A window cleaner was swinging on the side of the Tokyo Skytree. I remember thinking how scary it must have been to look down.
Enough people jump that a dead body isn't enough to justify being late for work.
This building isn't as high as that one, though maybe that's why I'm not afraid. I can barely see the people walking on the street. They're smaller than ants.
I wonder if I hit one of them, would they survive? I shrugged, too tired to feel guilt if I do. And too dead either way.
The only thought in my mind was a phrase: "Why die before your time?" I don't know where I heard it, but it sounds like it's begging. Not for my answer; it wants the right answer.
I took a deep breath; that's the kind of pressure I can't take anymore. I've spent my whole life being pressed by expectations, by deadlines, by a future that never showed up.
Until now. I exhaled; finally, I could appreciate the crisp breeze.
I smiled. Huh, that's new.
I'm happy to take my last step. Also not expected.
I knew I was falling. I thought I'd be scared, but it felt like I was flying. Which is stupid. I don't even like heights.
Why die before my time?
Because this is all I was ever going to be… If nothing changes, then my time's run out. There was so much relief from finally saying it, finally being allowed to admit it.
"Good-bye."
*********
"Kurosawa Haruto!"
After a moment, she yelled again, "Mr. Kurosawa!" My ears were ringing, and my sight was foggy, like my eyes were being forced to work again after a year-long hiatus.
Let's not even talk about my memory. It was a complete blank; there was only one familiar sensation… failure. Whatever I was trying to do… I definitely lost.
Once my eyes woke up, I flinched at the woman in front of me. The soul-sucking eyes, pale skin, and tight tie. This woman was either the head of HR or a lawyer who was not on my side. Either way, I'm in—
I flinched when a sudden memory cut through my mind like a razor. The swinging window cleaner. I looked outside the window to see a tall building that should have been the Tokyo Skytree, but it wasn't?
This place should have been Japan, and it was… mostly.
I had put on my best clothes and taken my last step off the top floor of my apartment building. I should be dead.
My brain was patronizing me, yeah, you're almost there, buddy. Just think a little harder.
But I'm not… I'm not dead.
I didn't even have enough energy to sigh. I clenched my fists, realizing that this wasn't my body. But I'd be damned if this wasn't my life. Why do I suddenly feel so tired? I guess because I didn't kill myself right… and reincarnated myself into a… I looked down. I was wearing black slacks and a white dress shirt.
Damn it, I reincarnated into another soul-sucking office job. Why couldn't I be a turtle or something?
The woman knocked her knuckles on the table again. When I looked at her, she was taken aback and paused, reexamining, I guess. Her eyes might have been predatory, but I knew exactly what my eyes looked like.
Soulless, and beyond burned out. Hard to kill something that's already dead.
I gave her a half smile as I restarted my old routine in a new life. Honestly, I'm impressed.
Dead fish mode, activated.