Hello there, this is Kisulu, the almighty god, yes yes, I can create and destroy anything, everything, with no limits, I am the sole creator of the legendary tournament of the sexes,
of course I'll explain what that is, but first you should know, I'm dead.
Yeah, you're probably asking, how can an all-powerful god actually die?
Well, it's simple, I was born with one weakness, that my power was limited in time.
Every decade, my power slowly drained, until eventually, it was gone.
And after millions of years of existence, I died,
but, I still watch the tournament from heaven.
Now, after messing with your head a little, let's move on to the real question,
what is this tournament?
The tournament is named after me, Kisulu, Battle of the Genders,
and every 10 years, it determines which gender will rule the world.
Since the year 599, the tournament has been held,
and I know, you're probably asking, why?
Why not just live in peace and equality?
The answer is simple, because that's boring.
And the even simpler answer is, it depends on who's in power.
Whether men or women rule, they set the laws, they choose how the world functions.
In the end, this tournament is meant to give those who were nothing,
the chance to fight for their gender, or for themselves.
But every victory belongs to their side.
My recruiter, the Green Cloak, yes yes, strange name, but it's literally a flying, talking green cloak,
he is the one who randomly chooses 4 men and 4 women to fight.
But, it's not always humans against humans,
this world is rich, full of warriors, creatures, gods, plants, and other weird stuff,
so a god can fight a god, and a human can fight a monster, anything goes.
Here are the rules,
first rule, absolutely no surrender.
Even if you're dying, about to pass out, bored, or exhausted,
you cannot say "I give up", because that would cause your entire gender to lose, not just you.
And why is surrender forbidden?
Because giving up is weakness.
You must fight, sweat, bleed, and eventually, you'll understand.
Killing is allowed, tearing off limbs is allowed,
even sex in the arena is allowed,
because why not?
If the fighters fall in love and want to make love right there, the match ends in a draw.
If someone leaves the arena, they're not disqualified.
If they pass out for more than one minute, they are disqualified.
There's no time limit, each fight continues until someone faints, dies, or both choose to connect romantically.
Now about politics and all that,
the winning fighters bring points to their gender,
but they also fight for themselves.
Because in the end, the four winners will decide the ruling system for the entire world.
Yes yes, all countries, all cities.
It's a known tradition, millions gather in the greatest colosseum in history, in my very own Underworld Kingdom.
So that's it, I've explained everything nicely,
and now it's time to move forward, to the first Kisulu tournament that will happen without me, without my presence.
The year is 2089, the 149th tournament is about to begin.
The Green Cloak is flying around the world, searching for the last two fighters.
"Damn, this isn't easy, everyone I check is either boring, not interested, or just weak,
I've searched deep already, the realm of the gods, the elite female dungeon, the elite male dungeon,
every martial arts dojo possible, every country, wow, I hate this job…"
Armagdosu contacts the Cloak telepathically,
"So? Got anything? The tournament starts tomorrow, freaking tomorrow, idiot,
you had a whole decade to find candidates."
"Shut up, I searched, seriously, everywhere… I don't know where else to look."
Armagdosu exhales in frustration,
"Listen, you're a cloak, so I can't exactly call you smart,
but, did you try the Goblin Kingdom? Or the jungles? They've got some weirdos."
"Of course I did, but I didn't find anything serious…"
"Did you check the Goblin Kingdom inside the Palawan Vortex?"
"No… what's that? I've never heard of it, and I know every place in the world."
"Haha, it's deep beneath the soil of Antarctica, you should take a peek."
The cloak laughed, "You're serious? Why didn't I know about this until now?"
"Because they don't want to be discovered. Anyway, I was there recently and felt strange energy,
you should check it out."
"Alright, I'll go look."
Armagdosu grins,
"Good luck, the security there is insane, try to sneak in quietly."
The cloak zooms off at insane speed, the planet shakes from the force,
he arrives and stops with a powerful impact, cracking glaciers around.
"Okay, I see it, small place, but guarded, here we go."
The cloak flies through the defenses, the giant goblins are stunned,
he dives into the vortex. Within seconds, he arrives.
The place is magical, dark, and colorful, full of plants and jungles.
"Wow, didn't expect this. Looks like a goblin territory…
wait… this is the home of the Ramnus Goblinus royal line.
Haha, I wonder what number they're up to now…"
The cloak scans the area and spots a small goblin eating near some plants.
"Bingo."
Seven hours later, the cloak heads to the Russian jungles.
"Alright Armagdosu, I got one more candidate, just one left,
and I think there's one place I missed — the jungles of Russia."
"Hurry, less than 24 hours until the tournament,
I don't care if the last one is weak."
"Weak? Never, we want entertainment, not boredom."
The cloak reaches the Russian jungle, and immediately sees a woman,
surrounded by bears and wild animals,
she stares directly at him with an empty, pure gaze.
