*aaggghhgg*
I groan
i open my eyes and find that i am in a forest .....
one full of vibrant green trees..... and unimaginable flowers that bloomed beautifully nearby.....
Off not far in the distance... I could see a vast lake sprinking and shimmering in the morning sunlight.
I stood up groggily and surveying my surroundings.....wondering how I got here
the place was beautiful...but I know I shouldn't be waking up in the middle of the forest with no idea how I got here
that's when it happened.....the mother of all headaches
"FFF@@#CCCCCCKKKKKKKKK..... . .EFYTFGFSE4U HE 33FDWRY.....!!!!"
excruciating pain assaulted my head....Mt vision blurred and my breathing sped up dramatically
this was without a doubt the worst headache I ever experienced in my lives.....
....wait lives?
The pain stopped after what flet like hours....
but I know somehow that really only a few seconds pasted
what I was left with was a vast amount of memories.....
I was slowly recovering my past life and the events that led me to this forest.
... I died....
yea...I died....
....but instead of feeling devastated... I felt a overwhelming sense of relief
Finally....
FINALLY...!!!!
my long held wish came true...
I was given a second chance at life...and I was definitely going to make the most of it...
To understand what led me to this moment I have to share with you what I'm just re-experiencing myself.....
I am ashamed to share with others how I got here...
but the past is the past
while it still affects me and my choices going forward.....
I know the experience I took from there will help me in this life.....and.... the people, place and disappointments and failed expectations will not reach me here.
In my 1st life I was a loser
I grew up in a very stereotypical family
my father was never in my life really before the age of 13 ...
well... I take that back he was there but he.....at the time he never thought that I was his
even though from the my first memory I was told that he was my father.... but my mother at the time was juggling my older sister father and his plans to trying and get back together with here and find another man that she was falling for...
but she for some reason immediately knew who my father was from the moment she saw me and never had any doubt(which she was proved right but that's fir later).
....I also had a younger sister who my father knew without a doubt was his because by that time my mother and my father was truly together
so for the longest I can remember my father would shower my sister in gifts, love and absolute loyalty to his little princess, while me I had no such love from him only distrust and weariness towards me.
even after they split when I was around 6 or 7 years old he would come every weekend to pick up my sister and take her to everywhere she wanted to...
but not me....
I watched every weekend as my sister would leave and I would always as the same question
" can I come this time dad? "
he would just look at me for a min or two before saying the same thing he said countless times before
" sorry maybe next time " ...
but.....
the weeks...
months...
and years went by.....
and "next time" never came....
it was when I was around 11 about to turn 12 that I realized next time would never come
BUT It was also that around this time I had this revaluation that not to far off my life would change in ways I never saw coming.