In my outer appearance, everyone thinks I'm a chill guy—always smiling, but burning inside. Everyone wears a mask to hide their pain, suffering, bad motives, dishonesty, anxiety, and depression. Everyone's life has its own problems—so do I. No matter what I do, it never feels enough to be praised.
Today, our results were published. I knew no one would praise me for it. I imagined myself standing in front of my house, the result paper in my hand.
"I'm home."
"Your result came out today? How is it?"
Just as I expected, no "Welcome home." Instead, straight to the question.
"80% in all subjects."
"What about Takoyama? How much did he get?"
"82%," I answered with my head down. I already knew what would come next.
"He got 2% more than you. Why can't you do better? We give you everything you need. But still, he's better than you. You don't study enough…"
And there it goes. Every time results come out, it feels like a nightmare. I'm constantly judged under someone else's shadow. No one sees me for who I truly am—my heart, my effort.
Yes, maybe I have "everything," but not really. Imagine being a bird locked in a cage. You have food, water, comfort… but not freedom. In my case, I have the basics—but I'm poisoned by expectations. Expectations controlled by others, while I'm just a doll moved by invisible strings.
We have financial problems, but that's nothing new. I've seen it since childhood. We don't have much money, so my parents want me to earn a lot and live happily. But isn't it my life? Shouldn't I decide how I want to be happy?
I love doing what I choose. When I give my heart to something, I succeed. And for that, I don't need to be a doctor, or engineer, or anything else they expect. I just want to live with my identity—not someone else's.
Financial struggles lead to fights, separation, even divorce. And even if parents stay together, the chaos mentally affects the child. But parents often don't understand that. They want the best for us, yes—but sometimes they don't understand the situation or their child's heart.
Our society judges us by appearance, numbers, financial status. But what are these things really? I don't understand why people created such garbage boundaries. Status? That's something we should create ourselves—not the label inherited from family. I don't care about "family status." I want to rise with my own effort.
To be honest, I do want to be with my parents and change our financial condition—to make them truly happy.
But...
They don't understand me. Sometimes it feels like they don't even believe that I care about them. They think I'm just a kid who doesn't know reality. But at my age… I've seen more reality than many.
When your parents say, "You can't do it. What will he even do with his life? We know he can't," instead of, "Don't worry. You can do it"—how do you think that feels?
Your courage, your effort—all of it collapses, turns into a tear sliding down your face. Because you saw it. You felt it. You lived it.
In a world where 2–3 marks decide your worth, your effort, and even your life—what value does your hard work have?
At home, I don't talk much. You could say I've shut myself down. I spend my days watching anime and reading manga—not just for fun, but to escape my depression and anxiety. In that world, I feel happy. But without it, I feel like I'm drowning in darkness.
I don't even know what the meaning of life is. We live only to die… but sometimes, some people die to save others.
For me, escape has always felt like the meaning of life. I always tried to run—from pain, from pressure… even from myself.
I was afraid to face the truth. I tried to shut myself off from everyone—but I couldn't.
Do you know why?
Because I have to smile in front of everyone, so they won't notice what's happening inside me. I hide behind that smile, pretending everything is fine.
I'm in Class 9 and live in a rural area of Japan.
Until recently, I lived what everyone would call a "normal life." But for some time now, I've been having strange dreams. I didn't hate them, nor did I love them—but I felt them deeply.
Those dreams haunt me.
I can't even concentrate in class. Sometimes I just stare out the window, lost in thoughts of those dreams.
When I sleep at night and begin to dream, it all feels incredibly real. As if I'm walking around in a completely different world. And in that world—I feel freedom.
So I thought, why keep all these dreams locked inside my mind?
That's when I started writing them down in a notebook.
Every night before bed, I write what I dreamed. Through that, I found a small place of happiness—some heaven inside my hell.
After a few days, one notebook was almost full. That's when the idea came to me: Why not turn these dreams into a novel?
And so began my journey as a writer. Every time I write, I feel lighter. My mind feels calm.
School is currently on summer vacation, so I have lots of free time. We were given homework, but I've already finished most of it.
Now I'm using my free time to bring my dreams to life—through words.
From today, I begin writing my novel: a story shaped by the world I visit in my dreams.
This is the first volume of my dream-inspired novel.
My dream world is full of fantasy.
And everything you're about to read—I truly experienced in my dreams.
To me, it all felt real.
So now, I invite you to read this story—with patience, and an open heart.
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[But the boy doesn't know that the dream he witnessed was actually real. He traveled to another world through his dreams—but he doesn't yet know what destiny awaits him.
His life is about to change...
A journey begins—one to find the lost soul and true happiness.]