We push on judiciously laughing all the way about anything and everything, we had made it a point of duty to get home in time before Nné Chidera began looking for us worriedly...
Abeg! I wish that was the truth, my mumu friend right here won't just shut up and add a little more effort, I actually hate this side of her.
"Chidera, can you shut up and let's move on, you're slowing us down o!" I say setting the truck down carefully and turning to her arms akimbo, she looked at me and made that tired look she usually made at me but I was not having it today, "Chidera!"
"Ngozichi be doing the calms na, I'm on my..." I quickly cut her off.
"Nnú kwá yá! Chi nnú kwá nkéá ózó! Don't even try this one today o! See, it's you I'm helping by the way to be honest, don't mess it up, abeg! Let's get this shit over with bịkọ, I have assignments to do, tomorrow is freaking Tuesday."
"Ooooh! Sorry eh, school girl, you know I don't like doing all these..."
I give her 'the look', she smirks, "See Chidera, I'll leave you here o... Infact, why am I talking too much?" I make to leave but she calls me back pleadingly.
"Ngozi naaaaa! My love, baby m come back. Oya see, I'm pushing," She says and as I glance back I realize she is about driving the truck into the gutters for the freaking third week in a row. I run quickly and help her navigate the roads, drifting away from the gutters and almost crashing into our neighbor's brand new IVM Ị̀kéngà, "Hmmm! Ngozi be doing the calms o, Mummy doesn't have money to spend our recklessness."
I stare at her with feigned annoyance on my face, "Which one is OUR recklessness?" I put a lot of emphasis on 'our,' "If anything I'm trying to curb your indulgence, the least you can do is to appreciate it but nooooooo, you're trying to be all sassy and you think you're so classy doing it, sass my black ass! Let's hope Mummy will forgive your insolence peradventure we wreck this guy's ụgbóánị, Tụfịákwà sha!" I say and finish my sentence off with a clicking sound from my mouth, "Don't worry sef, we're almost home jare, I can do it myself... After all, haven't I been doing it alone for the longest while?" I conclude with a hiss as I navigate my way to the compound, my... Last statement was too much even for my standards I know, but in as much as I was genuinely sorry, I wasn't gonna apologize to her... Maybe I couldn't bring myself to... Chi just stood there baffled like this was the first, I had moved a reasonable distance when she finally called out to me.
"Ngozi naaaaa, oya no vex, let me push," She says catching up to me, she proceeds to add her hands but I slap it off and swiftly drive into our compound through the jagged grounds which made up the gate's foundation while she trailed behind.
"Nné, ụnụ ábàtágọ? Have you people come back?" We hear a familiar voice calling out. As I look up I behold the nice light skinned Lady coming out of the house. Her portion of the bungalow was smaller than ours as it was only but a room and parlor, they had a separate house across the compound which housed the kitchen and bathroom. The small building being used as a kitchen had been built in the 1900s, 1965 to be exact. She was way ahead of her time I would say as it was a kitchen, loo, a storeroom and a bathroom in one fitting.
"Yes Nné ányị, we're actually almost done sef. Just one more round and we're done, you know, Chi has been pushing it since we went four times ago till now, I just said let me close it off this final two times," I say turning to behold a bewildered Chidera.
"Ehen? Is that so Chidera?" Her happy and clueless yet satisfied Mom asks looking around at the now filled up once empty water drums.
"Ye.. ye.. ye.. yes Ma... Mummy," She said feigning a smile, she further murmurs a 'thank you' towards me, I give her a thumbs down while slightly sticking my tongue out.
"Nné Chịụkwụ gá gọzịè ụnụ ịbụọ o?" She says as she makes her way inside.
"Isééééé," we chorus, "Dáàlụ Nné ányị," I reply.
Chidera turns to me following her Mom's departure into the house, "Thanks so much baby," I eye her up and down, she smiles as she knows what's coming.
"No thank me o, no just thank me at alllllll! C'mon bring that gallon wey you wan carry inside come this side ọkpọ! Where you forget your brain this Girl? Rubbish," I click my tongue against my teeth at her.
"No wahl na, so na because of this small 'thanks' wey I thank you now you don dey senge..."
"Mmá!" I call out to her mom.
"Oya wait na... Haba! Nawa for you o nwà á," She says as she brings the yellow gallon towards me.
"Be fast o cos you'll be the one to carry this last round o," I shout out to her.
"Shhhh, I have heard na! Ah! Haba! Tụfịákwá ị!" She says snapping her fingers at me in frustration.
"Mmá!" I call out.
She frowns and snaps her fingers at me with a shrug, "Tụfịá gị nwà á! Ị́bụ nó ọzụ mbụ!" I laugh good naturedly as I had successfully gotten to her. I knew one way or another I was still gonna end up carrying the last few sets and she would from outta nowhere get me something I like or give me some cash and tell me, "I'm not paying you o, I just wanna get something nice for my friend." Hm! Ákíkó, story, story? stoooory...
