"Nnà eh, school today sha!" I exclaim as we walk home together.
"I swear!" Chidera replies.
"I been wan laugh but I no later laugh," I continue.
"Nnya eh, no be say una no expect am o," She remarks to which we all chorus laughs to which causes bystanders and passers to stare.
"But nné you're lucky o," Chidera says.
"Omo, I swear," I add, "Just last week you arrived and now you've got disciplinary and sanitary prefect."
"I'm telling you!" Chidera exclaims, "Just because your mom owns one of the biggest modeling agencies in the regions."
"Anyways sha, e no really matter, e no concern us sha, a prize is a prize," I reply as Ifeoma walks on by our side smiling from ear to ear.
"I swear, I no expect am," Ifeoma says almost with pride and I give her 'the look.'
"Nékwà ọnyé á! See, see this one o! Comot for here joor! I swear I no expect am," I mimic her in mockery to which she laughs at.
Indeed today according to Oge's prediction or knowledge, the much anticipated posts abi duties nwánụ were handed out without an election contrary to the pattern used on the set before us and it was not much of a surprise to those in the high level or senior secondary level, Us, because we knew who called the shots in the school affairs and everything was according to their wishes... Or close enough.
I, against my wish was handed deputy class president, assistant class prefect to Chidera who was now my boss and like Oge had predicted or rather knew or felt, nothing was done to Esther who didn't feel bothered in the slightest, chewing gum and giving her acceptance speech with gaity and lackadaisical reckless abandon, though if I must say so myself, her speech was nothing short of a masterpiece, being evident again to her intellectual knowhows which added wind to her sails and pride to her ego, she was smart, intelligent, came from a wealthy background and was clever in most ramifications but sadly it had already gotten to her head.
In as much as it was evident that the video was from her account, the incident passed faster than a fart no one knew the culprit of, good or bad, I couldn't tell.
My wish was actually to get library prefect abi president or nothing at all cos I wanted unquestionable access to those sweet, sweet history books in the library and a VIP pass to the state library which every schools' library presidents in Onyebuchi and indeed all of Biafra got. To me it was student librarian or nothing but I got THIS other post.
The person who got senior prefect was my namesake and academic rival Nkolika Miyamigbemilomeyi, difficult name, I know, it means "My Mom gave me life" in the the ancient Itsekiri language of the old Iwere empire now Warri, her surname is Ogheneruno after her mom's first name, pretty cool.
I had always been a second position maestro to her since jss1, it was ridiculous and after years of being second best to her... Effortlessly must I add, I end up effortlessly being second best to my best friend at long last, hip, hip, hurray! I guess. I rivaled with Nkoli so much I learnt about her... More than I should I guess.
"So like play, like play, our deputy student body president na Esther, oh chị m! things dey occur o, ịfè né mé zí kwá o, oh chị m!" Ifeoma exclaims and Chidera chuckles, shaking her head over her phone.
"Nn'agwa'ị eh!" She replies, "I'm telling you!" She kicks a stone outta our path into a gutter whose drop causes dirty ripples, "No hard feelings from me sha, I'm not ready to fight with no one, I just wanna enjoy these final remaining months of high school bịkọ, if na friendship wey e go later end for then so be it as God wishes, nothing I fit do abeg," I eye her up and down.
"Clean your mouth! Clean your mouth! Clean your mouth!" I say as I cup her entire mouth in my palm and wipe it off.
She chuckles, "Wetin happen na? What did I say?"
"See wetin dey comot your mouth this child," I mutter incomprehensible words in mockery of her, "Omo sha, na you dey dull! Nné, friendship with that blood sucker that nearly disgraced us, no for me!" I wonder what was making Chi go soft on her.
"Stop abeg, don't say things like that," I look her in shock.
"Hiya! Ọ ógụ k'éjị wé jịdégị nwá nké'à?" I ask in bewilderment, Ifeoma chuckles, "Na juju dem use for you this child? eh?" Ifeoma moves to change the subject.
"Omo, dem no even announce am, them just shock everybody, má ndị yị belt o, má ndị yị bad áfè akwụkwọ o, gbọgbọtịgbọ o, mà ndị n'enyịrọ, dem carry post give, no wahala," she laughs it up as we support her, "Oh chị m!"