The cloak blushes,
"Wait, did I just blush? I was literally built to feel human emotions…
alright, looks like she's coming with us."
The day of the tournament has arrived.
Five minutes before the opening.
The crowd begins to gather,
hordes of people pour in through the Gate of the Underworld, open in every nation and realm.
The cloak and Armagdosu finalize the list, it's official.
"Alright Cloak, looks like we've got it. These matchups are gonna be interesting."
"Yep, go ahead, announce it. The fighters will arrive soon.
Remember, they don't watch each other's battles…"
"I'm going."
Armagdosu flies toward the arena,
he gazes at the massive crowd, the decorations, the divine atmosphere,
his golden eyes gleam.
"Ah, hosting the tournament all these years has become harder…
and now, without Kisulu himself,
well, it's time for me, the god of structure and planning, to begin."
He takes a deep breath.
"Welcome everyone, yes yes, everyone,
I am Armagdosu Sheloki, your god of design and construction,
host of this tournament since the very first in year 599.
Yes, for those who don't know, this is the first tournament without Kisulu…
sad, I know…
but what he left us is a tradition full of strength and honor.
So, enjoy it,
soon, a man and a woman will enter the first match.
But first, meet the fighters, for now, only by name."
Armagdosu pulls the scroll from his sleeve, clears his throat.
"So… the first match will be... Polina Melisi versus Gutomki Ramnus Goblinus the Fourth.
Wow, weird name…
the second match… Lorenza Amiki versus Chalizo, also called 89.
You're probably wondering what 89 means… I don't even know."
Someone in the crowd shouts,
"He died 89 times, that's why!"
"Okay, thank you, random guy from the crowd…
let's move on.
The third match will be Kiki Toshio versus Olmo Torimon.
A battle between gods, oh wow, this is gonna be fun.
And the final match, very explosive, the champion of the previous tournament who led the men to victory…
Dacon Wingman versus Kamisa Shaliva.
Yes yes, the daughter of Leonarda Shaliva, who was murdered in the finals by Dacon.
This will be bloody…"
He closes the scroll.
"Now, give a round of applause for... Gutomki!"
The crowd erupts, marching soldiers appear, trumpets blare, goblins cheer,
his family sits on the left side of the arena.
His brother, Ramnus Totuyu, yells,
"Go on bro, make us proud, represent the Ramnus bloodline!"
Gutomki lands in the arena.
A short green goblin, about 1.30 meters tall, sharp claws,
wearing yellow clothes, expression tired and broken.
"Hey, I guess… whatever."
"There he is, the legendary goblin, from the Ramnus Goblinus bloodline,
he's the fourth of his name, already 100 years old, heir to the third,
who is here in the crowd, watching his son.
According to Gutomki himself, he's a master of tricks, stealth, and transformation.
This will be interesting, we'll want more…"
"And now, the lonely woman from the jungles of Russia, Polina Melisi!"
She enters through a glowing white gate,
her appearance — green curly hair, green eyes, green lipstick, torn green clothes,
walking gently, empty gaze, no shoes.
"There she is, stunning, Polina, 25 years old, lived her whole life in the jungle with bears and wild animals.
She agreed to join the tournament to represent the female gender, but mostly for herself.
She wants to test her instincts.
She is fast, sharp, a predator with brutal survival skills,
and she has a twist we'll discover later.
Ah, a woman of nature, reminds me of our old goddess of nature, may she rest in peace…
well, never mind, we've got this!"
The crowd roars.
It's divided, half male and half female,
with guards preventing any riots or battles between the genders.
The Green Cloak floats away,
"Well, looks like my job is done… back to Armagdosu."
The cloak wraps around Armagdosu,
"Hmph, cloak… until next time…"
Polina stares at Gutomki with a blank look.
She doesn't speak.
Gutomki smiles,
"Wow, you're really pretty… it's been a long time since I've seen humans,
especially one that looks like you…"
Polina scratches her head aggressively,
"Ты же гоблин, верно?" – "You're a goblin, right?"
Gutomki raises an eyebrow,
"What language was that?
But I heard the word goblin… I guess that's what you said."
Polina scratches both sides of her head,
"Сука блядь! У меня голова чешется, давай поскорее с этим покончим, гоблин! Все медведи и животные меня ждут."
"Damn it, my head itches, let's get this over with, goblin, the bears and animals are waiting for me."
Gutomki bursts out laughing,
the male side of the crowd laughs too,
"Haha, you're itchy?! I'm a goblin and even I don't look as dirty as you!"
Armagdosu smiles, raises his hand,
"It is time.
The 149th Kisulu Battle of the Genders Tournament,
without Kisulu, begins now.
Gutomki Ramnus Goblinus the Fourth versus Polina Melisi…
begin!"
Gutomki roars and charges forward.
Polina keeps scratching her head, then smiles slightly from the corner of her mouth,
"Я тебя перебью..."
"I'm going to tear you apart."
To be continued…