This was my relationship with my best friend, ényị m, ónyị m nwáànyị, mi rafiki, ézịgbọ ónyị m nwáànyị, my family, my love, my heart, my soul, Chidera, we have lived in the same compound since like forever, we went to the same school and did basically everything together, I was the classic 'easy with my money' type and I am that way because in as much as Mom and Dad were ok rich and all and we could basically afford anything we wanted, they still made me work for my cheddar, old money is the way!
She, on the other hand whose Mom was equally also well to do in lots of extents didn't have to work for anything or at least most things that people worked for. She would find silly excuses as to why she didn't have to work and I would end up doing all the work. But at least she was always available of course to keep me company with her gists and shakara and somehow to me, that was kinda all that really mattered, Her buying me out with my favorite stuffs was just a bonus, I didn't like her new money style of life though but it's well, I don't like it sha.
"Chidera, I'm going o!" I call out to her and she's soon running at me.
"Nné, calm down na bịkọ," Chidera says grasping my shoulder. She carefully slots the yellow gallon into the last empty slot for it, "Ngozichi m, the blessings from my higher self, my love."
I ignore her as I continue pushing the truck with the eight empty yellow gallons to the borehole a few meters away from our house, it was actually in the next street.
"Nkolika, What's your problem na? This one you don't want to reply me, wetin happen?"
"Chiukwudera Adaeze nwá Ugonabo! Nwá Amanda ná ọnwé yá mụtárá, I've answered you shey? Ngwá nú rest! Zụè ịkè ọ?" I wasn't particularly annoyed about anything at the moment but I just for some reason didn't want to be cheerful at this point in time and I would just make use of the opportunity to mess with her, my specialty.
"Sha that one concern you, I don't know why you just wanna be..."
"Oya sorry o Chi, I'm sorry for angering you with my anger," she laughs and as usual, her laughter cracked the shell of my own laughter and I broke out a laugh.
"Nné eh, Mondays like this eh," she says, we're almost at the water spot.
"I swear, e dey quick finish, piuum! It's gone! Otilo!, ówálá like this nnákwá gị, Tuesday, school, as much as I love school for reasons best known to me, it's so annoying," It was not like I didn't like school or anything but I gotta support a friend and besides the days were actually seriously running faster than Usain.
"It's always the fun days that go by so fast, the boring days are sooooo long like damn!"
"Nné I'm saying eh, ah!" Chidera didn't necessarily like school, I couldn't blame her though, one, the present education system under Prussian school system established by the white guy John D. Rockefeller oil rich Old money guy isn't necessarily ideal, never had been, probably never will, Infact it's not but I didn't love school cos of the books, the teachers or stuffs, some of the knowledge was fun and all for sure but the most important thing to me in school was the relationships we build as we go, the friends we make and keep and the experiences both of which can make or mar us all for life if we allow them to, you know all those things, not to talk of character building, knowing one's self and how to tolerate others and relate with them, fun stuffs, the fun times that keep me in the shower on weekends a little while longer dwelling on the memories, breaking a tear or two with nostalgia, possibly crying a bit, wishing upon the universe to bless and honor my friends, ma rafiki who have become family, my joy givers and all that I have had a good time with over the week.
These are the things that keep me happy going to school day after day not the dumb lessons of which 70% I basically don't need, that I know for sure... Like why teach African kids using Asian, Australian, European or American styles of teaching in our African schools with all these foreign style curriculums? Which kinda mental and emotional colonization is that? When they were done fucking colonizing us personally they decided it would be so fun to indoctrinate the adults to colonize the kids to the foreign ways, religious wise and politics wise for their own selfish interests and aggrandizement.
African kids should be taught true and real African values, lessons and history by pure blooded, full blooded, culturally and traditionally deep rooted Africans based on African curriculums set by these same type of Africans not by foreigners in the bodies of investors or allies or what not.
This is Onyebuchi our quiet little town in the outskirts of the Motherland region of the former south eastern and south southern Nigeria, now in the Motherland Union of Biafra, Founded by our divine feminine, Ónyé Nné dị nsó Obianuju nwà Chibuogu Ifeyinwa, she decided to name it after the love of her Life Onyebuchi nwà Nnodu, anyways, she as in Onyebuchi is bordered in the north and east round by the great and ancient city of Ónịchá Ádọ N'ịdụ, Ónịchá mmịlị, Ónịchá dó ná mmịlị or simply Onitsha, the home of the descendants of our great and eternal ancestors Ìchịé Ézè Chima one of the kids of the Ọbị and Ézè of the Arochiukwu dynasty and his first son through Adaeze (princess Ivie) one of Oba Ehigie's Daughters coming off Ìdụ (the Benin empire), the Boy, Ézè Oreze first and actual king of Ónịchá.