"Asin eh, babes, dem just use our ómálịchà set play, màkà one person, the only thing stopping them from giving that girl SP na the backlash she go collect from us na the students," Ifeoma says.
"Haba! Abi? That kain thing, but sef, anybody get time? forgeti! Forget joor," I wave it off.
"Forget that shit, Esther na practically the student body president now, I swear!" Chidera chips in.
"Of course, is it loud, she loud die, outspoken? she's too outspoken, social? A1, smart to lots of extents, intelligent book wise? Confirm! Do guys worship her feet? Ịmákwà! I actually like werin she dey use boys so, those boys na ọkpọ sha o!"
"I dey tell you! But make she sha no forget say boys, men, hm! When they set their heart out to ruin a girl, they'll do it effortlessly, no matter how long it takes, that gender, them no get work, useless people," Chidera says.
"No you're right, na why I'm actually threading with caution in their path, no be me them go use tọ ọṅụ, no be me dem go use boast," Ify says.
"I'm telling you," I agree.
"Men sha, ólé kwá! Fịákwá fá!" Chidera says, I snap my finger in agreement.
"But babes forget, she's technically the SP, or do you think it's Nkolika, Mary Amaka, virgin mother of God, that one? she's intelligent, yes o, book smart only, but she no like talk, no gossip, she's not loud, she no social, she's not smart, see na just style dem use give Esther SP, if to say na Ngozi dem give am as na she rightfully deserve am in my humblest opinion, them know say Ngozi go follow her drag am still give am levels on top but here we are na deputy dustbin prefect dem give am, oh Chi m!" Ifeoma says and Chi and I burst into laughter, painful laughter on my part I must add.
"Abi you know say na style you dey use insult us?" Chidera queries.
"No be say I dey insult una o, na the school and management dem, na dem insult una, you go reason say you be Oga at the top but na style dem use give una board prefect and dem look you well, you tall sef, you go clean am tire, e no hard," I stare at her a while as she and Chidera laugh it all up.
"See this one o," I call at Chi, "You think say you better pass, na me and you dey share for the board cleaning o, ha! See this one o!" She laughs.
"E dey pain you? At least I no be assistant sha," Ifeoma giggles.
"You, see you sef, no be say you sabi book, I swear na Ngozi own pain me die," She continues, "Chai! Second position from jss1 to ss2 first term, that Nkoli sef I no even understand her own, be like say she don go third as una sha talk... Omo abeg, tomorrow, I don reach house o," She says as we stop in front of a gate a few metres from our compound.
"Ah! so na here una dey live?" I exclaim.
"Yes o! What of you girls na?" She asks.
"See our house down there na, if you just raise your head you'll see it, haba! How have we not been..." I ask.
"You forget say they just moved in... I guess," She turns to Ifeoma, "Abi? Shey una just move in na?"
"Yes o, my mom recently just purchased this entire compound."
"Are you serious? Because I was wondering why all the members of this compound was evacuating that one time with immediate effect," Chidera says.
"Yes oh, na mumsy o, mum suggested we should move to this neighborhood, quiet, serene and all..." Before she's done, Chi and I glance at ourselves and burst out into laughter as I rearrange my bag's strap, "Ah, why the laughters?" With a confused smile she adds, "Why una dey laugh?"
"Sorry for the laugh," Chidera says still laughing, it moves me to more laughter.
"Chi, calm down abeg," I say in between laughs.
Calming me, she replies, "See, we're laughing because you believe that this neighborhood is quiet and serene," She laughs again, "Sorry for the laugh."
"Keep playing!" I say.
She hisses, "Ákíkọ́, story! is that why you're laughing? Normal, I know that one na, na why I no really argue with them, dem no see three three Onyebuchi, it's Muammar al-Gaddafi way, may dem two dey there dey play," She laughs as we join her.
"But the work is nice though," I remark the renovation work being done around the compound as the sound of hammers, chisels and what not kept banging on our ear drums. I move to cover my ears.
"Omo since last week o," Chidera says.
"And under this hot sun eh! Chai!" Ifeoma replies with a slight hiss.
"So where una dey stay na?" Chidera continues.
"For the boy's quarters na just a few meters away from the house at the back there," Ifeoma replies, I focus on her hand gestures which she makes as she signals to the direction of the quarters, her signature move, her demure hand gestures, it was nice, I loved it and her sudden rapid eye movements? Oh chị m!
