There's no way I'm getting any sleep. Not with the chorus of wolves howling outside my window.
I didn't really notice it until I tried to lie down but the forest is truly alive with the mating call of a few hundred horny campers.
I roll over trying to shake the image of Jasper's wolf out of my head.
The look in his eyes before he disappeared is burned into my brain.
I know I had to go back to camp with Katie. But why did he just run off? Why could he keep his paws off me?
Ugh, is that even what I want?
I slam my head against the pillow. I feel heavy and exhausted but also wired. Tingles are still flickering in my limbs.
With a sigh I throw my legs over the edge of the bunk and head out to see if Katie is having the same trouble.
"Katie!" I whisper when I arrive outside her cabin.
"Max?" she replies, blearily. She pokes her head out through the cabin door.
"Can you sleep?" I ask.
"Not at all."
We walk down to the river bank. It's still dark out, although there's a mauve-ish hint around the edges of the sky. It'll be morning soon.
Katie and I haven't really caught each other up yet. She was too shaken to speak on the way back and I...well, I don't know if I'll ever be ready to come clean.
"Do you want to tell me what happened out there?" I ask. "It's cool if you don't, like if you're still too freaked. It looked pretty scary."
"Actually, it is scary," Katie says. "But not in the way that you think."
"What do you mean? You looked pretty terrified."
"Yeah, I was worried they were going to hurt each other."
"Wait, what? You were worried those wolves would hurt...each other?"
"Exactly, I knew they wouldn't hurt me because…" A grin creeps across Katie's face. "...because they're my mates."
"WHAT?!"
I stare at Katie with my mouth hanging open cod-fish style.
"Okay, dish. Tell me the whole story. Now."
"It all happened really quickly. I'd just shifted when these two wolves showed up and instantly I was hit with how...amazing they both smelt, it was like I knew instantly they were my mates."
I feel a small pang in my chest knowing exactly what she's talking about.
"But what do you mean both of them?"
"I can't really explain it. I didn't think it was possible. I kept wondering if my connection with one of them was clouding my senses or something, making me think I was feeling the same way for both of them but…" Katie stares out across the water, a familiar wistful look on her face, but also something else, something new, a sort of contentment I haven't seen before.
"They had two very distinct scents and they both made me feel the same way."
"Wow, so you have two mates then?"
I shake my head in wonder. I've heard about this happening. A wolf with two mates. But it's insanely rare.
I have to laugh because Katie has always been so crazy about finding her mate and now she has two! Go girl!
"But why did you shift back?"
"Well, when they realized what was happening they started becoming territorial and fighting. I thought if I shifted back I could talk them down. That's when you showed up with Jasper. Hey, you never told me why you two were together."
I wrap my arms around my knees and pull them tighter to my chest.
"We weren't together," I say. "We must have just been close when we heard you, is all."
As soon as the lie comes out of my mouth my heart sinks. I rest my chin on my knees.
I don't know what's going to happen with Jasper and me. I don't know if he'll want anything to happen...I don't know if I want that either!
The only thing I know is that I'm not ready to talk about it. Maybe because I'm uncertain if it's real. Or maybe because I'm not sure how Katie will react. But lying to her doesn't feel great either.
"So, who are they?" I ask, changing the subject.
Katie looks at me with her eyebrows raised.
"You won't believe this…" "Todd and Simon!?" I ask for the fiftieth time this morning.
Katie and I are standing on the side of a hill with a bunch of our campmates, staring down at a mud pit.
My bro-y roommates are shirtless and knee-deep in the caramel-colored slop.
"Yep," Katie replies again.
"I can't believe it," I say, shaking my head. I haven't believed it any of the other forty-nine times.
No matter how much Katie repeats the news, I don't think I'll ever believe who her double-mates are. One of my beer-pong-playing, frat-boy roomies would have been crazy enough, but both of them is too wild to bear!
"Well, it's happening," she says, shrugging and smiling. "And so is this, apparently…" Turns out it's a tradition if a female wolf discovers she has two mates, that her potential suitors must compete to win her favor.
And Todd and Simon, being who they are, have decided they are going to mud wrestle.
That's one way to choose your life partner.
"Suitors, ready!" Olivia calls from the edge of the pit.
Todd and Simon assume their battle poses and Olivia blows her whistle.
They trudge forward, neither of them moving particularly quickly through the mud, grab each other's shoulders and start to wrestle.
Todd is the bigger of the two and has a clear advantage as far as brute strength is concerned. But Simon is fast and lean. He wraps a leg around Todd's knees and topples the giant backward. They both stumble, falling into the mud together. The small crowd cheers.
Todd and Simon slip and slide all over the place, grappling for a strong-hold.
I can't help but laugh as they continue to splodge face first into the mud, over and over.
"This is so ridiculous…" I notice Katie is wringing her hands in a tight little ball, watching eagerly, and I stop talking. Maybe this mud-wrestle is more serious than I thought.
A loud cheer erupts because Todd has managed to trap Simon in a headlock. He groans with the effort of keeping his friend from wriggling free. Olivia counts.