Obianuju's Onyebuchi is bordered in the west by the great Niger river which is now also a canal, the Mféréjị Náhịjá (Niger Canal) which was created a while ago in accordance to the doctrines of the parliaments of the regions around the Niger and Benue rivers which brought about the diplomatic emergence of Iwo Okhobo republic, a western nation for the southwestern and Bendel peoples of former Ákụkụnáhịjá (Nigeria), the tribes closely affiliated with her naturally carved out borders by Nnéụwá, Mother Nature using the lengthy Niger river and Arewa, a northern nation for the northern people also having her naturally carved out borders in her entire South above the two other nations by the Niger and Benue rivers, the canal drives right through the middle of Arewa, the center giving them and every other nation across the axis equal access to the canal and most importantly they the Arewans easy and undeniable access to the vast Afruikan Ocean through the Mféréjị, and then there's us, Biafra, an eastern nation for the eastern people and we possess our naturally carved out borders through the Niger river, the canal in the West and the Benue river through the North. The canal runs all the way from the former Atlantic ocean now called the Afruikan ocean all through not Lagos now officially called Eko because it's the land of the Yoruba people so they deserve to name it after themselves and not have a name affiliated with Lagos in Portugal one of cities of her former colonial countries but it's in the link between the former Delta state now of Iwo Okhobo republic and the former Bayelsa state now of Biafra merging with the twin rivers of the Niger and the Benue, and all the way up to Kano and neighboring motherland region of Niger who's national language is Hausa by the way and beyond to boost trade and generate more incomes for the regions which it of course does and most importantly so that the northern region of the Republic of Arewa won't be economically landlocked from the ocean where they would be shipping and distributing their groundnuts and other basic and essential commodities as no one likes to be landlocked economically.
Furthermore, ndị Oméiwụ N'ụrụsóró nkè Onyebuchi, the Onyebuchi N'ụrụsóró Parliament, N'ụrụsóró iméÓbọdọ Onyebuchi went as far as adopting a former practice of the now province of Onitsha Ádọ N'ịdụ, a Monday sit at home but it was only for the students and the education body.
One of the town's Ákụnné (Chancellor) the Ákpé Nwáànyị herself, Ọmụ (Miss or Mrs) Melunwa nwà Agboudo and her fellow Parliamentary members voted in favor of that as they believed that more relaxation helped boost the educative and innovative minds of kids and other stuffs.
That didn't sit well with alot of the parents obviously who had to look after the little ones, part of the reason for school was so the teachers could help ease them of the responsibility for a few hours while they pursued other beneficial agendas, I'm like if you're not capable of caring for kids, strive for the cheddar and give birth later both genders applied, anyways, the kids on the other hand were very much delighted... Obvi! But the Ákpé Nwáànyị and the N'ụrụsóró iméÓbọdọ was already doing so much good, this was kinda their only flaw in the eyes of the so called learned parents so no one really bugged her much and so our weekends as students were Friday night all through Saturday, the last day of the week Sunday and the first day of the week, Monday.
"Chai! School!" She exclaims. We had finally arrived the spot and as the situation was throughout this entire morning, all eyes were on us for some reason and they still were, they were getting very uncomfortable and unsettling fast! occasionally with giggles, snickerings and what not, we clung to each other's palms tightly.
"I'm having a bad feeling though, I don't know if it's the looks or something yester... I just don't want to go to school tomorrow abeg," she says as if to ease tension and draw my attention away from them. She then reduces her voice as people couldn't seem to be in the mood of minding their businesses and we knew that.
"Why's that love?" I ask while turning back to handle the truck, it would be a while before we are opportuned to fetch the water.
We were at an infamous hospital in Onyebuchi, the owner who is late as of years back was a renowned medical practitioner and philanthropist, the free water for all that came from far and wide across the city of Onyebuchi was of course and would for a long time remain one of her most famous philanthropic achievements, she was now an ancestor to whomever her descendants were and she would continue to bless us as we honor her through her philanthropi youc work, Iseee!
Chidera looked at me disappointedly, I felt bad, I felt I had failed an easy test and the disappointed look on her face was killing me. Finally, like a four year old kid who had lost their kicks on Easter evening, I remembered, I replied so loudly but thank the ancestors I cut my intonation off really quickly, "Friiidaaay! It came unexpectedly shey? And I forgot to help you that day because I was busy with senior Oge, yes, did anything out of the ordinary occur?"
She looks me square in the eyes with disappointment, I turn a bit and catch a glimpse of the video which was tickling some of the guys' fancy.
"You see, I entered the bathroom to see if I can wash up a bit before heading home, you were no where to be found, if not all these things would not have happened, not that it matters now anyways, you had your priorities aright then and I should have..."
"Chi, love, it's..."
"It's ok... So she got me in her life videos and refused to delete it."
"Are you serious?" I exclaim upon realization.
"It looks like I'm joking na? But anyways what can I do? I went to report to Óríàkụ, the principal but she simply said she would handle it and what ever... It's funny that people can be comfortably ok viewing stuffs like this without..."
"If you can take a look at the predominant gender that's here right now it won't be so surprising to understand why they find this hilarious," I grab her shoulder, she looks down.
"Look," she shakes her head with uncertainty, "Can I go home? I can't even stand the quizzical stares..." All of a sudden, she takes off, I assume she's running home, my mind is too clouded to even follow her. I look up to one direction and see two guys hurdled up, I encroach them from behind.
"Ké dụ way (ụzó) ụnụ na? How far?" I greet but they ignore me, I glance at their phone.
"Omo, but this Esther fine o," One of them says.
"I swear down Guuuuuyyy!" The friend responds.