She had arrived earlier this morning and I was immediately drawn to this unique and exhilarating new student and I instantly knew I had to friend her especially before Esther got the chance to. If there was anything she was excellently good at, it was drawing and keeping people... At least long enough for them to realize they were getting their ass manipulated by her... Sooooo, not a competition though, just to be safe... Keeping Ifeoma here safe from iniquities.
"Una get boys' quarters sef, Omo money dey o," I says to her.
"Ịmákwà! I'm telling you," Chidera chips in over her phone.
"Abegi, which money dey?" She laughs, bending her body and covering her mouth unconsciously, Mesmerizing! As she straightens up, two of her buttons comes off revealing her flat tummy, it was so natural, so smooth with obviously soft and delicately emerging hairs trailing up her stomach way over her navel... and her navel piercing... Oh chị m!
"O chị m! Chai! Oooooooh God! so this thing later spoil?" She says, "These buttons wey dey hang for their dear life all day long," I chuckle.
"You go call all this aboki people na?" I suggest.
"Yes, that's what'll do."
"And besides, it's not like they make noise always in this street so you're kinda ok here," Chidera confirms from over her phone.
"Abi? The street members?" Ifeoma asks.
"This girl, try and catch up, we're past that, ọkpọ!" Ifeoma smiles and continues.
"Don't mind her! Her and Whatsapp status!" Ify turns to me, "Since inside the classroom, how many contacts you get sef this girl?"
"Hm? Wetin happen?" She calls realizing herself, I glance at Ifeoma who gives a deep knowing smile.
"Nothing o," I reply as Ifeoma laughs. She looks up from the phone and blankly at us as if trying to accertain the cause of our laughter, when she can't, she continues on her device, "You go soon loss for inside that phone," Ifeoma chuckles and moving towards her gate, Chi replies.
"You don't know that nowadays, status is a way of checking up on people, if they post status and you view, comment and pass, na greeting, so na greeting I dey greet my almost ninety something contacts of which like eighty something dey always drop steady, active updates and statuses," She says over her loud keyboard.
"Abi? No be lie... Wait chèlụ kwá o! Ịsị nó gịnị, ninety... Something contacts! How you take catch those ones?" Ifeoma asks in utter disbelief.
"This girl, ènà tụ ólú you no tell me?" I exclaim, "Eh, see my love o!"
"Aswear, ịná tụ ólú this girl?" Ify adds.
"Me, yahoo?" She laughs, "Omo noooo, na just girls and boys wey dey steady chyke me for places dey collect numbers na, mà for school o, for road o, places na, you know, normally I be fine babe na..." She says with a wink twirling in the process, I scoff with a hiss. "Ásà nwá dị kà m, Ásà ọdọgwụ, Áchàlụgọ..."
Ifeoma laughs, "Ehen! You don't mean it!" She replies sarcastically.
"Ụnụ nábọ eh, two of you, jealousy! Fịà!" Chidera says and I giggle.
"So who's the ọdọgwụ?" Ify asks, I glance at Chi, she smiles and looks at me.
"Werey! Why you dey blush?" I realize my self quickly and readjust, "Oya na!" Ifeoma taps at me and waves goodbye entering into the massive compound, "Maybe I'll see you ladies later na."
"Abi? No be lie," I reply as Chi and I wave back.
"K'ọdị na fine girl," Chidera says.
"Ngozi, no vex you hear? Na you still be my SP," Ifeoma says from inside.
"Mbà nụ, ọnwérọ́, it's nothing, no be simple post of five to six months, it's nothing joor."
"Abi? No be lie, tomorrow na, abi soon, Chi baby," She waves at Chidera, "K'ọdị na, k'ọdị kà ányị áfụrọ!"
"Yup, bye bye," Chidera replies with waves to her and turns to me, "Ngozi hope say your popsie cook?" I chuckle.
"No be your popsie too, go ask am na!"
"Bịkọ talk something jare!, hunger dey o," I smile.
"Na beans and plantain him cook, I know say you no like beans and plantain..."
"Says who?" Chidera exclaims.
"Haba!, you no even gree me land."
"Abegi, I wan know who talk that kain thing, dem no dey use me play where that dish dey o, it and pounded yam and sweet ǹsàlà soup, abeg o, I no dey use food play," I laugh at her antics, truly, truly, she was a foodie, no kidding, no arguing on that one. "But seriously, the food dey house?"
