' Violet blue eyes
Lips are cherry red
You are a dream darling
that I kissed on my bed '
It was one of my mother's song that I had grown hearing her singing as she would walk around the house arranging things on the many-many shelves .
She was the first to teach me to sing and dance . She said that I looked like an angel so I should be one on a stage .
The child me never believed her . Cause I knew that I was the devil binding her to the hell.
My mother could never get a divorce after she got pregnant with me . After I was born , father promised her that I would be treated like a princess .
It was true . He never bothered about my studies or friends . Even when I left the school to join into an agency , he congratulated me .
" A woman's value is in her face ," that was what my father used to say .
Since my mother had thankfully given me her face , he could not complain. Afterall to him , mother used to be the most beautiful woman she had ever met .
I had already met his expectations at birth so I was treated best .
The dresses and jewels were constantly getting upgraded in my closet when I was a child . I was never really interested in them for more than a few days. All of them mattered little when the rest of my family were dying beside me .
Jasper never smiled inside the house . He would live like an animal who was beaten at every niche of the corner . I could not understand at all - as if his existence was a big blackhole to the Dane family .
My father who was so gentle with me turned into a monster before him. So one night ,I screamed at my father and broke a vase . I still had the audacity to think that I was something more than a prize on the book shelf for my parent.
That was the first time he stopped smiling . He took my hand and I had yanked it back , scratching his face and screamed ," I HATE YOU ! I HATE YOU ! I HATE YOU!"
It was a day I still saw before my eyes everytime I was running a fever.
The shadows had seemed to grow large behind my father's back as he told me in a soft voice ," This is not your fault , sweetheart . The manners should have been taught by your mother ."
And then came the beating . As my mother's skin ripped from her flesh , her scream like an animal dragged to be butchered - I had stayed frozen in the corner of my room, scared the monster would come for me next .
This was the first time , I had seen my mother being beaten because of my sake . My fault has burdened her with angry marks all around her body.
And since then , it continued .
Everytime I was out of the steps, my mother was the one who was pushed down the stairs , pushed into the pool in December night and met the cane.
My mother who could not spend even a day without getting her hair dragged cause father kept finding fault even in the way she breathed - was burdened with my guilt .
I was the sinner living an extravagant life over the bones and blood and terrible pain of my mother .
Everytime the nausea would coil inside my throat , every time I could feel like I was the one being suffocated to death .
I was the one killing her.
Even now I could not do anything but let the tears drench my face as my mother was getting dragged at the corner of the room by my father .
She screamed and wailed and struggled but was too weak to do anything against the devil , himself.
He had killed her spirit , her mind , I was scared that he was going to really kill whatever of her was left .
Father slammed the door closed robbing me away off the last piece of sight of my mother .
I could hear the cane hitting her like - THUD ! THUD! THUD !
My heart beat with the rhythm, my veins hummed loudly in my brain .
I could not let it happen again. My mother - she needed me.
Like a rabid dog , I bit the hand of one of the men holding me down. He screamed but I would not let go until he would let me escape.
I could taste salt and iron in my mouth . My empty stomach rolled in nausea. I ignored it and shoved my way to the door.
But it was locked .
The damn bastard had locked me inside the room.
" Please Mrs. Anderson," one of them grabbed my shoulder," There is nothing you can do anyways ."
Was there really nothing that I could do ?
I was not giving up.
I ran to the dressing table .
" There would be no keys -"
I slammed my head against the mirror.
I did not feel the pain until the ooozy , warm liquid started sipping down the side of my head .
My knees buckled , I placed my head on the table for balance and picked up a glass shard ,"DON'T YOU TOUCH ME OR ELSE I WILL REALLY KILL MYSELF!"
The world around me seemed to have turned into a sea , everything seemed to be floating around .
The floor under my feet turned soft and mushy, and I fell .
Vision in one of my eyes were gone cause I could not really get it open .I placed my hand on it to see what was wrong and saw it was red .
Someone was speaking to me in a gantle voice but I had to concentrate on each word to really understand what they said. It gave me a headache.
" This will really not kill you , your mother had it worse , you know ?"
Upon the mention of my mother I dragged myself to sit up and realised I was really lying against my father.
I had won . He had left my mother and came to me finally.
" Why would you do this to yourself?," he asked ," Did I not say a scar can ruin your life ?"
" Everytime you touch mom , I will do it again and again and again ."
My father's eyes brimmed with tears ," I treated you with nothing but the best . But you still go around ruining everything I had worked so hard on .
" You are a monster," I took in a shaky breath ," I should have never been born. I regret being your daughter so so much ."
" Since you regret it so much , you should be dead ."