"But Guys, see wetin she do this fine Girl na, it's somehow, like how she go dey video for front of the Girls' bathroom again? Like ndị Girl's bathroom, like she no get sense?" A Guy across says as he's setting his gallons to fetch water.
"Nnákwá gị Guuuuuyyy!" Another replies.
A Girl in front of them chips in, "Asin eh, I just dey wonder since, that Girl, wetin dey sup her? You sure say everything well at home? Sha that Girl, she go soon collect one of these days aswearr, she's just lucky I'm not going to that their you people's school."
"I'm telling you! That Neche or what ever she calls herself..."
"Esther!"
"Her dirty name no really concern me, we no really send her Papa useless name for this side, my own na she go soon collect!" She, suddenly hyped up begins to jump up and down as if ready for a fight. "Chai! I wish say I dey that una you guys dem school... Had it been... chai!"
"I swear..." Another girl chips in.
"See these Girls o, abeg, na the Girl sabi joor! Why you go carry your dirty body enter where person dey do video..." The Guy I'm peeping his phone says.
"Wetin you dey talk sef this Guy! Na she put herself there? Why your yeye crush go carry her self dey... Una two get sense at all? Infront of public bathroom for school... Girls' bathroom for that matter!" Another Guy by our side attacks him.
"Nnyà éh, na so dem dey blow? Na so the blow nwánụ dey hungry am? She for post her nude na, she go blow fast fast," Everyone around explodes in laughter but I for some reason didn't find it funny. Even though I wanted to, I didn't, I wanted to but I wasn't really moved to.
"Abegi, seriously, how are you just comfortable spitting such nonsense from your word hole this Guy?" I say turning him around to talk to him properly, "Like, don't you have a Sister at home? How are you... You don't respect Ladies at all? Don't you have a Mother at all?"
"Bịà way this Girl, kpálị kwá ọnwé gị o this Girl, dey nice o, make I no enter you o, who woman help sef?"
"Gay!" Someone chips in and a few giggle.
"Ónyé ókpóntụ!" Another says and others laugh it up some more. This is an insulting word for a Gay but not a Lesbian. It means Person that wants to nail open another's ass.
"See who wan enter me? What can you do? You can't do more than jị ágwọ rụ ágwọ, you can't do more than a dead rat! Look at you!" People around us burst into laughter, some in mockery of me but I didn't mind, neither did I mind that the Guy I was challenging was evidently and easily by far physically stronger than me but I just didn't care, only Chidera was on my mind at this point in time.
"See if not that I respect Women..."
"Taaa! Look at you! you say you respect Ladies but you don't acknowledge the nonchalance of your stupid bimbo crush, a stupid person crushing on his fellow idiot, birds of the same feather," A Girl that has been next to us ké mgbé (since) adds face.
"Who's the Girl to me? I only know Esther, my one and only, Ásà m, fuck the other person for all I care and who's the Girl to you sef?"
"I swear, how the Girl take concern us?" Another guy across the corner supports him.
"Nnyà éh Ndubuisi, see these girls o..." Yet another jumps on his side.
"Ndubuisi or whatever you call yourself make I no enter you o!" I call out the so called Ndubuisi.
"Heeeiii! You wan beat me? You dey threaten me? See this Mgbékè o."
Funny enough, Mgbeke is one of my Gandmothers' name. Mgbọ Èké, Girl child of the Èké market day, beautiful name, beautiful name. People like to use it as an insult, Mgbèké but it's actually a beautiful name for someone and not an insult, it means a girl born on an Èké market day. We also have the gender neutral Nweke, Nwá Èké, child of an Èké market day, There's Mgbọrịé or Mgbọlị for Mgbọ Ọrịé, girl child of an Orie market day, Mgbáfó, Mgbọ Áfó, girl child of an Áfọr market day and Mgbọnkwó, Mgbọ Nkwó, girl child of an Nkwó market day.
The Guys also have theirs but theirs was actually quite popular in the 1900s and the early Noughties, we have Ọkọnkwó, Ọkọ Nkwó, male child of an Nkwó market day, Ọkèké, Ọkọ Èké, male child of an Èké market day, Ọkáfór, Ọkọ Áfó, male child of an Áfó market day and Ọkọrịé or Ọkọlị for Ọkọ Ọrịé, male child of an Ọrịé market day.
There, the origins of some of the most popular Ìgbo names and surnames, now only used as regular names not family names...
"See who I dey follow talk o, see, dey nice o, I no be Nnamdi o, and I no get Lady for house say I go con dey fear you in the name of respect, I go massacre..."
"No wonder! See person wey him papa no train am well, I sure die say your papa dey beat your mama for house, useless father breeds useless Kids, original Motherless behavior. I'm thinking your Mother is not living with you guys because no body who has their Mom in their life will act like this, you're giving real Motherless behavior. " All the Ladies around explodes in laughter, he turns red on anger.
"See! This girl, I go bang your head for this iron, shey you dey craze ni? See these girls o, una don dey develop liver like this!"
