Ne Job: The Intern from Hell
Arc 2 – Audit from Heaven
Chapter 12: Paperwork on Trial
The air in the Bureau was thick enough to chew. After Inspector Gong's thunderous decree, no one dared breathe too loudly. Even the wandering souls waiting in line for reincarnation froze, as if terrified their turn would be delayed another century.
Assistant Yue stood ramrod straight, fists clenched at her sides. Lord Bureaucrat Xian trembled behind his desk, muttering prayers to every deity of administration he could remember. Dreivery Spirit Bao peeked nervously from behind a half-collapsed tower of delivery crates.
And Ne Job? He leaned casually against a filing cabinet, arms crossed, grinning like he had just won a raffle.
Inspector Gong's gaze swept the room. "Since this bureau's competence is… questionable, we will begin with a simple trial. We shall test the intern. If he fails, your entire department will be marked for dissolution."
Xian made a noise that sounded like a dying pigeon. Yue actually staggered a step forward. "Honored Inspector! Surely you do not mean—"
But Gong silenced her with a raised hand. "Bring forth the Soul Manifest Registers."
A junior auditor scurried forward with a scroll so long it needed two attendants to carry it. The parchment unfurled across the floor, its golden characters glowing faintly with divine ink. Every entry listed a mortal, their cause of death, karmic balance, and assigned reincarnation.
Ne Job whistled. "That's one heck of a receipt."
"Silence," Gong snapped. "Your task is to reconcile these records with the souls waiting in your queue. Confirm every name, every case, every stamp. Any errors will be counted as violations."
Yue's stomach dropped. That register spanned at least three dynasties' worth of mortals. Checking them all would take weeks—even with trained clerks. And now the fate of the bureau rested in the hands of an intern who once tried to sign paperwork in crayon.
Still, Ne Job gave a jaunty salute. "Alright, boss man. Let's play 'Spot the Dead Guy.'"
---
The first soul shuffled forward: an elderly man with a kindly face, still holding a cane even in death.
Ne Job squinted at the scroll. "Okay, let's see… Li Wen, age eighty-two, cause of death… 'fell asleep after eating too many dumplings.' Respect."
The old spirit nodded. "Accurate."
Inspector Gong's eyebrow twitched but he gestured for the next.
A stern-looking woman approached. Ne Job scanned again. "Madam Zhang, age fifty, cause of death: 'choked husband with laundry line during argument, then slipped on soap.'"
The woman sniffed. "I regret nothing."
Yue's face turned crimson. Bao snorted, trying to hide his laughter.
Inspector Gong scribbled a note in his ledger, lips pursed.
So far, so good.
---
But then came the third soul. A teenager with messy hair and a defiant scowl.
Ne Job read aloud: "Wu Jiao, age seventeen, cause of death: 'slain in honorable duel with rival clan heir.'"
The boy crossed his arms. "That's wrong. I died slipping on a banana peel outside a noodle stall."
The auditors gasped. Ink brushes froze. Inspector Gong's eyes narrowed like twin blades.
"An error," he hissed. "How do you explain this discrepancy?"
All eyes swung to Ne Job.
The intern tapped his chin, then grinned. "Oh, easy. This is just creative marketing. I mean, come on—what sounds cooler: banana peel or clan duel? Somebody in the Bureau probably thought it'd make the kid look less… slapstick."
A deadly silence fell. Yue's knees nearly buckled. Xian's mouth opened and closed like a fish.
Then the boy spirit muttered, "Well… he's not wrong. I do prefer the duel story. Makes me sound way more badass."
A ripple of chuckles spread through the other souls in line. Even the attendants hiding behind scrolls struggled to smother grins.
Inspector Gong, however, was not amused. He raised a hand and thunder cracked outside the bureau. "The integrity of Heaven's records is not entertainment!"
The laughter died instantly.
Ne Job, however, simply scratched the back of his head. "Eh, fair point. But hey—truth is truth. If the files don't match reality, maybe the files are the problem, not the souls."
The words hung in the air like a thrown spear.
For the first time, Inspector Gong faltered. His jaw tightened. His quill hovered but did not strike the page.
---
Hours crawled by as the test continued. Some records matched, others didn't. Each time, Ne Job spoke with reckless honesty, calling out discrepancies in a way that horrified Yue but oddly impressed the spirits themselves.
Instead of cursing the Bureau, the souls started nodding along. "Finally, someone admits the system screws up," one muttered. "About time," another agreed.
By late afternoon, the queue had thinned. Ne Job wiped imaginary sweat from his brow. "Not bad, huh? I'd say we're about eighty percent accurate. Solid B-plus."
Inspector Gong's expression was unreadable. The other auditors whispered among themselves. For them, error was unforgivable. And yet… something about the intern's blunt approach had unsettled their certainties.
Finally Gong spoke. "This… review is incomplete. Further testing will be required."
He turned sharply, robes snapping like banners. "Tomorrow, we audit the field operations. We shall accompany your intern on a mortal-realm assignment. If he fails… dissolution will be immediate."
Gasps echoed. Even Bao dropped the parcel he was hiding in.
Ne Job, however, pumped his fist. "Field trip! Do we get snacks?"
Yue groaned so hard it echoed like thunder.