"One...two...three...four...five!"
Simon struggles but it's no use. Todd has him stuck. Finally, he submits, slapping the mud in forfeit.
"Todd is the winner!" Oliva calls out.
Todd releases Simon who flops forward, face planting in the mud.
His opponent defeated, Todd lifts his hands in the air as the crowd goes wild.
I look to my right but Katie isn't there anymore. She's running down the hill.
Is she going to…? My mouth falls open as my best friend jumps straight into the mud and wades into the center. She reaches out and takes Todd's hand, linking her fingers through his. He thrusts their hands into the air.
The crowd cheers again and I can't help but smile. This whole thing is ridiculous but I'm happy for Katie.
This is everything she's ever wanted.
Their hands fall back to their sides but stay entwined. All smiles, Todd leads Katie out of the pit.
The crowd begins to disperse and I hang back to watch as an exhausted Simon crawls out of the mud. He reaches the grass and collapses on his back.
This whole weekend is supposed to be a festival. A celebration. But just like everything else in life you can't have a winner without losers. Katie and Todd have won. Simon has lost.
Oliva sits down next to Simon but she doesn't say anything. He doesn't acknowledge her presence, he just lies there, taking deep, heaving breaths.
I can't keep my mind from running back to that clearing in the forest. To that moment when Jasper and I nearly touched.
Am I one of the winners? And if I am then why don't I feel like I've won?
The hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
I need to speak to him.
As soon as I have that thought my legs start moving back to camp.
The site is quieter today. Everyone is either coupled up––walking hand in hand, canoodling in corners––or lying low.
I step inside the Alpha's Lodge on my way to find Jasper when I hear something.
I spin around and spot Eleanor sitting on the carpet in the corner.
She's crying. Her little sobs sounding like hiccups.
"Whoa," I say. "Are you okay?"
"Do I look okay?" she asks, her mouth turning down in the corners and her face glazed with tears.
"Not really." I cross the room and slide my back down the wall until I'm sitting next to her.
"You want to talk about it?" I ask, fully aware that I'm probably the last person she wants to talk to.
"Not really."
"Okay. Well, is it okay if I sit with you for a bit?"
Eleanor looks up with a furrowed brow.
"Why are you being nice?"
"You look upset," I say, nudging her gently. "I'm not a complete jerk."
"You wouldn't understand anyway."
"Try me."
"I...I ran...I ran all night and I couldn't find him."
"Who...oh." Realization dawns on me. Eleanor hasn't found her mate. She was so excited, had that whole strategy planned out...for nothing.
Man, first Simon and now Eleanor! How many casualties is the Mating Run going to take out?
"You didn't find your mate, did you?"
She shakes her head and continues her hiccup-sobs.
"Hey, look, it's not that bad, there'll be other festivals, right? And who knows maybe you'll find someone out in the real world."
"You don't understand," Eleanor says. "You have no idea how important this is to me! I needed this!"
I don't know what else to say, so I carefully place a hand on her knee.
"How can I go home and tell my dad I didn't find anyone?" she asks more to the empty room than to me. "My family was counting on me."
She's worried about what her family will think. She's worried that she's let them down and suddenly I'm full of rage. I know how important this was to her, and how important mates are to our culture, but no one should feel like a failure just because fate is a bitch.
"They'll understand," I say.
Eleanor looks at me like I've just killed a puppy.
"No, they won't!" She pushes off the wall and stands, rounding on me and pointing a finger. "You don't understand anything!"
My shoulders drop as Eleanor stomps out of the hall. I wanted to help her, but I think I've only made things worse. This festival is wreaking havoc on people's emotions and there's nothing anyone can do. And it's all because our society treats finding a mate like the most important thing in the galaxy.
The sad truth is I do understand. I have no idea how my family will react when I tell them who my mate is. I have no idea if they'll be disappointed, or disgusted even. I clench my fists and slam them into the carpet.
This whole damn festival is unfair. Sure, some people might leave feeling like they're winners but for everyone else, the long ride home is full of shame and uncertainty. It isn't right. The whole thing is just a pointless wrestle in the mud.
And I never even wanted to be part of it.
I'm being ridiculous. I must look like Eleanor when I found her So I decide I'm not going to speak with Jasper. In fact, right now I want to forget all about him and mates and this whole stupid thing!
I head back out into the sun and march to my cabin. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there. My mom isn't coming to pick us up until tomorrow and we're so far away from civilization it's not as if I can just hop on a bus. All I know is I want to distract myself from this whole mess.
I don't want to think about mates and I don't want to think about Jasper. I want to get his dumb face out of my head. I want to forget about his intoxicating scent and hypnotic voice. Yesterday, he was basically my least favorite person, so forgetting all about him can't be too hard.
Outside, the sun is so bright I have to squint. Which means I don't notice the person rounding the corner of a cabin and run smack bang into them.
I rear back as if I'm about to topple over, feeling an annoyingly strong sense of deja vu.
"Watch it," I hear him say.
Fan-freaking-tastic!
I've run into the exact person I was trying to get away from.
Jasper.