**Authors note. I have no idea what im fuckin doing. I've made fanfiction here before, but that was spending 45 minutes writing a rough draft and then letting my ole pal chat gpt have the sloppy seconds.
This one though? This one is gonna be my below average iq and literary skills in their raw, man edited form.
Heads up, i type on my phone, and am definitely winging it. As this is my first raw attempt at writing something, im gonna take a fairly easy path, an op mc. Hopefully once i have good creative experience i can make an original novel, with good world and character building.
Anyway, you gest the jist. This is gonna be shit, if you're anything like me you'll eat it up anyway.
Ps: No harem, thats too much work. Lemme know who you want as an fl. Only rule is it wont be anyone who already has a pairing in canon, including Tsunade. I have a plan on getting our boy Jiraiya some deserved romance.
Alright thats all i think. Ill let yall get to the story. And sorry audio enjoyers, this will have those star lines, but only after author notes**
************************************************
My life wasnt that great if I'm being honest. I mean, dont get me wrong, I had an amazing family and I loved them to death, but I always felt like I could do more.
My days concisted of cutting bait for 7 hours. Nothing but me, my knife and and a box of chicken necks. I found it very unfulfilling but, hey, it put food on the table... sometimes.
Today started like any other, however the plan was different. I had to cut bull lips, meaning I got to get out the terrifying slicer machine an old employee built themselves. The thing concisted of a boxed in motor and 8 blades about an inch apart in a table saw like platform, with a slab over the top to ensure the meat goes forward and not up.
About thirty minutes into feeding the bull lips through the machine the motor started burning. No matter how hard I tried the cut off switch wouldn't work.
"What the actual fuck" I said panic seeping into my voice. I've never been in this kind of situation before.
I'd always been proud of my critical thinking skills, so imagine my surprise looking back on it now, I never thought of unplugging the damn thing.
As I stand there panicked, the blades spinning faster and faster, the blade on the end explodes. The sound of the metal slamming against the sheet steel enclosure snapping me out of my daze.
Getting my bearings together I turn to run away. Here comes the embarrassing part. I slip on a small puddle of blood accumulated from the freshly thawed lips. The last thing I remember was searing pain in my head, before the world went black and thinking "Fuck. I knew I should have called in sick to try my new switch2"
The next thing I remember is waking up and not being able to see anything.
"No no no no no. This cant be happening!" I exclaim, pure dread in my tone "Im blind? Why me?! I had so much I wanted to see. Alaska, Hot women, Hot Alaskan women. I even heard that a certain star was gonna take 1000 men at once. I wouldn't have watched the whole thing, but the clips would've been fun to see." I ramble out, admittedly probably didnt have the best priorities.
"You're not blind dumbass" I hear a voice say, almost mocking. I swear I've heard it before, it was kinda like if you took a guy from Philly or Jersey and stuck a hot dog down their throat.
"What do you mean im not blind, asshole?! I can't fucking see anything, you cunt!" I shout to the voice.
"Well, it seems like I've gotta change my plans up a bit" the voice says "lets start with that 'blindness' of your" it added before I heard a snap
In an instant the darkness seems to shift, before its gone. Im now standing in what appears to be a strip club with no one in it.
"See, not blind. You couldn't see anything, because there was nothing to see." I hear the voice again.
I turn to finally face the cunt who thought it was a good idea to mock my situation. 'holy fuck' is all I can think when I see the figure before me.
Sitting there on a bar stool was a man of about 5 foot, definitely on the shorter end of it though. He had a wide smile and a mischievous glint in his eyes, with prominent cheek bones all framed by, quite frankly nothing, the fucker was almost bald. He was pretty round, I wouldn't say fat, but he was definitely stocky, dressed in a mob boss esque suit.
"DANNY FUCKIN DEVITO?!?" I shout in surprise
This elicits a chuckle from the man, no, the legend "Not quite kid. My name is Loki, I'm sure thats all I need to say in terms of introductions" he says
"So you're a god? In the form of Daddy Devito?" I ask "Why"
"Well, simply put, I'm bored. So I figured 'why not snuff out the life of a pathetic mortal, and make him entertain me?' So anyways, I started blastin. You are said mortal, and I killed you" Loki smirks. The only things keeping me from hitting him are one, he's got the face of the one true king, and two, I'm not a complete fucking idiot.
"I-"
"Nope, shut up, I'm talking now" Loki cuts me off "lets make this quick. Im sending you to a world that you know and hate, as a trope you know and hate. You'll be going to the world of Naruto, and youll be..." He pauses and puts on a mocking voice, the one you picture in that SpongeBob meme "A PrOgInAtOr VaMpIrE"
"No...Fuck not that" I am not ashamed to admit that I knelt like he was peng clans young master and begged.
"Yes" he said with the most vile smile you could ever imagine crossing Daddy Devito's face, and snapped his fingers.
Just like that my world returned to black.
************************************************
**Authors note: Absolute shit right? Whatever, just stick with me. I promise I'll disappoint.
Ps: I love Naruto, please dont kill me**