"Ah ah, for sure for sure na, na popsie cook am."
"Normal, Ngozi na you be wan cook am before? See me, see trouble o!" She exclaims as I laugh nodding my head in defeat.
"Nice one there! one nil gị, your one zero now o," She laughs, "But why people no dey too like beans for this country?"
"That one na their business abeg, na their loss, but they are entitled to their personal opinions and choices though. Abegi, shey movies still dey your phone abeg? Because I sabi you, ógè ọbụnà, áká éné mé gị delete! delete! pipụ! pipụ!"
"How far, relax o, which one be dis kain talk?" I reply eyeing her.
"See this one o, wetin you dey try form? You get movie jare?"
"Werey! Which one?"
"Prom date, Crush mó Ginny and Georgia," I exclaim in delight as we enter our compound, students with other school uniforms passing us by on foot and vehicles seem to flood the street.
"Ginny and Georgia! Chai! Omo I too love that show," I say.
"Abi?"
"Ehen, how you check that Ifeoma girl na?" I ask Chidera, who smiles dusting her hands, that's her signal to demonstrate she's ready for gossip. I chuckle, "Nékwà yá o, see her o, gossip girl, ásịlị nwáànyị," She laughs.
"No be you ask me? Abegi, let me begin," I laugh, "She's actually cool, she's ok, and that she wants to be fashion designer and model, it's a beautiful something, but make she no go get that thing wey you talk that time..."
"Okkkkk," I snap my fingers trying to remember the stuff, "Ehen, anorexia nervosa!"
"Abi, yes, anorexia, nyá ná nké óbụnà dị yá ná'zu, you know, because of trying to get the perfect shape."
"Asin eh, I'm telling you, but no, no, her shape is natural and her skin is demure and nice, like, it's heavenly, that's her natural shape, she was born for this."
"But she's lovely sha, I love her dark light skin, her naturally slim shape, not forced like the silly girls of our generation, Omo, I dey jealous her flat tummy o," Chi says as I feel on my own tummy.
"I swear down! Haba! You noticed?" I asked surprised.
"Yes na, that time her buttons comot na!" She says quickly checking on her phone.
"Omo you dey observe o," I remark.
"Oh my gawd...!" She yelps in ecstasy.
"Ógịnị kwá!" I exclaim at her...
"Ha! Normal na, her natural silky hair, her toes and her dark brown cat eyes..." I give her 'the look.'
"Bịà nwátáa! Ịbànyé bègọ by ways of lọhọ o! ịgafà kwàpụtàmmịlị," I pull her legs a bit.
"How far calm down o, na just small admiration, abeg! Abeg! Which one be orgasm again?" She cautions.
"From admiration now, it'll enter another thing..." I continue losing myself in my own talk as we stand in front of our house.
"Oya, see, from play now, e don dey turn to another thing, I hate you right now for this!" I nudge her slightly.
"Babes, calm down joor, oya sorry about it bịkọ, please o, ịtágbụ ná m! No chop me raw," She smiles and I burst into laughter, "No chop me raw abeg."
"See I'm inside o bịkọ kwá!," She says as she enters the main house, I follow suit.
She upon realizing the absence of our parents begins to take off her socks and shirts tossing them about with reckless abandon. "No, you for like remove your skirt, singlet and ụwèányà too na! Dundee! Otondo! Áshánà!" She laughs.
"Ah ah! Baptise me with my maiden names o? Ọkpọ!" She retaliates as I laugh, "I no go clean am? No be say your room neat pass sef," She eyes me up and hisses, "nwánnè Dundee!" I laugh as I move to the fridge to bring out the pot of beans to go warm up. Chidera proceeds to put on the fans, air conditioners and then sits to select the movie we would connect to the plasma television as we realized the solar inverter was in order today.
Soon enough, I bring out the steamy hot pot of beans and we dig in.
There was an old saying, 'ngị ná ajọ mmadụ nè lị kọ bá ịjịlụ ngájị tó lụ ọgọnọgọ', 'when you were eating with the devil, you use a long spoon' it was simply because of Chidera I understood that adage, she was evidently the devil in this context.
"Bịà, omo, nné try dey calm down, so na so you dey do infront of momsie?" I asked as I had well on accepted defeat knowing fully well I couldn't match up to her speed and expertise.
