Ne Job: The Intern from Hell
Arc 2 – Audit from Heaven
Chapter 11: Arrival of the Inspectors
The Heavenly Bureau of Reincarnation was rarely quiet, but on this morning it was unnaturally tense. Even the floating paper lanterns that usually bobbed along the corridors seemed to hover at half-mast, their flames flickering nervously.
Ne Job had just finished attempting to file a "Form 7B: Unauthorized Soul Transfer Request"—by doodling a stick figure breathing fire in the margins—when Assistant Yue snatched the scroll from his hands with an expression that could wilt bamboo.
"Are you trying to get us shut down?" she hissed, smoothing the creased parchment. "Do you have any idea what today is?"
Ne Job shrugged. "Casual Friday?"
"No!" Yue snapped. "Audit Day. The Celestial Inspectors are descending from the Upper Heavens to review our entire department!"
The word Audit rang through the office like a death knell. Clerks froze mid-quill stroke. Spirits ferrying ghostly luggage tripped over themselves and vanished through the nearest walls. Even Lord Bureaucrat Xian, usually as stiff as a marble statue, was pacing in his office, muttering prayers to three different gods of paperwork simultaneously.
From the corridor came the unmistakable clatter of armored boots and the jingle of official seals. The Inspectors had arrived.
The lead auditor was a tall, gaunt deity named Inspector Gong, whose expression suggested he hadn't smiled since the Jade Emperor's coronation. His robes were so precisely starched they looked sharp enough to cut parchment. Behind him followed a team of junior auditors, each armed with scrolls, abacuses, and an unsettling air of superiority.
"Bureau of Reincarnation," Inspector Gong intoned, voice echoing like a temple bell. "We are here to conduct a full compliance review of your operations. All ledgers, all forms, all spirit transfer manifests—everything—will be examined."
Lord Bureaucrat Xian hurried forward, bowing so low his beard brushed the floor. "Welcome, most honored auditors! You will find our bureau in… eh… exemplary condition."
Yue pinched the bridge of her nose so hard it looked painful. She knew, better than anyone, that "exemplary" was the last word that described their current mess. Between Ne Job's creative vandalism of documents, Princess Ling's unauthorized field trips to the mortal world, and Dreivery Spirit Bao constantly misplacing packages of reincarnated souls, the bureau was a chaos stew simmering on a divine stove.
And now the lid was coming off.
Inspector Gong's eyes narrowed. "We will begin by sampling your most recent intern's contributions. Bring me… Ne Job."
Every head in the room swiveled toward the intern, who was currently trying to balance a stack of scrolls on his head like a circus act.
"Yo," Ne Job said, giving a little wave. "I didn't know Heaven did show-and-tell."
Yue groaned. Xian nearly fainted. Bao whispered, "We're doomed," and tried to hide inside an empty parcel box.
The inspector extended a long, bony hand. "Intern Ne Job. Present your work."
Ne Job blinked. "Uh, which one? I've been pretty productive. Do you want the complaint forms I turned into origami dragons, or the requisition slips I used for target practice?"
A hush fell. Somewhere in the distance, a ghost wailed.
Yue lunged forward, shoving a carefully stacked set of scrolls into Ne Job's arms. "Here. The proper documents. Hand those over."
Ne Job hesitated, then grinned sheepishly. "Ohhh, the boring ones. Got it."
Inspector Gong accepted the scrolls, flipping them open with a disdainful flick. His sharp eyes scanned the inked records. Then, slowly, he looked up.
"These," he said coldly, "are riddled with errors. Date mismatches. Unverified signatures. One form lists 'cause of death' as… 'got roasted by spicy noodles'?"
"That was real!" Ne Job protested. "I saw the report! Guy literally choked on fire ramen. Epic way to go, if you ask me."
The auditors exchanged horrified murmurs. Yue buried her face in her hands. Xian looked like he might dissolve into a puddle of bureaucratic shame.
Inspector Gong's expression hardened. "This is unacceptable. The Heavenly Bureaucracy cannot tolerate such… anarchy."
He slammed the scroll shut with thunderous finality. "Effective immediately, this bureau is placed under provisional review. Any further misconduct, and we will recommend full dissolution."
The silence that followed was suffocating. Then Ne Job, in his infinite lack of timing, raised a hand.
"So… do I still get my lunch break?"
Yue nearly strangled him on the spot.