Velora's POV
"Elara… don't!" I grab her arms.
But the heat from her body isn't letting me hold her for long. This isn't because her body is as hit as a burning steel, but simply hot above normal, far above the normal temperature of a living being.
I take a step back from her. I'm frazzled. I don't know what step to take.
Tears is pouring out of my eyes. She's harming herself with her own fingers, something I'd never imagined or seen in all this life of mine, something too crazy. But here I am, watching like a spectator.
"Stop this," I manage to say.
But her eyes on me have no life in them. I doubt she can see me or realize I'm with her. I doubt she can feel herself or even know herself at this moment.
I'm sweating all at once.
I get close to stop her fingers from digging into her skin, and her blood spills on my dress.
"Elara… Elara." I pat her back, trying to make her focus on me.
For a moment, she must have been deaf all through this.
She shuts her eyes like she's going to fall into sleep. But she opens them to look at me.
"Velora."
"Yes, yes, I'm here with you."
My palms are touching her cheeks, and it's just now I realize I'm standing on a messy floor caused by her spilling of the meat and soup. I still don't mind.
"Are you? Are you okay?"
Her breath is weak. She nods.
Please gain some strength.
But has this been a part of her? Self harming?
I know she's broken, but I never thought it's to this extent. She's become broken after she was brought here, but what if it's not just about the instance of her coming here?
I'm not even sure.
"Velora… You've been here this whole time?"
"I never left you."
Her eyes fix on her fingers, on her thighs, her gown, and on the messy floor like she just gains consciousness or just born into the world of werewolves as a human.
Werewolves who lose control of themselves can do crazy things, but self-harming still remains the strangest of acts they would ever do.
"I did all these?" She spreads her arms out. "I… I was lost in my mind. I didn't realize I went this far."
"I know you didn't," I say, sitting beside her, patting her back. "The emotions took you without notice."
"Perhaps."
"And I guess you feel relieved?"
"I don't know."
Of all things about her, what I pay attention to is her face, studying how her eyes have stopped letting out tears, replacing it with the paleness of her face. I touch her cheeks, so soft I fear her skin might peel off.
"Let me get someone to clean this off, right?" I get off the bed.
On another look at her, I decide to cover her up with one of the blankets in the wardrobe. I do, and she embraces the warmth it provides.
"Sabrina." I call when I am outside the door. "Get a mop and a broom. I need you to clean this room."
She hesitates before leaving to get it. I don't know why. I don't know if she has any issues with me.
I get inside the room, trying to come up with ways to make Elara feel better. It would be an achievement if she develops trust for me as a friend and as a mother. That could cover an empty space in her.
"You would need a hot tea," I say.
"Anything." Her eyes aren't looking at me, simply staring at the spilled food.
Now I realize. I shouldn't have acted that way to her considering the journey she's passing through.
This journey starts with her trying to escape her parents' home, trying to escape the same claws of death that gripped them. I imagine she's been alone for a period of time I know nothing of before ending up in the hands of werewolves, and before meeting her lover who betrays her.
"I will go get it. After the maid who will clean up this room leaves."
I am not going to leave her alone with the maid.
Someone knocks on the door.
"Who's that?" I ask. I need to be extra careful.
"Sabrina."
"Come in."
She comes in with the mop. Elara has her eyes on her, following her every step.
Is there something between them? Or has Elara met her before now?
That is too unlikely.
"Why the sudden change?" Elara asks.
The sudden change.
Sabrina does not answer, going about the cleaning like she doesn't hear Elara ask a question. Or the question is for me?
Oh… It is. It should be.
"Change of what?" I ask, moving closer to her.
She shakes her head, her eyes still on Sabrina. "You were all nice a few hours ago. You even went as far as asking if we could take some time together. What was that for?"
Sabrina pauses.
Wait… It is strange. There is something between them, and I don't know?
"What's that about?" I ask.
Sabrina returns her gaze to me. "I was just following Alpha Cassian's orders."
"Alpha Cassian's orders?"
"Yes ma'am."
I can't ask any further about the order, but I already get the point. It explains everything—everything that transpired between Alpha Cassian and Elara.
"Finish and leave."
All Elara does at this point is shift her gaze between us, then goes back to covering herself with a blanket. Sabrina opens the door, but takes a look at her before stepping out.
The room returns to having just Elara and me.
"Alpha Cassian spoke through a mindlink," I explain.
"He told me."
She's staring at me, and I'm uneasy that I can't tell her thoughts. She needs loads of explanation, but even that, I can't offer. Even if I can, that would only increase the weight of her grief.
"He seduced me," she says. "But I don't blame him. I don't blame myself."
She no longer blames herself. At least she's escaped guilt.
But I don't know what to say to her. If I am sincere with myself, I don't know what she means by "blame." It could be something different from my own thoughts. If it aligns with what I have in mind, she wouldn't lose control to the extent of self-harming, right?
"No one blames you for anything," I have to say.
"You do," she says. "But it's not just about you."
My brows furrow. "What is it about?"
"It's also about the conflicting feelings I have about him…"
"Alpha Cassian?"
"Yes, and you know why his seduction works so well on me?"
Am I supposed to ask her to tell me that?
"My deep loneliness," she starts before I give a go-ahead. "He can sense every inch of it…" Those hazel eyes get wet again. "And he uses it to his own advantage–"
"Elara." I think I will stop her. "That isn't important."
"It is."
"But–"
"He calls it consummation, and what is strange is that I also feel it, too." Her jaws begin to tighten. "I enjoy the pleasure. But… The war inside of me… It claws at me…"
It gets tense between us, and I fear she is going to lose control again. I have to wrap my arms around her.
"It's alright. I'm here now. No more loneliness."
Her gaze on me hardens. I'm almost melting under her gaze.
"Why?" She starts.
About what?
"Why… about what?"
"Who are you? You haven't told me that."
I sigh, taking my hand off the shoulders. "I've told you I know your parents."
She frowns. "And does that explain anything?" Her breathing is slowly becoming heavier. "Or is it also a secret you can't tell me!"
I get off the bed. Maybe it's time I escaped, but her eyes follow me to the door.
"It's important you relax to calm down. Tea… you need tea." I'm rushing to hold the knob. "I will get you tea."
She probably knows I'm excusing myself, but she isn't starting an argument. Strange. I hesitate after opening the door. It's suffocating that she's this way.
"Velora." Her hands touch her neck, and her face twitches. "My necklace."
"Your necklace?"
Her hands are starting to shake again. "It's not here…"