"Nné forget that thing, Ádàézè dị kà m? Ádàọbị!"
"If you're truly an Adaeze as your middle name implies then you'ld not be eating like a god-damned somebody straight outta solitary confinement who evidently would not have eaten for days," She laughs.
"Bịkọ, no be that rubbish main stream media and its cartoons dey propagate, y'all should know that even princesses just wanna be themselves, ndị Ádàézè chọ nọ ịbụ ọnwé fá, simple! so forget that thing joor, all these 'Be a lady,' 'Ladies are gentle,' 'Ladies are calm,' 'Oh queen, you need a man to come save you,' 'You need a man to be happy,' 'Ladies should sit like this and be gentle like that,' 'You need to be quiet and submissive to look appealing and presentable for a guy,' 'Oh men are the prize, You're only successful if you're married and if you have kids and all other bullshits," She hisses loudly, picking up the spoon and wiping it up with her tongue, she digs in again, "Fuck those stupid ass misogynistic and marginalistic bullshits, may dem no dey carry that kain talk come near me, society and its yeye standards and what not... bịkọ kwá nụ o, abeg!" I chuckle.
"Abi? And the worst part sef na, imagine, after I suffer, I carry pikin eight to nine months, I suffer, na me feel pain finish, na me as lady no dey comfortable for bed, na the lady the useless man go still wan disturb for night wey the lady suppose rest, open him yeye mouth con talk say him wan knack..."
"Aswear, him wan knack, useless people!"
"And after clearly seeing she's now living for two o!"
"Aswear some men just useless die!"
"I dey tell you," I agree. Chi blows on the food and scoops the spoon into her mouth still as hot as it is. I chuckle.
"And after all the lady pass through, you open mouth tell me say, na the man..."
"Aswear, say na the man name him go bear, tụfịákwà!"
"If I do am may my mama generation end like this!" I exclaim clearly infuriated. I had not eaten a spoon of the meal but Chi was half way done. "Na some kain ladies dey tolerate nonsense, even my momsie, I just dey happy say my popsie don show me the way na."
"Werin happen?" Chi asks shoving another hot spoon in her mouth blowing air and swallowing like her life depended on it, she swallows and begins to beat on her chest while I reach out to the pure water, opening it I shove the open tip into her mouth.
"You be werey o! Come you and the food dey fight? I never even cho you don chop like twenty two."
Calming down, she replies,"Ịyóm, na twenty one! Why you count am sef?" I laugh. "Werey! When werin popsie do?"
You forget? My surname na?"
"Ehen! Na werin I dey talk, your papa na boss o! Omo I too love that thing, Ngozichi Nkolika Ozioma, omo, that mean say na your momsie lineage una dey now o! Mad!"
"I dey tell you!"
"But wahala go con dey when you wan marry because you know the rain society wey we dey na, your husband and your husband people go con like may you use their own ancestral name," Chi says as she shoves another spoon into her mouth, this time, more carefully.
"E get when I tell you say I wan marry man?"
"Hm?" She replies.
"Nothing, I talk say I wan chop o! Bịa! Chai! This girl, you don chop this entire pot go down, you go con find wetin the living ancestors go chop."
"Ngóó rest joor, dem get money them go surely find their ways," Chi says grabbing what looked like the last spoon.
"Dey play!" I say finally digging in.
"Omo I don full o!" Chi says arising from the ground where we sat legs crossed.
As she moves an inch, we hear a knock at the door, checking the clock I'm shocked because neither my mom and dad, nor Chi's mom was supposed to be back by this time but Chidera no send as she immediately moves to arrange her stuffs, before I knew what was happening, she was already upstairs and down again and the parlor was as neat as we had met it.
"This girl eh!" I call out to her with a chuckle.
She smiles, "K way? Who's at the door?" She calls out before getting to the door.
"Be careful, it's probably mom or dad."
"Abi?" She goes over to the door and realizes, "it's Ifeoma."
"Ah, what's she doing here na?" I stop short on my track considering whether the question came off as rude or not. Personally, I was just intrigued, oddly, delighted, I wonder why.
"Should I let her in?"
"Should we?" I seek her opinion mostly to rub myself off of the guilt of being 'rude' at the moment as it seemed to me, and judging from the quick glance Chidera shot at me.