"See! I no go just too talk for this matter but where I go take craze na when management go off this water, I go beat all of una black and blue!" A huge Guy old enough to seriously big brother most of us all gathered there called out. He was shirtless, bald, unfortunate, light skinned, dirty looking and you could clearly see his biceps, triceps, abs and his blood shot eye from like a mile away, he had a few tattoos but he didn't open his ears. Unfortunate he-goat. He was steady fetching water since the conflict had begun and didn't seem to mind us up until now.
"See who dey..." I reply him curtly and amidst the sudden alarmed screams, woahs, hms and exclamations of the crowd he drops the two just filled up 50 litre gallons he was carrying with a reckless thud as if to face me... Yup it was me alright.
"I talk am, Ade, shey I tell una say na all this small small Onyebuchi girls wey una dey adopt as pikin for this town in the name of ásà, babe, girlfriend, these mụchéchès una con dey follow up and down dey cause all these insults, now see this ékụkè, this Aba nkápị, this werey from Owerri, she don forget say na me be Dagger, Mmá ọkụ! (Hot Dagger or Knife) Mmá ná ébéwà! (The knife that cuts) Na me dey use scissors dey cut water wey dey run from tap but this ákàkpó (Dwarf) been don forget con dey talk to me less because maybe one of una don dey bend am dey give am ìfè ónà chó..."
"Ooooooopueh!" Someone exclaims from afar and a lot of them begin laughing.
"Opueh to the world mehn!"
"Ịmákwà!" Another replies.
"Chaiiii, mmụà bụ Mma ná ọnwé yá! Mmụà ná dagger things on things..."
"Ọdọgwụ Nná!" Another hypes.
"Ọdọgwụ Nwọké nó'lụ!"
"So na me dem don dey see less?" The crowd explodes into laughter.
"Alaye, Ákọ, Ógá m! please, I no be áshánà o, I don't do hookup please, don't talk about me like that o, nobody is bending me o bịkọ nụ," I reply hastily amidst all the shock and hypes for the guy to do something and before I flinch, the guy rushes at me with a wet rusted rod from the elevated concrete ground, the rod in question belonged to one of the bars on the fence. It had fallen off this morning and none of the staffs or no one at all deemed it fit to put it away.
"Omo the pikin still get mouth dey follow me talk? Chai! She dey talk to me less? Mmááááááá! K way gị na?" He sends the rod at me but someone quickly pulls me out of the way, the rod missing me narrowly. "Leave me make I dagger this girl, women no get sense aswearr!"
"Abeg o!"
"Abeg o!"
"Bịkọ kwá!"
"This Man jịlị nwáyóó o, Women are not useless o."
"Not all Women sha..."
"Shut uppu! Which one is not all Women, no Woman at all is useless, this Guy should be calming down o bịkọ kwá nụ!"
"...Imagine you Mmá, dagger! Dagger ná ọnwé yá! Just imagine wetin dey occur and you still dey look am? She dey talk to you less, and na Woman o, Chai! Dagger! You dey f up o!" Nnamdi the Guy from earlier before seems to hype him up to aggression as he further progresses towards me hastily, jumping from the raised platform towards me.
"Bịà this boy, have some manners!"
"I wonder o, ónwé dụ ìfè ná ésé gị ná ịsị? Is there something wrong with your head?"
"I wonder o, stop saying na Woman o like as if it's wrong to be a Woman, I have warned you o! Ndubuisi! Ndubuisi! Ndubuisi!" The Lady across with her Daughter calls out to him...
I see my savior is the same person, she's the girl from earlier before comfronting Ndubuisi, grasping my palm, we make away even faster, twice as fast even. Soon enough, we turn back and we realize the guy had stopped chasing us.
"I don't wanna know your name or who the hell you are just yet because I just wanna first of all remind you of how stupid you are this morning," The Girl tells me as we stop in front of a kiosk way far away from the hospital, we were practically in another junction abi street.
"What did I do now?" I ask focusing on her squarely.
"You're crazy o, ịnápụzị àrà aswearr (You're now running Mad aswearr), you don't know what you did? You're very funny. Either you're incredibly courageous and bold or incredibly and extremely stupid because you challenged two local champions and a drug addicted town's bully and you somehow believed you would come out alive and on top, for this part of Onyebuchi? Inland town? Hm!"
"Female rage, it's powerful!"
She laughs long and sarcastically, "See werey o! Ọkpọ no be for where dem dey fetch water, it's evidently powerful as it almost got you killed... literally but save it for when the ladies actually need help especially to stand up to psychopathic misogynists and potential rapists, don't go around wasting it on roadside arguments and bickerings."
"You're right sha, we only get one life in this body right?"
"Exactly, who knows what you may wanna be in your next life?"
"Abi? Tree, animal or whatever, anyways So, who's the drug addict?"
"Hmm, so you no know? You no dey this town o this girl? That one they call dagger abi na Mmá, you can clearly see and hear his name Mmá, knife, his name is dagger and you get mind challenge am? On top irrelevances such as those? Omo, no be mind again o na foolishness, see as the guy quick pick rod wan pin you to the walls and you still no run? This girl sha!"
"I no sabi am," I reply.
