Chapter 6 – Trial by Reincarnation
Ne Job didn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw a massive glowing stamp bearing down on him like an executioner's blade. His pillow was soaked in sweat, and at one point he accidentally drooled on a correction form, which Yue promptly fined him for.
By morning, he dragged himself to the Records Annex with the enthusiasm of a man marching to his own funeral.
Yue was already there, looking irritatingly well-rested. He waved a thick manual in Ne Job's face. "Good morning, intern! Time for your crash course in reincarnation processing."
Ne Job squinted. The cover read: "Reincarnation 101: Don't Mix Up the Cows and the Kings."
"This is a joke, right?" Ne Job muttered.
Yue flipped to the first page. "Lesson one: mortals are assigned their next life based on accumulated karma, previous merit, and the occasional clerical error. Your job is to stamp the soul's docket with the correct designation."
He gestured toward a glowing queue forming at the far wall. Dozens of translucent souls shuffled forward, each holding a flimsy slip of heavenly paperwork. Some looked patient. Others looked like they'd been waiting since the invention of fire.
One soul in particular was muttering, "It says here I'm supposed to be reborn as a goldfish? I can't even swim!"
Ne Job paled. "I'm… supposed to decide their fates?"
Yue nodded cheerfully. "Yes. Wrong stamp, and someone destined for enlightenment might instead end up as a mosquito. Don't worry, though. It only destabilizes the balance of cosmic justice permanently."
Ne Job's eye twitched. "Why does everyone here say things that don't worry me in ways that worry me even more?!"
---
The Grand Stamp of Reincarnation was unlike the others. It was massive, carved from celestial jade, and emitted a blinding golden aura. Even resting on its pedestal, it hummed with divine authority, like a giant mosquito with a superiority complex.
Ne Job tried to lift it and nearly dislocated both shoulders. "This thing weighs more than a mountain!"
Yue tapped his chin. "Ah, yes. The trick is to channel spiritual energy. Otherwise, you'll just look like you're trying to bench-press divine punishment."
"That's not a trick—that's a death sentence!"
"Semantics," Yue said with a smile.
---
The first soul stepped forward. A weary-looking scholar, clutching a parchment marked with neat calligraphy.
"Name: Hu Jian. Karma balance: slightly positive. Merit: moderate. Suggested rebirth: minor civil servant with a stable income and two children."
Ne Job licked his lips, grabbed the massive stamp with both trembling hands, and pressed down. The scroll glowed, pulsed, and transformed into a neat certificate. The scholar bowed in gratitude and floated toward the Gate of Rebirth.
"See?" Yue said. "Not so hard."
Ne Job sagged with relief. Maybe he wouldn't die today after all.
---
The second soul approached. This one was a hulking warrior spirit with more scars than face.
"Name: Zhang the Butcher. Karma balance: negative. Merit: none. Suggested rebirth: goat."
Ne Job squinted at the slip. "Goat?"
Yue shrugged. "Some mortals just… downgrade."
Zhang growled. "A goat?! I conquered thirty villages! I deserve glory, not grass!"
Ne Job hesitated. The Grand Stamp pulsed in his hands, almost impatient.
"What if I just… bumped him up a little?" Ne Job whispered.
Yue's eyes widened. "Intern, don't you dare—"
Too late. Ne Job slammed the stamp with a flourish.
The parchment flared. Zhang's spirit dissolved into a glowing orb that shot into the Rebirth Gate.
A second later, the Rebirth Ledger updated with a loud ding.
Result: Baby Dragon (Unclassified)
Ne Job's jaw dropped. "Uh… that's not a goat."
Yue buried his face in his hands. "You just unleashed a dragon onto the mortal plane. Do you have any idea how many permits that requires?!"
---
Before Ne Job could panic further, the queue grew restless. Souls muttered complaints. One tried to cut ahead, waving their form like a customer demanding to see the manager.
"Excuse me! My ticket says 'noble lineage,' not 'feral piglet!'"
"Mine says 'artist,' but someone scribbled it into 'roadside mime!'"
The line devolved into chaos.
Ne Job frantically stamped form after form. Some came out correct. Others came out… less correct.
Results included:
One destined monk reborn as a karaoke machine.
A corrupt tax collector reborn as a houseplant.
A wandering poet reborn as three identical pigeons.
Yue's voice rose above the din. "Intern! Stop improvising! Just follow the chart!"
"I am following the chart!" Ne Job yelled. "The chart is in Sanskrit written backwards!"
---
The ground rumbled. A deep horn echoed across the Annex.
Yue's face drained of color. "Oh no. Oh no no no. That's the Audit Bell."
Ne Job froze. "Audit… what now?"
"The Bureaucratic Inspectors are coming," Yue whispered. "If they find out you've been handing out dragon upgrades and karaoke-machine downgrades—"
The Annex doors slammed open. A squad of stern officials in black robes marched in, their scrolls sharp enough to cut glass. At their head was a towering inspector with an abacus in one hand and a gaze like divine fire.
"All records will be examined," the inspector declared. "Any irregularities will be punished."
Ne Job nearly dropped the Grand Stamp. His heart hammered like a war drum.
Yue leaned close, whispering urgently. "Listen carefully: hide the mistakes. Bury them under paperwork. Do whatever you must, or you'll be the one stamped into oblivion!"
The inspector's eyes landed directly on Ne Job. "Intern. Step forward."
Ne Job's legs turned to jelly. The Grand Stamp pulsed in his grip, as though hungry.
The inspector's voice cut the silence. "Show me the last soul you processed."
Ne Job's hands shook as he held up a parchment. The glowing words across it read:
Result: Karaoke Machine (Possessed).
The inspector's gaze hardened. The air turned cold.
"Explain yourself," he thundered.
Ne Job's mind went blank. His tongue tied itself in knots. The only thing he could think was—
I'm doomed.