"Why not? Nothing dey there na, the more, the merrier," She replies.
"Abi?" She opens up and Ifeoma enters.
"Hey girrrrrls, Omo, make una no vex o, boredom dey finish me for our side and those hammer ná kụ mgbịlịgbá ná énụ, I tire abeg, I said let me just come chill out in this place... Omo na beans be that? Oh chị m, I dey chop o," She says.
"Boredom? On top your pro max?"
"Omo, sub no dey o," I chuckle, "You know say phone no dey sweet if sub no dey."
"No wonder," Chi says as we both laugh.
"I swear sha, na true, omo what are you guys watching na?" Ifeoma asks.
"Na Ginny and Georgia o," She smiles.
"Oh chị m, I like that film o, but how Ginny go take do that kain thing to her momsie na?" She says sitting down on the floor and crossing her legs with us, an African tradition, while I stood to go get her a spoon.
"Bịà, shut the fuck up o, no come spoil this sweet film for us with your aproko!" Chidera cautions her.
"I swear, that kain thing! No carry your aproko come here o!" I then recall something, "How far una see that thing wey Aproko doctor post today?"
"Ngozi naaaaaa, later abeg, we no really too send the baba right now," I raise my hands in submission as I arise to signify I wasn't going to talk no more.
I go get Ifeoma the spoon and we all settle down so as to focus on the movie. Mid way through the movie, Chi stands up and moves upstairs in a haste.
"Chi, where are you headed?" Ifeoma asks.
"Ngozi I'm coming ok? I just wanna..." She signals me upstairs and I just have to follow her. She signals Ifeoma that she'll be right back, I do same.
"Abeg Ify, I'm coming," I say arising as she nods in reply.
Getting upstairs, I pause as I see Chi by the door awaiting me, "What's up? You need my help?"
"Mbà o, I don't think I called you but since you're already here, stay na."
I stare at her long and hard, she finally breaks a smile after a few seconds of rigid stares, I wasn't finding nothing funny, "We left a girl at the parlor and... Forget!" I say but Chi notions me to continue.
"Abegi, you were saying something, continue."
"Nooooooo... Bịà way! See, she's not gonna do no nothing, I don't think she would want to be stealing in this vicinity when her house is a few kilometers away," I say as she enters the bathroom shutting it, "And how's that the first thing that comes to your mind girl? Like, she has kindness and love written all over her like..."
"Them dey write thief for face?" She adds, "And besides, it was your idea not mine."
"Chidera!"
"What? Abegi! Oya o, sorry, na your house sha!" She calls from the inside.
"See Chi, how far?, no dey suspect everyone abeg, that your phone wey go don go, Abigail don tụwámà with am, she dey Port Harcourt, wetin you wan do? Forget that kain talk, this is Ifeoma, prettier, smarter and better, more divine, let's give her a chance eh? My love?"
"How was this...? Ok you're right someone has actually stolen my phone, but yes, abi? I guess you're right."
"Yeah, I am!" I chuckle, "I'm always right!"
"See werey o! C'mon shut up your mouth, see who's right? Leftist liberal like you."
"Oshey! Loud and proud!"
"C'mon get out of here joor!"
"Omo, peace! I dey downstairs nné m."
"Oya na, I'm coming," She says as I leave shutting the door behind.
Heading downstairs I run into Ifeoma laughing her ass off.
"K way? What's funny?" I ask.
"O chị m!" She screams out in between laughter, she pulls me down and sends the video timer back a bit and I'm soon laughing with her.
"Omo Georgia dey craze sha!" I say.
"Asin eh," I glance at the pot, it was as if she hadn't even eaten a bite from how we left it.
"How far, you no dey chop?" She looks at me and smiles revealing her set of teeth that wasn't really in proportion, we listen, we don't judge, she was twice my beauty in all ramifications I must admit.
"I'm eating," she replies and goes on to take a little scoop of the beans that wasn't quarter of the spoon and passes it through her lips.
"Ákịkọ! What's your best meal?"
"It's definitely not beans..."
"Are you eating like this because you wanna keep a flat tummy?" She stares at me.
"Noooo, this is just the way I eat..." I raise a brow at her, and she laughs a bit and goes on to maintain a straight face, "I'm serious Ngozi."
I shrug and continue, "Be careful against anorexia nervosa o," She nods and turns to the screen.