"Of course you don't. He's Ọjịófóéméógó Nnebundu nwà Uwa Sadau, yar ta (Daughter of) Sambala Gwaggo of Nariya village in Rigasi in the Arewan province of Kaduna and his other Mom is our very own Ojedi of Ụmụmelunwa village in our very own Obianuju's Onyebuchi. I think the child, this Guy is actually Ojedi's Son or there about... Something, something, Ojedi's best friend Ézịụzó died and so she took Ézịụzó's to train and now he's fully grown, he has abandoned his Mothers who took care of him when he had nothing and now, look how he turned out."
"It's a pity!" I reply.
"Like my Dad Iwenofu would always say, Never abandon your Mother, you can never do without her for she gave you Life and nurtures it till the end, whether she's dead or alive, we are nothing without Women and he would tell me, know this and know peace," The Girl says.
"Your old Man, Ọkọ man gị, aswearr, this thing wey him talk, no body is more right than him màkànné m, Aswearr!"
"Indeed. Oya see, when others are praying to the religious or better ányị ánódụ ánị nó ná gó ófó, honoring the ancestors, the universe and our Chi, personal God or higher self, this guy wakes up in the morning and believes he cannot walk if he doesn't take his morning dose of what ever the fuck he's smoking. He actually believes if he doesn't take it he may never walk again so part of the money he pays any of the hookers, ndị Áshánà, Ashawo, nké óbụnà, part of the money he pays them is to light his leaves for him, it's a painful watch, and that's why no prostitute comes around anymore no matter how much he offers to pay them. He literally shits himself if he cannot have his daily dose of some of that shit he's sniffing."
"Drugs are evil," I reply.
"Very evil shit, ézịgbọté ájó ịfè."
"His Moms nkó?"
"I heard after the heart break her son gave her, she and her Uwa Sadau went back to Uwa's ancestral village of Danmani, Uwa's Mother, Sambala's original birth place."
"They deserve it, that boy abi Man is a freaking idiot," She nods in response, "I sha do wish them best of luck."
"Exactly. My Mom went to visit them earlier this year, they now have two daughters out of parthenogenesis," She says excitedly.
"Wow, I'm so happy for them, they deserve the girl children not that tọlọtọlọ from Abagana they adopted," She laughs, "And of course they deserve each other, nothing beats Girls being Girls, Women loving Women, abi?"
"It's well," She nods approvingly.
"And good thing Sambala's Gwaggo ancestry is filled with those who actively practice the ancient Bori spiritual animism, those who connect with the spirits and honor their ancestors... She told me that," I nod a response, she continues, "So naturally, Uwa will teach their children the ancient customs and traditions of the Bori version of our Spiritualities and Ojedi will also teach them our Óménàlà/Óménánị meaning Culture, Ódịnálá/Ódịnánị meaning Traditions, Ódịbéndị meaning Customs and Kédụ m áfá yá, ehen! Yes, Éwụmèwụ meaning Institution, all under the version of our ancient Ìgbo spiritual system/ version of our African Spiritualities."
"Yes, that's true. It's good from North to South, East to West, our cultures are awakening after years of imperial destruction, colonialism and deception!"
I grasp her palm as and exclaim, "Our culture is back baby!" She wriggles her palm off me. "But you no see say those guys were making a mockery of my friend? It was my girl in the video, my baby, my heart, you'll not understand, sometimes these guys need to be put in their place," I continue.
"He could've pinned you to your place, werey!" She takes a deep breath, "You're messing with dangerous drug addicts, éwụ! I sha understand, it's wrong in all ramifications, it's unjustifiable but you should've have channelled your rage to the two fools and not a guy that took one wrap of sativa immediately after waking up just before coming to fetch water. No use female rage for roadside bickerings, I don tell you, go and extensively research Female Rage then come back and think again, Bịà nné, you dey craze so?"
"Sha na true o."
"Sha na true o," she mimicks me with mockery, "No, go on, and see now, guess what? they'll seize your truck and gallons, what will you do about it? Wetin you go tell your people when you reach house?"
"Omo, I no reason that one o," I exclaim in realization.
"Noooo, continue, Ódụá female rage, Mahsa Amini younger sister!"
"Chai! My baby o, I love that girl, may her soul rest in peace with her Maternal ancestors, those who fought against the Patriarchy like her, She'll never be forgotten, they'll never be forgotten, we'll never stop!"
"Abi?" She replies, "I can't believe the great Mpéjịá (Iran) did that to her but we will never forget, we're Ladies and Ladies always find their strengths together."
"Great Mpéjịá kwá, na people wey no value Ladies you dey call great, wait, na people dey no send Africans or Africa you as an African dey call great? Nné, unless in a comparison with another country maybe like Záyónụ (Israel) or the West who are bullies, one should not be supporting such, how can you like them, people that don't value women, and you as a Lady likes them, the divine feminine, they don't respect it, they don't respect us, they don't value us, they treat their dogs with more respect than us, no, no, No! My only wish is if Mahsa is to reincarnate she should be brought to Africa, my family, we'll value her, we'll respect her," She looks at me confusedly.
"Alright? Anyways, it's well sha, omo the only reason I knew about her was because she died," I look at her not surprised.
"Terrible reason but na true... Well like everyone else sha, me too." I laugh and she chuckles along confusedly.
