hard to get into what they call the "Canon" Dimensions. Which are basically the ultimate pools of illegal stories. As in people just stalk people from that dimension, and make stories about them for cash in other dimensions. Marvel and DC worlds are the most obvious examples to Americans like myself.
Anyway, I decide to be lazy. I hit the teleport, and jump to the roof of a building as I wait for my warhammer to finish forming. It doesn't take long, but boy is he throwing a fit.
He is searching like a dumb AI bot does. By just standing still and scanning the area with I don't know, his fake nose? Cameras in the local area? He isn't moving, which in videogame terms, means he can't reach me. I could win now but I'm bored. Fuck this thing.
My Jet Warhammer is done. It basically looks like the Super Sledge from Fallout. Good enough. I teleport above the security bot, hit the jet button with the hammer head above him, and we begin flying down fast. Then I straddle the hammer's handle to add my weight to it, which is like 400 pounds total counting the trenchcoat.
And we actually do major damage. We shunt the tower four feet into itself, and it seems based on visuals, to break into the tank treads and basically anchor it into the ground. Good enough, plus it didn't actually seem to be too violent. So I walk away now.
To an extent. Fuck that store, I'm robbing it now. Since they betrayed me. We re-enter the store and approach the black door in the back. August said this is where their black market is.
I try a front kick, and it easily caves in. I basically launch it into the wall behind it, and turn the corner casually. To find an arsenal as I loved and hoped.
I begin searching through it, and I'm disappointed. For explosives, I only find 100 more grenades. No missiles. Ugh. I just use the black credit card, and absorb all the ammo and guns for myself. Most of these guns are getting melted down for other things, I don't need them. I'm keeping the ammo and grenades though. But it was all standard bullets, nothing special.
Anyway, on that note, I teleport home. And now we get rest until my job against that King begins.
Let's hope uh… Little Timmy doesn't need to be taken care of…