"Trust me, I will! Anorexia is not my portion! How far? Where's Chidera?" She asks as if to change the subject.
"That small pikin? She dey loo. Abi? Make I go check am before she flush herself inside," Ifeoma laughs and a loud call comes from behind as I arise.
"Àlà gbá gbụ égị ébé àhụ!" Chidera calls out, "Na madness go thunder you for there ọkpọ!" She calls out as Ifeoma and I laugh.
"O chị m!" Ifeoma exclaims pulling more laughs from me.
"Me? Flush my self kwá? no wahala! Na see finish cause am," I chuckle in response as Ifeoma smiles over the movie.
"Which of una senior sef?" She asks, I turn to Chi.
"Na three months I use senior am o, clearly, I'm more mature na," She calls out excitedly as if she's been awaiting the answer a long while.
Ifeoma raises her brow at her, she chuckles while dusting her hands and replies, "Eeehe! Are you serious?"
I chuckle, "You dey mind am? Who call maturity now?"
"I'm telling you!" Ifeoma adds laughing.
"See this one o, you know wetin be three months?" Chidera continues.
"Wetin be three months? Una two mama get belle the same time con born like three months apart ịná kọ'tụ sị nó maturity, Oh chị m!"
"You wey dey talk sef, how old you dey?" I ask.
"You guys, have you answered my own question?" She insists.
"Oya we're both sixteen and you?"
"Going to sixteen or going to seventeen?" She inquires all the more.
"Going to sixteen, both of us, I'm October 9th and she's July 23rd, that kain thing... hypothetically speaking, we're still fifteen but logically and since we're in February, we're both sixteen but she turns sixteen before me, Ọnwà ọzọ kà ná bị'a bịa" I reply.
"Ok nice, I'm December 26th o, I'm turning seventeen on that day and I no wan dey hear 'a queen was born,' 'damsel in gịnị nwánụ...' Em, 'May the good God bless you...' ńgwọ́ ńgwọ́ na ńgwọ́ ńgwọ́, abeg! Make funds dey o, infact where's my phone? Make I paste una aza make una pin am for chat, I no wan hear those kain rubbish o," She reaches for her phone where she's charging it and begins typing.
"Me too o! Infact where my phone sef make I paste am for class group..." Chidera says. As she moves I pull her back.
"Werey! Come here jare! Na only you get birthday? Resti! Which one you don do for me wey be your babe sef tozo?" She laughs. I receive a notification, WhatsApp! "First bank of Africa? Hm, people still dey use that bank?"
"Hmmmmmm! I no wan hear story o, Ngozi! Chidera!" She says pulling her ear lobes.
"Abeg zụkwà n'ike! Resti! Your birthday na December after Christmas holidays and you wey wan post aza, your birthday ever reach, why you just dey rush rush? Where you dey rush rush dey go?"
"Ehen! You see you? Last year wetin you do for me?"
"Nkịta làchápụkwá gị ọnụ, làchá gị ịkè join, ọkpọ! Sharwama ná orange juice wey I buy you for nné Ndubuisi joint wetin e be?"
"So because of small..."
"Amadioha kpó gị òkù ébé àhụ!" I reply causing Ifeoma to laugh.
"How far?" She calls out, "My belle dey turn me o," She says clutching her tummy which I eye jealously, I really love her shape.
"You don chop now you wan go uninstall," Chidera says and we all laugh.
"Ịmákwà! Oh chị m, ọnà bịa ooo," She says doing a few hops.
"She no even chop anything, wahurlaaa!" I add.
"Na because say garri no dey among na!" She says as we climb the stairs.
"C'mon shut up your mouth!" I respond to her, letting go of her, I rant, "See, no be for ányị o, for this our joint, we no dey waste food, and we dey slap people wey no dey chop, dey nice o! Dem no dey use food play for my side, e get people across the world wey never see quarter this food chop o," She smiles.
"No mind am!" Chidera calls out with a mouth full of beans.
"Omalicha nnị enụigwé ná anị nyé'lụ anyị... Bịa way! kpá lị kwá onwé gị o! Kpáchàlụ kwá ányá gị o!" Ify smiles, suddenly she taps on me and begins running upstairs as I follow suit.
"Óná bịà! óná bịà! óná bịà!" She exclaims as we dash up!
"Nyụ pụ yá!" Chidera says over a bone.