"It's well, my girl, my Queen, my Matriarch, my Lord, Mahsa "Jina" Amini, Princess Jina, our Kurdish royalty, Matriarch of Kurdistan, Mahsa baby," she says with a chuckle.
"Pray for us," I say. She continues.
"Amen my sister... Saint Mahsa daughter of Amini, abi?"
I laugh, "Ónyénsọ Jina Amini, when we look to our Mother the Moon, we know you'll always be with her to give us Life, great Queen of the Kurds. Something something, 16th September, Jina Amini day, 21st September is her actual birthday, she was born in 1999, may she continue to intercede and fight for all the ladies across the world that are suffering, struggling and enduring the kinda things she endured."
"Amen, I guess?" She says.
"Isééééééééééééééééé!" I conclude, "And funny enough , get this, it's said a Queen does not die alone, and fortunately or unfortunately, as she died, thousands died with her... Well, may she continue to pray for us, isééééé!"
"Ok?"
"So can you help me na Nné?" She eyes me all up and smiles shaking her head with a slight hiss.
"Romantic comedy! Sha you're lucky he's literally my next door neighbor, he lives in our compound, I'll just tell my brother to help me get it from him, shey na for my brother to give am one wrap for free... Abeg forget joor!"
"One wrap of what?" She looks at me a while, probably disappointed.
"Forget, seriously, ah!" she says sternly. She seems surprised or annoyed I didn't understand what she was saying. Don't blame me, we learn everyday.
"Ok o, so where do you live na?" I ask.
"Oreze Chima layout off Ivie Ezechi Adaeze road, this side," She says pointing to a junction behind us, "What of you?"
"Muammar Muhammad Abu Minyal al-Gaddafi way, Muammar al-Gaddafi way," I reply pointing to the road nearest beside us.
"Okkkk, Mamaa Gaddafi way, I sabi am na, you go chop?" She hands me a snack which she purchased from the kiosk as we were talking.
"Gala? Oya na, thanks."
"So lemme excort you home before you go and slap soldier," she says and we laugh it off.
"Abegi! So Nkechi right?" She looks surprised, "What?" I ask.
"What are the chances? You know me before?" She says still bewildered.
"Nooo, did I guess right?" She giggles.
"Omo, you guessed right o, lemme guess your own na, em Ebelechiukwu?"
"Uuuhhh! She sends it across the field but for the crossbar, what an excellent effort I must say."
"You dey watch ball?"
"Sometimes."
"I'm guessing I didn't get it right abi?"
"You try sha, I'm Nkolika but everyone calls me Ngozi, luck no dey your side today," I say with a mouth full of Gala some dropping out of my mouth as I'm talking. She looks at me funny and smirks.
"Abi?" She giggles again.
"Na my house be this o," I point at the next gate we arrive at.
"Ehen? E fine o," she says with admiration.
"No dey whine me jare, this house wey old pass my Mama and Papa and their parents sef. It was built in 1902 or by the ỊgụÁró Ówụwá, the Biafran calendar, in the year 101 as we begin counting the calendar from the year from 1801 in the Gregorian calender so as to extensively honor all who died for the Biafran causes and the 1803 May Ìgbo landing which 75 of our great Ìgbo ancestors chose death over chattel slavery knowing fully well that the water spirits that brought them through the waters will take them back home, it's called the bravest freedom revolt of the Ngházị ntódọ, ngọtè, ịzú ná ịlé Mmádụ, NÌM (The Trans Atlantic Slave Trade, TAST). But on a grand African scale we begin counting from the age of the Bantu migration so we can extensively honor and emphasize upon the single largest event in African and world history that shaped our day and age today, Africa is the world,"
"And that's on periodt baby," she replies.
"So this house was built by my Paternal grandfather Obieze Nwáónyénnédịnsó, this land it's built on was actually handed to Obieze by his own Maternal Grandmother Nnebundo Ónyénnédịnsó our Paternal Matriarch and her partner ná ngházị Ìnụ'nó, em, Nnemwendu, the younger cousin sister to Nnụkwụ Nné ányị the Ọwélènné of Mgbeke village of Ónịchá Ádọ N'ịdụ, Ifeyinwa Ogadi, according to my Dad, that's as far as we know of our Paternal family ancestry, fá bụ ndị Ọnịchá Ádọ N'ịdụ, we hope to find out more though."
"Exactly, that's why I'm admiring it seriously, it's old fashioned and interesting, so many intricate designs from the very early 1900s, una try o. Even this una neighbors them house sef in this next compound, early 20th century African style, nice! una try."
"Abi? So like my gallons na abi? You go bring am? With the truck?"
"Yes, I'll help you out, I promise but I don't promise you you'll see it today sha," she says thoughtfully.
"Ok na, no problem, thank you, you try," I slap my forehead, "Omo I forget something o."
"What happened?" She asks worriedly.
"I forgot to buy ókpà from that ókpà lady in that junction," She stares at me a while as if wondering what ókpà is. Ókpà is simply a local Ìgbo delicacy made from grounded Bambara nuts mashed up and boiled in a small nylon bag usually mixed with red pepper and other ingredients according to one's preferences and tastes. It's the most popular delicacy in Ìgbo Land, a popular street food delicacy rather eaten only in the mornings as e dey hot. That was an unwritten rule though, an unwritten rule no one dared break.
"You're very dramatic o," She concludes and I chuckle loudly, "Is that why you slapped yourself like that?"
I laugh, "Nné no reason am joor abeg."
"Nooo, I no dey reason am o." She says and turns to leave, "Omo, tomorrow na school like this o."
"Aswear down, I just tire, na to go sleep before I go con do my assignments."
"Abi? Ehen, Ngozi which school are you going to like this?"
"Obianuju high o," I say and she seems surprised.
"Omo na that school you dey go? Nné ányị bụ Obianuju nwá Chibuogu ná Ọgbèózá ná Ọnịchá Ádọ N'ịdụ, Onyebuchi's sole founding Mother, I'm going to the same school o, wow, which class?" Nkechi exclaims.
"Yes oooo, I'm in ss2," I relay to her, she's further surprised
"I'm actually in ss1 sha," She replies, "I wonder how we've not seen before."
"Nnya eh, I'm ss2 ákónáụché"
"No wonder, I'm in ss1 Onyebianuju class."
"Ok, do you know Chidera?"
"Hmmm," she gives it a thought, "Asa Chiedozie?"
I give her a stern, disgusted look.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks, the smile kinda slowly fading from her cheeks.
"That's disgusting! It's irritating that you're addressing your fellow girl, you only know someone, your fellow girl for that matter as the girlfriend of some guy in a manner as though she's some form of property to him, it's alarming."
She stares at me a while, "You sef rest! Ah ah, nawa for you o, I see you love arguing with just about anyone or anything under the Sun, everyone for that matter, that's nice, you seem to forget that I'm the one holding something of priced value to you and you're capping two, ịná kó lụ m Tupac, you never ready to learn."
"I'm simply just saying that you should stop treating Ladies as properties of men and..."
"Does it matter? Even the Bible says that Eve was made for..."
"See this one, you know what? You can keep the gallons, just! Keep everything, imagine! You can't have a proper conversation these days without someone... Nné I don't think you're being logical if you're source of argument is the most controversial, self contradictory, hypothetical, hypocritical and what not book of all time, the Bible! Like can't you use your thinking brains at all, you can't be logical... Infact why am I wasting my time with..."
"This girl where are you going na? Em, Ebele... no, Ngozi! Ngoo... Wait! See this fool o, Oya be going na, na you go still con beg me, see this one o, like what the fuck sef? See this werey o," I hiss back at her loud enough to be heard.
When I get home I see Chidera curled up in my bed, her arms encircling her tummy.
"Nné kè way gị na? Are you feeling any better?" I greet.
"Shey you're done with your new bestie abi?" She replies without turning to me.
"How did you...?"
"Shey you wan lie for me? You think you can lie for me? Anyways, I'm hungry sha."
"See ókpà and orange juice," I hand her what I bought, she arises and quickly pounces on it.
I join her, "So what about the Esther issue na?" She inquires.
"I'll see what I can do tomorrow, till then, let's focus on what really matters..."
"You didn't bring back the truck back, why?"
"I left it there, I'll soon go back," I avoid her gaze like the plague.
"You're talking to a six year old who met you yesterday abi?" I finally stare at her back, "You got into an argument and got our truck seized and that girl is gonna help you out and you'll pay her shey?"
"I give you an 80% on accuracy, I mistakenly challenged Mma," She's evidently shocked at the last statement, she begins rummaging through my body and clothes looking for... something, "What?"
"Did he injure you? Did anything happen to you?"
"No, chill out ah, nothing sup," I shake her off, "But if not for that girl eh..."
"Nkechi Ejeagha."
"You know her? Where did you even see her from?" She nods in the positive.
"I know Nkechi na, Somto Brian Ejeagha's elder Sister, so she was willing to help you? Your window is overlooking the main road, did you forget?"
"Abi," I recall.
"So she was willing to help you?"
"Ehhhh... She was willing to at first though," Chidera slaps her forehead.
"What did you do now? Wetin you tell am this tozo?"
"Bịà jịlị nwáyọ o, jịlị nwáyọ ná kpó m áfá, no dey insult me o," She smirks, "I got into an argument with her but it was just a small, minor one," She uncrosses her legs from the bed and bangs her head on the mattress backwards and she instantly begins to cough and I rush to get her some water.
"See as your stupidity wan make me choke, Ngozi eh!" She hurls at me as I return.
"Adaeze nwá Chimamanda, áwụọ Ugonabo! You no know say this Lady dey pack pepper for her ókpà like egg inside bread you still dey chop dey talk," I clap on her chest repeatedly and cautiously. As she calms down, I sit by her side with my hands over her shoulders and gently pat on her chest as we begin to eat together, "Be careful o, sha, échị gá kà mmá, tomorrow will be better."
"Isééééé, I guess."
"I guess y' ánwụ gbàgbụ'e gị ébéá, that your 'I guess' fire you for there, for my ịgó ófó, you dey do I guess."
"Abegi shift!"